how fast will that wheelchair go?

I pulled a fast one on the badging lady today. She had to be pretty darn impressed with my amazing skills that I stubbornly displayed for her. "I'm going to need you to read the entire page and then sign here to signify that you read and understood everything." "The entire thing? Ok." Three seconds later, "Where do I sign?"

A girl at work has the best nickname probably ever given out to a fellow employee, ever. We call her Juicy.

I should be written up or beaten. Just got back from my daily deposit to the porcelain throne and felt pretty bad about what I had just done. Being the selfish person that I am and wanting the most from my experience I felt it necessary to use the widest stall, which would be the handicap stall with the door that opens in the opposite direction. While I was in there I enjoyed the comfort of the arm rests (handicap handrails) and the luxurious space available to me. During my precious alone time I began to wonder how in the world these guys do it. I mean, they have to have tremendous upper body strength to arrange themselves in this confined space. It would take me years to learn how to function in the handicap toilet if I was in a wheelchair. So as I was finishing my business I felt pretty inspired by just the daily functions that handicap people perform everyday. I then leave my extra wide stall to end my restroom experience and wash up. That’s when I see it. Oh yeah, a wheelchair was sitting outside the normal non-handicap stall. I had heard someone come in earlier and thought nothing of it. That was until I saw the wheelchair. I managed to make the life of a handicap man more difficult. As I was washing my hands I considered yelling out "I'm sorry for taking your stall." Then I thought that would be awkward, so I quickly washed my hands and left in silence. Hopefully he couldn't see my shirt through the space where the door meets the stall wall.

Mom called the other night and needed some pressing information for filing their taxes. She was asking me how much my books cost during my last semester. I told her that I'd have to do some number crunching and call her back. 45 minutes later I call her back and said that the books cost me about $234,650. I hung up swiftly. Our entire family will probably get audited very soon.

Juicy keeps talking in French and I have no idea what she is saying. Most of the time I just pretend and nod my head.

What hit the market alongside spinach as the first frozen veggies?

Last entry's answer was "Amen".