i'm to cool to wear a helmet; even if i do have a beautiful head

I feel like doo doo today. But I sure don't look like doo doo. Heck, I always look good. Just today, I don't feel very good at all. I'm probably sick. If I wasn't such a loyal employee and very dedicated to doing my job, I'd be home right now, in bed.

Some lady just walked in my office area, looked around, then left. She was chewing gum and wearing a red knit jacket. If anyone reading this knows anything, tell her to watch out.

My roommate slept 13 whole hours on Sunday. Got home about 1ish Saturday morning and I went to bed and I assume he did too. Couldn't see any lights on in the living room from under my bedroom door. I got down on my hands and knees to check. Woke up Sunday morning, went to church, he was asleep. Came home, had some lunch, he was asleep. Watched the Astros, they lost, he was still asleep. Watched the race with 88 laps left, he was still asleep. 2:45 pm finally got here, he emerged from his cave. I have never seen anything like it before.

I always think it's funny when my supervisor talks about putting his "Butt Head Cap" on. This is probably not a laughing matter.

The guy, from work, that plays in the band and is supposedly a body builder always eats spaghetti for lunch. It never fails, between 10:35 and 11:00 he waddles over to the microwave, sets it and leaves. Then about 10 minutes after it's done he remembers that he put spaghetti in the microwave. Everyday. Well, a numerous amount of the days throughout the month he does this.

I got a bicycle on Friday. That afternoon I rode it for about 2 hours. Just riding and riding. Saturday I rode it all the way to downtown and around the ballpark. I only fell off twice. First, was when I was trying to jump a curb downtown. The back tire couldn't quite make it over the curb and threw me off. I probably looked like a daredevil blazing the sidewalks.

The previous paragraph sounded like a 3rd grader wrote it.

The lady in the red knit jacket is back. I don't know what to think of her. She is going to be sitting at the desk next to mine.

What brave-hearted Scottish patriot led soldiers to a defeat of the English at the Battle of Cambuskenneth in 1297?

Last entry's answer was Brutus.

poof

It's tourney time! More than half of my day at work for the next few days will go towards researching teams in the first round. It is mandatory that I win my group. Last night was the first time ever that I have talked smack and said a dirty word. Ok, I made that up. I never say dirty words.

I did stuff this past weekend.

This morning I decided to test myself and determine just how deep of sleep I can put myself into. At about 10:10 am the test was finally wrapped up and graded. Well, I passed with an A+. The boss gave me a F and some random person coming back from lunch gave me a C. That should average out to be a C. That's passing.

The old guy with the loop earring at the skip shop shook my hand again. Went to drop my skis off for the summer wax and wanted to chat about Wolf Creek. I told him they had snow. We concluded the 46 second conversation with handshake. He made me feel like a real man. My last sentence made me feel like a school boy.

Went to the antique store. Bought some old albums. The Charlie Daniels Band, Seals and Croft, The Marshall Tucker Band, and Bread to be exact. Framed the album covers in special frames. Hung the framed albums on my wall in the shape of a square.

Some kid in the passenger seat of a Scion stared me down this morning.

Last week I excited myself so much that I had to text my friend and tell her. I beat a song on hard on Guitar Hero. My fingers have never hurt so much. Ever. I've never felt like a dork so much either.

Gob: So, did you see the new Poof?
Michael: [quickly shutting the door] His name’s Gary. And we don’t need any more lawsuits, okay?
Gob: No, I was talking about the magazine... Wait. Gary's gay? Uh-oh. He's gonna think I was coming on to him..

[flashback to earlier that day]

Gob: [to Gary] You've got a nice mouth.
Gob: [watching Gary climbing to reach a shelf] I'd kill for that ass.
Gob: [with Gary sitting on him in the chair] ok, the chair's not doing it now, but whenever I...
-Arrested Development

• I didn't proof read.
  

What American city produces most of the egg rolls sold in grocery stores in the United States?

Last entry's answer was peas.

crap, not again

The weekend was lazy. I was late for work again this morning. 10:20 today. Looks like another long night in the office. If anyone wants to get me an alarm clock, that would be great.

Saturday night I went to a church Christmas program that was bigger than any circus I've ever been to. There were elephants and camels in the sanctuary. OMG. That was probably the 2nd loudest audience I have ever sat in where the audience was supposed to be quiet. The girl in font of me dropped her glass bottle, some kid in the back row dropped something about 23 times, there were approximately 457 sick people coughing, sneezing, and snorting, and then 48 crying babies. For the record, I've never been to a circus.

The girl at The Cheesecake Factory was a jerk. Her body language told me that she did not want a tip. I made sure she got her wish. It was a small one.

Christmas in Houston equals hot. So much for conserving energy, I turned on the air conditioner. That name doesn't make sense to me, air conditioner. If I could rename it I would call it a roomerator. That word is derived from the terms refrigerator and a living space.

I think I'm going to buy a new car. Keep the X-terra for when I don't feel like shaving and get a Cadillac CTS for when I wear a suit, shave, and comb my hair. Seriously, I'm test driving one on Friday.

Clark: Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?
Eddie: Naw, I'm doing just fine, Clark.
-Christmas Vacation

What physicist's last words were not understood because his nurse did not speak German?

Last entry's answer was Canada.

football and church

I don't blog on weekends. Period. Sunday night doesn't count.

Saturday I played a little football with some guys I didn't know at all. It wasn't little football either, I'm calling it big football. For the first time ever I was half way shy. After the five series they suggested that I play quarterback. I told them I was All-State in Mississippi my senior year and only All-District my freshman year. I wasn't shy much longer. After throwing 4 touchdowns, running one, and zero interceptions they were believers. Except for my roommate. He threw a flag and called me out. I told him to shut up and I'd throw him an interception. I didn't.

Houston was the only city in America not to broadcast the Patriots vs Colts game. We were able to watch our beloved Texans and well below par Raiders team play. Instead, I fell asleep in an awkward position and woke up with a sore neck for the third time in a week.

This morning I went to a new church. They had communion and I was slightly nervous. I've never had to leave my seat while doing this. It was a Methodist church, I'm not a Methodist. When it was my pew's turn to go I was even more nervous because I noticed that all the pews behind me were empty and the people were leaving the sanctuary. Where is everyone going? Are we leaving to get dessert? Then it hit me, those people are going to the balcony. I dodged a bullet.

Hooter's on Friday night was a horrible experience. I will not be going back for a long time.

My spacewalk shift was canceled on Saturday morning. I celebrated by sleeping in, playing football, watching football, and eating Chick-fil-A. Bama lost!

Tomorrow I'm going back to college for three days. I'm getting AutoCAD training!

Harry: Skis, huh?
Beth: That's right!
Harry: Great! They yours?
Beth: Uh-huh.
Harry: Both of 'em?
Beth: Yes.
Harry: Ah... cool!
-Dumb and Dumber

How many football teams play in the Big Ten Conference?

Last entry's answer was The Harlem Globetrotters.

don't ask

I found the "Don't Mess with Texas" t-shirts for sell. I plan on sending some home to my friends. They will be required to wear them whenever they come to visit. I plan on wearing mine to church Sunday.

Lunch today was interesting. Never have I ever eaten Vietnamese food. Is that how you spell it? If not, it is now. Someone from the office asked if I wanted to go. Sure, why not. Anyways, some guy who drives a four-door Dakota truck picked us up. He listens to, no lie, an Elvis impersonator singing Led Zeppelin with a reggae band. How do I know this? He explained in detail about this piece-o-crap cd he owns. At lunch he explained how he enjoyed going to the clubs in downtown and "macking" on the ladies. He's got to be in his 40s. I was instructed not to get married so that I can live the dream and tell them, the married guys, about how much fun it is to pick up the ladies. For some reason I'm guessing this guy goes home and plays video games when Star Trek is not on. My stomach hurts.

Father Rob, Utility Al, no more chatting to each other on the comment section. Call each other.

I experienced the "Everything is bigger in Texas" this morning. I have never heard thunder this loud before in my entire life. I about wet the bed. Made that last part up. God was looking out for me though. If not for the thunder I would probably still be asleep. The alarm clock never was set last night.

The Girl called yesterday evening bragging about how she was in Starkville going to the game. She wants me. That's all I'm going to say about that and the game. I hope she reads this.

What U.S. state had the first 7-Eleven stores?

Last entry's answer was Michigan.