one liners

Someone used the term, "Get out of jail free card," here at work. I don't know what that means.

April is my month to attend the 7:30 meetings. So far I'm 0 - 2. I hope no one finds out.

A girl at the ski shop told me my skis were beautiful. I told her she was beautiful.

Why is sarcasm so hard to read when in the form of text?

I asked the painter at out apartment if black was the presence or absence of all color. He didn't speak any English.

I'm supposed to be working right now. I'm blogging right now.

So far this week two people have walked out of the stall without flushing. They must have had false alarms.

I suggested "Like a Virgin" by Madonna and "Area Codes" by Ludacris to be played at my friend's wedding reception.

NASA retiring the shuttle will cost us 2,300 jobs. I'm not scared, McDonald's is hiring.

Weight lifting is heavy.

Why is it called a cookie cake? Doesn't look like a cake, just a giant cookie.

Someone told me today, "I thought you were cool". I just shrugged it off.

If I don't write my password down somewhere I'll forget it. So I post it noted it to my monitor.

I think someone just farted.

I always offer the girl at my office meat from my lunch. She's a vegetarian.

Chinese food is not meant to be eaten after a microwave visit.

I'm glad it's April. That month has a better picture on the calendar.

This was the stupidest idea for a blog ever.

What U.S. president advised: "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen"?

Last entry's answer was Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa both did it in 1998-1999.

harmony

The World Series starts tonight. I'm gonna go home, open the windows (because it feels really great outside), work out, not take a shower, then sit down and watch the Series. If I don't take a shower I'll be able to feel like I've been playing baseball because I'll be all sweaty. Easy ladies, don't get to yourselves to worked up just yet. Still debating on if I should sit on the new furniture or not. How long can I still call it new? The tags are still on it. Taking tags off forfeits the newness. Go Rockies!

I just sneezed 4 times in a row. My personal best is 6. I'm really not sure if that is a correct number or not, but it sounds right. More than likely it's 5 but I'm going to say 6.

Yesterday Suspenders took me to lunch. I asked him what kind of gas mileage he gets in his new truck. He tells me 11 then slams the accelerator to the floor.

For those of you who do not know, Shuttle Discovery launched yesterday at 11:38 eastern time zone. Here at work we all paused and gathered around a tv. That's right, we're getting paid to watch television. The lady who rides the motorcycle was standing in my way but I was too scared to tell her to move. I could only see the exhaust smoke the entire launch. The purpose of this mission is to attach "Harmony" to the International Space Station. Pretty much sticking a school bus size piece onto the station. Sounds like a blast. This is were I come in. When they decide to attach this hunk of metal I will support the space walk/walks. Whenever they use the space suit I'm involved. Especially when I get to wear it. Why can't we do this space labor during the American daytime?

That crazy lady is singing again. I hate it when she sings.

Charlie Fineman: Are you a faggot?.
Alan Johnson: Don't say faggot, you just don't call people faggot that's rude.
Charlie Fineman: To a gay guy it is, to you it's just a funny word like pound cake or pickle... You really need some Mel.
Charlie Fineman: [ordering tickets] Take one adult and one faggot.
-Reign Over Me

This is the quickest I've ever written a post. Hope there aren't any mistakes. Sorry in advance.

How old is the sun?

Last entry's answer was 20.