Tuesday, January 29, 2008

my parking brake slows me down

A lady here at work, well she's in her mid 30's and lady seems like an old person, always says where she is going when she exits the room. I always just say okay.

The inside of my car/truck/suv now smells like lube. Went to the dealer yesterday got a new cd player and had the windows lubed up. Having a vehicle under warranty is somewhat a nice thing. I say this is broken and this needs improvement, then they ask 34 questions, test it out, and give it a thorough look over. After that, then they think about fixing it.

Last night the roommate and I managed to fill the entire apartment with smoke. My eyes, lungs, and nose were all in some sort of pain. We learned a few lessons that we should've learned in cooking 101. If you ever want to blacken fish, make sure you have a hood over the stove or do it outside. Lesson two, never pour melted butter in an extremely hot iron skillet. It tends to smoke a lot. Lesson three, use a pot holder with hot items. Lesson four, cook away from smoke detectors. Lesson five, call the fire department to let them know everything is ok in case smoke detector goes off. The fish did taste awesome.

I need to learn Spanish. The lady at Mr Carwash told me that the parking brake was on in a foreign language. I just said, "Ok, thanks, have a nice day." I felt like a pimp driving my shiny clean vehicle. Ok, I've never felt like a pimp in my entire life. Ever. One point five minutes later, "What the heck is that clicking noise. Where is the get-up-and-go this car/truck/suv used to have?" Dang Spanish language.

¿Entiende el ingl├ęs?

Boring post.

What's the southernmost state capital among the 48 contiguous states?

Last entry's answer was Texas.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

i'm not from here, so don't look at me like that

Tried on some more ski boots yesterday. As I was squeezing my foot into the stiff boot I noticed that my toes were somewhat cramped at the tip. Having my big toe bunched up against the end of the boot left me in a somewhat uncomfortable position. I told the girl that was sizing me and she wanted to argue with me about it.
"Uh, my toes are very crowded, mostly the big one."
"They're supposed to be like that. They're ski boots, not walking shoes."
"Well, this cramping is extremely uncomfortable."
"Skiers like it that tight and the toes should be cramped. You're a Texas skier anyways." What the heck does that supposed to mean? I can't ski and therefore I know nothing of ski equipment.
"I'm not from Texas."
"Where you from?"
"Mississippi."
"Oh..."
"I've been skiing more times than you can count on two hands, so you can bite me."
I didn't buy her boots.

Requests for a dirty picture? Are you serious? I'll see what I can do. Maybe. Hold your breath on it.

It's party weekend now. The roommate will be gone all weekend. Hope it's a wild time like in Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead.

Bryan: Park it yourself, Metallica breath!
-Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead

What state grew to become the second most populous in the U.S. , by 1994?

Last entry's answer was Vermont.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

string cheese

This weekend I was a man. Going against the norm, I actually got down and did some manual labor for a change. Here in Houston, the manual labor has slacked off quite a bit. No need for it. Everything is now done on a computer and printed off on paper. Getting hands dirty or breaking a sweat at work has become a thing of my past. Coming home from work doesn't require a shower, that is until I visit the gym. I often miss the days of working outside and getting filthy. Seeing a finished product that looks like an actual accomplishment instead of a finished product that has a signature. Pushing paper, following tedious guidelines, and having hazards with every paper clip is becoming tiresome. Why is common sense thrown out the window? Should it really require four signatures to move a piece of equipment down the hall?

Tonight is the Foo Fighters and Jimmy Eat World concert. It couldn't come at a better time.

Yesterday I got fit for ski boots. They were tight and snug. The guy that sized me up seemed to be upset when I finally informed him that I would not be purchasing boots at that time. He'll get over by next week.

Eating string cheese the stringy way is annoying and slow. I prefer the bite into it method. It shall now be called "just eat" cheese.

Plainview: Are you an angry man, Henry?
Henry Brands: About what?
Plainview: Are you envious? Do you get envious?
Henry Brands: I don't think so. No.
Plainview: I have a competition in me. I want no one else to succeed. I hate most people.
-There Will Be Blood

What New England state was originally claimed by both New Hampshire and New York?

Last entry's answer was Chang.

Friday, January 18, 2008

opps...

Crap, I passed 100 and didn't even notice. My attitude at the moment is to keep on truckin'. So here it is, number 101. What's the next milestone? 1000?

Today's blue jeans are not my favorite. They look stupid on me. If I could take them off now and not get in trouble for not wearing pants I probably would. Then I wouldn't feel so stupid for wearing ugly blue jeans.

Great news for everyone who is reading this. I'll be going skiing again at the end of February. This has been the most wonderful news I have ever heard all year. That includes the news that My Future Wife is coming to Houston.

Lunch today was just ok.

News update. I have completed the easy level on Guitar Hero and am now working to finish the medium level. Only a few things standing in my way. The first is that pesky devil named Lou. He's rotten. The others are the Metallica song and the Muse song. Why do they need so many notes in there?

The last paragraph was lame and I apologize for making you read it.

A few of the Houston Astro's came to NASA today for autographs. They seemed confused when I signed a piece of paper and left. The 3rd baseman was yelling a question at me as I was leaving. I didn't turn around.

Neville: What should I say? You wanna see some infected rats?
-I Am Legend

What Asian surname is shared by 104 million people?

Last entry's answer was 50.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

government issues

Yesterday I decided to send an email to The President of The United States of America. His email address is so simple that I didn't believe it at all. So with the feeling of doubt and fear I went ahead and sent a short, sweet message to president@whitehouse.gov. Since I work at NASA and I myself also have a .gov address there was assumption that top priority would be granted for my position. If not, there should be. Knowing that The President is a busy man I kept the email to only 3 sentences:

Dear Mr. President,
My name is Matt and I work at NASA. I just wanted to see how your day was going. Have a nice one.
Matt

Nothing special, just a friendly hello from a super gnarly citizen. I thought it was nice. If someone I didn't know sent me that same excact message I'd be freaking out with excitement because I've never met another Matt at NASA. Fast forward to mid day today the reply comes in. I actually got an email from the White House. There was an announcement made from my desk. Little did I know that the email was very disappointing. It wasn't even from The President:

On behalf of President Bush, thank you for your correspondence.
We appreciate hearing your views and welcome your suggestions.
Due to the large volume of e-mail received, the White House cannot respond to every message.
Thank you again for taking the time to write.

Whatever.

Called the court this morning to check the status of my two traffic tickets. The two I got on the way to Mississippi on the day after my birthday. Who would've thought driving without headlights in Houston with a Mississippi driver's license would get you two tickets. Anyways, the DA dismissed them because he knows what's up.

How many U.S. states took part in the development or manufacture of the B-2 bomber?

Last entry's answer was Asia.

Monday, January 14, 2008

short sentences

It's Monday. Booo.

I saw I Am Legend this weekend and it didn't suck. Sam was my favorite character and I almost cried.

If I could go back in time I would go back to this morning. There's no way I would've wore a sweater today with what knowledge I have now.

I hate buying garbage bags. All I do is throw them away.

Word on the streets is that I might be going skiing again in February. I came close to giving a total stranger a high five. Never have I ever been so excited.

Someone made a cake for their decorating class and brought it to work. The icing smells good and the cake smells nice. I was trying to save it till after lunch and it keeps staring at me in the face. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to put myself through.

It bothers me when I accidentally cut my fingernails too short. Getting close to the skin is very uncomfortable and looks hideous. Why does it feel like that? I wish they would grow faster so I don't have to feel like this.

What continent are you on if you're lost in the eastern tip of Egypt?

Last entry's answer was Elton John.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

time to end?

Post number 98. The guy that wears the red shirt every week never thought I'd made it this far. Now he has to wear a pink shirt and white shoes every week. Moving on. Through recent conclusions and monster brain storming I've considered ending the blog at 100. It's been an awesome half a year and what better place to stop than at 100. Quite the milestone. Quitting at my peak. That's probably the first time ever in the history of sentence writing that anyone has ever started two sentences back to back with Q's. Any thoughts on this issue?

Why does stretching feel good? But only the stretch from when you've been sitting at a desk for a while. Not the stretching before you run stretch. The running stretch is such a pain and feels like a waste of time. Don't listen to me kids. Pulling a hammy is no fun. Been there done that. Try running bases or shagging fly balls with a bad hamstring. You'll be riding the pine with no time. I love it when I rhyme.

Nuff said. I think that's a funny term. Nuff said.

Yesterday I daydreamed a total of 2.68 hours. That was a result of being part of a "System Safety Seminar." I got some good stuff accomplished though. In the future I want to learn how to ski like guys in dvds, design a pair of skis, raise my miles per gallon, get a cool haircut, and listen to XMU channel 43 more.

Yesterday I got annoyed very quickly. Every 74 steps I took, one shoe would come untied. "Hey guys, wait up. I have to tie my shoe again." "That Matt can't seem to perform the rabbit down the hole trick very well these days. Just wait up on him." Unthank you Mr Madden for putting crappy shoe laces on your shoes. From now on it's velcro for me.

Who was the top-selling album artist of the 1970s, according to Billboard?

Last entry's answer was five.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

some more thanks

The SEC has done it again, another National Championship. I want to thank my neighbor, the Ohio State fan, for letting me know how good Ohio State was throughout their sub-par season schedule. Thank you SEC for being the best conference and being able to walk on water. LSU owes Mississippi State a huge thank you for allowing them to beat us and hence giving them a shot at the National Championship. You're welcome, from Bulldog nation.

I got sick of the replay advertisements throughout the game last night. I don't care about the movie Jumper while I'm watching a football game. Bite me.

Thank you XM Newsletter email for introducing me to my new crush. She was presented in the form of an electronic letter. Her name is Ashley Tisdale and she is probably a big fan of NASA. If not, she is now. I hope.

Someone told me that I wasn't very nice. I think they're a liar.

This week I've been dreaming about skiing, snow, and ski lifts way too much. Thank you Utah for fulfilling my wildest dreams. I will soon return to the Rocky Mountains. If anyone who lives in the Rockies reads this and is in need of an aerospace engineer please contact me as soon as possible.

Does "As soon as possible" mean right now? I was the recipient of two unpleasantly read e-mails for use of this very term. Apparently, "As soon as possible" raises a few eye brows with the guys of NASA. They don't seem to have time to sign off on my flight hardware when I say "As soon as possible." I want to give an unthanks to the guy who first coined this phrase.

Last night I woke up at 3:43 a.m. and drank a whole bottle of water. My sheets were thrown everywhere. I'm glad no one walked in on me and saw this mess.

How many years must a player be retired to be eligible for the Pro Football Hall of Fame?

Last entry's answer was two days.

Friday, January 4, 2008

i skied in snow

I keep saying, "See ya next year" because I forget that the new year has already come and past. Most people look at me with major confusion, while the other 22 percent look at me like I'm a moron.

Being back from Utah makes me want to cry. Going back to the mountains and skiing would be the most exciting thing ever. Ever.

While skiing I learned a few new tricks. Trick number one: How to Break a Ski Pole. It's actually a lot easier than you think, plus you get to bring home an awesome souvenir. First, find a steep hill with moguls and lots of fresh powder. Next, ski down, almost all the way to the bottom. Finally, find one of those big bumps, get some speed, hit it, lose control and face plant into the side of the mountain. Then you're all set to ski the rest of the day with one and half ski poles.

I think I'm getting sick. Coughing, sneezing, achy, stopped up nose, tired, and weak. I'm going to say that's a cold. Darn, should've went to med school.

Trick number two: How to Fall Off a Ski Lift. Yet another simple trick to perform. This one actually takes place in front on a rather large crowd. It requires no experience but I myself have been waiting since 3rd grade to display this particular unique skill. Find a lift line with approximately 117 people waiting. Get two ski buddies and wait for your turn to load the chair. As you approach the waiting line, make sure the rest of the party is of center and pushing you toward the inside. As the chair approaches don't try to adjust yourself or the rest of skiers/boarders, simply half way sit on the chair. Then, tangle your skis with skier to your immediate right. As you struggle to sit upright while tangling your skis hang on for a short ride. Don't worry, it will be only a short one. As you're hanging on, allow the ski lift chair to reach a height of about 4 feet vertical and 35-40 horizontally further from the starting position. As this desired position is reached simply let go to end the struggle. As this happens you will fall into a blanket of fresh powder snow. People standing line will stare, your fellow ski lift riding partners will laugh, the guy loading skiers will treat you like a newbie, and you will feel like an idiot.

The Friday after my birthday on the way home to Mississippi for Christmas I got two more traffic tickets. One, driving without headlights. Two, failure to get a Texas driver's license. I should just park my car/truck/suv and bum rides everywhere.

Flying at 35,000 feet in a chair that doesn't recline is miserable. So in return I turned my ipod back on after the stewardist told me turn it off becaus we were landing.

How many days can an ant survive under water?