Friday, August 31, 2007

don't ask

I found the "Don't Mess with Texas" t-shirts for sell. I plan on sending some home to my friends. They will be required to wear them whenever they come to visit. I plan on wearing mine to church Sunday.

Lunch today was interesting. Never have I ever eaten Vietnamese food. Is that how you spell it? If not, it is now. Someone from the office asked if I wanted to go. Sure, why not. Anyways, some guy who drives a four-door Dakota truck picked us up. He listens to, no lie, an Elvis impersonator singing Led Zeppelin with a reggae band. How do I know this? He explained in detail about this piece-o-crap cd he owns. At lunch he explained how he enjoyed going to the clubs in downtown and "macking" on the ladies. He's got to be in his 40s. I was instructed not to get married so that I can live the dream and tell them, the married guys, about how much fun it is to pick up the ladies. For some reason I'm guessing this guy goes home and plays video games when Star Trek is not on. My stomach hurts.

Father Rob, Utility Al, no more chatting to each other on the comment section. Call each other.

I experienced the "Everything is bigger in Texas" this morning. I have never heard thunder this loud before in my entire life. I about wet the bed. Made that last part up. God was looking out for me though. If not for the thunder I would probably still be asleep. The alarm clock never was set last night.

The Girl called yesterday evening bragging about how she was in Starkville going to the game. She wants me. That's all I'm going to say about that and the game. I hope she reads this.

What U.S. state had the first 7-Eleven stores?

Last entry's answer was Michigan.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

game night

Tonight is the first football game of the college season. ESPN has a countdown which I'm watching by the second. There is a bet riding on this game for me. If LSU happens to pull a miracle, I have to don LSU memorabilia (crap) on my desk at work. Or when everything goes to plan after Miss St's win, the ex-LSU football player here will proudly show off his new MSU cowbell I'll bring him. Those are my two girlfriends in the back with their backs turned. They're shy.

I hate when I try to blow a bubble with my gum and miss. The gum isn't stretched out to the correct size and when the time comes to blow into the gum something goes wrong because it slips instead. I seriously doubt that sentence made sense at all. It then results in a noise being made that sounds like me trying to make a farting sound. Slightly awkward when there is silence in the room. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does this. Or just don't say anything at all.

This morning my coffee was ruined on the account of my roommate. He bragged about the cinnamon flavor being so good. One shot of that crap made my morning sour. I'll never listen to his advice again.

I hate the maintenance manual author. He puts in a blank page and then tells me that the page is blank "This page was intentionally left blank." No it wasn't, you put something on the page. Why?

"...Right now, it's all about Mississippi State." - Les Miles, LSU Head Football Coach

Hail dear 'ole State,
Fight for that victory today;
Hit that line and 'tote that ball;
Cross the goal before you fall,
And then we'll yell, yell, yell, yell!
For dear 'ole State we'll yell like h-e-l-l!
Fight for Mis-sis-sip-pi State,
Win that game today.
-Mississippi State Fight Song

What Great Lake state has more shoreline than the entire U.S. Atlantic seaboard?

Good Luck Mississippi State. Go to hell Ole Miss.

Last entry's answer was 6.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

bringing sexy back

"What is the #1 most craved food by women?" Click My mom told me not to get tied down with a girl that doesn't have a job, for the answer. As for those of you who did not like the repeat question, it was just a test to see if you're really learning anything. I'm pleased to see that people do listen and learn from my blog. I'm pretty much like an online professor of useless information. I should start charging for this stuff.

Disappointed in the number of people who have never eaten, heard of, or seen grits. I would quote Father Rob's description but it's too formal for me. They're just grits, not pig fat, not a chew substance, and not red. Free grits on me tomorrow night.

Calling a technical support for anything puts me in a bad mood. Lately I've been calling to set up a router that I bought brand new and already needs upgrades. Blows my mind. Why put something on the shelf if it is not ready? So I call and talk to some idiot that barely knows any English and can't seem to understand anything I'm saying. "Sorry sir, I no understand." Is it my sexy southern accent? "Sir, can you say problem is?" I give up.

The people at work say Cozumel (koh-zuh-mel, the Texas way) funny. Apparently my sexy southern accent says it wrong. kaw-soo-mel, that's all I know.

I miss My Future Wife, she's in Mississippi. Thanks for calling this afternoon honey. I'll buy her a plane ticket to come see. Hopefully she'll use it.

Tomorrow night is the Mississippi State vs. LSU kick off! I rang my cowbell for good measure last night at 11:08. Not a specific time for anything, just the time I thought about it. Maroon, White. Maybe I can get some of the med students to quit studying and come join us for some burgers, chips, drinks, and football. Otherwise it'll be me, Burd, and Burd's dad. What a crew. Maybe I'll see coffee girl tomorrow, she would probably be flattered if I asked her to come.

Wonder if NASA will like the man beard? Thinking of bringing it back. Just so much easier not to shave.

Michael Scott: Can I ask you all a question? Do you know what it’s like to be disabled?
Phyllis: I had scoliosis as a girl…
Michael Scott: Never heard of it. No, a real disability, not a woman's trouble.
Creed: When I was a teenager, I was in an iron-lung.
Michael Scott: Wha? How- how old are you? The point is: I am the only one here who has a legitimate disability. Although I am sure Stanley has had his fair share of obstacles.
Stanley: I'm not disabled and neither are you.
-The Office
I have to give so much credit to The Office. It's the reason I have this job. No lie.

Wow, that was a long post.

How many sizes of chicken eggs does the USDA recognize, including peewee?

Last entry's answer was 8.

tuesday VI

Anybody ever heard of Cartel? Didn't think so. Last night I was fortunate enough to be present at their concert here in Houston. They didn't suck. Except for the end where they almost closed with a not so great cover of "Wonderwall." Note to Cartel, don't cover Oasis anymore.

Where is anne onymous?

Whenever I hear a phone ring while sitting at my desk I yell out, "Hello!?" with my Mississippi accent. Helps to break the silence. Hope some one's phone rings in Mission Control.

I made another friend. Congrats go to me. She is the neighbor from across the hall. Can't impress her too much with the mission control, rocket science, or NASA. She is an aerospace engineer herself. I'm impressed. Cool girl with a funny accent.

I think there are a few 1st graders that read this blog. Or just some people who's parents didn't tell them that glue wasn't meant to be eaten.

Neighbor girl from Ohio was introduced to Southernism. Is that a real word? Well it is now. I'll put it on Wikipedia. Last night was Breakfast Supper night!!! The eggs were right, the bacon was crisp, the grits were fine. For those northerners out there, grits are a popular breakfast food in the southern household. Eat 'em, they'll put hair on your chest. I also made my Mamaw's homemade catheads (which are simply buttermilk biscuits for those of you on the other side of the Mississippi state line). They were the best Texas has ever tasted.

I can hardly sit still any longer in anticipation for Thursday night. The college football season kicks off with my alma mater, The Mississippi State Bulldogs. Too bad we play LSU, they've got this mentality that they're going all the way this year. I don't know who told them that. ESPN, Thursday night, 7 pm central. I'll have my cowbell out, ringing it. Hope the neighbors won't mind.

I kept misspelling Thursday in this post. I'm such an idiot. Thusday.

How many fingers does Homer Simpson have?

Last entry's answer was 48.

Monday, August 27, 2007

houston, we're having problems with matt

I have been a very busy boy as of lately. Posting has become extinct this past week. I just didn't want to share my experiences. Others might get jealous.

This past week I found out that I'll be working in Mission Control. I have never ever been more shocked in my life. "Houston, Matt is screwing something up."

I talked to The Girl for almost an hour. She probably misses me so much.

I'm going to be a model! Maybe. Doubtful. At the mall the other day some girl (very pretty girl) stopped me and my roommate and asked if we would try out for some model agency. I swiftly said no. He on the other hand is a sucker for any pretty girl. "You'll never see her again." So as a result of him being a push over I ended up taking a model shot picture. I'm number 82, don't vote for me. It was another government id photo shoot. No smile.

For Burd's birthday I bought him some space ice cream from the gift shop. He giggled like a little school boy.

Sunday I was a painter instead of a sunday schooler. Hope mom doesn't read this. The desk, dvd shelf, and small table all were painted black. The random colors had to go.

Travel plans are set in stone. I fly out on 9-11. If anyone blinks on my flight I will kick their butt.

Still no news from suspenders. I think he heard of the blog and is staying away from me.

Michael Scott: Oh God a minivan. What is Merideth's problem!?
Jim: Well I think she has a kid.
Michael Scott: Yeah, she has one kid, no husband...she's not going to find one driving this thing around.
-The Office

In 1900 what was the average age at death in the US?

Last entry's answer was Switzerland.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

clean your feet

Great news!! I finally got my cup of joe this morning. Took my green travel mug, which I purchased at Target, and filled it up half way. Little did I know that the tall would only halfway fulfill my needs. I was to excited to even care. The cutie who's name started with a D saw my excitement. I hope she thought I looked cool. She asked my name, probably so she'll know to stay away when I come around. Lets hope not. Or either look me up so she can be my friend on facebook.

Day 3 on the road, wreck sightings, 4. I think someone rear ended Pedro. Hope he learned his lesson.

There's a new poll on the blog. I hope everyone doesn't think it is as stupid as the last one. I thought the last one was pretty crappy. This one kind of rocks.

While walking back from the cafeteria this afternoon a wind gust stole my box-o-lunch. Half made it to the sidewalk while the other half was mixed together within the box. Being from Mississippi I just scooped it all up and enjoyed it without a second thought. NASA might rethink their offer.

The new apartment not having carpet anywhere creates a unique color on the bottom of my feet. Burd refers to it as "Walmart Feet." In simple terms, dirty feet.

Softball was last night. Flying back home was an option but I opted not to and it showed. We had a double header and lost both games. I told you the team would crumble without its fearless leader. They probably took up a collection to fly me home next week.

I've noticed a few people have expressed some over excitement about me and Baltimore. Everyone is more than welcome to come to my hotel room. I have a couch.

I believe the post are becoming worse and worse each day. Come back in a week. Soon to come, co-worker complaints. I've already picked out who will be a victim of future posts. Teaser: he wears suspenders.

What is Europe's most mountainous country?

Last entry's answer was Boston.

lead foot

Houston is taking some getting use to. I'm from Small Town, Mississippi which has two red lights in the whole town. Houston itself is bigger than the entire state of Mississippi. Well, almost, maybe not, it could be. Yesterday a wreck on NASA 1, which I personally think is the worst highway in Texas as far as traffic is concerned, slowed me up and made the drive home much longer. I did manage to win the race home against the roommate. Today there were two wrecks on the interstate heading into downtown. That commotion double my drive home time compared to yesterday. Me 1, roommate 1. I'm going to own him tomorrow.

Today's Starbucks adventure ends on a crappy note. I stumble into the lobby to find that the machine is fully stocked with everything and is ready to produce some delicious brand name coffee. There are no cups. I look in every drawer, shelf, and cabinet. The guy in the Michigan shirt saw my temper flair as I threw the pool balls and cue. Ok, I made that up, there was no throwing except in my mind.

I really work at NASA.

I was beginning to doubt the intelligence of Carlos, the facility maintenance man. A request was put in for him to fix our ice maker. I turned the ice maker off because it was leaking water, what any normal person with common sense would do. His maintenance report yesterday was that there was no leak and everything looked fine. Carlos! I'm not going to leave it on to flood my apartment. Where's your head at? He did manage to fix the problem today. We have a new fridge and the doors open in the opposite direction now. Thanks Carlos.

Going back to the wreck traffic on the interstate. Pedro in the pick up truck directly in front of me must have paid the DMV off for his license or either he has a solid lead foot. Heavy on the gas, heavy on the brake. Heavy on the gas, heavy on the brake. Its bumper to bumper traffic. Take it easy Pedro.

Good news, I'm already lined up to travel for the new job. Watch out Baltimore, here I come! I'm staying in the second nicest hotel ever. Thanks new job.

What was the biggest city in America until 1755?

Last entry's answer was green.

Monday, August 20, 2007

bumming internet

My first day of work began with the biggest crick (misspelled that the first time through) in my neck this morning. The dang pain is still here at 7:00 pm. Everyone asked how I was at work, I said "in pain." They probably think I hate my job already.

At work this article made me feel good about my move to Houston.

I have never won anything in my entire life, besides that costume contest, until this weekend. Thanks to drinking about 5 Mountain Dew's while at the old job, I won $25 on Transform Your Summer. By simply being bored and drinking a coke i was rewarded beyond my wildest dreams. Thanks Mt. Dew.

The apartment complex convinced me into signing a lease when they spilled the beans about free Starbucks being brewed by the cup 24 hours a day for all residents. Sunday morning I woke up with a smile on my face knowing I could take the elevator to the lobby and have a nice cup of brand name coffee. The machine was out of beans. This morning I woke up with a smile on my face knowing that I could take the elevator to the lobby and have a nice cup of brand name coffee. The machine was out of filters. Tomorrow morning if I wake up with a smile on my face and no brand name coffee, I'm finding a new apartment.

Today I got my id badge. Be thankful that I don't look like a felon, unlike my driver's license. I positioned myself in front of the camera with a big jolly grin on my face and said cheese. The woman in the blue vest told me there's no smiling for id pictures. I frowned instead.

The blogs are getting shorter due to bumming internet, scared to post at work, and no Starbucks.

Texas Ranger: The teacher asked me what was the capital of North Carolina. I said Washington, D.C.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Bingo.
Ricky Bobby: Nice.
Texas Ranger: She said "No, you're wrong." I said "You got a lumpy butt." She got mad at me and yelled at me and I pissed in my pants and I never did change my pee-pants all day. I'm still sittin' in my dirty pee-pants.
Cal Naughton, Jr: I wet my bed until I was nineteen. There's no shame in that.
-Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

What color is an emu egg?

Last entry's answer was 5.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

h is for home

Houston has welcomed me with open arms and a hurricane named Dean. If Dean does come I'm hoping to get off work. Two welcoming parties, mine and Dean's.

Today at Target while stocking up the apartment I saw an old man. His wife was in a one of those motorized carts, just to give you an idea of how old he was. Anyways, he was wearing a blue t-shirt with "I heart hot moms" printed in white. I tried to get my camera phone ready but he turned and casually walked away while keeping his eyes peeled for MILFs. Could've been a nice picture post.

The apartment is furnished and ready to be decorated. Thank goodness this place has an elevator. Thanks go to dad for his continuing back support when lifting couches, boxes, chairs, and beds. Mom held the door like a pro, thanks mom. The parking garage in here is nicer than Utility Al's college house. I'm never taking my car/SUV/truck out again.

Cable will not be hooked up till Wednesday. I'm going to loose myself in some books, maybe. Or better yet, try to impress the Texas girls in the resistance pool or gym. Whatever it takes to keep that school boy figure.

Tomorrow the new job starts. NASA has no idea what they're in for. I'm going to whip that place into shape. Or they might whip me into shape. I hope there's no whipping at all. Wonder if I should wear my new "Don't Mess With Texas" t-shirt. I am a Texan now and you don't want to mess with me.

Take that Dean. How many U.S. states border the Gulf of Mexico?

Last entry's answer was Whitney Houston.

Friday, August 17, 2007

more packing

I'm officially sick of packing. Looking forward to the unpacking now.

Wednesday night my friends from high school graced me with their presence for an enjoyable dinner. Utility Al even payed for it. He said I owe him a dinner when he comes to Houston. They have a ton of fast food taco joints there. He'll enjoy that. While at dinner I managed to elbow the waiter in the crotch. He startled me and I had a natural reaction to throw an elbow. I didn't get a refill the rest of the night.

Me and some girl named Day had dinner last night. We laughed and had a grand time. I'm going to miss her.

Wonder what Old Guy is doing right now. If I had to guess, he's either sulking over my absence or shutting of some air conditioner somewhere. It did cool down to 99 today.

Tonight is my final night in the Central Mississippi Area. Some friends are coming down from college. Too bad they're not coming for me. It's lake house weekend at the ex's. I was pretty excited about the event till it was downplayed on the phone last night. Supposedly Saturday night is the big shindig. Go figure.

I wrote this post in 7 minutes and it shows. Sorry for being so boring.

This one is relevant. Who was the first female artist to debut on the Billboard album chart at Number One?

Last entry's answer was 90210.

Thursday, August 16, 2007


No time to write, gotta pack.

What zip code was mentioned 301 times in the first five years of Entertainment Weekly?

Last entry's answer was zero.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

last day

Today is the last day at the current job. Everyday from about two weeks ago I've been reminded of this day. They have nothing better to do around here. I don't know who's more excited me or the other guys. Today it seems as though I fell into The Gap. New pants and a nice button up. I've never looked so slick before in my life. Hopefully I'll see that Candy across the hall.

Last night we chalked up another win. In fact the other team found out they were playing us and decided not to show up. One of my ex's plays on this team, she was scared. We did however play a pick up game. I hit an over the fence home run, but it was in batting practice. I've never been so proud of myself. Think I'll hit switch from now on. I'm now retiring from the Mississippi co-ed softball coaching for an unknown time period. I hope to have some grand return that will rival Michael Jordan's. Throughout my season and a half I scored a record of 12-4. I expect the team to completely lose all confidence while I'm gone.

Yesterday afternoon I went for a casual run in the neighborhood here at work. I would never wish that on anyone. Today I learned that it was a record high temperature. I'll probably try running again this afternoon.

I like wearing my under armor. It makes me feel like I look cool when I really look like an idiot.

Heart Breaker Dan took me on a date yesterday for lunch. I suggested Mugshots. Mmm, best burgers in town. I hope they read this and give me a discount next time. Tonight the friends I still have left from high school want to meet for dinner. They even let me pick the restaurant. That has never happend before, they probably think I'm paying.

The Houston Move 2007 is Saturday. I haven't packed a single thing. I plan on Mom, Dad, and me wearing matching outfits so that we will look like movers. Maybe I can talk Burd's family (he's my new roommate) into joining in on the matching outfit calamity.

How many Russian cosmonauts have walked on the moon?

Last entry's answer was Texas.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

tuesday V

Tonight is my last softball night in Mississippi. Losing is not an option. I can't leave this state a loser, Texas will look down on that. I hope the team throws me a going away party or at least gives me a "Coach of the Year" trophy.

I think I need a new Tuesday post title. Any suggestions?

My past entry has set a record for most comments ever in a blog. Keep up the fine work friends. For those who do not post comments, never come back. JK, I didn't mean that. That was actually mean, I'm sorry. I will never say anything mean to anybody ever again.

My new job is costing me so much money. I hope I can afford to work at this place. Just yesterday I got new stuff from one of those bed and bath places. New towels, rags, floor mats, sheets, shower crap, etc. That's not even everything I'm going to need. I am now taking donations. Click Matt's New Job Cost Him Too Much Money to donate.

It has come to my attention that Google thinks it is funny to place ads advertising single black men. I'm not laughing. Where is that crap coming from? Oh yeah, Paco, no more spanish ads in the comment section.

Old Guy is back along with his bitter ways. Someone just came up to ask if he could turn the air conditioner on in the drill hall. His response was that running the a/c is expensive. Thanks Skinny for the fan. Someone just scared Old Guy, he probably deserved it. His papers fell all over the floor. It was a sight.

Bratty Kid: I want a bicycle.
Jeremy Grey: Listen, a bicycle is going to take a lot of balloons and frankly, uncle Jeremy is a bit tired. How about I make you something else?
Bratty Kid: I just want a bicycle!
Jeremy Grey: Why... why are you yelling at me?
Bratty Kid: Make me a bicycle, clown!
Jeremy Grey: All right, I'm going to make you a bicycle. But I don't want to make you a bicycle.
Bratty Kid: Shut your mouth, funny guy, and make it.
-Wedding Crashers

What state grew to become the second most populous in the U.S. , by 1994?

Last entry's answer was The Masters.

Monday, August 13, 2007

sage in bloom is like perfume

The Houston Apartment Search 2007 started off with a bang or maybe it was a yawn. Yeah, it was most definitely a yawn at 4:00 am. I did however get my BK Mocha Joe after stopping at the third (yes, 1..2..3) Burger King. They open at 6, not 5, not 5:30, but 6. Just in case anybody is every up that early in the history of mankind.

Mom's NASA visit turned out to be a little embarrassing. She could not leave that place without having a poster, sticker, patch, and a medallion. I felt like the hillbilly's coming to the big city. Especially when we made our entrance to the valet. I was so in awe that I forgot to put the car in park.

Friday night we took in an Astros game. Thanks Burd. I think my nose is still bleeding.

I now have a new crush. Her name is Candace. I have actually met this one unlike the others in the past. She works at the Ventana at Midtown, an apartment we almost signed on because of her. Ok not really, well maybe a little. I wanted to sign there so she'd have my phone number, I didn't care if she had a ring on her finger. Mom said she lacked a personality, I said she didn't need one.

The hotel we were in all weekend was nothing less than hair-raising, heart-stirring, and spine-tingling. I like how all those words have a hyphen. The elevators took my stomach away every time we went down. I'd curse when some other floor delayed our decent. Cursing also occurred when I saw that my one waffle for breakfast was $11.25. L'Eggo my wallet.

After everything was said and done, I'm the proud owner of the coolest loft in Houston, Texas. Thanks to everyone who wished me good luck, only y'all can come visit, no others. Do they use y'all in Texas? They don't drink sweet tea. Wimps.

Get ready Houston, Matt's coming to town.

"I feel safer on a racetrack than I do on Houston's freeways." - A. J. Foyt

This is for Tiger and his awesomeness. What Grand Slam golf tournament has the most clubhousers sipping mint juleps?

Last entry's answer was Los Angeles.

Thursday, August 9, 2007

treasure hunt

Tomorrow is the Houston Apartment Search 2007 trip. I've never been so excited in my life. Except that year Santa Claus brought me the Ninja Turtles Nintendo game. I think I'm going to make t-shirts for this event. We get to wake up super early in the morning, more than likely I'll be a huge grouch. If I could just get a BK Mocha Joe from Burger King I'd cheer up. My first experience with one was on the Florida State trip and happened to receive it by accident. Stupid drive through lady. Now I'm addicted, so good.

Lately Curb Your Enthusiasm has been coming on HBO a lot. This show makes me laugh. I want to meet Larry David.

Yesterday I washed my car/suv/truck. Wow, it looks good. Almost as good as the day I bought it, but not quite. Dakoda put a few scratches in it, I'm not a happy camper about that. Anyways, I figured I'd wash it before the trip to the really nice hotel. Don't want the valet giving me funny looks. I've never used one before. Small Town, Mississippi doesn't offer too many services in that category. I'll be sure to move the seat really close and turn the volume up.

My blog is worth $6,774.48.
How much is your blog worth?

Thanks to Intermission at Work for the awesome site that gave me a random figure which I was actually happy with. Starting today I'm going to have an auction for my blog, with the starting bid being that number.

For the first time ever I used the home key. It felt great to finally take full advantage of my keyboard. I'll probably never use it again.

What one city must a movie play in to be eligible for an Oscar?

Last entry's answer was California.

P.S. I'll be gone till Monday, so don't come back till then. I might take my computer, I don't know. I don't know what I'm talking about now. Wish me luck.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

breaking stuff

Last night was fiesta night at the house. I cooked tacos and made the rest of my family wear sombreros. Dad did not smile, mom thought it was cute, and Dakoda just stared through the glass door. I can't believe I went to bed early after the festivity and missed the best sports record being broken. I learned of the event seconds ago with an email from Burd. After Barry's second hit, a crummy single, I shut the tube off and went to bed. I'm excited, even while most baseball fans are not. He's a great hitter, even though there is a nasty *. The way I look at it, he's not the first to do it, nor will he be the last, and he's still playing. No one has kicked him out. Everyone cheats, some just don't get caught.

Some guy is going off down the hall. His head is going to explode if he doesn't calm down. He does have a right to be so ticked off. Someone borrowed the double sided tape and never brought it back. I'd be nothing less than irate.

I think Old Guy has screwed something up before his shindig in Orleans. He's in charge of the cooling and heating of buildings. My desk area is burning up while other areas of the office are freezing. His "efficient" plan can kiss my rear end. Thank goodness Heart Breaker Dan gave me an electric fan to use, now my hair will flow in the breeze. The secretary just told me good morning, I didn't think she liked me.

Skinny was saying something about the boy who cried wolf, I was barely paying attention. Then I said, "Who is the boy who cried wolf?" Skinny proceeded to tell me the whole story of the little boy who lived in the Scandinavian village that always cried wolf. I enjoyed his special little twist to the fairy tale.

This morning has had the best music on the radio that I have ever heard, except for that James Taylor Christmas song. I'm thinking of calling Yahoo! to congratulate them on finally becoming good at something. Go Google.

What state leads the U.S. with 15 tons of solid waste per citizen each year?

Last entry's answer was the eighteenth.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

tuesday IV

Last night was softball. We showed no mercy, except when I came to the plate. We were short of 5 team cycles by 5 homeruns and 3 doubles. The defense played flawlessly except for those two plays, which I had no part of, it was all infield. Celebration came in the form of BBQ afterwards. I got it all over my face.

My crush changed again, I have a new one. Her name is Tristan Prettyman but she's really a pretty woman. She sings songs and might play some guitar, I don't know. I just know she sounds pretty while singing to me. I hope she reads this.

I really want a new computer. Mac or PC? Mac does have those commercials I like and they look way cooler than a PC. Which should I choose? Leaning toward the Mac, but being a freakin engineer major I'm willing to bet that the engineering programs will only run on the PC. This leaves me no choice but to figure this out with the Pick-A-Hand game. Those who help will be rewarded. Its simple, Left or Right.

I hate how hard it is to take Orbit gum out of the box.

Booked a hotel for this weekend in Houston. This will be the nicest hotel I have ever seen in my whole life. I should wash my car now. I don't like saying car because its an SUV, but truck doesn't fit either because it's not a full truck. I never know what to call my vehicle. I never want to be the kid who calls it the Xterra. "Come on pals, we can ride in my Xterra." Nope.

Is it wrong that I sometimes just completely tone out someone talking to me? I did it just did a few minutes ago. I need a new poll.

This week I've already won 2 iPod nanos, 1 iPhone, and 3 $50 giftcards to Olive Garden and Red Lobster. I love the internet.

"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." - Mark Twain

What century saw the invention of the shoelace?

Last Entry's answer was Twelve. Each as four petals

Monday, August 6, 2007

beads for bourbon

I'm eager to report that America's favorite color is green. Even if the poll would have chosen a different color The Girl's vote would have trumped it. So eat that blue, orange, red, brown, maroon, purple, yellow, gold, and pink. On a downer note, Old Guy will not be present at work all week. As a result the remaining post for the next 4 days will be painfully dull. He happens to be in the city that is below sea level, New Orleans. I suspect that he didn't pack clothes, but rather a suitcase full of beads. That city will never be the same.

Nothing exciting happened to me at all this weekend. Friday night I rented The Number 23 and watched it by myself in the dark. I cannot wait till I turn 24, the thought of being 23 right now just scares me. Today's date: 08/06/2007. 0+8+0+6+2+0+0+7=23

Saturday night The Girl and I saw the Bourne Ultimatum, she didn't pay. I truly think that there's nothing Jason Bourne can't do. (That sentence has a double negative, I hope it makes sense.) Except beat me up, with his hand tied behind his back while sitting down. My favorite song in the whole movie was at the end while the credits were rolling. Too bad The Girl was ready to leave.

At the vending machine earlier my crackers did not fall. I only thought that happened on tv. When I came back with more money the crackers had fallen and were missing. I hope they were good. I'm hungry.

Beatrice: What on earth was it?!
Edgar: Sugar.
Beatrice: I've never seen sugar do that.
Edgar: Give me sugar...In water...More.
Beatrice: Edgar, your skin! It's -- it's -- just hanging off your bones!
Edgar: That better?
-Men in Black

How many flowers are in the design stamped on each side of an Oreo cookie?

Last entry's answer was yes, for around 15 seconds.

Friday, August 3, 2007


I'm moving to Houston! Last night I went to the nearest western wear shop which was spitting distance away. Spent all my money on a cowboy hat, chaps, boots, spurs, and a nice leather vest. They told me that I'll for sure fit in.

The company that works for NASA called with an offer yesterday afternoon. They wanted to to pay me $1,000,007 annually but I told them it was too much. So we agreed on a deal that includes free Starbucks every morning with a banana. Mmmm. I can have jittery day everyday. They're going to love me. She told me that I'll be working on the design/test team. Working on spacesuits for real live astronauts. I'm taking a pen and paper to get some autographs. Anyone who wants mine can pay me $13. Yesterday after hearing the good news I asked Old Guy if he wanted to come. He said yes, I said ok...just kidding. He did not laugh.

I'm pretty much a sunglasses addict. Hope that doesn't make me sound like a girl. Every time I see good deals on sunglasses online I can't resist. In my mind they make me look cool, I need all the help I can get. I even wear them at night.

At work I've been walking around whistling the Mississippi State Fight Song. I even pause the whistling to spell out the H-E-L-L part. The co-workers love it.

Eugene 'Gene' Davis: Space will never be the same.
-Space Cowboys

I want to thank that question answering fool Father Rob for submitting this question. I love when questions get submitted. This is actually the first time. He thought it was appropriate for the recent events. Sorry for a nerdy question Miss Martini. Can a human survive the vacuum of space without spacesuit? If so, for how long?

Last entry's answer was Good Morning America.

Thursday, August 2, 2007

honk honk

X-Games start tonight. I thought about showing Shaun White up since we're not on snow. Flying Tomato my butt.

Last night I really wanted to watch 300 since I've been pumping the iron lately. Blockbuster for some reason was out, so I had to make a trip to that dreaded Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart just isn't the same as it was back in my college town. No more pretty young women, just rednecks with mullets.

There is seriously something wrong with employees and the restroom here. I had yet another awkward experience while visiting the powder room. Guy in uniform walks in, bends over and looks under the stall then walks out. I'll follow the "Don't ask, don't tell" motto on this issue. The experience does not end there. After washing my hands way longer than the guy next to me, I exit to find uniform guy waiting in front of the door with a big smile on his face. I'm going to hold it the rest of the day. Walking back to my desk after this affair I was behind Trent, the maintenance man. He jumped around the wall of a cubicle into another man's office area. While jumping he flashed the double bird to the man on the phone and proceeded to laugh in his outside voice. I'm going to try that same exact thing next time I walk that way.

For the past week or so I've been on a kick with honking at everyone that is standing outside when I drive by. Something about seeing the super fast wave reaction tickles me. I don't know these people but they think I do. Just doing my part to make the community feel good about itself. Everyone wants to be recognized by a honk and/or a whistle/wave/scream/rock. I can't wait to drive home this afternoon.

Mississippi drivers did not get the memo that the far left lane in most states is considered the fast lane. Grandma seems to enjoy the view over there. Me in my not so sports car like Xterra enjoy driving fast. Get out of the way.

Sorry for not having an interesting post today.

My new favorite blogger, Miss Martini wants some more challenging questions. Try this one on for size sweetheart. ABC issued an email detailing their anti-indecency policy after an intern on which show appeared in Playboy?

Last entry's answer was a cord.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

window screens are useless

Softball was last night. That's all I'm going to say. Besides that I'm not going to coach next year.

Old Guy expressed concern for my beard to another co-worker yesterday. I think its more of a jealousy issue. He's quite impressed that I seemed to grow something from nothing over the weekend. It was really for the past week and a half. Poor man just can't remember past 5 days. Yesterday Heart Breaker Dan showed me an email of Hooter's Girls in bikinis. He was pretty excited about it. I'm willing to bet money that he forwarded it to every guy over 50 in the office.

There seem to be a bunch of girls from Belhaven College's soccer team running on the field outside my window. Stupid screen doesn't allow me to get a clear view. I'm going to constantly keep moving my head from side to side to offset the screen. What a tease.

This past weekend I realized that I now have a man crush on Bear Grylls. For those of you who do not know who that is, poke yourself in the eye or just ask a real man. He is Man vs. Wild. Whenever I'd see stagnate water, bugs, dead animals, dirt, or sticks I'd say Bear would chow down on that. I want to be him right now.

The Bourne Ultimatum comes out this weekend. I hope The Girl will go see it with me. I also really want to see Rocket Science. I'll never be a rocket scientist if I hang around these guys much longer. My education will soon be sucked out and replaced with stupidity.

I've had it everyone getting the answers right except for Burd. His answer was way off. What's the unit of capacity for fuel wood?

Last entry's answer was 3 days and 3 nights.