Thursday, September 27, 2007

pb and j

Everyday I eat the same thing. Peanuuut, peanut butter and jelly, peanuuut, peanut butter and jelly. My mom used to make me sing that everyday at lunch when I was a little kid. First you take the peanuts and smash 'em, you smash 'em, smash 'em, smash 'em. Then you take the grapes and squish 'em, you squish 'em, squish 'em, squish 'em.....It was especially good today. Unlike yesterday when it was only half way good. There are also some Wheat Thins thrown in there for some crunch. Finally, top it off with an apple and some Target brand fruit snacks. Hope I don't miss the school bus back home this afternoon.

The computer got delayed another day. Oct 2.

Today I sat at my new desk for a total of 5 hours. I'm gradually working myself into it. The chair is not nearly as comfortable as the one up stairs. Think I'm going to trade chairs with Beanstalk who I can see when I peak around my monitor. That's right, we have a new guy at work to blog about. I've been missing the others from Mississippi. Heart Breaker Dan, Old Guy, Tootsie, and there was one more. I can't remember what his name was. He didn't play an intricate part in my day dreams. Nor my night dreams. That would be weird.

Looks like I have a case of diarrhea of the fingers today. I try to type really fast so the others in the office think I'm doing real work. Makes me sound professional and busy.

Braves are coming to town this weekend. They are guaranteed one win on Saturday just because I'll be present. The Astros are intimidated by my presence. Did that sentence make me sound like a video gamer? I think it did. I will never use the words intimidated and presence in the same sentence ever again. Sorry that you had to read that. Taking it back 5 sentences, I'm pretty excited to see a win out of the Braves, they need it. I'm wearing my Atlanta hat to a Houston game. Living life on the edge.

Suspenders warned me that he was going to have a mouth full of dirty words. I asked if he would tell me "ear muffs" when he feels it beginning to flow. I don't think he knew what I was talking about. Continuing on he proceeded to inform me that he found a new level of stupidity this afternoon. I think that's a great discovery and what better place to find it than at NASA. We explore space, walk on the moon, travel to mars, communicate with aliens, and discover new levels of stupidity. I'm putting in overtime this week.

Some lady is dancing at another woman's desk right now. I paused to watch the awkwardness.

See I was on the verge of breaking down
Sometimes silence can seem so loud
There are miracles in life I must achieve
But first I know it starts inside of me, oh
If I can see it, then I can do it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it
I believe I can fly
-R. Kelly

How many miles is one light year?

Last entry's answer was the gallbladder.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007


Under careful consideration I have, along with some helpful old man, that my recent blog posts lack the quantity and quality that neighbors, co-workers, a squirrel I saw today, and the world deserves. I need help. Starting today I am taking suggestions on what to write. Please click I want to live where it snows way too much to give suggestions. Helping will only make you a better person, nothing more.

Today is Wednesday, the day my new computer was supposed to come in. Does it? No. Pat, Terry, Glen, and Billy Jean (those are the names of the Apple employees who make computers, if I had to guess) are probably all sitting around in Shanghai laughing because they sent me a delivery notice for Sept. 26 and then changed it merely hours ago to Oct. 1. This iMac better better cook me dinner Monday night.

Last night's trip to Target resulted in new socks, plain white t's, beautiful boxers, pretzels, deodorant, cookie dough pop tarts (still no un-frosted starwberry) and a bottle of white wine. So tonight I will wear my new socks, a plain white t, some beautiful boxers and deodorant while eating pretzels and drinking wine. Probably put on a DVD too.

Things I hate about driving home:
1. Papaw who leaves his blinker on.
2. Mamaw from Mississippi driving in the fast lane
3. Getting sweaty because the windows are down because I'm wishing it was cold outside.
4. Ted on the cell phone.
5. I need gas and am hungry.
6. The school bus full of kids who laugh at me.
7. Short concrete walls to close to my lane.
8. Todd, who gets in my lane while I'm trying to pass him.

I ran into a door today. Also I miss Old Guy and Heart Breaker Dan. I wish my email was working so they could forward me crap.

Greg: Cool. Like what you done with the crib...Oh, L'il Kim. She's phat. P-H phat.
Denny: Yeah, I think these ought a do it. All right, here you go, chief. All right! Enjoy!
Greg: Thanks a lot, Denny. No problem. Oh, and don't worry about the little covert op, all right? I'll keep it on the lowdown.
Denny: Down low.
Greg: No doubt.
-Meet the Parents

Where is liver bile stopped before being released into the small intestine?

Last entry's answer was Calvin Klein.

I've edited this blog a total of 8 times. No more mistakes, I promise. No I don't. Yes I do. Maybe.

Monday, September 24, 2007

need more pop tarts

Tonight is Monday Night Football night because it's Monday. I'm never that excited about Monday nights but tonight is an exception. The New Orleans Saints play those Titans. I couldn't be more excited. Except when Jessica told me she liked me in the 6th grade.

This morning I ate two brown sugar Pop Tarts for breakfast. I wanted the strawberry ones but for some reason Target didn't carry regular strawberry Pop Tarts. They had the strawberry with frosting but I don't like strawberry Pop Tarts with frosting. Think I'm going to write Target an email and explain to them that ever since I was a little kid I never liked frosted strawberry Pop Tarts. Only the regular strawberry ones will work for me.

I want to thank all the Mississippi State football players for earning one single vote in the USA Today NCAA top 25 pole. Also, thanks to that one person out there that gave use a vote. If we can double our votes next week I'll probably faint.

Captain Oveur: You ever been in a cockpit before?
Joey: No sir, I've never been up in a plane before.
Captain Oveur: You ever seen a grown man naked?

What brand of underwear does Marty McFly wear in Back to the Future?

Last entry's answer was St. Peter.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007


Someone needs to invent a word that only half way means thank you. Today I could have used that word 6 different times. It would be perfect to use when someone only half way holds the door open. Or when Art Vandelay asks how my day is while walking away. If anyone knows of such a word or happens to invent this word notify me first and Mr Webster second. I need it more than him.

Tomorrow is a big day at work for me, the rest of the space suit community and NASA. We are conducting a test where supposedly numerous big wigs are coming to check things out and give their two cents. Since this is my test I have to have some crowd control to keep these fellows under wraps. I'm nervous, what if I tell the wrong head honcho to shut up and stay behind the yellow line?

I need something to take up space for paragraph three.

Two more days till the Dave Matthews Band Concert. I'll be counting down out loud all day at work tomorrow and Friday.

Tomorrow night is Fiesta Night September 2007. I couldn't be more excited. Some neighbors are coming, hopefully girl from the coffee machine will come. I still need to ask her. I'm pretty sure she will say yes. Who can turn down tacos, tamales, chips, rice, beans, and sombreros. I can't.

Who was the first pope?

Last entry's answer was Culture Club.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

tuxes and baseball

Bad luck seems to follow me to Minute Maid park every time I go. The Astros lost again. I'm the only one to blame. Sorry Lance, sorry Craig, sorry Carlos. Braves come to town in two weeks, watch out Houston, I'm going to the game.

Today I turned into a real man. I applied for my very first credit card. Finally able to take that fake paper credit card out of my wallet. The edges are beginning to wear down and others are taking notice. I'm so embarrassed.

The Office Season 3 enlightened me on what my car means in Latin. Apparently I drive an Xearth. Probably made up because it sounds stupid.

Proposing at ball games seems to be a new tradition when I'm around. This is the second time I've witnessed some brave man drop to one knee in spit, coke, beer, and peanut shells to begin his journey into wedlock. Here's the scene, Kiss-Cam flies by to encourage old couples into making out and ends on Pedro and Margret with wedding chimes. Pedro calmly sits back while his soon to be wife freaks out and does the deer in headlights look. I don't know what the delay was but he took forever to get down on that knee. Probably having second thoughts. In the end, the fans leave the game with a big L and a newly engaged couple. I love baseball. Wonder if My Future Wife would like that?

Two fellow Houston residents decided to hold up traffic on the way home today. Manuel will now be buying Santiago a new bumper.

Customer: Can I have one of these items that is in a box?
Employee: Of course [retrieves item].
Customer: Can you check to make sure it isn't broken?
Employee: No problem! [Cuts tape and opens box.]
Customer: Great! Now, can I have one that hasn't been opened?
-670 University Avenue
Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island

Who had an 80s No 1 hit with Karma Chameleon?

Last entry's answer was Mississippi.

Monday, September 17, 2007

3:10 to humongous

They rolled out the red carpet for me tonight. Actually it was faded red with some crazy confetti pattern. Pretty ugly stuff if you ask me. Whoever had the responsibility of choosing this walking material really needs to come visit my apartment. I have no carpet and am in dire need of some. The walmart feet every night is getting old. Brushing my feet before putting on socks or climbing into bed tickles. Anyways, back to the main story. I went to the world's largest movie theater tonight? I didn't mean to put a question mark there. How come they spell theater, like theatre? I bet Shakespeare invented that. I never enjoy acting his stuff out in high school. Ok, well it wasn't the largest cinema in the world but I thought it was. The sign in the lobby told me that it wasn't. An escalator took me to my viewing room. Wow! Back home the bookstore had the only escalator in the tri-county area. Way to go Houston, you won my heart.

Why was traffic bad today? If only I could remember the Houston traffic channel on XM.

This week seems to be an exciting week. Kind of. I probably just made that up to make everyone else who works a boring job jealous. If I were the boss I would tell all my employees that this is the best week ever, every week. More bosses should do that. People would be more productive throughout the year. I'll name it the Matt Producer. If anyone every uses this concept please credit me.

Ben Wade: Women will do things you'd never forget.
Doc Potter: They'll give you a disease you'd never forget.
-3:10 to Yuma

What southern U.S. state has no telephones in 12 percent of its households.?

Last entry's answer was Bluff Creek, CA.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

the perfect day

Today has to be the greatest day since I've been in the Lone Star State. Mississippi State beat that Auburn team that can't decide on one mascot. War eagle or tiger? I'd pick muskrat if I were president there. Today I screamed, hollered, jumped, threw things, and swore during the entire ball game. It must have worked, we pulled through with the bad-to-the-bone upset. Only one downfall though, I had to drop $250ish on xm radio just to listen to the marvelous victory. Texas doesn't appreciate Mississippi State sports yet.

Yesterday and Tuesday I turned into a girl. I went shopping and enjoyed spending money. I hope that never happens and again. I'm embarrassed. My Future Wife is jealous that she can't be me during those rare times. It will never happen again this year, except for maybe Christmas. I'm scared already.

As you all know I went to the uneventful state of Delaware this week. Sorry to keep everyone waiting on pins and needles for the much anticipated business trip report. Three nights in a hotel room alone is quite amusing. I watched tv, a lot. Both rooms had sleeper sofas. Since I've never slept on a sleeper sofa I took full advantage of the situation. In fact, housekeeping wrote me a note and told me is was ok to sleep in the big bed. Little did they know, it was easier for me to make up the sleeper sofa. You just tuck that thing in and hide it with cushions. Think I'm going to get one for my bedroom now. Chicks will dig my clean room.

Paragraph four.

The three nights while on the road I busted my chaps and worked hard at cleaning my plate. Didn't want the boss to think I was a wimp and couldn't make a happy plate. Never have I ever eaten three awesomely delicious dinners in a row. Yellow fin tuna, flounder, crab, seafood bisque, swordfish. Who's devoured a swordfish? I have. One day I'm going to row a boat out into the mighty Atlantic, or Gulf and reel me in a ferocious swordfish. Then use him in that fencing class I saw at the mall yesterday.

I hear High Heels upstairs. I hope she has a fun tonight.

Ron Burgundy: Everyone just relax, all right? Believe me, if there's one thing Ron Burgundy knows, it's women.
Brian Fantana: I don't know, Ron.
Ron Burgundy: Guess what, I do. I know that one day Veronica and I are gonna to get married on top of a mountain, and there's going to be flutes playing and trombones and flowers and garlands of fresh herbs. And we will dance till the sun rises. And then our children will form a family band. And we will tour the countryside and you won't be invited.
-Anchor Man: The Legend of Ron Burgundy

I think that's it.

Where was Big Foot first photographed?

Last entry's answer was Chinese.

Monday, September 10, 2007

travel time

I went to Target tonight to get a specific thing and in the end never got that item. I wasted $75 and 45 minutes.

This weekend cost me way too much money. Click Someone told me my brown couch will not go with my black table ofter I already ordered it. Maybe My Future Wife will come sit with me now.

Tomorrow is the almost big trip to Baltimore. I could be excited but I'm only half way excited. I've never stayed in a hotel room by myself. Is that weird? Think I'll ask for more pillows to fill in the space on the other bed.

I hate writing blogs at night. This one could probably be the worst ever. It is the worst. So I'm quitting for the night.

What ethnic group was largely responsible for building most of the early railways in the U.S. West?

Last entry's answer was Chevy Chase.

Friday, September 7, 2007

toilet gossip, kind of

The girl that lives upstairs must be a knockout. The only time I ever hear her is when she wears her high heels. That's where my hottie conclusion comes from, she wears high heels, but only at night, weekend nights. She also has some annoying small dog that has a high pitch bark. Definitely a 10, no doubt in my mind.

NASA people write on the bathroom wall. I noticed this today.

Why don't they make coffee straws without the hole. Trying to drink through that small hole burns my tongue and in the end just ticks me off. If they ever make those coffee straws without the hole please send some to Houston.

Supper didn't happen till 9 freakin thirty last night. I was famished. Pizza ordered at 7:30, Saints game starts. "It'll be ready in 45 to an hour." One hour, 10 minutes later, delivery girl calls, "I'll be there in 10 minutes can you meet me in the lobby?" 25 minutes later, been sitting in the lobby for 15 minutes, I happen to find her sitting in the parking lot waiting on me. What kind of delivery service is this, I walk to your car? "Sorry but we're under staffed tonight," I said ok and proceeded to tell her about my shoes hurting my feet all day. By the way, she was driving a 2 door bmw. Is that normal for Papa Johns? Two quarters and a halftime later I finally get to eat. Then I spill the dipping sauce on the table. Arggg. (Is that the pirate sound?)

Today is Friday.

Suspenders has had me running out with my head cut off trying to write a report. He can usually be found outside smoking or in the elevator. Taking the stairs after a cigarette must be too hard. He's a unique guy. I hope he won't get mad when I wear my new suspenders.

What Saturday Night Live star said he learned how to fall playing soccer in college?

Last entry's answer was hummingbird.

Tell someone else to read this.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

don't get near me

Today I forgot to put on my deodorant. Thank the Heavens I didn't sweat. I've never been so worried about anything in my whole life. Constantly had the underarm check thing going on. Do they smell something stinky? Stinky is such a kid word, I'll never use it again, sorry. Glad I had on an undershirt today, wish it was my under amour instead. I could look half way buff.

Everyone that reads this blog will probably think I'm a slob. I'm really not.

This afternoon after work I went hunting for some new furniture. College crap out, new loft upgrades in. Found a couple of sweet leather couches that were calling my name to come take a nap on. Trouble happens when trying to find a chair, that isn't leather but will match good with the orange wall and the new leather couch. Pat wasn't much help, even though he seemed pretty gay to me. I'm not going back to him again. Much rather see that cute little blonde at the front desk instead. I'll get her to test out the couch comfort with me.

Talked to The Girl last night. She's coming to visit. At least that's what she's telling me now days. I bet she'll faint at the beauty of my sweet man loft. Most girls do. I better use the word will instead of do. Haven't brought too many up lately, ever. I will, soon, don't you worry.

Mystery Girl update. She can cook. It was like pulling teeth to get that out of her though. I asked if she could cook. "Cook what?" Can you cook. 5 more questions later... she can cook.

That's all I have today. Maybe tomorrow will be more exciting. Doubt it though. Oh wait, I did meet two real live astronauts today. I got their autographs. They seemed stunned.

What long-beaked bird needs 1,600 blossoms to get its daily diet of nectar?

Last entry's answer was Washington.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

wearing white after labor day

My holiday was fantastic. The rain was pretty much a drag. Besides that, it was the best Labor Day ever. Today I'm wearing white, just to be different.

Everyone at work thinks it's funny to pass out some LSU comments. I don't laugh.

Just the other day I purchased one of those down mattress pads to put on my bed. Wow, I've never felt a more comfortable bed. Saturday I spend the whole day in it and made the roommate bring me food and open my blinds. Sleeping on the clouds makes me have pretty dreams. Actually I didn't remember any of my dreams. Except for the one that The Girl was in. She went to the beach this weekend and was suppose to bring me back a souvenir. Hope she didn't get me a shell or a sand dollar.

Today The Office season 3 comes to dvd. I've been waiting a full year for this day. Hope my roommate buys it so I don't have to. Tonight I will probably watch the whole season and then sleep at work tomorrow.

I met a new girl, I'll call her Mystery Girl. I know nothing about her. Hopefully I'll be able to call her something else when I know more about her.

One week from today is 9-11 and the day I fly to Baltimore. I'm not scared, I've been running and lifting weights.

Marissa: Just as long as you promise to take it easy.
Frank: What do you mean?
Marissa: You know exactly what I mean. You've come along way since Frank the Tank and we don't want him coming back do we?
Frank: Honey, Frank the Tank is not coming back, ok? That part of me is over. Water under the bridge. I promise.
-Old School

In 1988 which city had the highest murder rate of any in the US? I've been here once. Hope I can go back again.

Last entry's answer was Texas.