that face on the milk carton

If I ever go missing I would like a picture of me in snow goggles to be put on the milk carton.

Mom wants me to make a DVD with the pictures of the ski trip. Since I forgot to ask her what songs she wants me to use I'll probably just use Metallica, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, and Hannah Montana. No wait, I dislike Hannah Montana. Make it The Cure instead of Miss Montana.

The roommate has become more and more wimpy over the past 6 months. Now, he can't handle the Crest White Strips. "My teeth hurt, why are they so sensitive." I told him before that he wouldn't be able to handle them like I could. Sometimes I wonder if I'm immune to pain.

Everyone else in America got snow this weekend except for Houston. I want a refund.

Last night we watched two episodes of Arrested Development Season 2. I could only hear one of the episodes. During the first one I was eating nachos, the crunching of chips in my head made it difficult to hear. It was only the Christmas episode, which means nothing to me in March.

A picture for your suffering. You're over halfway finished. Way to go reader.

Suspenders at work has becoming increasingly annoying over the past six months. I think he's jealous of me. I'm a good 30 plus years younger and probably make the same as him. Is that why he always pops his suspenders at me?

Last night was the Live Fantasy Baseball Draft 2008. I totally mopped floor with my picks. No picks from the Diamondbacks because they wear the color purple. Only players that wear red, black, dark blue, grey, and white can play on my team.

Ernie Capadion: Yeah, I'm just going home, grab a shower and shave, give the wife a little pickle-tickle, and I'm on my way.
-A League of Their Own

What word appears exactly 773,692 times in the King James Bible?

Last entry's answer was Roger Clemens.

i smile like the sun

Mom just emailed me the pictures from the Olan Mills portrait session we had on top of the mountain. Oh yes, we had family pictures taken by a "professional" photographer on top of the mountain about 36 feet away from the unloading ski lift. I couldn't have been more ticked in my life. "Ok, we're meeting at the top of the lift to get some family pictures taken. It might be the last time we're able to do this as a family. So meet up there first thing." I get off the lift, swing my head around super quick and didn't notice a photographer, so I darted out of there. "Come back Matthew!" Uh oh, got the full name on that. They caught me on the second ride up.

"Ok, I need you to go over there, take your skis off, and come stand over here. Bring your skis too. We want to use your skis in the picture." What!? We have to pose with skis now? "Those goggles aren't going to work." "Why not?" "They cover your entire face." "Good." So she pulls out the magic bag of Wal-Mart sunglasses. Then managed to pick out the worst pair of sunglasses in the the history of sunglasses. "I think these will do just nicely." My sister got the pair of Oakleys.

"First I need all four of you to stand in a line. Daddy, Brother, you hold these two skis. Mother, Sister, hold this pair. Everybody smile." I'm thinking, ok, I can fake a smile for this stupid pose. I don't like it, but ok. "Now, for the second." Another one!? Seriously!? "Sister, I need you to lay on the ground. No, no, on your side. Everyone else take a knee behind her. Daddy, Brother, get on either side of Mother." The pissed off factor is starting to rise. This is getting a little ridiculous. Taking a knee with a ski boot on is not a very easy task to do. Plus as we've gone over in the past, taking a knee pretty much sucks. Not comfortable, knee gets wet, and looks stupid. This picture only received a half smile.

"Ok, ok, for the last pose we need Daddy to lay on the snow on his tummy." Holy crap! I know where this is going. The pissed off factor is going through the roof now. "Brother, you do the same. Lay down right beside Daddy." My reaction is to just stare off at the mountains like I'm a deaf kid. "Brother, I'm going to need you to lay on the snow next to your Dad." "Uhh..." You're never getting this frown to turn upside down now. "Ok, Mother I need you on top of Daddy." Ok...hang on...time out. No dirty thoughts here. This is just a family picture pose. "Sister, you do the same to Brother." I'm on the snow with my sister sitting on top of me while dad and I have are hands on top of my ski which is right in front of us. I'm pretty sure snow is melting all around because I'm ticked off to the nth power. "Ok, Brother I'm going to need you to smile. 1...2...Brother, smile." People are coming off the ski lift enjoying a great laugh and taking their own pictures of us. Thank goodness I'm wearing these cheap sunglasses and no one will ever recognize me. "We'll be finished as soon as Brother smiles. 1...Brother I'm gonna need you to smile." She finally gave up. I put my skis on and left. Didn't see the rest of the family till lunch that afternoon.

Why must people talk louder on cell phones than office phones?

People who write about their blog in their blog are idiots. My blog is too good to do anything like that. I would never write about my blog in my blog.

Was that post make any sense? Don't answer that.

In honor of the using steroids. Who is the only pitcher to win six Cy Young Awards?

Last entry's answer was USA/Mexico.

skiing up hill

Skiing was awesome. With a capital a. The new skis pretty much made me one of the elite skiers on the mountain. Since I was going so fast no one could admire how awesome the new skis looked. Except for that ski lift operator. "Sweet skis man. How are they?" "They ski," I said.

I was only jealous two times during the entire trip. The first was when the roommate texted me to tell me he was having crawfish. I told him I was eating snow. Think he got jealous then. The second was when I didn't get to ride the lift with that good looking snowboarder chick. Instead, I got the two old married locals. Who sat on either side of me. Couldn't sit to just one side but had to split me. I felt like a third wheel for a few minutes.

My sister had fun playing with the icicles. At one point I caught her making sword noises. She's in her twenties.

I never in my entire life knew that blowing up an inner tube and sliding down a snow covered hill on top of it could be so much fun. I probably reached mach 1.43 in about 13 feet. After the short ride down the hill I had to hike a marathon with 30 lbs of snow around my ankles back up the mountain to repeat the excitement. It was like having a birthday party and being sent to the principals office all wrapped into one sweet package. My lungs would like to give an unthank you to the Rocky Mountains for having such thin air.

Wart removal: What an annoying task. This is my first wart in the history of my life and it has become quite the pain in the rear to get rid of it. Not only does the medication I put on it start to destroy the wart it makes the skin around the wart peel. I'm never playing with frogs again.

Working on Saturday is the pits. After working here for six full months I receive my first 40 hours of vacation time. After working the full year I get my second 40 hours of vacation. On February 20 I completed 6 months and was rewarded 40 hours of vacation. Five days later I put those 40 hours to good use. Well, now that I'm working Saturday, 32 hours were put to good use. I didn't do anything at work. It was so quiet in there that I turned the tv on. Duke made a crazy comeback and beat NC State.

While skiing on the last day I was proud of myself for getting in trouble. I got yelled at for skiing too fast. "Hey Buddy! Slow down!" as I skied right through the beginner ski lift line leaving melted snow in my trail.

Now three quotes by unknown authors.

"If you aren't crashing, you aren't skiing." - Author Unknown

"When it comes to skiing, there's a difference between what you think it's going to be like, what it's really like, and what you tell your friends it was like." - Author Unknown

"Stretch pants - the garment that made skiing a spectator sport." - Author Unknown

More to come on the ski trip. Hold your breath.

What two countries are separated by the Tortilla Curtain?

Two entries ago answer was Watt.

i skied in snow

I keep saying, "See ya next year" because I forget that the new year has already come and past. Most people look at me with major confusion, while the other 22 percent look at me like I'm a moron.

Being back from Utah makes me want to cry. Going back to the mountains and skiing would be the most exciting thing ever. Ever.

While skiing I learned a few new tricks. Trick number one: How to Break a Ski Pole. It's actually a lot easier than you think, plus you get to bring home an awesome souvenir. First, find a steep hill with moguls and lots of fresh powder. Next, ski down, almost all the way to the bottom. Finally, find one of those big bumps, get some speed, hit it, lose control and face plant into the side of the mountain. Then you're all set to ski the rest of the day with one and half ski poles.

I think I'm getting sick. Coughing, sneezing, achy, stopped up nose, tired, and weak. I'm going to say that's a cold. Darn, should've went to med school.

Trick number two: How to Fall Off a Ski Lift. Yet another simple trick to perform. This one actually takes place in front on a rather large crowd. It requires no experience but I myself have been waiting since 3rd grade to display this particular unique skill. Find a lift line with approximately 117 people waiting. Get two ski buddies and wait for your turn to load the chair. As you approach the waiting line, make sure the rest of the party is of center and pushing you toward the inside. As the chair approaches don't try to adjust yourself or the rest of skiers/boarders, simply half way sit on the chair. Then, tangle your skis with skier to your immediate right. As you struggle to sit upright while tangling your skis hang on for a short ride. Don't worry, it will be only a short one. As you're hanging on, allow the ski lift chair to reach a height of about 4 feet vertical and 35-40 horizontally further from the starting position. As this desired position is reached simply let go to end the struggle. As this happens you will fall into a blanket of fresh powder snow. People standing line will stare, your fellow ski lift riding partners will laugh, the guy loading skiers will treat you like a newbie, and you will feel like an idiot.

The Friday after my birthday on the way home to Mississippi for Christmas I got two more traffic tickets. One, driving without headlights. Two, failure to get a Texas driver's license. I should just park my car/truck/suv and bum rides everywhere.

Flying at 35,000 feet in a chair that doesn't recline is miserable. So in return I turned my ipod back on after the stewardist told me turn it off becaus we were landing.

How many days can an ant survive under water?

back for a little while

Christmas did me right. Then I paid for it last night by playing Guitar Hero till my fingers bled. They hurt now. The only good to come of this is that the game confirmed that I rock.

That was me skiing two years ago. Hopefully I still have it in me. This will be the first time I've seen real snow in a few years. I'm going to make two snow angels and throw 7 snow balls at my roommate for every person that comments on this post.

Tomorrow I have a flight that leaves at 6:20 am. I'm only worried because I've never heard of the airline. They do have a picture of a brown bear on the tail. Hope the person that sits next to me is a chatter box because I'll be drinking three venti sized coffees from Starbucks in the morning.

I saw a cute girl at the store yesterday so I decided to acquire an interest in the items she was gazing at. She turned out to be very young, freshman in college or high school senior, which I picked up on through various words in our conversation. "Daddy...School...OMG!...Sleep overs...Christmas break" I soon lost interest in what she was looking at.

Last Friday, day after by birthday, I was the recipient of two City of Houston citations. One, driving without headlights on. Two, failure to report a change of address within 30 days. Roberto must have pissed in Officer Harry's coffee that morning.

Be back next year. Happy New Year!!

What British Commonwealth nation has the most people driving on the right side of the road?