Friday, May 30, 2008

i need some golden suspenders

Yesterday I ate at Quiznos. The framed certificate on the wall said that it was Daniel Sun's place. I quietly ordered my sandwich and didn't complain about anything.

Today is Suspenders last day. Every time I find a new person to share to the world they end up leaving me. I wonder how Old Guy and Heart Breaker Dan are doing now days. Every once in a while I get an email from Heart Breaker Dan and I become very weary. Opening his email could get me fired. I remember some of the stuff he looked at in his inbox, stuff any mother wouldn't want their son seeing.

Tomorrow is the neighbor's birthday and I asked the girl getting the cake if she would get a cookie cake. I told her the story of how that was the only thing I wanted on my birthday and I didn't get one. It was a world crasher. Well, she didn't get a cookie cake and then went on to tell me that it's not my birthday. There's no reason for people to get so upset about cake. I mean, I like cake. Most people like cake. There's icing, cake, and good times. Cake gets everyone in a good mood. When I'm down, I think of cake and instantly I become excited. There's no need for so much hate. I don't like the cake batter ice cream though.

There is a sign in the hallway next to one of the offices that reads, "This is an office area. Do not congregate in this area. This is a quiet zone." I usually whistle, cough, walk loudly, and knock when I pass by. I've really only done that once and it was an accident. Normally I take a detour to avoid the quiet zone. It worries me.

The piles are really pilling up on my desk now. Suspenders might really be missed. I'm scared. I do have some neat space equipment on my desk now. Ladies will be impressed. Sure wish he would leave me those magical suspenders too.

Check out what I did in my free time over the week. This right here.

What edible comes in crimmini, morel, oyster and wood ear varieties?

Last entry's answer was Ted Williams.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

7th inning stretch didn't do it for me

My mouth tastes nasty right now so I know I have bad breath. I hope that girl doesn't come over here. Surely it wasn't that Santa Snickers from last week that did this.

Home was great! Everyone greeted me with smiles, handshakes, and hugs. That one girl who I wish would've kissed me didn't. She'll regret it later.

I helped the Mississippi Braves win. So far they have stunk this season; that's just what I've heard. In case you were wondering the score was 2-1. I ate some peanuts during the 7th and 8th innings and I didn't sing "Take Me Out To the Ballgame" but did stand up and stretch.

Some random girl on the phone at the bowling alley specifically told me they close at 9. We got there at 7 and they were closed. I wanted to throw rocks at the building but I didn't and kept that thought to myself. Someone probably would've have been scared if I had said that out loud. This happened on Sunday night.

One of the technicians came in and his ringtone was a Coldplay song. I didn't like it. Then I realized that I could play it on piano. So it's just ok now. This happened yesterday.

I just called to get a haircut and found out that my girl has moved temporarily till next weekend. That means I'll have to wait 2 weeks to get a haircut. I finally find someone I like and she's not here for me when I need her the most. I feel totally lost and have no idea what I should do. My world will probably crash now.

How come spearmint or peppermint gum makes drinking cold water hurt? I chew the gum then I get thirsty so I drink some water. Pain!

I held Father Rob's baby girl on Sunday. I have never seen a mother so nervous before in my life. Father Rob didn't even notice because he was preoccupied by other entertaining things on the television. The little baby smiled at me.

Spell check told me that I had a word misspelled but suggested a spelling with the same exact word. I think my computer thinks I'm stupid and doesn't trust me.

What slugger did Boston name its third harbor tunnel after?

Last entry's answer was Bill Russell.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

i've never felt like dancing till now

Sorry for the crappy but for the first time honest post the other day. Everyone got onto me about it and told me I was a dork. I picked a few scabs to prove to them that I was tough.

The guy here at work who is in a band keeps bugging me. Just a while ago he surprised me while I was actually doing real work. "Hey, you listened to my cd yet?" "" He didn't look happy at all about it. Next, he told me I could be on his band's email list. Great, how do I avoid this? Uhh, here's a post it note with my email. I hope I misspelled it. Then he went around to everyone else and got their emails. Everyone looked thrilled. Once back at my desk he made me go to his band's web page. I'm listening to one of the songs now. Mom always told me that if you can't say anything nice don't say nothing at all.

Two of the girls in the office just made an awkward moment. Neither one of them wanted to walk in front of the other so they stood there like two fools motioning for the other to go. I just watched and listened to this stuff on the internet.

I'm going here tonight because it's free and across the street. I hope I start dancing.

Some recording just called me. It sounded like the big black lady from the high school cafeteria telling me to go vote. "Voting is your American privilege. Go vote!" I told her to go away.

All my friends at other jobs get "red flags" when I send them links. I have never heard "young adults" cry so much about not being able to go to websites. So I send them more. NASA is not part of the corporate world and we can visit any website we want. Except Yahoo! Mail.

Yesterday afternoon I overheard two punks talking about getting the mail chute covered up. These two "punks" were actually older people who work here. Anyways, the lady was complaining about the mail chute for some reason unknown to me. I hope I had nothing to do with this complaining. Every time I walk past it I open and shut it. It could possibly be annoying for this woman.

I just ate a Santa Snickers. It was good.

I saw her headin' to the table
Well a tall walking big black cat
When Charlie said I hope that you're able boy
"Long Cool Woman (In a Black Dress)" by The Hollies

This is for the Three Basketeers. Who was the last Boston Celtics coach to lead the team to two straight NBA titles?

Last entry's answer was John Wilkes Booth.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

nothing about nothing

For once in my life I really don't have too much say. I would tell a funny joke but I don't know one. This is going to be bad, but here it goes.

Just go here and don't read anymore.

Work has become tiresome. They have me doing the stupidest stuff now. If only they would've hired that peon to come do my tedious work. Then I could play more games and search the web for stuff like this. Click this link. Or this, click this link now.

Been riding my bike a lot lately. I have never had such a burning sensation in my legs before. That's all I have to say about that.

Yesterday was a day of discomfort. Almost fell in the kitchen and it really hurt my ankle. I swore it was a water spot but I couldn't find any water. My upper (muscular) arms are sun burnt. Sleeping on my side and showering does not feel good. Lower back hurts when I run. Yesterday's running was cut short. Legs burn when I ride my bike. Bike riding was at a minimum. I give up.

Cleaning is such a horrible chore. How do they keep clean rooms so clean? Is it those funny looking socks you put on over your shoes?

Going back to the hometown for the Memorial Day weekend. Dakoda and Angel will probably be the only ones excited to see me, if they remember me. I hope their tails wag.

The girl that sits next to me is on her 4 cup of hot chocolate of the day. Does she not know it's 90+ degrees outside? I'm sweating just looking out the window. I really don't have a window and I made that last sentence up.

I have managed to prove that if you don't read other people's blog they will not read yours.

I really have nothing else to say.

What assassin's diary reveals that he changed his plans from kidnapping to murder the day before he did the deed?

Last entry's answer was vacuum.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

this "rasberry" isn't that fruity

I wonder if these girls have room for a third? I think the one on the left would really dig me a lot. We seem like each other's types. Kind of just a gut feeling I have.

I woke up this morning at 2:30 burning up under the big covers. What heck? Dang electricity was off. Fine, kick some covers off and go back to sleep. Woke up again at 3:30, hot. Then at 4:45 some loud banging, maybe they're fixing the electricity, who knows. 5:30, it's hot! Alarm goes of at 6:10, rolled out of bed at 6:30, still no electricity and I'm still hot. How am I going to get ready for work this morning? So I lit some candles and could half way see to get a shower. What? No water either? This is just great, not only will I be dirty and nasty but I can't even see myself in the mirror to halfway make myself presentable. I did brush my teeth with the remaining water in the sink and got dressed somewhat. Just as I was leaving, the lights came back on. Then I checked out myself before leaving. I look good for a dirty boy. This did allow me to wear a hat to work and made me feel the coolest I have ever felt at work.

I feel stupid now.

Me and ants are no longer friends as of this morning. Especially those "crazy rasberry ants". They really did it this time, and there might not be a return for that friendship. They think they're so smart cutting my electricity. Probably laughing and having a good time right now. Oh how I would love pull their legs off. That was mean, but not, sort of.

McDonalds is giving free lunch today. I'm going. It's making the day go by really slow waiting on lunch.

I check this everyday just in case. Never want to be mistaken of what day it is. Thanks guys!

If I was older in the 80's I'd want to be this guy. Let it be known that I have never had red hair or ever wanted red hair. I think it was rare in the 80's and made you even more of a pop icon than in the 2000's. Also, I'm going to learn that trick the black guy does at 2 minutes and 8 seconds and then the other one at 3:03. I'd probably give my left arm to dance like the blonde haired guy too.

"And when you do kill these ants, the survivors turn it to their advantage: They pile up the dead, sometimes using them as a bridge to cross safely over surfaces treated with pesticide"
- "Ants swarm over Houston area, fouling electronics" by Linda Stewart Ball

What portable device did James Spengler invent in 1907, using a soap box, pillow case, a fan and tape?

Last answer was the Reformation.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

back when the west was plastic

The hallway smells like a magic marker and I keep walking out there. I hope I don't get high from this. Can you get high from magic marker smells in the hall? Could they fire me if I just hangout in the hall and get high from working? I don't know what I should do in this situation. Someone should write a book about how to act when stuff like this takes place. Those would be great Christmas presents.

I went to the Art Car Parade on Saturday. It was probably the most fun that anyone who loves cars and art could ever have. I wish I would've have glued those little plastic cowboys and indians all over my car/truck/suv. My art would be called "Back When The West Was Plastic".

Why does everything cost money? Why can't something just be free? I mean truly free. Powder told me that the free advertisements on tv aren't actually free. They include the price of the free item into the price of the product. So I argued that they don't raise the price of the product when the freebies are thrown in. She said they keep the prices the same and randomly add free stuff in the deal. I think she's crazy and doesn't know what she's talking about. This paragraph has completely confused me and I no longer know what I'm talking about.

I started pushing my hair to the right side of my face since I got the new haircut on Wednesday. I don't mean that hair is in my face, it's just that good looking hair length. Sort of longer than short. (If that doesn't make any sense, sorry, deal with it.) It was time for a change. No one has even noticed and I'm thinking of shaving my head to get some attention around here. If that's what it will take then that's what it will be. Then I'll be more aerodynamic. Running faster has always been something I've wanted to do.

Guy Who Hates Popcorn Smell just walked into the office next to mine and I only heard one sentence from their entire conversation, since that was during the song break. "What's a hooker supposed to smell like?" I wish my music would've come back on a little sooner.

Another peon was in here asking Stink if he had any family in the earthquake and being a very concerned co-worker. I thought it was a nice gesture. Then about 3 minutes into his conversation I heard him ask, "How many digits do you have to dial to call over there?" I turned around and made a smart remark, I don't know if he appreciated it or not. I think I then told him 34 to make up for my smart remark.

"You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress.
Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight"
"Kiss Me" - Sixpence None the Richer

What religious movement began with Martin Luther's attack on the sale of indulgences?

Last entry's answer was The Six Day War.

Friday, May 9, 2008

the sticky is everywhere

Congrats to the younger sister. She got a new job and I'm highly jealous. Utah will now have a new ski instructor. I'm pretty sure she will be calling her favorite brother for advice and ski tips. I now know for a fact that I can ski better than at least one paid ski instructor in the Rockies. Her new job also has it's perks for me. This means more skiing, more spending of money, and more time off from work. I knew buying those new skis was a great investment. Watch out snow, here I come.

I screwed up my orange today. I always cut it with the key chain pocket knife into four sections. Today I cut it wrong. What the heck was I thinking. Now peeling it just made a big mess and I got orange juice everywhere. My desk will be sticky for days now. All my friends at work will probably leave me and I will become extremely bored with myself. Stupid orange. And it wasn't even that good. It was warm.

The phone on my desk is positioned all wrong. Every time I open the draw the phone cord gets in the way. It may seem pointless but it drives me nuts. I should probably put in a request for a cordless phone. Then I could carry it around on my hip or something like that. I would feel hip then.

Dang hands are all sticky. Arms are sticky from typing. Keyboard is sticky. I really hope this sticky doesn't follow me into my my car/truck/suv and then home.

I have nothing more. I'm only wasting space with this small paragraph. This is probably the only time that I have ever wrote a paragraph and told the whole truth.

Plainview: Now run along and play, and don't come back.
-There Will Be Blood

What war lasted from June5, 1967 to June 10, 1967?

Last entry's answer was Delta. I will never repeat another question.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

send complaints to someone else, i don't care

I hate talking to customer support services on the phone. I also hate using the word "hate". Why do the products I buy have people who speak broken English, working their phones? For the most part, I'm a pretty nice guy, so I've been told by my Mom. But when I get on the phone with Hakim from the other side of the world, my bad side comes out. I say words that I never thought existed outside of a ship. I threaten him with threats of hanging up. Call him an idiot and ask him if he even knows what a possum is. Then, I put him on hold and make him listen to country western music. Take that buddy. I'm not sorry.

I'm tired of this nasty smell! Stink really needs to do something about his problem. It's starting to tick me off. One day I'm going to blow up and I'll probably get fired. Then I'll never get another job because everyone in the world will have heard how I yelled at work. My life will probably be ruined because of this gaseous issue.

Click this if you're cool.

I fell off my bike again yesterday. Just when I get rid of the other biking scars, I add new ones. I feel tough.

I got stood up yesterday by the haircut lady. Just for that I'm going to call her a barber. They hate that. She better be there today, or else.

People who walk into my office area, say nothing, and then leave are weird. I make mean faces at them and make them feel dumb.

A friend of mine suggested that I invest in biking shorts. These are shorts that come with extra padding in the butt. I never knew this stuff existed. It's pretty much, in my opinion, an awesome idea for the bike enthusiast. Instead of spending lots of money on a padded saddle, just buy some shorts. The only problem that I'm worried about is how it will make my butt look when I ride past that blonde girl who runs in the park. I think she stares at my butt each time.

Communication was reestablished with My Future Wife yesterday. She texted me and I could tell she was excited. I didn't miss her that much, she can be mean at times.

Guy Who Hates Popcorn Smell never shakes hands. He always only fist bumps people. Is it called fist bumping? Well, it is now. It was a very awkward time when I went to shake his hand and he put a fist out instead. I didn't know what to do. So I just grabbed it. Then two fist grabs later I learned, from an observer's prospective, that he just wants a fist bump. I don't like fist bumping. The last time he fist bumped, he did it harder than what I was ready for. Now I'm ready for it. He's going to get a punch on his fist when I see him again. I hope this doesn't start a riot.

What airline started out as the first crop-dusting outfit to battle boll weevils?

Last entry's answer was the honor.

Monday, May 5, 2008

i hope my shoulder doesn't fall off

Watch out Tiger Woods, Mr. Matt made a little trip to the driving range yesterday and hit $9 worth of balls. It was probably the most fun I had all weekend. I really surprised myself at how far I could hit that little yellow ball. Stead, aim, Boom! While most of the other golfers had nice, good form, I finished my swing like A-Rod rather than John Daley. Always looking for that home run ball. Now my shoulder is killing me. Swinging for the fence ain't easy. It hurts to drive, scratch my head, yo-yo, and work. I will probably fail at everything I do today. People will be devastated.

Yes, I have a yo-yo at work. Suspenders asked me to show him some tricks. I showed him 2 and failed on the third.

These make me laugh out loud. This too. And we'll throw one more in there.

Rode my bike to downtown Saturday and witnessed something I have never ever seen before. Dragon Boat Races!! It was probably the coolest thing I witnessed all weekend. There was a big festival on at the bayou on the north east side of town. I watched and became very jealous that I was on a bike instead of a Dragon Boat. I've already signed up 5 times for the Dragon Boat races in October.

I've called two of my friends and sent them both a text message and I have yet to hear back from either. This will probably mark the end of our friendship forever. He can find a new groomsman. This has ruined everything.

My shoulder is killing me. I can't write anymore on this post. It feels like it will fall off any minute now. That would be horrible and I would have to get a fake plastic arm that won't match my skin color cause I have a tan and sunburn. This might be the end of blogging for me. I'll take it one day at a time. That's the best I can do.

What's a golfer said to have if he is entitled to tee off first?

Last entry's answer were the Marlins.

Friday, May 2, 2008

i put stickers on my planner book

I like how "Good Morning" has been reduced to "Mornin". Me, being a grouch in the early hours, love this shortening stuff. I don't want to talk to you, I don't care if you talk to me, so let's just say the minimum. And for the heck of it, we'll cut one letter off the main word. That'll really speed things up and allow me to continue keeping on. This lazy characteristic works in many other ways too. Instead of "Hey Buck, how's the day going?", I just say "Buck", point a finger at him and continue on. Easy peasy.

What is a "Nut roll"? Someone walking down the hall fairly quickly just said, "This is a nut roll". I am speechless.

I met Coach Sly Croom last night. He shook my hand while talking to someone else. It was amazing. Later I caught him and we put arms around each other for a picture. He didn't smile, I did.

I was just receiving "hot" instructions from Suspenders for a new task. Mid sentence he quit telling me what I need to do and blurted out a few curse words and left. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now. I'll sit here, listen to my music and finish my blog post.

My wallet feels really big today. It's becoming quit annoying sitting at my desk with this large bulge in my back right pocket. I'm sitting at an 3 degree angle almost. Pretty sure I look like a total dork for my awkwardness. I'm thinking of taking it out and setting it on my desk. Hope no one will think I'm trying to show it off in a rude manner. It is brown leather.

Michael Scott: Hey, I thought you weren't supposed to eat anything for a couple hours after you've had a crown put it?
Dwight Schrute: ...They have this new kind of quick-drying bonding.
Michael Scott: Oh? sounds like a good dentist.
Dwight Schrute: Yea...
Michael Scott: What's his name?
Dwight Schrute: (long pause) Crentist.
Michael Scott: The dentist's name is crentist?
Dwight Schrute: Yea.
Michael Scott: Sounds a lot like dentist.
Dwight Schrute: Maybe that's why he became a dentist?
-The Office

I promise I didn't copy anything from this post except that other thing. Probably should have so it would have been a more entertaining read. It would be best if no one read this.

What major league baseball team is sometimes dubbed "The Fish"?

Last entry's answer was dentist.