holy cow!

The river float was riveting. Best part was loosing the roommate and him having to float most of the river alone. I'm willing to bet money he cried and was probably scared. This better not make all the girls feel sorry for him. I suggest we keep him on a leash next time.

Softball was last night and we won the first and the other one doesn't even matter. I'm willing to bet that one of the teams cheated, because I said so. My performance was just ok. Next week I guarantee it to be the best anyone has ever witnessed in the state of Texas. If not, I'll go shirtless to work all week, maybe.

The giant blow up sea turtle of mine took up almost a quarter of the apartment pool. I didn't care as long as I was able to float and stay dry. All the little kids were jealous of me. One tried to squirt me with a water gun but his mom saw and gave him the look. It didn't work, I still got wet.

What's the most intelligent mammal after man?

Last entry's answer was the dishwasher.

one lame post

I left my body board at the pool outside the condo at the conclusion of Beach Trip 2008. Two main reasons for this: the string came off and it smelt like raw oysters. That's all that needs to be said on this issue.

A friend and some other friends and I are going to float a river tomorrow. It sounds a little slow but I'll be sure to wear my new bathing suit to speed things up a bit.

I have nothing else to say today.

What kitchen invention took the top prize at the 1893 Chicago World's Fair?

Last entry's answer was tuna salad with mayo.

it's finally friday...i'm free again, almost

NBA Finals were last night and I only watched part of the second quarter, most of the third and none of the fourth. My favorite part happened when the guy came back from the locker room and everyone cheered. That would make me feel like a million dollars and makes me want to dunk three times in a row. The first being a tomahawk, second a through the legs, and finally a 360. The crowd goes wild.

Yesterday I worked mission support, again. This time I had been upgraded to a higher position but the work was less than before. I was the Coordinator. I say that like Arnold Schwarzenegger says Terminator. I think they just like having me in there because I have a pretty face and I know a few jokes. I showed them and didn't tell a single joke the entire time. Woo!

Who knew pistachios were so freaking addictive? I think I ate about 234 of them yesterday. No idea whose they were but I just keep eating them. They're like crack in the form of a nut. It wouldn't surprise me if drugs, cigarettes, and beer were made from pistachios. I woke up this morning thinking about them and my mouth began to salivate. Salivate is a gross word.

Sorry for saying "Woo!" in the second paragraph. It was really unnecessary.

If you let water sit long enough to cool or warm to room temperature and then put some on your skin, why does it feel cooler?

My fantasy baseball team has gone to crap over the past 3-4 weeks. I feel like throwing my computer but I won't. It would cost me too much to replace a broken government computer, or not.

I deleted the paragraph that was here because I thought it was stupid and a waste of time and space.

Someone is in the hall way decked out in asbestos survival gear. He's wearing the full outfit and a face mask while digging around in the ceiling stirring up all sorts of crazy dust. In the back of my mind I don't see this as safe. What's keeping me from inhaling trash? He does have the small area he is working in taped off with caution tape though. As if the harmful dust would stay in that confined area only. Sometimes I just wonder. Sorry the picture is a little fuzzy, I think it was because of all the harmful dust in the air.

Lost Boys: Rufio! Rufio! Ru-Fi-OOOOOOOOOOOOOh!
-Hook

How many NBA titles did Magic Johnson help the Lakers win as a player?

Last entry's answer was the Bulls.

7th inning stretch didn't do it for me

My mouth tastes nasty right now so I know I have bad breath. I hope that girl doesn't come over here. Surely it wasn't that Santa Snickers from last week that did this.

Home was great! Everyone greeted me with smiles, handshakes, and hugs. That one girl who I wish would've kissed me didn't. She'll regret it later.

I helped the Mississippi Braves win. So far they have stunk this season; that's just what I've heard. In case you were wondering the score was 2-1. I ate some peanuts during the 7th and 8th innings and I didn't sing "Take Me Out To the Ballgame" but did stand up and stretch.

Some random girl on the phone at the bowling alley specifically told me they close at 9. We got there at 7 and they were closed. I wanted to throw rocks at the building but I didn't and kept that thought to myself. Someone probably would've have been scared if I had said that out loud. This happened on Sunday night.

One of the technicians came in and his ringtone was a Coldplay song. I didn't like it. Then I realized that I could play it on piano. So it's just ok now. This happened yesterday.

I just called to get a haircut and found out that my girl has moved temporarily till next weekend. That means I'll have to wait 2 weeks to get a haircut. I finally find someone I like and she's not here for me when I need her the most. I feel totally lost and have no idea what I should do. My world will probably crash now.

How come spearmint or peppermint gum makes drinking cold water hurt? I chew the gum then I get thirsty so I drink some water. Pain!

I held Father Rob's baby girl on Sunday. I have never seen a mother so nervous before in my life. Father Rob didn't even notice because he was preoccupied by other entertaining things on the television. The little baby smiled at me.

Spell check told me that I had a word misspelled but suggested a spelling with the same exact word. I think my computer thinks I'm stupid and doesn't trust me.

What slugger did Boston name its third harbor tunnel after?

Last entry's answer was Bill Russell.

i hope my shoulder doesn't fall off

Watch out Tiger Woods, Mr. Matt made a little trip to the driving range yesterday and hit $9 worth of balls. It was probably the most fun I had all weekend. I really surprised myself at how far I could hit that little yellow ball. Stead, aim, Boom! While most of the other golfers had nice, good form, I finished my swing like A-Rod rather than John Daley. Always looking for that home run ball. Now my shoulder is killing me. Swinging for the fence ain't easy. It hurts to drive, scratch my head, yo-yo, and work. I will probably fail at everything I do today. People will be devastated.

Yes, I have a yo-yo at work. Suspenders asked me to show him some tricks. I showed him 2 and failed on the third.

These make me laugh out loud. This too. And we'll throw one more in there.

Rode my bike to downtown Saturday and witnessed something I have never ever seen before. Dragon Boat Races!! It was probably the coolest thing I witnessed all weekend. There was a big festival on at the bayou on the north east side of town. I watched and became very jealous that I was on a bike instead of a Dragon Boat. I've already signed up 5 times for the Dragon Boat races in October.

I've called two of my friends and sent them both a text message and I have yet to hear back from either. This will probably mark the end of our friendship forever. He can find a new groomsman. This has ruined everything.

My shoulder is killing me. I can't write anymore on this post. It feels like it will fall off any minute now. That would be horrible and I would have to get a fake plastic arm that won't match my skin color cause I have a tan and sunburn. This might be the end of blogging for me. I'll take it one day at a time. That's the best I can do.

What's a golfer said to have if he is entitled to tee off first?

Last entry's answer were the Marlins.

how fast will that wheelchair go?

I pulled a fast one on the badging lady today. She had to be pretty darn impressed with my amazing skills that I stubbornly displayed for her. "I'm going to need you to read the entire page and then sign here to signify that you read and understood everything." "The entire thing? Ok." Three seconds later, "Where do I sign?"

A girl at work has the best nickname probably ever given out to a fellow employee, ever. We call her Juicy.

I should be written up or beaten. Just got back from my daily deposit to the porcelain throne and felt pretty bad about what I had just done. Being the selfish person that I am and wanting the most from my experience I felt it necessary to use the widest stall, which would be the handicap stall with the door that opens in the opposite direction. While I was in there I enjoyed the comfort of the arm rests (handicap handrails) and the luxurious space available to me. During my precious alone time I began to wonder how in the world these guys do it. I mean, they have to have tremendous upper body strength to arrange themselves in this confined space. It would take me years to learn how to function in the handicap toilet if I was in a wheelchair. So as I was finishing my business I felt pretty inspired by just the daily functions that handicap people perform everyday. I then leave my extra wide stall to end my restroom experience and wash up. That’s when I see it. Oh yeah, a wheelchair was sitting outside the normal non-handicap stall. I had heard someone come in earlier and thought nothing of it. That was until I saw the wheelchair. I managed to make the life of a handicap man more difficult. As I was washing my hands I considered yelling out "I'm sorry for taking your stall." Then I thought that would be awkward, so I quickly washed my hands and left in silence. Hopefully he couldn't see my shirt through the space where the door meets the stall wall.

Mom called the other night and needed some pressing information for filing their taxes. She was asking me how much my books cost during my last semester. I told her that I'd have to do some number crunching and call her back. 45 minutes later I call her back and said that the books cost me about $234,650. I hung up swiftly. Our entire family will probably get audited very soon.

Juicy keeps talking in French and I have no idea what she is saying. Most of the time I just pretend and nod my head.

What hit the market alongside spinach as the first frozen veggies?

Last entry's answer was "Amen".

game night

Tonight is the first football game of the college season. ESPN has a countdown which I'm watching by the second. There is a bet riding on this game for me. If LSU happens to pull a miracle, I have to don LSU memorabilia (crap) on my desk at work. Or when everything goes to plan after Miss St's win, the ex-LSU football player here will proudly show off his new MSU cowbell I'll bring him. Those are my two girlfriends in the back with their backs turned. They're shy.

I hate when I try to blow a bubble with my gum and miss. The gum isn't stretched out to the correct size and when the time comes to blow into the gum something goes wrong because it slips instead. I seriously doubt that sentence made sense at all. It then results in a noise being made that sounds like me trying to make a farting sound. Slightly awkward when there is silence in the room. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does this. Or just don't say anything at all.

This morning my coffee was ruined on the account of my roommate. He bragged about the cinnamon flavor being so good. One shot of that crap made my morning sour. I'll never listen to his advice again.

I hate the maintenance manual author. He puts in a blank page and then tells me that the page is blank "This page was intentionally left blank." No it wasn't, you put something on the page. Why?

"...Right now, it's all about Mississippi State." - Les Miles, LSU Head Football Coach

Hail dear 'ole State,
Fight for that victory today;
Hit that line and 'tote that ball;
Cross the goal before you fall,
And then we'll yell, yell, yell, yell!
For dear 'ole State we'll yell like h-e-l-l!
Fight for Mis-sis-sip-pi State,
Win that game today.
-Mississippi State Fight Song

What Great Lake state has more shoreline than the entire U.S. Atlantic seaboard?

Good Luck Mississippi State. Go to hell Ole Miss.

Last entry's answer was 6.

window screens are useless

Softball was last night. That's all I'm going to say. Besides that I'm not going to coach next year.

Old Guy expressed concern for my beard to another co-worker yesterday. I think its more of a jealousy issue. He's quite impressed that I seemed to grow something from nothing over the weekend. It was really for the past week and a half. Poor man just can't remember past 5 days. Yesterday Heart Breaker Dan showed me an email of Hooter's Girls in bikinis. He was pretty excited about it. I'm willing to bet money that he forwarded it to every guy over 50 in the office.

There seem to be a bunch of girls from Belhaven College's soccer team running on the field outside my window. Stupid screen doesn't allow me to get a clear view. I'm going to constantly keep moving my head from side to side to offset the screen. What a tease.

This past weekend I realized that I now have a man crush on Bear Grylls. For those of you who do not know who that is, poke yourself in the eye or just ask a real man. He is Man vs. Wild. Whenever I'd see stagnate water, bugs, dead animals, dirt, or sticks I'd say Bear would chow down on that. I want to be him right now.

The Bourne Ultimatum comes out this weekend. I hope The Girl will go see it with me. I also really want to see Rocket Science. I'll never be a rocket scientist if I hang around these guys much longer. My education will soon be sucked out and replaced with stupidity.

I've had it everyone getting the answers right except for Burd. His answer was way off. What's the unit of capacity for fuel wood?

Last entry's answer was 3 days and 3 nights.

scream, don't paddle

The rafting trip inspired me. I grew a beard. New Guy told me that I'm going to look like a man before too long. I hope he's right.

Friday was a long day. In Atlanta I've never gone so short a distance in so long of time. Except when I went to Houston. Why is it that old people don't listen to the radio when traveling in a car? Ten joyful radio free hours. I should have sang, then maybe something would have been turned on. Excitement did happen when we got lost. Then once the X on the map was found we were unable to enter our castle due to not knowing where the key was. That wasted a good hour and a half. I slept on a pull out couch that night, it was springy.

Saturday we attempted to conquer the mighty Chattooga. Fortunately for the river we had a self guided raft. I took my turn half way down and totally impressed the experienced guides. The guys being paid got stuck, I did not. I should quit my day job to become a guide. I'm serious and now have a beard to help further my dream. To see me not guiding click here. I'm in the front smiling and waving while not paddling.

Sunday was the longest day of my life. Not really, it still only lasted 24 hours. It began by being woken up by five chatter bugs. I did not talk for at least two hours that morning. The river had been waiting patiently for me all night. There was a guide in our raft this morning, lucky us. I wanted to throw the tall guy out of our boat. He chose the male guide over the super cute female. She's now my new crush, I don't know her name but do know she goes to Clemson. I was nervous, we watched Deliverance the night before. Way later in the trip I managed to impress the whole group again by doing a flip off the large jumping rock. The tall guy had to copy me in hopes to impress the super cutie he passed on. He failed.

I need to find the guy that was clipping his finger nails the other day. Mine are getting long.

After owning the river the fun part began. Ten hour drive back to Jackson, Mississippi. Once again, no radio. I was excited. Not really. I think Atlanta wanted to take a Sunday afternoon drive along with us. Nothing else exciting happened.

What is Europe's most mountainous country?

Last entry's answer was Steve Martin.