holy cow!

The river float was riveting. Best part was loosing the roommate and him having to float most of the river alone. I'm willing to bet money he cried and was probably scared. This better not make all the girls feel sorry for him. I suggest we keep him on a leash next time.

Softball was last night and we won the first and the other one doesn't even matter. I'm willing to bet that one of the teams cheated, because I said so. My performance was just ok. Next week I guarantee it to be the best anyone has ever witnessed in the state of Texas. If not, I'll go shirtless to work all week, maybe.

The giant blow up sea turtle of mine took up almost a quarter of the apartment pool. I didn't care as long as I was able to float and stay dry. All the little kids were jealous of me. One tried to squirt me with a water gun but his mom saw and gave him the look. It didn't work, I still got wet.

What's the most intelligent mammal after man?

Last entry's answer was the dishwasher.

stone cold

Alright boys and girls, take a knee and listen to Mr. Matt. I for one am not a fan of "Take a knee." That is probably one of the most uncomfortable positions ever thought of to take a "rest" in. A large portion of my weight on that one knee while the rest is pressing down on the other leg's shin. Plus you have to keep your back all straight, almost as bad as sitting on a stool in the middle of a room. I will never take a knee ever again. Unless my coach tells me too. He's the only one though.

Someday I want to be as scary as Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Mr. Crest was brushing his teeth in the bathroom this morning. I think that's weird. If I ever had to brush my teeth at work I'll probably use an electric toothbrush. The other bathroom dwellers would be impressed.

Punking my roommate has become an easier task since the invention of the cookie dough pop tart. Warming the pop tart in the toaster fills the apartment with the delicious aroma of freshly baked cookies. He wake ups and smells cookies, I laugh in his face while eating pop tarts. Except this morning. Leaving my pop tarts to warm alone in the kitchen is not a good idea. Soon after he left for work I went into the kitchen to discover there was a bite taken from one of the pop tarts. While I was getting dressed in my bigger bedroom. That's right, I have the master. He stole a bite. Which he describes as a pinch. I'll probably take the batteries out of his remote for this little stunt. Then take all his toilet paper. Who's the fool now?

Stone Cold: You said that Mike Tyson is the "Baddest man on the planet."

Vince McMahon: Steve, it's just a figure of speech.

Stone Cold: [Puts his middle finger in Vince's face] There's a figure of speech, how do you like it?

Getting dressed this morning was quite the task. First, my pants zipper got stuck. Wouldn't budge. It took getting out the tool box to get that thing to work. Yes, I am a handyman. I have no second problem. I really don't know why I started off with a first.

I need to clip my fingernails, but I don't want to be like Hank who clips his during working hours. The whole 4 minutes it takes him to do this homely task, I lose all concentration and listen to the clicking.

"I got a couple of challenges for you. I challenge you to get a decent haircut. Since you're a piece of crap, I challenge you to flush yourself down the commode." - Stone Cold Steve Austin

For the record, wrestling is fake. Period.

What kid's show's interracial cast needed riot police protection during a 1969 trip to Mississippi? They should have just took Steve Austin in my opinion.

Last entry's answer was George Bush.

h is for home

Houston has welcomed me with open arms and a hurricane named Dean. If Dean does come I'm hoping to get off work. Two welcoming parties, mine and Dean's.

Today at Target while stocking up the apartment I saw an old man. His wife was in a one of those motorized carts, just to give you an idea of how old he was. Anyways, he was wearing a blue t-shirt with "I heart hot moms" printed in white. I tried to get my camera phone ready but he turned and casually walked away while keeping his eyes peeled for MILFs. Could've been a nice picture post.

The apartment is furnished and ready to be decorated. Thank goodness this place has an elevator. Thanks go to dad for his continuing back support when lifting couches, boxes, chairs, and beds. Mom held the door like a pro, thanks mom. The parking garage in here is nicer than Utility Al's college house. I'm never taking my car/SUV/truck out again.

Cable will not be hooked up till Wednesday. I'm going to loose myself in some books, maybe. Or better yet, try to impress the Texas girls in the resistance pool or gym. Whatever it takes to keep that school boy figure.

Tomorrow the new job starts. NASA has no idea what they're in for. I'm going to whip that place into shape. Or they might whip me into shape. I hope there's no whipping at all. Wonder if I should wear my new "Don't Mess With Texas" t-shirt. I am a Texan now and you don't want to mess with me.

Take that Dean. How many U.S. states border the Gulf of Mexico?

Last entry's answer was Whitney Houston.