just taking up time

The World Series starts tonight. Nothing better will be on TV so everyone has no excuse for not watching it. Philadelphia vs Tampa Bay. I prefer that the Rays win because we have the same name. Mine being my middle name and their last name. It would make feel proud of that name for the second time ever.

Someone stank up the office building the other day by cooking broccoli. Building managers and other facility heads were worried about toilets leaking and other horrible sewage problems. Little did they know that it was someone just trying to enjoy freshly steamed veggies...Today I had cream of broccoli soup.

Softball was last and we managed to win two in a row. We finally felt what it was like to be champions. I didn't say too much after the game. Words just could not describe how the team felt in that moment.

Why are gum wrappers not cut on a straight edge? Do the jagged edges improve something? They remind me of teeth. Maybe it's designed in case a caveman time warps to 2008. Then he can associate the jagged edges with teeth and then know to chew the contents of the wrapper. Wrigley should be given more credit because of this ingenious idea.

Bought a computer for my bike. It's a piece of crap but it makes me feel like Lance Armstrong. Cruising along at a minimum speed the computer works great and proudly displays my 9.4 mph speed. Kick it up a gear and show off my power, the computer freaks out. I am too fast for this thing. Once the reading is over 11 mph, it looses all strength and gives up. I feel like David Levy.

My back hurts today. I feel that I should get worker's comp on this. If anyone wants to question me then I'll have them sit in my chair for 8 hours and do nothing all day. That would make anyone's back ache or probably something worse.

What Phillies slugger, upon seeing Lake Michigan for the firs time, asked: "What ocean is that"?

Last entry's answer was Whitey Ford with 10.

back from blogcation

I missed it.

While I was gone:

• Survived "Hurricane" number one of the season. Edouard was the laughing stock of the neighborhood. The local thunderstorm a week later showed him up.
  
• The co-ed softball team proved to be worthless by winning only one game all season. Then on top of that, some rather large fellow ran over me at home plate in the last game. I will never cover someone else's position again.
  
• Blogger changed everything on me.
• 21 has remained my favorite number while green is barely hanging on as my favorite color.
  
• The Hurricane Pole is still keeping on.
• Another hurricane is has formed and is heading towards me again. The super awesome NASA Hurricane Computer Bags are coming back out for the weekend.
• Swam in the pool once.
• Wore the same shirt more than three times in a row.
• Mopped floor with my two fantasy football drafts.
  
• Began riding my bike again.
  
• Bought five t-shirts from a website because I kept wearing the same shirt too much.
  
• Cried when the Olympics ended.
  

Tonight is the start of the College Football Season 2008-2009. I have been waiting days and days and days and days for this moment and it is finally upon us. Mississippi State will travel to a little unknown school in Louisiana for what will hopefully/better be win by at least 75 points. If not I will do something out of the ordinary.

"You disgust me" That's what I read on the subject of an email this morning. Thank goodness it wasn't mine. As I was exiting the "Sports Lounge", with coffee, at the apartment this morning I glanced over at some dude's email and that's what it read. He never would turn around so I am still wondering if he was crying or not. He was wearing a blue and white t-shirt in case anyone was wondering.

The new softball season starts in two weeks. I will predict that we will win every game by at least thirte...I mean twelve points. This is not the co-ed team because if so I would predict that we will lose every game by thirteen points.

What NFL team introduced the no-huddle offense during the 1980s?

Last entry's answer was tug-of-war.

holy cow!

The river float was riveting. Best part was loosing the roommate and him having to float most of the river alone. I'm willing to bet money he cried and was probably scared. This better not make all the girls feel sorry for him. I suggest we keep him on a leash next time.

Softball was last night and we won the first and the other one doesn't even matter. I'm willing to bet that one of the teams cheated, because I said so. My performance was just ok. Next week I guarantee it to be the best anyone has ever witnessed in the state of Texas. If not, I'll go shirtless to work all week, maybe.

The giant blow up sea turtle of mine took up almost a quarter of the apartment pool. I didn't care as long as I was able to float and stay dry. All the little kids were jealous of me. One tried to squirt me with a water gun but his mom saw and gave him the look. It didn't work, I still got wet.

What's the most intelligent mammal after man?

Last entry's answer was the dishwasher.

clean your feet

Great news!! I finally got my cup of joe this morning. Took my green travel mug, which I purchased at Target, and filled it up half way. Little did I know that the tall would only halfway fulfill my needs. I was to excited to even care. The cutie who's name started with a D saw my excitement. I hope she thought I looked cool. She asked my name, probably so she'll know to stay away when I come around. Lets hope not. Or either look me up so she can be my friend on facebook.

Day 3 on the road, wreck sightings, 4. I think someone rear ended Pedro. Hope he learned his lesson.

There's a new poll on the blog. I hope everyone doesn't think it is as stupid as the last one. I thought the last one was pretty crappy. This one kind of rocks.

While walking back from the cafeteria this afternoon a wind gust stole my box-o-lunch. Half made it to the sidewalk while the other half was mixed together within the box. Being from Mississippi I just scooped it all up and enjoyed it without a second thought. NASA might rethink their offer.

The new apartment not having carpet anywhere creates a unique color on the bottom of my feet. Burd refers to it as "Walmart Feet." In simple terms, dirty feet.

Softball was last night. Flying back home was an option but I opted not to and it showed. We had a double header and lost both games. I told you the team would crumble without its fearless leader. They probably took up a collection to fly me home next week.

I've noticed a few people have expressed some over excitement about me and Baltimore. Everyone is more than welcome to come to my hotel room. I have a couch.

I believe the post are becoming worse and worse each day. Come back in a week. Soon to come, co-worker complaints. I've already picked out who will be a victim of future posts. Teaser: he wears suspenders.

What is Europe's most mountainous country?

Last entry's answer was Boston.

last day

Today is the last day at the current job. Everyday from about two weeks ago I've been reminded of this day. They have nothing better to do around here. I don't know who's more excited me or the other guys. Today it seems as though I fell into The Gap. New pants and a nice button up. I've never looked so slick before in my life. Hopefully I'll see that Candy across the hall.

Last night we chalked up another win. In fact the other team found out they were playing us and decided not to show up. One of my ex's plays on this team, she was scared. We did however play a pick up game. I hit an over the fence home run, but it was in batting practice. I've never been so proud of myself. Think I'll hit switch from now on. I'm now retiring from the Mississippi co-ed softball coaching for an unknown time period. I hope to have some grand return that will rival Michael Jordan's. Throughout my season and a half I scored a record of 12-4. I expect the team to completely lose all confidence while I'm gone.

Yesterday afternoon I went for a casual run in the neighborhood here at work. I would never wish that on anyone. Today I learned that it was a record high temperature. I'll probably try running again this afternoon.

I like wearing my under armor. It makes me feel like I look cool when I really look like an idiot.

Heart Breaker Dan took me on a date yesterday for lunch. I suggested Mugshots. Mmm, best burgers in town. I hope they read this and give me a discount next time. Tonight the friends I still have left from high school want to meet for dinner. They even let me pick the restaurant. That has never happend before, they probably think I'm paying.

The Houston Move 2007 is Saturday. I haven't packed a single thing. I plan on Mom, Dad, and me wearing matching outfits so that we will look like movers. Maybe I can talk Burd's family (he's my new roommate) into joining in on the matching outfit calamity.

How many Russian cosmonauts have walked on the moon?

Last entry's answer was Texas.

tuesday V

Tonight is my last softball night in Mississippi. Losing is not an option. I can't leave this state a loser, Texas will look down on that. I hope the team throws me a going away party or at least gives me a "Coach of the Year" trophy.

I think I need a new Tuesday post title. Any suggestions?

My past entry has set a record for most comments ever in a blog. Keep up the fine work friends. For those who do not post comments, never come back. JK, I didn't mean that. That was actually mean, I'm sorry. I will never say anything mean to anybody ever again.

My new job is costing me so much money. I hope I can afford to work at this place. Just yesterday I got new stuff from one of those bed and bath places. New towels, rags, floor mats, sheets, shower crap, etc. That's not even everything I'm going to need. I am now taking donations. Click Matt's New Job Cost Him Too Much Money to donate.

It has come to my attention that Google thinks it is funny to place ads advertising single black men. I'm not laughing. Where is that crap coming from? Oh yeah, Paco, no more spanish ads in the comment section.

Old Guy is back along with his bitter ways. Someone just came up to ask if he could turn the air conditioner on in the drill hall. His response was that running the a/c is expensive. Thanks Skinny for the fan. Someone just scared Old Guy, he probably deserved it. His papers fell all over the floor. It was a sight.

Bratty Kid: I want a bicycle.
Jeremy Grey: Listen, a bicycle is going to take a lot of balloons and frankly, uncle Jeremy is a bit tired. How about I make you something else?
Bratty Kid: I just want a bicycle!
Jeremy Grey: Why... why are you yelling at me?
Bratty Kid: Make me a bicycle, clown!
Jeremy Grey: All right, I'm going to make you a bicycle. But I don't want to make you a bicycle.
Bratty Kid: Shut your mouth, funny guy, and make it.
-Wedding Crashers

What state grew to become the second most populous in the U.S. , by 1994?

Last entry's answer was The Masters.

tuesday IV

Last night was softball. We showed no mercy, except when I came to the plate. We were short of 5 team cycles by 5 homeruns and 3 doubles. The defense played flawlessly except for those two plays, which I had no part of, it was all infield. Celebration came in the form of BBQ afterwards. I got it all over my face.

My crush changed again, I have a new one. Her name is Tristan Prettyman but she's really a pretty woman. She sings songs and might play some guitar, I don't know. I just know she sounds pretty while singing to me. I hope she reads this.

I really want a new computer. Mac or PC? Mac does have those commercials I like and they look way cooler than a PC. Which should I choose? Leaning toward the Mac, but being a freakin engineer major I'm willing to bet that the engineering programs will only run on the PC. This leaves me no choice but to figure this out with the Pick-A-Hand game. Those who help will be rewarded. Its simple, Left or Right.

I hate how hard it is to take Orbit gum out of the box.

Booked a hotel for this weekend in Houston. This will be the nicest hotel I have ever seen in my whole life. I should wash my car now. I don't like saying car because its an SUV, but truck doesn't fit either because it's not a full truck. I never know what to call my vehicle. I never want to be the kid who calls it the Xterra. "Come on pals, we can ride in my Xterra." Nope.

Is it wrong that I sometimes just completely tone out someone talking to me? I did it just did a few minutes ago. I need a new poll.

This week I've already won 2 iPod nanos, 1 iPhone, and 3 $50 giftcards to Olive Garden and Red Lobster. I love the internet.

"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." - Mark Twain

What century saw the invention of the shoelace?

Last Entry's answer was Twelve. Each as four petals

tuesday III

Tonight is softball night. It better not rain. I predict that the girls will combine for an .899 average while the guys will bat a cool .750. If these do not hold true I'll probably sell all my softballs to Billy in 4-C.

Yesterday I realized how cool my signature really is. I signed off on some food and paused a brief second to admire how Hollywoodish my "John Hancock," as Old Guy would say, looked. I don't know if that sentence made sense or not. Other interesting Monday adventures:
1. Got an expensive oil change.
2. Had lunch with Father Rob.
3. Sat in waiting rooms for a total of 3.5 hours.
4. Talked to The Girl twice.
5. Replaced the air in my tires with nitrogen. Now I have those cool valve stem caps with the green N2 on them. By the way, green is winning on the poll. I could not be more excited.
6. Let Dakoda (the not so small chocolate lab puppy) eat out of my mouth.
7. Chatted it up with the girl in the window at the bank.
8. Looked up river guiding jobs. I've changed my career path as of yesterday. Not growing the beard for nothing.
9. Made up some Man Codes to help The Girl understand men.

Old Guy is back today. I missed him yesterday. I didn't mean that. Heart Breaker Dan left me here alone with Old Guy. He's probably staring down college girls right now.

My new favorite ring tone that I recently obtained:
"I'll be ready
I'll be ready
Never you fear
No don't you fear
I'll be ready Forever and always
I'm always here"
- Baywatch Theme Song by David Hasselhoff

Ashley. I promised that I'd mention her this week.

Don't look this up. How much time did Jonah spend in the belly of the whale?

Last entry's answer was Switzerland.

kissing

Don't ask about softball...This morning an ant was walking across my desk, I smashed it with my fist out rage from last night's game.

My experience in the restroom moments ago was anything but exciting and regular. I don't mean I wasn't regular. I am regular, but I just didn't need to at that moment. I should change my word usage. The restroom experience was not normal. A random guy in uniform walked in, looked at the wall, then left. I don't understand why. Continuing on, I made my way to the mirror and noticed that the collar on my shirt is rather large. It makes the rest of me look stupid. I'll never wear this shirt again. Maybe I could sell it for $7 on craigslist.com.

That was the worst paragraph ever written in the the history of paragraphs.

Old Guy just slammed his phone down on accident then picked it up to tell whoever was on the line that he was sorry. It was quite the event to hear. Soon after, he yelled my name for me to join him in his cubicle. There he asked if I knew how to do something on the computer, which I pretended to not know what a computer is, because it makes for more interesting instructions. To show me what to do Old Guy says, "Come, look over my shoulder." I chuckled. Apparently they think I'm an idiot when it comes to doing any type of work, especially using the computer, filing, or making copies. They always watch over my shoulder and explain everything in baby steps. I have an aerospace degree for crying out loud. What's that small thing connected to the computer box with the two buttons and wheel??

The girl who I named Sweet Lamb has turned me down for a kissing picture. I've never been turned down for a kiss. I might have made that up. But she did agree to a kiss on the cheek. I think I'll do the quick turn so I'll get the full lip to lip action.

Check this cool thing I found while surfing the web. www.coldpole.com

What interstate highway connects Boston and Seattle?

Last entry's answer was Joseph Stalin.

tuesday II

Tonight is softball. If it rains I will probably have the team come over for a slip 'n slide event. It better not rain, I don't want to have to go buy the stuff for the event. If we don't beat tonight's team by at least 14 points I will give everyone who votes on the poll a five dollar bill. Maybe.

I'm glad to report that the blog is making progress. The poll actually has votes and the very first negative comment was recorded this morning on yesterday's post. Miss know it all wasn't as bright as her mom told her she was. I accidentally corrected the negative post in the comments.

Today is also My Future Wife's birthday. Last year she spat on me because I didn't acknowledge this day. She didn't really spit, but it had the same affects, almost. So earlier I called to make peace and wish her a joyful day.

Three more days till the rafting trip. I plan on taking the video camera and filming Deliverance 2. I'm not even nervous.

"Once there was this kid who
Got into an accident and couldn't come to school
But when he finally came back
His hair had turned from black into bright white
He said that it was from when
The cars had smashed so hard
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm"
-Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm by Crash Test Dummies

I'm getting sick of Father Rob answering all the questions correctly. Who was on the cover of Time most often-Winston Churchill, FDR, or Joseph Stalin?

Last entry's answer was Jupiter.

barbershop quartet

Softball was rained out last night due to the rain. I'm seeing red. That came from thesaurus.com. Which means I'm mad.

Last night I saw Transformers for the first time. I expect to see it four more times. It made me a believer. Megan was my favorite character. Her accent was the greatest thing that has happened to me all year. She'll think the same about mine someday...Utility Al can't know I went to the movie, he'd probably crap a brick. Just two weeks ago I told him the movie was dumb and a waste of my money. So I took a girl from my softball team instead.

Just when I thought that today was a complete waste, Old Guy surprised me with barbershop quartet singing. First he proceeded to inform me of what it is and tell me that there are 35,000 members across the country. He is one. These elderly men compete for the number one international ranking. I want to hear the Swedish group that sings about Dixie. Then came the pinnacle of this one sided conversation, a listening example. I wanted my phone to ring.

Father Rob tells me the questions are way to easy, well that's all about to change. Father Rob will be a dad soon, I asked if I could name his kid. He said ok. This question is borrowed from Moosejaw. What is the best-selling multi-disk album of all time?

Last entry's answer was Mercury.

tuesday

The girl complained about what I had said about her. She obviously wants me to say more.

Tonight is softball. I expect us to win at least 16-2. The team will more than likely hit for two cycles plus some. Anything less will be failure.

I've added a really cool poll to the blog. Hopefully now there will be more hits. A recent study shows that people are more likely to be in a good mood after they participate in similar poles. Just doing my part to make the internet a more family friendly environment.

Last night I played some Scrabble and lost because they told me outta is not a word. I think they made that up to make me look stupid. I'll never play with them again. Today I'm going to read the dictionary so I'll be able to beat them 435 to 3. I'm predicting this whole day will be pretty boring. I'll never get to use my education, except at Scrabble. I'm a working boy, not using my degree at all.

I'm getting a bit sick of the rain. Everytime I clean my car it just rains and results in me getting the floor mats dirty. I give up

Harry: What's with the briefcase?
Lloyd: It's a love memento.
Harry: Huh?
Lloyd: The most beautiful woman alive. Her name was Mary. I drove her to the airport. Sparks flew, emotions ran high, breasts heaved. She left this case in the terminal and flew to Aspen and out of my life. End of story.
Harry: What's in it?
Lloyd: DO you really expect me to go snooping around in someone else's private property?
Harry: Why not?
Lloyd: (Beat) It's locked.
-Dumb and Dumber

Which planet is closest to the sun?

Last entry's answer was Brazil.