i survived

I survived. Survived living with the parents at home in Mississippi that is. Ike sent me on a "hurrication" to the deep south. Spent a total of 10 days living in my old stomping grounds with the mom and the dad. They tried to get me to pull my weight around the house but I would politely remind them that I was an evacuee. It didn't work.

Some kindergartner tried to beat me up at church on Sunday. I told his mom.

I ticked someone off yesterday. Since most the the traffic lights are out around here, all intersections are on the honor system. First there, first to go. Just like a stop sign. Coming back from lunch, Mr Baldy didn't think I waited long enough at the line. That must have given him permission to show me just how much he disapproved of my actions. Not only did his left arm come out the window but his right arm as well. I'm guessing he didn't have the pastor in his car either after reading some of lip gestures.

Mississippi made me gain weight. Everywhere served sweet tea and would fry anything edible.

Louisiana, you have poor driving skills.

Throughout the entire 10 days at home I wore the same thing over and over again. Only expecting to stay there for 2 days, I packed accordingly.

Lynyrd Skynyrd took, "'y' is sometimes vowel' rule to the extreme.

I have turned into someone I never wanted to be. A television show fan. For the past two weeks I have been watching Lost. Heroes started back last night and The Office premieres on Thursday Evening. I have never felt like a middle aged woman more so than I do right now.

If only the worship service was like this at church every Sunday. I'd request the guy with the brown guitar for an encore.

Two things that someone showed me last week that left me speechless and scared. A baby and a cartoon. Do not click on the cartoon. It's like watching The Ring, something weird will happen.

What did Chris Sabo shower the field with when his bat broke in a July 31,1996 game?

Last entry's answer was five.

awkward

This post is very much unlike the other posts. Sorry in advance.

So last night around 7:30 me and Miss Elliptical, the new girl I met in the weight room, put in “Ocean's Thirteen,” cut all the lights out, and sit down on the couch to enjoy a nice evening. Roommate was MIA, notice the tie on the door. First time the new couch has had occupants of two. No more flying solo on the sofa.

Not to be gross, but just as things were getting rather intimate we hear a, BANG, BANG on the door. “Oh shit” is what I believe Miss Elliptical said. I peak out the peep hole, but can’t tell who it is because of the dang wreath on the door. I knew that thing would be a pain in butt and make us look gay. I figure it’s one of the neighbors just stopping by trying thier best to be annoying or something. I dash into the bedroom and put some old sweat pants on. Unlock the door, crack open the door and it turns out to be the preacher from the church service on Sunday along with two ladies from the congregation.

"We are the visitees of the ABC 123 Baptist Church visitation group." I’m shocked while standing in the hall, frantically thinking to myself, oh crap… am I dressed decent, is the apartment a wreck (yes), is there anything that they might see that will embarrass the crap out of me (probably), will Miss Elliptical be decent? I’m barely standing in the doorway and they are already asking themselves in so I can’t run inside and check the decentcy very quick like.

They come in and take a seat on my awesomely cool sofa as I start throwing crap behind the chairs and then sit. About 5 minutes later Miss Elliptical emerges from my room. They seem somewhat shocked. "Oh, Mr Matt, is this your wife." Ok, they didn't say that but I was sure hoping they wouldn't. I offered them water and some wine and crackers since this is all we have. They laughed. The whole thing was very uncomfortable for me and especially Miss Elliptical.

I'm pretty sure that Miss Elliptical will change her workout routine from every afternoon about 6:00 to every morning at 7:00 just to be safe. She was a cutie.

What is emetophobia?

Last entry's answer was fear of chins.

football and church

I don't blog on weekends. Period. Sunday night doesn't count.

Saturday I played a little football with some guys I didn't know at all. It wasn't little football either, I'm calling it big football. For the first time ever I was half way shy. After the five series they suggested that I play quarterback. I told them I was All-State in Mississippi my senior year and only All-District my freshman year. I wasn't shy much longer. After throwing 4 touchdowns, running one, and zero interceptions they were believers. Except for my roommate. He threw a flag and called me out. I told him to shut up and I'd throw him an interception. I didn't.

Houston was the only city in America not to broadcast the Patriots vs Colts game. We were able to watch our beloved Texans and well below par Raiders team play. Instead, I fell asleep in an awkward position and woke up with a sore neck for the third time in a week.

This morning I went to a new church. They had communion and I was slightly nervous. I've never had to leave my seat while doing this. It was a Methodist church, I'm not a Methodist. When it was my pew's turn to go I was even more nervous because I noticed that all the pews behind me were empty and the people were leaving the sanctuary. Where is everyone going? Are we leaving to get dessert? Then it hit me, those people are going to the balcony. I dodged a bullet.

Hooter's on Friday night was a horrible experience. I will not be going back for a long time.

My spacewalk shift was canceled on Saturday morning. I celebrated by sleeping in, playing football, watching football, and eating Chick-fil-A. Bama lost!

Tomorrow I'm going back to college for three days. I'm getting AutoCAD training!

Harry: Skis, huh?
Beth: That's right!
Harry: Great! They yours?
Beth: Uh-huh.
Harry: Both of 'em?
Beth: Yes.
Harry: Ah... cool!
-Dumb and Dumber

How many football teams play in the Big Ten Conference?

Last entry's answer was The Harlem Globetrotters.