assumptions make everything right

Word in the halls is that we might be knocked out of work Thursday and Friday. That is, if Mr Ike assumes his path towards Houston and does not loose any of his strength. This assumption is also assuming that Ike is a male.

Mississippi State managed to win the first game of the season by pounding some no-named school in Louisiana. Another assumption is assuming 34-10 is a pounding. I don't think it is but I wanted to use a term that would make us sound powerful and respectful. That last sentence probably messed everything up.

All weekend I watched football. My large mouth did not live up to the hype in fantasy league week one. If I had to put money on it, I would imagine that the league is rigged against me. It's like I am stuck in some sort of Truman Show plot.

I am a horrible gardener. At first I was proud of my skills for reviving two plants but now I am beginning to have second thoughts. I have killed two totally separate plants, twice each. The first is a member of the vine family and and now belongs to no family due to me dropping it completely out of the tub it was in. I did however, bring it back to life, only to kill it again. What was once green is now being consumed by brown and some yellowish color. The other, my favorite, is or was a pepper plant. It produces or produced green peppers that turn, yellow, then orange and finally red. Very cool. Now the entire plant is wilting away. This is the second time Oscar, figured I would give it a name since it is a favorite, has wilted away. I feel like giving up but I won't. There might be a third of even fourth life for these two.

I took the atomic fireball challenge just a few minutes ago. "I was man" are my exact words on how I performed. Never once removed it, except to see what color it was towards the very end. In case you were wondering, it turned white. My guess is that the red is the hot part.

What yard line must a football team drive to, to reach the "red zone"?

Last entry's answer was the San Francisco 49ers.

tuesday VII

The weekend was fun. That should tell you everything you need to know.

I'm trying to make a little extra money on the side. If anyone wants to help in this cause and get something really cool click my link. This is the link to get something cool and help Matt make more money.

So far I'm 2 for 2 in racing the neighbor in her little four door Honda. Raced on the way home from work yesterday evening. She lost. Then we left about the same time this morning and I passed her on the interstate. She didn't know it was a race but she lost anyways.

Sorry for turning my blog into a cash cow today. I want to go to Cash Camp later this summer.

Saw The Happening last night and had to sit on the front row. The place was packed. No where to sit 5 people except on the bottom section, second row. This move had so many facial close ups of Marky Mark that I even dreamed I was in a M. Night Shyamalan movie. Then I woke up.

I had something else entertaining to write about but I can't remember. This will be it.

What got a new balcony, front portico and two extra chimneys on the back of $20 bills, in 1948?

Last entry's answer was the orbital period of Mars is 686.9726 days.

finally friday

Ok, who keeps picking pictures of Matt for a Christmas present?

I got a few emails today that just seemed too good to be true. First off, there's a guy overseas who is in the military. It seems he found a ton of money and wants me to help him get it back to the States. He was in the process of raiding a home and then bam, there's a lot of money. He's a solider fighting for our rights and I feel it is my duty to help him. He needs me to send some account info and hold the money till he gets here. I feel like such a good citizen. It keeps getting better. I won a lottery in New Jersey. It's a super small one but still it's a couple thousand dollars. I've never been there but apparently I won some big bucks up north. I'm declaring today my lucky day.

The shuttle keeps being put on delay. If I have to work on a Friday night, Saturday, or Sunday I will scream, yell, and pull hair.

What keeps me keeping on while sitting in traffic is spotting trucks with Nike stickers in the back window. The roommate began this incredibly amusing adventure when he brought home the story of the Nike tailgate. So far I'm in the lead with most Nike sticker sightings. Saw one on my way to work this morning which pushed me past him by one. People will kill for Nike around these parts.

I couldn't be more excited about Friday. On Saturday night I'll be watching a Christmas program at my roommate's parent's church. (I guess you can have two possessive nouns in one sentence.) Time to pull out the Red Santa Sweater. My favorite part is the beard, it feels like cotton balls.

I usually store my Nike Cleats in the covered basket on top of my car/truck/suv. Not any more.

I watched Christmas Vacation again last night. Anyone want to join in next time?
Ellen: Oh Aunt Bethany, you shouldn't have done that.
Aunt Bethany: Oh dear, did I break wind?
Uncle Lewis: Jesus, did the room clear out, Bethany? Hell no, she means presents.
-Christmas Vacation You shouldn't have brought presents.

What country supplies three-quarters of the world's maple syrup?

Last entry's answer was Sacramento.

it's getting hot in here

I hung up a sock for Christmas.

Today I really wish I had invented Powerball. Who decided to start Powerball? "Hey Paco, can I borrow 6.2 million dollars to give away?" Ummm... "No, no, people will pay me money to guess 6 numbers and win the money."

This morning I found a new feature on my alarm clock's snooze. The snooze will turn itself off after so many snooze resets. I was late for work. Again.

In our NASA drawings at work we have to reference materials and parts with a cage code. Each cage code is assigned to individual companies. On my drawing I had to put a cage code in for a specific part. Apparently I made a typo on this cage code, replacing what should be a S with a 5. As a result the new cage code with the 5 was referenced an adult store.
Cage Code 49S503 = NASA Material Store
Cage Code 495503 = Adult Super Store (This is the code I put on the drawing)
One of the head guys brought this to my attention. I asked him why an adult store was in our system. Head Guy said, "Maybe someone needed some lube."

Well after four paragraphs of thinking about I've decided to let you in on the secret. I did not wear the space suit Friday, did not don the suit. Instead I only halfway put it on. Got the LCVG (Liquid Cooling Ventilation Garment, the white garment with the tubes) and the LTA (Lower Torso Assembly) on, waddled over to the HUT (Hard Upper Torso, the chest part) and started sliding my way upward. Got one arm in, the other in, and head, then it ended. I was beginning to get stuck. Wait, was stuck, couldn't go any further. I was thinking to myself, how do these astronauts do this with no gravity? This is tough! After some more pushing and even more pushing, it became obvious there was no way I was going to make it in. "Look guys, I'm not going, it's too small." I mean, I'm not a fat guy or anything, athletic build body type. Broad shoulders, because I do work out, ladies. So I pull out and they went looking for a large HUT, because obviously the medium wasn't going to fit my muscular torso.

Thanks to about 4 of us learning how to size the suit we screwed up my size. I'm apparently a large HUT size. That's right ladies, I've got the muscular chest. So the tech comes back to inform us that the large HUT is gone and in use somewhere else. I'm standing there in the astronaut pants burning up because this thing is freakin hot. That's what the LCVG is for, to cool down the person inside the suit. These things are very well insulated. So I'm told after about 5 minutes of standing there that I can take them off, sweat running down my face like a fat kid trying to wear a space suit. I get everything off, put my clothes back on and go sit in my corner and sulk. Ok, I didn't do that but I wanted to. What a day.

Does that suit make my butt look big?

Clark: Hey, Kids, I heard on the news that an airline pilot spotted Santa's sleigh on it's way in from New York City.
Eddie: [after a pause] You serious, Clark?
-Christmas Vacation

What team hired the NFL's first professional cheerleading squad, in 1972?

Last entry's answer was fear of vomiting.

christmas is coming

Last night we decorated for Christmas. Went to the Target and bought a bunch of randomness from the Christmas section. 2300 mini white lights, 450 fat color lights, 45 colored balls, 3 wreaths (which the girl in the stored couldn't understand me pronouncing), 7 candles, 3 rolls of ribbon, 3 strands of garland, 24 tree decorations, 45 Christmas cookies, 23 candy canes, and 1 tree skirt. Did not get hooks to hang the decorations, tape to put lights in the windows, a door hook for the wreath, extension cords for the lights, or Christmas candy to eat. Is wrapping the door to look like a present a good idea?


Whenever the song "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie comes on the radio I sing it. I somewhat like the song. Don't judge me.

Ever try to sort out the Christmas tree decoration hooks? Pay the extra dollar or two and get the nice gold hooks. The cheap 68 cent hooks come as one single bundle of hooks. It only took me 13 minutes to separate one hook from the rest. 15 minutes later I hung the bundle on the tree and threw the real decorations away.

Space suit update: Friday at 9:00 am.

Stu: You know what the problem is?
Bobby: Yeah, the problem is that I need a change.
Stu: No, no, no. The problem is that I love you too much.
-Phone Booth

What invention for keeping cold air out of buildings in winter was patented by Theophilus Van Kannel in 1888?

Last entry's answer was the Air Force.

today is thursday at nasa

Everyone will spend the day with me at work.

6:50 Arrive to work. Other new employee seems very shocked that I'm at work at such an early time. I'm surprised that I'm at work this early.

6:52 Read past "Why Do Men Have Nipples" Daily Calendar posts from Saturday to Today. Learned how to deliver a baby, why men have hair on their ears, and if circumcision diminishes sexual pleasure.

6:58 Begin checking mail.

6:59 Begin deleting mail from 5 days ago.

7:08 Read new emails.

7:09 Check personal email (Gmail). New jacket has been shipped and the estimated time of arrival is November 13, 2007. I ordered this crap on October 27, 2007. I'm ticked. Apparently they got my nasty email and got scared. They gave me 1500 more rewards points for my order. They know what's up.

7:15 Read Mississippi newspaper online. Mississippi State talks a big game.

7:30 Check ESPN.com Kentucky gets upset in basketball.

7:45 Use restroom.

7:48 Stand around and listen to some fellow coworkers talk about something. I didn't listen that closely.

8:01 Sit at desk and begin this blog post.

8:20 Check Gmail.

8:23 Comment on Father Rob's blog. I didn't read anymore blogs. Haven't finished my Gatorade A.M. yet. Lots of chatter around the office. I buzz in a few times. Then I tell a joke and everyone laughs.

8:39 Almost froze my hand on one of those aerosol cleaning cans. The ones that blow air out to clean the keyboard. There's ice on it! Sweet! Now there's dust everywhere. Hope no one minds. If I explain why it gets cold will someone nominate me to be on Beauty and the Geek?

8:47 Found Suspenders and asked some random questions to make him think I've been working. We then took the elevator twice to advance one floor at time. He's sort of lazy.

8:59 Begin working on the new procedure that me and Suspenders discussed. There's a space suit test at 10. I'll probably go just to get out of this paper work.

9:13 The guy next to me showed a video of two monkeys sitting at a bar telling jokes. It was pretty funny except that I didn't get the punch line and laughed anyways.

9:39 Use restroom again. Gatorade really did a toll on me. Saw what seemed like a cute girl at the other end of the hall. Too far to tell for sure. I'll walk down there later.

9:42 Looking up New Zealand on Google. Really, really want to go. Delilah is talking about going and I'm thinking about going with her. She told me this on the phone last night. I couldn't sleep at all thinking about it.

10:08 My phone rang! No one ever calls this phone. Well I'm never sitting at my permanent desk anyway so I never get phone calls. I should sit at my permanent desk instead of this one. Test time got pushed back. Dang it.

10: 25 Check Gmail.

10:28 Check Facebook.

10:35 Check Gmail.

10:36 Drop in on a conversation in the office. They're talking about space suit gloves. I only half way pay attention while I work on my paper work.

10:39 Phone rang again! I'm on a roll today. Girl sitting at my other desk needs some help. I think that's code for she likes me.

10:52 Think I accidentally asked a guy at work to go to a Rockets game. I was asking if he had ever been and told him I was going next week. Somewhere in there he thought I was asking him if he wanted to go. I don't understand these Houston people. For a week I'm going to have to avoid him at all costs.

10:55 Check Gmail.

11:32 I'm hungry so I'll be eating now.

12:01 Read a blog I saw on cnn.com. In the New. Hope she doesn't mind if I link to it. Back to work.

12:21 Looked up pictures of J.K. Rowling. I had no idea what she looked like. Not bad for a 40 something.

12:31 I just got (or saw, who knows when I got it) a text from My Future Wife. She does love me. I bet she's all giddy and can't sit still.

1:00 Filled out some personal paper work. Mo money, mo problems.

1:32 Looked up Rockets tickets on craigslist.com. Utility Al called. He told me a secret about My Future Wife. I feel like I'm in high school again.

1:53 Finished with some paper work. Other new hire is reading a magazine and talking about it out loud to me. I'm not listening. She keeps telling me about events around Houston and I just nod and say I've been there done that or am already going. She's probably jealous of me right now.

2:23 Handed off my work to be reviewed and signed. It's policy here. 23 people have to sign off on anything that gets done. It's dumb, I know.

2:30 Made arrangements for Utility Al's wedding present. Hope he puts it to good use. Can't tell what it is, he might read ahead and spoil the surprise. Wonder what his mom will say about it?

2:48 Checked Gmail. Talked to Ex girlfriend on Gmail chat. Sent Ex girlfriend an forward.

2:52 Sent some forwards around the Outlook address book.

3:20 I tried to download a NASA instant message program but I got rejected. They probably want me to do more work and not chat. I've been figured out.

3:23 Yawn

3:35 I just daydreamed of a time when I was younger and wanted to buy a video game at the store. I didn't have enough money on my own and mom wouldn't buy it for me. That was a cloudy day.

3:56 Talked with another guy about the commute to work each day. His is a total of 14 minutes round trip. I take at least 35 minutes one way. The hardships I have to face living in downtown. It's tough being a high roller.

4:07 Think I'll head home now. I'm tired. Maybe I can beat the traffic. Doubt it.

Living the NASA life isn't so bad.

What's CNBC short for?

Last entry's answer was Joseph Stalin.