Monday, February 25, 2008


I'm skiing this week. Bite me.

Be back whenever. Ok, I didn't mean that. I'll be back on Saturday.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

it's a beautiful day

I figured out the secret on how to start the morning off right. I have never been in such a good mood in the morning. Ever. Instead of waking up on time, I hit the snooze about 6 times. I really like hearing that song "Beautiful Day" by U2 blaring through the phone. Did manage to get a shower without a problem. Plenty of shampoo and man soap. Get dressed. Change shirts, this one is too wrinkled. Get dressed. Change shirts, dang toothpaste. Get dressed. Change pants, looks stupid with shirt. Get dressed. Look like a billion dollars.

Dogs are nice.

On the way to work I was stuck in thick, but moving swiftly, traffic. One cop had single handedly slowed the entire interstate down to the posted speed limit for 15 miles. Finally someone with balls the size of watermelons, courage like a lion, and nerves of steel decided to pass the cop and get on with breaking the law. I single handedly got traffic flowing to normal when I passed the cop going 10 mph over the speed limit. Living life on the edge gives me great joy and stains in my underpants, sometimes.

Driving on the road to JSC I was completely zoned out until the crossing guard at the school started flagging me down. What the crap? Opps, school zone with flashing yellow lights means to slow down to 20 mph, not go 45.

If I ever hear the complete song "Beautiful Day", I'll probably pull all of my hair out. All of it.

New work badge today! Does that deserve an exclamation point? I thought so this morning before I entered building 110. The sign says "Line begins here." "Hey boy, line starts back there." Crap, now everyone thinks I'm an idiot. They'll wonder how I ever got a job at NASA. After waiting in line for 15 minutes and watching the shuttle land it was my turn. I should've just run away instead. After much confusion and nonsense the lady got on with taking my mug shot. "Were my eyes closed in the picture. It felt like I blinked." Badging lady, "No, you look fine." The new picture looks like I'm stoned. Pot smoking, I've got the munchies, stoned. Head tilted back, hair going every way but down, no smile, slight pale/pasty looking skin, left eye almost closed, right eye half way closed, and eye brows raised. Probably the worst picture ever taken in the history of NASA.

Some guy at work plays in a band. He showed me the band's website. Soon after he left I closed the window.

The dentist visit today was such a disappointment. I'll probably never go back again.

What unit of electrical power is equal to one joule per second?

Last entry's answer was Cruiserweight.

Friday, February 15, 2008

valentine's in the future

Got my welcome back to the real world last week. I'm back baby. My text message is on. So far I have sent 323 texts and received 4. Wonder why that is.

Got a new cellular telephone on Monday. The lady at the AT&T store was a complete turd too. She seemed to be ticked off because I didn't know what I wanted. Apparently you're supposed to research this stuff before you come into the store. So after some smart comments back at her, I settled on a phone. It doesn't flip, it slides. I feel so cool. Like I'm form the future or something. Sometimes I fake phone calls so I can look cool when I'm around that girl down the hall.

Three day weekend for me. This is my sentence to thank the past Presidents for giving me a holiday. Go USA!

I actually got a lot for Valentine's Day. First off, someone brought cookies, cupcakes, and candy to work. I pretended they were all for me. At lunch I ate my sandwich that I made for myself. Mmm, it was ok. After work the ski shop had my skis ready. The guy there shook my hand. He was old skier with a loop earring. I felt honored. Lastly, I met some lady friends for dinner and I only ate the free chips and salsa. Previously that evening I had already eaten two bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I love this time of year.

Someone gave me some new workout advice yesterday and I couldn't wait to try it out. It'll have to wait till this afternoon though. I was pooped when I go home yesterday.

Yesterday afternoon I got in my car/truck/suv to find that a small scratch in my windshield had spread to over 10 inches. What the crap! I'm going to blame this one on NASA. They're redoing our parking lot so we have park what seems like 2 miles away. As a result of parking in this specific parking lot the small spot has transformed into a long line. I felt like throwing rocks at everyone's windshield in that parking lot.

"Make a bomb of love and blow it up" - "I Did It" by Dave Matthews Band

Carmine Falcone: What the hell are you?
Bruce Wayne: I'm Batman!
Bruce Wayne: Nice coat.
Homeless Man: Thanks.
-Batman Begins

What boxing weight class is limited to 190 pounds?

Last entry's answer was a net.

Monday, February 11, 2008

burning candles

The only productive thing I did this weekend was to take my skis to the pro shop to have bindings mounted and a wax job. Besides that I did nothing. Except for managing to stab some chain-link fence into my shin. If there wasn't a lock on the gate this would have never happened. Why do people have to be so cruel and protective?

The Roommate made a scene with some old man yesterday. I have never been so embarrassed to be in the same car and truly think that he doesn't deserve to have a capitalized R in the title of "roommate." The old man who was minding his own business and doing his job was slapped in the face with anger and rudeness from the roommate. Doing his guard duties he simply told us we weren't allowed to continue on. The roommate snaps back with rudeness and thought he was a bad ass for doing so. Old Man Guard then proceeds to put him in his place; roommate pouts and drives away talking smack under his breath. I covered my face.

My two cents worth for the day; candles are a waste of money. In the end they just melt.

Spring has come about two months early in Houston. I'm scared to see what lies ahead in about three months. My jackets were a total waste of money in this city. I wore the new one about four times and the down jacket about zero times. What's wrong with this place?

Why does sushi cost so much? It's not like they have to cook it.

Some crew member got sick on station and screwed everything up. Wonder what it's like to throw up in zero gravity?

Valentine's day is Thursday, I'll probably call in sick. Love sick that is. The Girl is taken by another man, don't have to worry about that one. My Future Wife, who knows about her. Coffee Girl is long gone, I only see her a few times. The Ex is an ex. Gym Girl isn't totally out of the question yet. Single Date Girl will hopefully disappear. I always seem to lose every girl at least two months before this day. Is it luck or fate? I'll let you know next year. Mom might like some flowers.

This post has a first ever in the history of "Mom Yelled My Full Name Last Night." A semicolon.

"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love." - Albert Einstein

What was a gladiator armed with, in addition to a dagger and spear?

Last entry's answer was The Deceleration of Independence.

Monday, February 4, 2008

i'm going to disney world

Someone referred to me as a slacker and I took it to heart.

The Super Bowl XLII's presentation of commercials this year really stunk. The game was slightly boring until the last minutes of the 4th quarter. How come no one asked the question, "You've just won the Super Bowl, what are you going to do now?"

More good news. I just bought a pair of skis and now need money to purchase poles and ski bag. So if you have extra money sitting around in your wallet, bank account, or drawers please forward to Houston, or you can catch me at your local ski slope at the end of February. That is if Wolf Creek is your local ski slope and you want to see Texas' best skier. Other wise you're just out of luck and will miss the most spectacular phenomenon since Who Wants to be a Millionaire.

If anyone is ever in the mood to buy me something, I give my permission now to do so right now. Click Matt Can Have Anything He Wants From Me When He Wears His Hair Like That to sneak a peek at what to buy me.

If I could buy my way to Friday I would. Weekends just aren't long enough for my pleasure. I need more of them. If it were up to me there'd be a weekend in the middle of the week. "Ok folks, here's a what were gonna do. Starting this week we will have the first ever weekmiddle. It's going to be a mini version of the weekend but slapped onto Wednesday." Would this ever catch on?

If I could be any superhero I'd be Batman. He drives cool cars and gets all the chicks. Can an astronaut be a superhero?

"(On players' favorite pre-game nocturnal activity) 'I never really understood the strip-joint thing. Why go to a place and get all excited and then have a hard time walking out?' " - Ravens DT Tony Siragusa, Super Bowl XXXV

What famous document begins: "When in the course of human events..."?

Last entry's answer was Austin.