i smile like the sun

Mom just emailed me the pictures from the Olan Mills portrait session we had on top of the mountain. Oh yes, we had family pictures taken by a "professional" photographer on top of the mountain about 36 feet away from the unloading ski lift. I couldn't have been more ticked in my life. "Ok, we're meeting at the top of the lift to get some family pictures taken. It might be the last time we're able to do this as a family. So meet up there first thing." I get off the lift, swing my head around super quick and didn't notice a photographer, so I darted out of there. "Come back Matthew!" Uh oh, got the full name on that. They caught me on the second ride up.

"Ok, I need you to go over there, take your skis off, and come stand over here. Bring your skis too. We want to use your skis in the picture." What!? We have to pose with skis now? "Those goggles aren't going to work." "Why not?" "They cover your entire face." "Good." So she pulls out the magic bag of Wal-Mart sunglasses. Then managed to pick out the worst pair of sunglasses in the the history of sunglasses. "I think these will do just nicely." My sister got the pair of Oakleys.

"First I need all four of you to stand in a line. Daddy, Brother, you hold these two skis. Mother, Sister, hold this pair. Everybody smile." I'm thinking, ok, I can fake a smile for this stupid pose. I don't like it, but ok. "Now, for the second." Another one!? Seriously!? "Sister, I need you to lay on the ground. No, no, on your side. Everyone else take a knee behind her. Daddy, Brother, get on either side of Mother." The pissed off factor is starting to rise. This is getting a little ridiculous. Taking a knee with a ski boot on is not a very easy task to do. Plus as we've gone over in the past, taking a knee pretty much sucks. Not comfortable, knee gets wet, and looks stupid. This picture only received a half smile.

"Ok, ok, for the last pose we need Daddy to lay on the snow on his tummy." Holy crap! I know where this is going. The pissed off factor is going through the roof now. "Brother, you do the same. Lay down right beside Daddy." My reaction is to just stare off at the mountains like I'm a deaf kid. "Brother, I'm going to need you to lay on the snow next to your Dad." "Uhh..." You're never getting this frown to turn upside down now. "Ok, Mother I need you on top of Daddy." Ok...hang on...time out. No dirty thoughts here. This is just a family picture pose. "Sister, you do the same to Brother." I'm on the snow with my sister sitting on top of me while dad and I have are hands on top of my ski which is right in front of us. I'm pretty sure snow is melting all around because I'm ticked off to the nth power. "Ok, Brother I'm going to need you to smile. 1...2...Brother, smile." People are coming off the ski lift enjoying a great laugh and taking their own pictures of us. Thank goodness I'm wearing these cheap sunglasses and no one will ever recognize me. "We'll be finished as soon as Brother smiles. 1...Brother I'm gonna need you to smile." She finally gave up. I put my skis on and left. Didn't see the rest of the family till lunch that afternoon.

Why must people talk louder on cell phones than office phones?

People who write about their blog in their blog are idiots. My blog is too good to do anything like that. I would never write about my blog in my blog.

Was that post make any sense? Don't answer that.

In honor of the using steroids. Who is the only pitcher to win six Cy Young Awards?

Last entry's answer was USA/Mexico.

skiing up hill

Skiing was awesome. With a capital a. The new skis pretty much made me one of the elite skiers on the mountain. Since I was going so fast no one could admire how awesome the new skis looked. Except for that ski lift operator. "Sweet skis man. How are they?" "They ski," I said.

I was only jealous two times during the entire trip. The first was when the roommate texted me to tell me he was having crawfish. I told him I was eating snow. Think he got jealous then. The second was when I didn't get to ride the lift with that good looking snowboarder chick. Instead, I got the two old married locals. Who sat on either side of me. Couldn't sit to just one side but had to split me. I felt like a third wheel for a few minutes.

My sister had fun playing with the icicles. At one point I caught her making sword noises. She's in her twenties.

I never in my entire life knew that blowing up an inner tube and sliding down a snow covered hill on top of it could be so much fun. I probably reached mach 1.43 in about 13 feet. After the short ride down the hill I had to hike a marathon with 30 lbs of snow around my ankles back up the mountain to repeat the excitement. It was like having a birthday party and being sent to the principals office all wrapped into one sweet package. My lungs would like to give an unthank you to the Rocky Mountains for having such thin air.

Wart removal: What an annoying task. This is my first wart in the history of my life and it has become quite the pain in the rear to get rid of it. Not only does the medication I put on it start to destroy the wart it makes the skin around the wart peel. I'm never playing with frogs again.

Working on Saturday is the pits. After working here for six full months I receive my first 40 hours of vacation time. After working the full year I get my second 40 hours of vacation. On February 20 I completed 6 months and was rewarded 40 hours of vacation. Five days later I put those 40 hours to good use. Well, now that I'm working Saturday, 32 hours were put to good use. I didn't do anything at work. It was so quiet in there that I turned the tv on. Duke made a crazy comeback and beat NC State.

While skiing on the last day I was proud of myself for getting in trouble. I got yelled at for skiing too fast. "Hey Buddy! Slow down!" as I skied right through the beginner ski lift line leaving melted snow in my trail.

Now three quotes by unknown authors.

"If you aren't crashing, you aren't skiing." - Author Unknown

"When it comes to skiing, there's a difference between what you think it's going to be like, what it's really like, and what you tell your friends it was like." - Author Unknown

"Stretch pants - the garment that made skiing a spectator sport." - Author Unknown

More to come on the ski trip. Hold your breath.

What two countries are separated by the Tortilla Curtain?

Two entries ago answer was Watt.

my very own list

Sorry Skryker. Sorry Dazzle. I just can't do that "Eight Things That Make You Giggle About Life" tag. I tried but failed. I'm a dork and can't name eight. I think I'll make up my own list. I always did wonder where these things came from. Now I'm starting one.

Six Things That Make Me Laugh:
1. Dumb and Dumber
2. Farts (Both accidental and on purpose)
3. My Blog
4. My Two Dogs
5. Weddings
6. People Falling Down (But of course not getting hurt)

Two Things That Taste Good:
1. Crawfish
2. Chicken and Dumplins

Four Things That I Want To Be When I Grow Up:
1. Baseball Player
2. Batman
3. Park Ranger
4. Ski Instructor

Seven Things That I Find Attractive in the Opposite Sex:
1. Athletic
2. Humor
3. (Close your eyes little cousin) Chest
4. Back
5. Personality
6. Arms
7. Eyes

Three Things That I Want To See Again:
1. The blonde from the other day
2. The Rocky Mountains
3. Yellowstone

Four Things I Don't Like Doing but Don't Mind Because I'm Super Cool:
1. Being tagged to these lists
2. Brushing my teeth
3. Talking to my roommate
4. Paying tips to crappy service

A Celebrity I like:
Kristen Bell

Six Things I Will Do Before The End of the Month:
1. Go home twice
2. Meet a girl
3. Blog 32 times. No, make that 13 times
4. Eat 3 meals that cost over $50
5. Buy lots and lots of gas
6. Be at work no less than 576000 seconds

I Now Tag Everyone That Reads This To Put This Exact Questionnaire On Their Blog Right Now.
Made by Matt (Mom Yelled My Full Name Last Night) Include that on the copy and paste thing too.

What basketball team had drubbed the New Jersey Reds 2,495 times straight before losing to them 100-99 in 1971?

Last entry's answer was 1962.

scream, don't paddle

The rafting trip inspired me. I grew a beard. New Guy told me that I'm going to look like a man before too long. I hope he's right.

Friday was a long day. In Atlanta I've never gone so short a distance in so long of time. Except when I went to Houston. Why is it that old people don't listen to the radio when traveling in a car? Ten joyful radio free hours. I should have sang, then maybe something would have been turned on. Excitement did happen when we got lost. Then once the X on the map was found we were unable to enter our castle due to not knowing where the key was. That wasted a good hour and a half. I slept on a pull out couch that night, it was springy.

Saturday we attempted to conquer the mighty Chattooga. Fortunately for the river we had a self guided raft. I took my turn half way down and totally impressed the experienced guides. The guys being paid got stuck, I did not. I should quit my day job to become a guide. I'm serious and now have a beard to help further my dream. To see me not guiding click here. I'm in the front smiling and waving while not paddling.

Sunday was the longest day of my life. Not really, it still only lasted 24 hours. It began by being woken up by five chatter bugs. I did not talk for at least two hours that morning. The river had been waiting patiently for me all night. There was a guide in our raft this morning, lucky us. I wanted to throw the tall guy out of our boat. He chose the male guide over the super cute female. She's now my new crush, I don't know her name but do know she goes to Clemson. I was nervous, we watched Deliverance the night before. Way later in the trip I managed to impress the whole group again by doing a flip off the large jumping rock. The tall guy had to copy me in hopes to impress the super cutie he passed on. He failed.

I need to find the guy that was clipping his finger nails the other day. Mine are getting long.

After owning the river the fun part began. Ten hour drive back to Jackson, Mississippi. Once again, no radio. I was excited. Not really. I think Atlanta wanted to take a Sunday afternoon drive along with us. Nothing else exciting happened.

What is Europe's most mountainous country?

Last entry's answer was Steve Martin.