Thursday, December 27, 2007

back for a little while

Christmas did me right. Then I paid for it last night by playing Guitar Hero till my fingers bled. They hurt now. The only good to come of this is that the game confirmed that I rock.

That was me skiing two years ago. Hopefully I still have it in me. This will be the first time I've seen real snow in a few years. I'm going to make two snow angels and throw 7 snow balls at my roommate for every person that comments on this post.

Tomorrow I have a flight that leaves at 6:20 am. I'm only worried because I've never heard of the airline. They do have a picture of a brown bear on the tail. Hope the person that sits next to me is a chatter box because I'll be drinking three venti sized coffees from Starbucks in the morning.

I saw a cute girl at the store yesterday so I decided to acquire an interest in the items she was gazing at. She turned out to be very young, freshman in college or high school senior, which I picked up on through various words in our conversation. "Daddy...School...OMG!...Sleep overs...Christmas break" I soon lost interest in what she was looking at.

Last Friday, day after by birthday, I was the recipient of two City of Houston citations. One, driving without headlights on. Two, failure to report a change of address within 30 days. Roberto must have pissed in Officer Harry's coffee that morning.

Be back next year. Happy New Year!!

What British Commonwealth nation has the most people driving on the right side of the road?

Saturday, December 22, 2007

merry christmas

Merry Christmas

Will be back sometime after Christmas.
Last entry's answer was 9:56 am.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

it's my party and I'll cry if I want to...

Happy Birthday to Me.

Today I'm exempt from writing any blog post whatsoever. If that word is misspelled it doesn't matter because it's my birthday.

What time was I born?

Last entry's answer was Casey Kasem.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007


Welcome back to another post.

Bullet points.

  • I'm thinking of changing my ring tone to a fart noise.
  • Why does my title picture keep screwing up?
  • I will never put another poll up again. Ever.
  • I had another pb&j sandwich and a cupcake, which I stole from my roommate, for lunch today.
  • Green is my favorite color.

Why are bald heads so shiny? All other skin on the body has nothing on the shininess of a bald head. What if tops of hands were that shiny?

Backgammon is a stupid game that I don't understand. Putting checkers on a cloth playing board with giant arrows does not equal a good time. It only frustrates me. Try sliding a checker that has groves over felt.

1 more day till every one's favorite day on the calendar year. Then 9 more days till Ski Trip 2007/2008.

Another pat on the back please; day 7 in a row for being on time.

Clark: 'Tis the season to be merry.
Mary: That's my name.
Clark: No shit.
-Christmas Vacation

What countdown deejay intones: "keep your feet to the ground, and keep reaching for the stars"?

Last entry's answer was M and K.

you're my boy blue

Mop Lady strikes again with her big blue, mop looking, pusher broom. It's no mistake when she begins her trek back to my little corner. I can hear her coming like an old lady trying to run with a walker. Once she reaches destination, my little corner of space, she shakes that nasty Cabbage Patch doll head and circulates dust only in my region. Why Mop Lady?? Now I want to take my eyeballs out and soak them in my cup-o-water for a little cleansing. I think I sneezed 8 times in a row then had that irritating sneeze that just wouldn't make it out.

Birthday Countdown 2007 is at 2.

"Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes. Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart!" I heart this song.

If anyone feels like congratulating me, now is a good time. This is the 6th day in a row for being on time to work. I think they are considering me for an award at the end of January.

Someone put a camera on top of the traffic light and continues taking pictures of me when I go under it. I know this because I see it flash every time I speed up and try to stretch the yellow light a few more seconds.

Last night I cooked bacon only because my roommate had already eaten and he loves the smell of it. I also learned that he prefers a tall glass of milk with a steak instead of water or sprite.

"It's that time, Christmas time is here
Everybody knows there's not a better time of year
Hear that sleigh, Santa's on his way
Hip, Hip Hooray, for Christmas Vacation

Gotta a ton of stuff to celebrate
Now it's getting closer I can't wait
Gonna make this holiday as perfect as can be
Just wait and see this Christmas Vacation"
"Christmas Vacation" - Christmas Vacation Theme Song

What two letters are both symbols for 1,000?

Last entry's answer was glasses.

Monday, December 17, 2007

that's all I have to say

I made two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches this morning and now I'm not that hungry. Since I don't want the co-workers to think I'm a wimp will eat both of them. Really wish I wouldn't have put so much peanut butter on that first one.

Someone left a game open on their computer here in the office. I keep hearing outdoor noises. Birds chirping and crows...crowing? Yeah, crows crowing, doing their thing. It's probably that deer hunter game. It reminds me of sitting in the deer stand.

I made it to work at 6:50 this morning. I'm a roll. Working 10 hour days so I can have Friday off. Gotta make it to Mississippi before the haircut lady leaves.

It's time to start the birthday countdown. Three more days till my big day. I hope someone gives me a pat on the back this afternoon.

This weekend I saw a comedian and he wore a blue shirt. He was funny. I laughed a combined total of 12 minutes and 34 seconds.

Mary: Can I help you with anything?
Clark: Oh, I was just smelling - smiling. I was just blouse - brousing.
Mary: For your wife? For your girlfriend?
Clark: Uh... huh? What happened? I, uh, heh heh. Well, I guess it just wouldn't... Oh hee hee, it wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they - HOTTER than they are. Whew. It is warm in here, isn't it?
Mary: You have your coat on.
Clark: Yes, oh do I? How'd that happen?
Mary: Because it's cold out?
Clark: Yes, Yes, it is a bit nipply out. I mean 'nippy out.' What am I saying, nipple? Ah, there is a nip in the air, though.
-Christmas Vacation

Short, stupid post today. I would hate reading my blog if I didn't write it.

What was Miami quarterback Bob Griese the first NFL player to wear in a game, in 1977?

Last entry's answer was 61.

Friday, December 14, 2007

shower games

There's one guy here at work that always speaks to me at the wrong time, and thank goodness it's only one. The only time I see Mr. Awkward is in the bathroom. Carrying on conversations in the bathroom is not the way to strike up a friendship. It smells, I want to get in and get out as fast as possible. No, Mr. Awkward has to talk about the day, ask where I'm from, and then inform me on the recent weather trends in the greater Houston area. First .2 second pause in his speech and I'm outta here. Crap, he caught me, during the exit I had to hold the door open because he continued to talk. Let me do my business and leave. I'm certain there's a Man Law against saying more than three words in the bathroom. "Sup?" You're done, end of conversation, no eye contact required.

It blows my mind at how old astronauts are. We're sizing some up in the lab and they practically hobble in on walkers and wheelchairs. Umm, are you going to be able to float around during that space walk without having a cramp or heart attack? Their hair better not fall out in my suit. Haven't quite understood why they can't be good looking either. Requirement to be an astronaut: Old and homely looking.

Am I a geek?

I tried to play basketball in the shower last night. Empty body wash bottle, glass door, trashcan, basketball season. Add all those together and you get the final shot in the last 1.4 seconds of the championship game, down by 2. Size up the shot...aim...shoot. Brick! I lose. I blame it on still having tight muscles from the work out. Yeah, that's it. I'll never work out again when the body wash is getting low.

Why is "Picture of Matt" dominating the Christmas poll? I mean come on, a picture of me? What's wrong with you people? Can I make an entire paragraph with nothing but questions? Wonder if this has ever been done in the history of blogging? Are we witnessing history in the making or is this just bonkers?

Ellen: You set standards that no family activity can live up to.
Clark: When have I ever done that?
Ellen: Parties, weddings, anniversaries, funerals, holidays, vacations, graduations...

What's the maximum number of answers on a single Jeopardy! show?

Last entry's answer was I Love Lucy.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

christmas singing

Look who's at work super early this morning. I have a picture of Santa hanging in my office that I touch every morning for good luck. It's a truly uplifting experience.

I like how the word "exit" is both a noun and a verb.

Ok, here it goes. Twelve Drummers Drumming, Eleven Pipers Piping, Ten Lords a Leaping, Nine Ladies Dancing, Eight Maids a Milking, Seven Swans a Swimming, Six Geese a Laying, Five Golden Rings, Four Calling Birds, Three French Hens, Two Turtle Doves and a Partridge in a Pear Tree. Whoa.

I'm counting down my birthday starting today. Eight more days. Everyone else should probably join in on this and then send multiple gifts.

I wish I had one of those December calendars that has the chocolates for each day. In college, my roommate had one. Me and the other roommate figured out how to steal the chocolates without opening each day. We took most of the chocolates. He called the store, manufacturer, and supplier about this issue. They only gave him the runaround.

This week is dessert week at work. Earlier I was explaining this bodacious event to Utility Al through email and kept typing desert. He never understood. Anyways, today I brought two sweet potato pies. Mmm, I hope they're gone within a matter of 17 minutes. That would be such an inspiration with the holidays coming up.

Clark: So, when did you get the tenament on wheels?
Eddie: Oh, that uh, that there's an RV. Yeah, yeah, I borrowed it off a buddy of mine. He took my house, I took the RV. It's a good looking vehicle, ain't it?
Clark: Yeah, it looks so nice parked in the driveway.
Eddie: Yeah, it sure does. But, don't you go falling in love with it now, because, we're taking it with us when we leave here next month.
-Christmas Vacation

What was the first U.S. sitcom to be exported to Britain?

Last entry's answer was Albert Einstein's.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

crap, not again

The weekend was lazy. I was late for work again this morning. 10:20 today. Looks like another long night in the office. If anyone wants to get me an alarm clock, that would be great.

Saturday night I went to a church Christmas program that was bigger than any circus I've ever been to. There were elephants and camels in the sanctuary. OMG. That was probably the 2nd loudest audience I have ever sat in where the audience was supposed to be quiet. The girl in font of me dropped her glass bottle, some kid in the back row dropped something about 23 times, there were approximately 457 sick people coughing, sneezing, and snorting, and then 48 crying babies. For the record, I've never been to a circus.

The girl at The Cheesecake Factory was a jerk. Her body language told me that she did not want a tip. I made sure she got her wish. It was a small one.

Christmas in Houston equals hot. So much for conserving energy, I turned on the air conditioner. That name doesn't make sense to me, air conditioner. If I could rename it I would call it a roomerator. That word is derived from the terms refrigerator and a living space.

I think I'm going to buy a new car. Keep the X-terra for when I don't feel like shaving and get a Cadillac CTS for when I wear a suit, shave, and comb my hair. Seriously, I'm test driving one on Friday.

Clark: Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?
Eddie: Naw, I'm doing just fine, Clark.
-Christmas Vacation

What physicist's last words were not understood because his nurse did not speak German?

Last entry's answer was Canada.

Friday, December 7, 2007

finally friday

Ok, who keeps picking pictures of Matt for a Christmas present?

I got a few emails today that just seemed too good to be true. First off, there's a guy overseas who is in the military. It seems he found a ton of money and wants me to help him get it back to the States. He was in the process of raiding a home and then bam, there's a lot of money. He's a solider fighting for our rights and I feel it is my duty to help him. He needs me to send some account info and hold the money till he gets here. I feel like such a good citizen. It keeps getting better. I won a lottery in New Jersey. It's a super small one but still it's a couple thousand dollars. I've never been there but apparently I won some big bucks up north. I'm declaring today my lucky day.

The shuttle keeps being put on delay. If I have to work on a Friday night, Saturday, or Sunday I will scream, yell, and pull hair.

What keeps me keeping on while sitting in traffic is spotting trucks with Nike stickers in the back window. The roommate began this incredibly amusing adventure when he brought home the story of the Nike tailgate. So far I'm in the lead with most Nike sticker sightings. Saw one on my way to work this morning which pushed me past him by one. People will kill for Nike around these parts.

I couldn't be more excited about Friday. On Saturday night I'll be watching a Christmas program at my roommate's parent's church. (I guess you can have two possessive nouns in one sentence.) Time to pull out the Red Santa Sweater. My favorite part is the beard, it feels like cotton balls.

I usually store my Nike Cleats in the covered basket on top of my car/truck/suv. Not any more.

I watched Christmas Vacation again last night. Anyone want to join in next time?
Ellen: Oh Aunt Bethany, you shouldn't have done that.
Aunt Bethany: Oh dear, did I break wind?
Uncle Lewis: Jesus, did the room clear out, Bethany? Hell no, she means presents.
-Christmas Vacation You shouldn't have brought presents.

What country supplies three-quarters of the world's maple syrup?

Last entry's answer was Sacramento.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

can't wake up

I rented a movie at Blockbuster on Saturday night. The check out guy wasn't very nice. He looked to be in his 30s. Of course I wouldn't be happy working there in my 30s. That's no reason to snap at Jr for asking about Pirates of the Caribbean III though. "It's not out yet. It'll be out when it's out." While pointing to the board behind him. Anyways, the most shocking thing was when he told me the days my movie was due back. That's right days, with a S. My movie was due on two separate days, Monday and Tuesday. That's just bizarre.

Thanks Utility Al for the "Being in Your Wedding" present. I used the tool to get my zipper down. It was stuck.

Over the weekend a large number of friends back in Mississippi got together to go out to eat. I wanted to go but didn't. So the best thing I could think of was to send some pictures of myself to Utility Al and get him to print 'em, take 'em to the restaurant. (I like saying 'em instead of 'them', feels like home. I'll never use 'them' again.) He did and posted 'em onto a folder so they'd stand up better. Not only was my picture present but they sat in the chair next to My Future Wife. Apparently she was too over taken with emotion due to my absence to let 'em sitting alone in the chair. She then decided it would be best to burn the picture to relieve the pressure of seeing my beautiful face. I'll be home soon My Future Wife. Please take your mask off when I get there.

I have to stay at work longer than usual today. Once again I couldn't wake up. The alarm went off at 5:45 and I woke up at 7:56. Why can't I just get up? Will someone come wake me up every morning.

Clark: Since this is Aunt Bethany's 80th Christmas, I think she should lead us in the saying of Grace.
Aunt Bethany: [turns to Lewis] What, dear?
Nora Griswold:Grace!
Aunt Bethany: Grace? She passed away thirty years ago.
Uncle Lewis: They want you to say Grace. [Bethany shakes her head in confusion]
Uncle Lewis: The BLESSING!
Aunt Bethany: [they all pose for prayer] I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands/ One nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
Clark: Amen.

I hope this post made some sense. It didn't to me.

What California city did the last Pony Express ride end in?

Last entry's answer was pork.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

picture post

Martini did this so now I want to because I think she's cool. Plus it's an easy post that requires little to no thinking.

Instructions: You must type the answer to each question into a Google Image search, then pick an image from the first page of results.

1. Age at next birthday: 24 (she's kind of hot)

2. Place I would like to travel: New Zealand

3. My favorite place: Good ole Smokey Mountains. I'd kill to be there right now.

4. My favorite objects: Hmm....ipod of course.

5. My favorite food: Crawfish, pucker up.

6. My favorite color: Guess what color.

7. My nickname: This is Matty the Blade. I usualy don't ever have "the Blade" added on but, it does manly up the name. Guys aren't allowed to say Matty. That's just weird.

8. The place I was born: Somewhere in Mississippi.

9. Ideal date: Gotta put her in there somewhere.

10. Where you hope to be in five years: Thinking of giving up the space industry and living in Colorado, Montana or Wyoming doing who knows what. What a life.

What uncooked meat is a trichina worm most likely to make a home in?

Last entry's answer was the Dallas Cowboys.

Monday, December 3, 2007

it's getting hot in here

I hung up a sock for Christmas.

Today I really wish I had invented Powerball. Who decided to start Powerball? "Hey Paco, can I borrow 6.2 million dollars to give away?" Ummm... "No, no, people will pay me money to guess 6 numbers and win the money."

This morning I found a new feature on my alarm clock's snooze. The snooze will turn itself off after so many snooze resets. I was late for work. Again.

In our NASA drawings at work we have to reference materials and parts with a cage code. Each cage code is assigned to individual companies. On my drawing I had to put a cage code in for a specific part. Apparently I made a typo on this cage code, replacing what should be a S with a 5. As a result the new cage code with the 5 was referenced an adult store.
Cage Code 49S503 = NASA Material Store
Cage Code 495503 = Adult Super Store (This is the code I put on the drawing)
One of the head guys brought this to my attention. I asked him why an adult store was in our system. Head Guy said, "Maybe someone needed some lube."

Well after four paragraphs of thinking about I've decided to let you in on the secret. I did not wear the space suit Friday, did not don the suit. Instead I only halfway put it on. Got the LCVG (Liquid Cooling Ventilation Garment, the white garment with the tubes) and the LTA (Lower Torso Assembly) on, waddled over to the HUT (Hard Upper Torso, the chest part) and started sliding my way upward. Got one arm in, the other in, and head, then it ended. I was beginning to get stuck. Wait, was stuck, couldn't go any further. I was thinking to myself, how do these astronauts do this with no gravity? This is tough! After some more pushing and even more pushing, it became obvious there was no way I was going to make it in. "Look guys, I'm not going, it's too small." I mean, I'm not a fat guy or anything, athletic build body type. Broad shoulders, because I do work out, ladies. So I pull out and they went looking for a large HUT, because obviously the medium wasn't going to fit my muscular torso.

Thanks to about 4 of us learning how to size the suit we screwed up my size. I'm apparently a large HUT size. That's right ladies, I've got the muscular chest. So the tech comes back to inform us that the large HUT is gone and in use somewhere else. I'm standing there in the astronaut pants burning up because this thing is freakin hot. That's what the LCVG is for, to cool down the person inside the suit. These things are very well insulated. So I'm told after about 5 minutes of standing there that I can take them off, sweat running down my face like a fat kid trying to wear a space suit. I get everything off, put my clothes back on and go sit in my corner and sulk. Ok, I didn't do that but I wanted to. What a day.

Does that suit make my butt look big?

Clark: Hey, Kids, I heard on the news that an airline pilot spotted Santa's sleigh on it's way in from New York City.
Eddie: [after a pause] You serious, Clark?
-Christmas Vacation

What team hired the NFL's first professional cheerleading squad, in 1972?

Last entry's answer was fear of vomiting.

Friday, November 30, 2007


This post is very much unlike the other posts. Sorry in advance.

So last night around 7:30 me and Miss Elliptical, the new girl I met in the weight room, put in “Ocean's Thirteen,” cut all the lights out, and sit down on the couch to enjoy a nice evening. Roommate was MIA, notice the tie on the door. First time the new couch has had occupants of two. No more flying solo on the sofa.

Not to be gross, but just as things were getting rather intimate we hear a, BANG, BANG on the door. “Oh shit” is what I believe Miss Elliptical said. I peak out the peep hole, but can’t tell who it is because of the dang wreath on the door. I knew that thing would be a pain in butt and make us look gay. I figure it’s one of the neighbors just stopping by trying thier best to be annoying or something. I dash into the bedroom and put some old sweat pants on. Unlock the door, crack open the door and it turns out to be the preacher from the church service on Sunday along with two ladies from the congregation.

"We are the visitees of the ABC 123 Baptist Church visitation group." I’m shocked while standing in the hall, frantically thinking to myself, oh crap… am I dressed decent, is the apartment a wreck (yes), is there anything that they might see that will embarrass the crap out of me (probably), will Miss Elliptical be decent? I’m barely standing in the doorway and they are already asking themselves in so I can’t run inside and check the decentcy very quick like.

They come in and take a seat on my awesomely cool sofa as I start throwing crap behind the chairs and then sit. About 5 minutes later Miss Elliptical emerges from my room. They seem somewhat shocked. "Oh, Mr Matt, is this your wife." Ok, they didn't say that but I was sure hoping they wouldn't. I offered them water and some wine and crackers since this is all we have. They laughed. The whole thing was very uncomfortable for me and especially Miss Elliptical.

I'm pretty sure that Miss Elliptical will change her workout routine from every afternoon about 6:00 to every morning at 7:00 just to be safe. She was a cutie.

What is emetophobia?

Last entry's answer was fear of chins.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

woof woof

Dakoda says hi.

I called Continental Airlines the other day to book my flight to Philawarepragacago. "Where?" Philawarepragacago. "Sir, I'm not sure I understand what you're saying." Phila-ware-prag-acago. "I'm sorry sir but we don't have a flight to that city." Ok, well how about Tuscan? "$1238" Thanks.

Dakoda enjoys waking me up again. She runs and jumps on the bed, searches under the covers for my face and proceeds to lick. I know, I taste about as good as I look. Which is a lot.

I love Jim Gaffigan. He makes me laugh. Laugh a lot.

Everyone should go listen to Demitri Martin right now. Make sure to check out "Guitar Jokes." This strict order is for you Martini.

I haven't figured out how to fully use the delete key on my keyboard and it's somewhat annoying. Unlike the PC keyboard the MAC keyboard doesn't have a backspace key. In it's place is the delete key. There's some way to do a combo of buttons to make the delete key (the backspace PC key) work like a regular PC delete button. So that instead of backspacing the characters to be deleted, you can delete the characters in the opposite direction of backspacing. Confused yet? One day I'll figure this irritating issue out. When I do I'll probably never backspace a character again to delete it.

Suit Test update: Due to recent events at work the test has been downgraded and will be conducted at 1:00. Will still wear the suit but not in full operation. Thank you previous complications. Whatever.

What is geniophobia?

Last entry's answer was the revolving door.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

christmas is coming

Last night we decorated for Christmas. Went to the Target and bought a bunch of randomness from the Christmas section. 2300 mini white lights, 450 fat color lights, 45 colored balls, 3 wreaths (which the girl in the stored couldn't understand me pronouncing), 7 candles, 3 rolls of ribbon, 3 strands of garland, 24 tree decorations, 45 Christmas cookies, 23 candy canes, and 1 tree skirt. Did not get hooks to hang the decorations, tape to put lights in the windows, a door hook for the wreath, extension cords for the lights, or Christmas candy to eat. Is wrapping the door to look like a present a good idea?

Whenever the song "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie comes on the radio I sing it. I somewhat like the song. Don't judge me.

Ever try to sort out the Christmas tree decoration hooks? Pay the extra dollar or two and get the nice gold hooks. The cheap 68 cent hooks come as one single bundle of hooks. It only took me 13 minutes to separate one hook from the rest. 15 minutes later I hung the bundle on the tree and threw the real decorations away.

Space suit update: Friday at 9:00 am.

Stu: You know what the problem is?
Bobby: Yeah, the problem is that I need a change.
Stu: No, no, no. The problem is that I love you too much.
-Phone Booth

What invention for keeping cold air out of buildings in winter was patented by Theophilus Van Kannel in 1888?

Last entry's answer was the Air Force.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007


The other day at work I had a physical. This wasn't by choice but a requirement for work. In order to don (a fancy engineering term that means "wear") the space suit each person is required a physical. Long before this physical, I had heard nothing but horror stories from the fellow coworkers. "Remember, the doctor only has two arms." "Hey Matt, look over here and cough." I never laughed. Anyways, the hour had come upon me before I even had time to catch a case of swamp ass. Phew. The only bad part about whole visit was the part where the doctor told me I was overweight. I laugh and question her. She didn't laugh. Ok then, I'm overweight, how much do I need to lose? "About 20 pounds." Turns out I'm about 4 points on the BMI scale from being obese. I laugh. She didn't laugh. Then she told me to turn my head and cough. I didn't laugh.

New word around the office is that I'll be a test subject towards the end of the week. That's right I'll be donning the real deal space suit. They will be conducting emergency training for the technicians. Which means they'll be jerking me out of the suit extremely quick. I do get to pretend to pass out. Hope I really don't pass out.

My Future Wife must have had a case of IBS last night. When I say I'll call you right back that doesn't mean tomorrow or next week. Keep your phone near because I'll be calling right back. At least most of the time. Whateva.

Yesterday I had a hellacious case of gas. It was slightly embarrassing for me. Many times throughout the day I had emergency runs to the little boys room. Not for number 1, not for number 2, but to release a tremendous buildup of pressure. When it came, it came. I LOL every time too.

What current branch of the U.S. military was a corps of only 50 soldiers when World War I broke out?

Last entry's answer was Rose Bowl.

Monday, November 26, 2007

back to work on monday

Thanksgiving was nice. I ate a lot. Then I ate some more. Hope my doctor doesn't read this.

I wore a sweater to work. Now I'm hot. Sweaters aren't the best choice of clothing. Outside where it's cold they work fine. Inside people turn up the heat and I burn up. I'd take it off but the button up on under is too tight. I feel like a total dork but now I know where the word sweater came from.

Saw My Future Wife on Saturday night. She was as beautiful as always. We went bowling. I won 2 out of the three games. Should I spell out numbers from now on? Utility Al was the only other person to even come close to passing me. He beat me once. Only because he was wearing a button up and I was in a t-shirt. Three of the girls with us were wearing scrubs. I have never in my entire life wore scrubs. My Future Wife's looked the best.

Nurse C informed me that she never wants to be mentioned on her again as Nurse C. I probably just will never mention her again for that.

Oh yeah, Mississippi State won the Egg Bowl. I almost cried tears of joy. Then Coach Zero got fired from Ole Miss. I laughed.

Why does bad odor always linger around? If someone smells good it only last a few seconds. Bad body odor never leaves. It keeps growing. Then once you think it's gone. Bam! Back for more.

This song has been stuck in my head for 2.75 weeks. It's time to share the joy.
"Holiday Celebrate
Holiday Celebrate"
-"Holiday" by Madonna

Saturday night I couldn't quit singing this country-western song. Utility Al loves it.
"So I'm singin'
Elvira, Elvira
My heart's on fire Elvira
Giddy Up Oom Poppa Omm Poppa Mow Mow
Giddy Up Oom Poppa Omm Poppa Mow Mow
Heigh-ho Silver, away"
-"Elvira" by Oak Ridge Boys

Which of the major bowl games is the oldest?

Last entry's answer was London.

Friday, November 23, 2007

egg bowl 2007

Egg Bowl 2007
Mississippi State 17 - Ole Miss 14
That's all I have have to say about that. Also, I haven't quite smiling and I can still hear cowbells in my ears. Feels good.
I was sitting in the middle, wearing a dark green jacket and a gray pullover. I know, I don't have a maroon jacket and I feel stupid about it, but my cowbell was maroon and white.

Will return with regular posts soon.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Feliz Thanksgiving

It's a little late but, Happy Thanksgiving.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

keeping it up

Yesterday was an eventful day. Got the new computer back, slept during most of the daylight hours, and competed in Iron Chef Houston again. Today I begin my journey much like the pilgrims. Except my pilgrimage will take me to the deep south where people eat sweet potatoes, fried turkey, and gravy on everything. I'll also be using an Xterra instead of a wooden ship.

I hate the current wallpaper on my desktop. It's ugly and stupid.

Yesterday afternoon I was a bum. I've only left the apartment once. That was to go pick up my computer. Things I did today:
1. Slept till mid afternoon.
2. Cleaned house. Looks better than the day I moved in.
3. Learned the "Crank dat Souja Boy" dance. Everyone back home will be impressed. Click I taught that boy in the black and white everything he'd ever need to know.
4. Beat my roommate in Iron Chef Houston - Secret Ingredient: Pork Tenderloin.
5. Ate pork tenderloin, mashed potatoes, and string beans.
6. Read some of my new book.
7. Did laundry.
8. Ate two pieces of sweet potato pie. Mmmm. Hope Dr. Physical doesn't find out.
9. Watched National Treasure. Thought about watching The Da Vinci Code. I always want to learn more about the Knights Templar.

Why is folding the fitted sheet so hard? In my entire history of folding the fitted sheet I have not once completed a fold that even comes close to resembling a square. It always turns out to be some sort of rolled up monstrosity. I will forever sleep on a wrinkled bottom sheet. Dear God, send me a wife that can fold. Thank you.

What European city lost 4,000 people to a "killer fog" of carbon dioxide in 1952?

Last entry's answer was Liberty.

Happy Thanksgiving Eve. Hope it's just ok.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

time to go to bed

Hi blog.

When I made the promise to blog everyday I forgot that I had Mission Support in the wee hours of the morning. Crap. I'm tired now and never looked better in my life. Slight bed head, red eyes, no shave, 100% hotness. Watch out ladies, I did catch the gaiter.

There is a guy at work who has a butt cut. Every time I see him I laugh to myself. Hope he never catches me laughing and staring at the same time.

Tonight is Iron Chef Houston in my apartment. It's a new thing that keeps us entertained and feeling somewhat gay. Which is a bad thing. Pretty stupid if you ask me. Anyways, Sunday night's ingredient was tuna. We each prepared our own piece of tuna and seared it on the stove top. Mine for sure was better. Why? Because I'm just better at that kind of thing. I added wine to my marinate. Now I feel really gay. I'll continue this topic no more.

I'm still upset about the loss to Arkansas. I'll probably never get over it till the Bulldogs win again.

Goodnight blog.

What word has appeared on every coin struck in the U.S. since 1792?

Last entry's answer was Jimmy Carter.

Monday, November 19, 2007

monday 1

This might be a difficult task but I'll give it a shot anyways. Starting today I'll be posting everyday. The post will be shorter due to being everyday, and because I'm just not that creative and don't have time for length. I'm willing to put money that this task will only last one day.

I did it again this morning. Woke up late for work. It never fails, when I roll over to see 7:34 on the clock I jump right out of bed. Why can't every morning be like that? Somehow I did manage to make it to work by 8:30ish. I'm fast. Crap...forgot deodorant.

The sweet potato pie left over from the feast on Friday was quickly devoured at lunch today. I've never smiled so big in my life. They really do like it. I won't leave to go to the bathroom all afternoon in fear that they might gossip while I'm gone. Anyone interested in the recipe e-mail me 3.5 minutes after closing this window. Click Matt looks good when wearing red.

Thanksgiving is 3 days away.

Tonight I work the graveyard shift again, 12 - 7:30. I can't quit smiling. There's another spacewalk going on. So for those of you interested, the astronauts will leave the hatch at approximately 5:00 am. I would encourage each and everyone of you to join me during this time of space exploration. Hope I don't snooze out too soon.

What U.S. president installed solar panels on the White House roof?

Last entry's answer was Phil Hartman.

Enjoy the rest of your Monday, starting right now.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

sunday sadness

Today is the beginning of what is supposed to be a good week. As of last night my New Computer broke. It will no longer recognize a wireless signal. So that means, no internet, no blogging, and no fun. I didn't buy a computer to meet friends in the tech support department. Wonder if they would be my friend? So, this afternoon I began my journey to the Apple Store at the Galleria. That excited me so much that I couldn't sleep last night. My appointment was for 1:15. My name gets called at 1:43. At 2:13 the hippie with long hair and a beard tells me that my computer is in need of repair. Well yeah, I didn't bring it in for kicks and giggles. So now they have to special order the parts, because the needed parts aren't stocked in the "back room." Supposedly these New Computers aren't meant to break so soon. Well I got the lucky one. Or as the guy on phone refers to it as a "lemon." I will be computerless for approximately 3-8 days. I feel like throwing something.

Originally I had already typed out another blog post on the other computer. Now the apple techs are probably reading it and making their own inputs. I'll post it later.....ahhh, whatever.

Sorry for such a crappy blog post. The next one or maybe the one after that will knock your clothes off.

What Saturday Night Live cast member left in 1994 after being in a record 153 shows?

Last entry's answer was Antarctica.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

almost thanksgiving

"Thanksgiving Lunch @ Work 2007" is tomorrow. Tonight I have slaved over a hot stove for 5 hours. Ok, well 3.5 maybe. Anyways, it was a long time standing around in the kitchen. I made two sweet potato pies and one large heaping of macaroni & cheese. The second pie is for the dwellers of this apartment. The roommate will probably eat it all in one sitting. He needs to.

I missed tonight's The Office. So now I'll have to watch it at work tomorrow. Wait, scratch that. I've been super busy ever since I did "live blog." That was the worst mistake in the history of mistakes.

I'm pretty sure I would never go to a Celine Dion concert. Ever.

Today I was violated. Technically I wasn't. The co-workers explained it as being violated beforehand. I'm confused now. No details, but I had a physical today. That's all I have to say about that.

I just tasted the pie and OMG. I'm a chef. It will probably knock every one's clothes off tomorrow. I hope Suspenders doesn't eat any. Now the macaroni & cheese is done. It looks PHAT. And tastes delish. That's supposed to be short for delicious.

I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I have a school boy's crush on Erin Andrews. The NCAA reporter for ESPN. She was just on my tv. Ahhhh.

Goodnight short post.

What continent is subjected to the world's largest ozone hole?

Last entry's answer was Campbell's.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

thank you

The Houston Police Department introduced themselves to me Tuesday morning on the way to work. The cop didn't strike me as the brightest law enforcer on the force. After asking him if that was me he caught speeding, his answer was yes, but it lacked some confidence. So I made him show me the radar. Sure enough he pulled out the radar gun to show me some random speed that he probably penciled in on his radar. The gun probably wasn't even real. I said "Whatever." He told me I was going 77 then sped up to 80. Who speeds up when they see a cop car?? He gave me a ticket. I said "Whatever" again.

I finally found a solution to my Orbit gum troubles. There's a new gum on the market called 5. They somehow avoided the problem of gum sticking to the packet. No more hard times with Orbit. High 5. Get it?

Ever since I did "live blog" the other day I have been super busy at work. Someone probably told an astronaut that I wasn't working.

I'm not a fan of the green apple of grape Blow Pops but I eat them anyways. Someone at work brought a bunch of Blow Pops in and now all the good colors are gone. Right now I'm wishing I would have stocked up on the strawberry while they were still around.

Thanksgiving dinner at work is coming up this Friday. I'm signed up to bring Mac and Cheese. Homemade of course. Along with a sweet potato pie. Mmmm. Everyone else in the office is pretty cheap. One guy signed up for mashed potatoes and asked if someone else would bring gravy. Come on slacker, just pick up some gravy at KFC when you get the potatoes. We're engineers, you can afford it. I am thankful for having a Thanksgiving dinner at work and sweet potato pie. That's it. Well, girls too. And the state of Mississippi along with Mississippi State. Probably Dakoda too.

Turk Malloy: Don't change the facial structure.
Virgil Malloy: I'm making you taller. Don't you want to be taller? You're a midget in 34 states. Turk Malloy: Yeah, well, I'm an animal in the other 34.
Virgil Malloy:[turns and stares at Turk]
Turk Malloy: 24. 22.
-Ocean's Thirteen

What company first condensed soup in 1898?

Last entry's answer was Stonewall Jackson.

Monday, November 12, 2007

the return of me

I'm back in Texas. Right now I'm not sure how I feel about that. Mississippi was Mississippi and Texas is big. Does feel good to have my car/truck/suv back while driving around with people that don't know what a speed limit is. The parking garage that I parked at gave me some cookies and water when I left. They made me feel like a V.I.P., first class all the way. Thank you theParkingSpot. That's really how they spell it. If I had a company I wouldn't put spaces between the words either. ComeShopAtMattsRidiculouslyAwesomeBlogStore. Fortune 500 in no time.

Mississippi State Beat Bama, 17 - 12. I made the guy in the sound booth update me through out the wedding. I've never smiled so big for pictures before in my life. Thank you Mississippi State Bulldogs. This blog post is dedicated to you. I hope Kathy still comments.

Dakoda woke me Sunday morning. She's the not so small chocolate lab puppy of mine. I'm pretty sure she missed me.

Watch out ladies Matt is on the prowl. I caught the garter at the wedding. That little boy in front of me didn't deserve it, way too young. Not sure if I want the garter tradition to hold true or not. I'll let My Future Wife worry about that. Oh, she informed me this weekend that she doesn't like that name and wants a new one. Good luck honey. You looked hot at the dinner rehearsal. Hope she reads this.

Ocean's Thirteen comes out tomorrow. I'll probably buy it only because I have the first two.

I have yet to determine anything worse than riding a plane with a crying baby. Thank you Mr Pilot for taking the slow descent home. My ears couldn't have hurt worse. Add baby in row 15 crying and annoying flight attendant telling me to put my seat upright and buckle up every 10 minutes to the equation and we produce a crappy return flight. Why do I have to buckle up and put my seat upright? I'm an aerospace engineer who is educated in designing airplanes. That should exempt me. Whatever.

What do you call a Man Shower? The ones where Men get together for grilling and give tools, guns, knives, playboys, lawn equipment, grills and such to the groom? Do those even exist? Well if not I'll telling whoever reads this that I want one.

Friends from high school want me to mention them in my blog for some reason. Apparently they think this thing is a big deal. I'll call them CheerGirl and Nurse C.

Utility Al, why didn't you pick up your phone Saturday night? Hope you enjoy the meal for whichever night you choose. Thank you for the awesome being in the wedding present you gave me. I just showed it off to the roommate. He's impressed.

What military man had a much less famous cousin nicknamed "Mudwall"? He's a fan of mine.

Last entry's answer was Consumer News and Business Channel.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

today is thursday at nasa

Everyone will spend the day with me at work.

6:50 Arrive to work. Other new employee seems very shocked that I'm at work at such an early time. I'm surprised that I'm at work this early.

6:52 Read past "Why Do Men Have Nipples" Daily Calendar posts from Saturday to Today. Learned how to deliver a baby, why men have hair on their ears, and if circumcision diminishes sexual pleasure.

6:58 Begin checking mail.

6:59 Begin deleting mail from 5 days ago.

7:08 Read new emails.

7:09 Check personal email (Gmail). New jacket has been shipped and the estimated time of arrival is November 13, 2007. I ordered this crap on October 27, 2007. I'm ticked. Apparently they got my nasty email and got scared. They gave me 1500 more rewards points for my order. They know what's up.

7:15 Read Mississippi newspaper online. Mississippi State talks a big game.

7:30 Check Kentucky gets upset in basketball.

7:45 Use restroom.

7:48 Stand around and listen to some fellow coworkers talk about something. I didn't listen that closely.

8:01 Sit at desk and begin this blog post.

8:20 Check Gmail.

8:23 Comment on Father Rob's blog. I didn't read anymore blogs. Haven't finished my Gatorade A.M. yet. Lots of chatter around the office. I buzz in a few times. Then I tell a joke and everyone laughs.

8:39 Almost froze my hand on one of those aerosol cleaning cans. The ones that blow air out to clean the keyboard. There's ice on it! Sweet! Now there's dust everywhere. Hope no one minds. If I explain why it gets cold will someone nominate me to be on Beauty and the Geek?

8:47 Found Suspenders and asked some random questions to make him think I've been working. We then took the elevator twice to advance one floor at time. He's sort of lazy.

8:59 Begin working on the new procedure that me and Suspenders discussed. There's a space suit test at 10. I'll probably go just to get out of this paper work.

9:13 The guy next to me showed a video of two monkeys sitting at a bar telling jokes. It was pretty funny except that I didn't get the punch line and laughed anyways.

9:39 Use restroom again. Gatorade really did a toll on me. Saw what seemed like a cute girl at the other end of the hall. Too far to tell for sure. I'll walk down there later.

9:42 Looking up New Zealand on Google. Really, really want to go. Delilah is talking about going and I'm thinking about going with her. She told me this on the phone last night. I couldn't sleep at all thinking about it.

10:08 My phone rang! No one ever calls this phone. Well I'm never sitting at my permanent desk anyway so I never get phone calls. I should sit at my permanent desk instead of this one. Test time got pushed back. Dang it.

10: 25 Check Gmail.

10:28 Check Facebook.

10:35 Check Gmail.

10:36 Drop in on a conversation in the office. They're talking about space suit gloves. I only half way pay attention while I work on my paper work.

10:39 Phone rang again! I'm on a roll today. Girl sitting at my other desk needs some help. I think that's code for she likes me.

10:52 Think I accidentally asked a guy at work to go to a Rockets game. I was asking if he had ever been and told him I was going next week. Somewhere in there he thought I was asking him if he wanted to go. I don't understand these Houston people. For a week I'm going to have to avoid him at all costs.

10:55 Check Gmail.

11:32 I'm hungry so I'll be eating now.

12:01 Read a blog I saw on In the New. Hope she doesn't mind if I link to it. Back to work.

12:21 Looked up pictures of J.K. Rowling. I had no idea what she looked like. Not bad for a 40 something.

12:31 I just got (or saw, who knows when I got it) a text from My Future Wife. She does love me. I bet she's all giddy and can't sit still.

1:00 Filled out some personal paper work. Mo money, mo problems.

1:32 Looked up Rockets tickets on Utility Al called. He told me a secret about My Future Wife. I feel like I'm in high school again.

1:53 Finished with some paper work. Other new hire is reading a magazine and talking about it out loud to me. I'm not listening. She keeps telling me about events around Houston and I just nod and say I've been there done that or am already going. She's probably jealous of me right now.

2:23 Handed off my work to be reviewed and signed. It's policy here. 23 people have to sign off on anything that gets done. It's dumb, I know.

2:30 Made arrangements for Utility Al's wedding present. Hope he puts it to good use. Can't tell what it is, he might read ahead and spoil the surprise. Wonder what his mom will say about it?

2:48 Checked Gmail. Talked to Ex girlfriend on Gmail chat. Sent Ex girlfriend an forward.

2:52 Sent some forwards around the Outlook address book.

3:20 I tried to download a NASA instant message program but I got rejected. They probably want me to do more work and not chat. I've been figured out.

3:23 Yawn

3:35 I just daydreamed of a time when I was younger and wanted to buy a video game at the store. I didn't have enough money on my own and mom wouldn't buy it for me. That was a cloudy day.

3:56 Talked with another guy about the commute to work each day. His is a total of 14 minutes round trip. I take at least 35 minutes one way. The hardships I have to face living in downtown. It's tough being a high roller.

4:07 Think I'll head home now. I'm tired. Maybe I can beat the traffic. Doubt it.

Living the NASA life isn't so bad.

What's CNBC short for?

Last entry's answer was Joseph Stalin.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

my piano skills don't suck

I officially don't miss the being in class part of college. The girls I do miss. Except that University of Houston Downtown doesn't enroll that many cuties. Maybe they're just not on the same level as me. I mean 7th floor as the level. Not that I'm smarter or anything. Martini thinks I'm a Geek. She wants to go on Beauty and the Geek with me as my partner. I'm so confused now. Think I'll just go play some Scrabble or read the encyclopedia instead.

I have a date to Utility Al's Wedding Rehearsal Dinner 2007. My Future Wife agreed to go with me. I was surprised actually. Obviously we're meant to be. I hope she reads this before Friday evening. I love you My Future Wife.

I'm Baptist, not Methodist. Thought I'd clear that up. Just in case you were wondering.

Roommate bought a new electric wine bottle opener. The owner's manual says to charge the device for 16 hours. Bull crap. Who on earth charges their new electronic toy for that long as soon as they get it? Not this apartment. After about 2 hours of charging I made him uncork a bottle the electronic way. In case the new toy broke, he'd be the one using it. That's probably why half my battery operated electronics only half way work. I never charge the full charge before the first use. Turn the crap on now.

I just got off the phone with Utility Al, I told him I was "hitting the sack." I lied. I'm blogging instead.

This is Mississippi State's week. I don't predict scores. 1, I'm not good at it. 2, I don't want to jinx, not that I would, but you know. 3, I don't have a third, just needed a number 3 because having 2 just looks stupid.

I miss playing the piano. Being younger and taking lessons was not the cool thing to do. Mom asked if I wanted to take piano lessons one day at the swimming pool and I said yes. Three years later I was begging to take it away. Now I just want to be like Ben Folds. He's a small guy with awesome piano skills. Sometimes I sit at home on the piano, back when I used to be at home, and beat out a few tunes. No one seemed to like it, "shut up in there, loser." My sister isn't nice. I probably won't get her anything for Christmas.

When will softball season start back? I'll probably hit 23 home runs. Or I could just play football. There's probably a team out there that needs me at quarterback. I hope one of those teams reads this. Or I could just build a dynasty around me. I'll be Tom Brady. Who wants to be Randy Moss? I had to put this paragraph in there so I would look more manly than the rest of the post. Did that sentence defeat the purpose?

What future Soviet dictator was training to be a priest when he got turned on to Marxism?

Last entry's answer was 11.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

football and church

I don't blog on weekends. Period. Sunday night doesn't count.

Saturday I played a little football with some guys I didn't know at all. It wasn't little football either, I'm calling it big football. For the first time ever I was half way shy. After the five series they suggested that I play quarterback. I told them I was All-State in Mississippi my senior year and only All-District my freshman year. I wasn't shy much longer. After throwing 4 touchdowns, running one, and zero interceptions they were believers. Except for my roommate. He threw a flag and called me out. I told him to shut up and I'd throw him an interception. I didn't.

Houston was the only city in America not to broadcast the Patriots vs Colts game. We were able to watch our beloved Texans and well below par Raiders team play. Instead, I fell asleep in an awkward position and woke up with a sore neck for the third time in a week.

This morning I went to a new church. They had communion and I was slightly nervous. I've never had to leave my seat while doing this. It was a Methodist church, I'm not a Methodist. When it was my pew's turn to go I was even more nervous because I noticed that all the pews behind me were empty and the people were leaving the sanctuary. Where is everyone going? Are we leaving to get dessert? Then it hit me, those people are going to the balcony. I dodged a bullet.

Hooter's on Friday night was a horrible experience. I will not be going back for a long time.

My spacewalk shift was canceled on Saturday morning. I celebrated by sleeping in, playing football, watching football, and eating Chick-fil-A. Bama lost!

Tomorrow I'm going back to college for three days. I'm getting AutoCAD training!

Harry: Skis, huh?
Beth: That's right!
Harry: Great! They yours?
Beth: Uh-huh.
Harry: Both of 'em?
Beth: Yes.
Harry: Ah... cool!
-Dumb and Dumber

How many football teams play in the Big Ten Conference?

Last entry's answer was The Harlem Globetrotters.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

my very own list

Sorry Skryker. Sorry Dazzle. I just can't do that "Eight Things That Make You Giggle About Life" tag. I tried but failed. I'm a dork and can't name eight. I think I'll make up my own list. I always did wonder where these things came from. Now I'm starting one.

Six Things That Make Me Laugh:
1. Dumb and Dumber
2. Farts (Both accidental and on purpose)
3. My Blog
4. My Two Dogs
5. Weddings
6. People Falling Down (But of course not getting hurt)

Two Things That Taste Good:
1. Crawfish
2. Chicken and Dumplins

Four Things That I Want To Be When I Grow Up:
1. Baseball Player
2. Batman
3. Park Ranger
4. Ski Instructor

Seven Things That I Find Attractive in the Opposite Sex:
1. Athletic
2. Humor
3. (Close your eyes little cousin) Chest
4. Back
5. Personality
6. Arms
7. Eyes

Three Things That I Want To See Again:
1. The blonde from the other day
2. The Rocky Mountains
3. Yellowstone

Four Things I Don't Like Doing but Don't Mind Because I'm Super Cool:
1. Being tagged to these lists
2. Brushing my teeth
3. Talking to my roommate
4. Paying tips to crappy service

A Celebrity I like:
Kristen Bell

Six Things I Will Do Before The End of the Month:
1. Go home twice
2. Meet a girl
3. Blog 32 times. No, make that 13 times
4. Eat 3 meals that cost over $50
5. Buy lots and lots of gas
6. Be at work no less than 576000 seconds

I Now Tag Everyone That Reads This To Put This Exact Questionnaire On Their Blog Right Now.
Made by Matt (Mom Yelled My Full Name Last Night) Include that on the copy and paste thing too.

What basketball team had drubbed the New Jersey Reds 2,495 times straight before losing to them 100-99 in 1971?

Last entry's answer was 1962.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007



Today I wore my costume to work. I'm the only person here that I've seen so far that is dressed up as a werewolf. I'm the only person here that I've seen so far that's even dressed. I feel like a dork.

My sleep schedule couldn't be more messed up. These astronauts have managed to turn my sleeping pattern into total crap. Sleeping pattern? Where did that come from? So maybe one day I'll get back into the swing of things and start my usual posting of 3 times a week, or maybe 6 times a week, I forget which number it is.

At the Target the other night, my roommate bought a bottle of wine. I would leave it at that, but this bottle of wine was special. Whenever a bottle of wine is bought at the loft. Not sure why I just called my apartment the loft. I'm pretty sure it needs a better name than that. How about the apartment. Whenever a bottle of wine is bought at the apartment there is a requirement that it has to be a cool looking bottle. Who cares if it tastes nasty, cool bottles only. After you're done drinking it, pouring it down the sink, or giving it's contents to guests, the "cool" bottle is displayed proudly on the top of the cabinet. This sounds like a gay idea after typing it out. There will be some thinking on this issue later. If the bottle is ugly I usually break it in the street. Anyways, the wine bottle that the roommate bought was named Opps. The contents aren't anything to brag about. So walking though the Target he randomly drops this bottle of Opps on the concrete floor shattering some of the glass. I laugh and proceed to point out that the side of the bottle has Opps written on it. Then I call him an idiot and throw my string cheese in the shopping cart.

Trick or Treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat. If you don't I don't care, I'll show you my underwear. Timmy With the Hot Mom that lives on the 6th floor told me to say that tonight when I go knocking on doors.

The thought of going out tonight and not being a werewolf has crossed my mind. Instead I'll the Three-Hole Punch Jim from The Office. I doubt anyone will know what I am.

1. Placophobia - Fear of tombstones
2. Phasmophobia - Fear of ghosts
3. Wiccaphobia - Fear of witches
4. Samhainophobia - Fear of Halloween

Thought this was appropriate for Halloween. It could be scary.
"You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips
And there's no tenderness like before in your fingertips...."
-The Righteous Brothers

"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." - Erma Bombeck

What year did the Halloween novelty song "Monster Mash" reach number one on the Billboard charts?

Last entry's answer was a gallon of oil.

Monday, October 29, 2007

just an ok post

World Series is over. That's all I have to say about that. Also a Mississippi State boy struck out an Ole Miss boy for the final out. That might have been on the only highlight of the game.

Tonight I have the graveyard shift again. Another spacewalk will take place super early tomorrow morning. What this means for me, work begins at 1:00 am. Note to self, don't eat those breakfast tacos from the cafeteria again. They make my stomach feel funny. Tonight I'll probably wear a hat and a red shirt, might not get a shower.

Everyone should read Father Rob's new blog. Click I like to eat pickles on my hamburger and I never said that Father Rob was hot. He wants everyone to tell him how semi-cool he thinks he but in reality he really is. Also, he collects stamps of the world. If anyone has an Elvis stamp from 1995 please send a photo verification to him and he will take further actions from there. More than likely he'll tell you it's fake because he's picky like that and doesn't like mayo.

This weekend was probably one of the best weekends that a handsome boy, Matt, could ask for. Mississippi State smeared the then 14th ranked Kentucky Wildcats. For approximately 135 minutes straight, I screamed, clapped, jumped, cried, threw stuff, and called someone that cared. Thank you Mississippi State. Thank you Coach Croom. Thank you Comcast. Thank you world.

Today is my cousin's birthday. He asked that everyone send him stickers of their favorite Ninja Turtle. But don't send the purple turtle, he is deathly afraid of the color purple.

"I remember walking in the clubhouse...And maybe that's the key..." - Jacoby Ellsbury, Boston
Red Sox

Team by team reporters baffled, trumped, tethered, cropped
Look at that low playing, fine, then
Uh-oh overflow, population common food, but it'll do
Save yourself, serve yourself, world serves it's own needs
Listen to your heart bleed dummy with the rapture and the revered and the right, right
Vitreolic, patriotic stand, fight, bright, light
Feeling pretty psyched
-"End of the World As We Know It" by R.E.M.

I don't know why I put that song on here. At the time it seemed right. Right now it doesn't seem right.

Which will yield the most BTUs of energy--a gallon of oil, a pound of coal or a gallon of gasoline?

Last entry's answer was about 4.5 billion years old.

Friday, October 26, 2007

break time

Astronauts have no break. I do. Been here for a long time. Tired, sleepy, and hungry. So far mission is going smoothly and ahead of schedule. I would be excited but I'm tired.

How old is the earth?

Last entry's answer was about 5 billion years.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007


The World Series starts tonight. I'm gonna go home, open the windows (because it feels really great outside), work out, not take a shower, then sit down and watch the Series. If I don't take a shower I'll be able to feel like I've been playing baseball because I'll be all sweaty. Easy ladies, don't get to yourselves to worked up just yet. Still debating on if I should sit on the new furniture or not. How long can I still call it new? The tags are still on it. Taking tags off forfeits the newness. Go Rockies!

I just sneezed 4 times in a row. My personal best is 6. I'm really not sure if that is a correct number or not, but it sounds right. More than likely it's 5 but I'm going to say 6.

Yesterday Suspenders took me to lunch. I asked him what kind of gas mileage he gets in his new truck. He tells me 11 then slams the accelerator to the floor.

For those of you who do not know, Shuttle Discovery launched yesterday at 11:38 eastern time zone. Here at work we all paused and gathered around a tv. That's right, we're getting paid to watch television. The lady who rides the motorcycle was standing in my way but I was too scared to tell her to move. I could only see the exhaust smoke the entire launch. The purpose of this mission is to attach "Harmony" to the International Space Station. Pretty much sticking a school bus size piece onto the station. Sounds like a blast. This is were I come in. When they decide to attach this hunk of metal I will support the space walk/walks. Whenever they use the space suit I'm involved. Especially when I get to wear it. Why can't we do this space labor during the American daytime?

That crazy lady is singing again. I hate it when she sings.

Charlie Fineman: Are you a faggot?.
Alan Johnson: Don't say faggot, you just don't call people faggot that's rude.
Charlie Fineman: To a gay guy it is, to you it's just a funny word like pound cake or pickle... You really need some Mel.
Charlie Fineman: [ordering tickets] Take one adult and one faggot.
-Reign Over Me

This is the quickest I've ever written a post. Hope there aren't any mistakes. Sorry in advance.

How old is the sun?

Last entry's answer was 20.

Monday, October 22, 2007


For some reason the left butt cheek pocket on my dress pants is sowed shut. Can someone please tell me why? I'll probably never buy Banana Republic pants again for this very reason.

Yesterday my Dad played the drums at church. Why? I don't know. I was informed this while having a casual conversation with my mother. She threw that in there and then stuck him on the phone. He probably wanted to brag about it. According to Utility Al, he rocked. Literally. That's my Dad. Why was he playing drums during the church service? Hope he kept a good beat going. Weird.

Go Rockies.

A recent discussion at worked turned to poo. Literally. I really am enjoying the use of that word today. Literally. So me and the other new girl were talking about that guy from New Delhi, he was a prince or king or something, that was killed by monkeys. Why we were talking about it, I don't know why. But somehow the conversation went from the little monkeys pushing this man off a balcony to monkeys that throw poo. Apparently the other new guy at work has come across monkeys that throw their own poo for fun. Guess he's been to Africa and seen this first hand or something. I don't know. Weird.

I like m and m's. The and character is not allowed on this blog. Poo to Blogger for that, but nothing else.

Friday at 1:50 am I have to report to work. I'm only half way excited about this. One half is excited because it'll be my first time to sit in on Mission Support. This will be for the shuttle that is going up tomorrow or Tuesday, which ever way you want to look at it. Friday, during the am, there will be the first space walk (what we call EVA's) for this mission. The other half isn't so excited that this is taking place at 1:50 am. Why? Houston, we have a problem. I feel like such a dork for saying that. Weird.

For me there is no other
You're the only shoe that fits
I can't imagine I'll grow out of it
Damn I wish I was your lover"
- "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover" by Sophie B. Hawkins

Question, how many equal sides does an icosahedron have?

Last entry's answer was coconut. Weird.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

i cried

Sister made it to town and regrets coming now. Apparently she doesn't like the feel of sitting on concrete. I'm comfortable. What's wrong with her?

Last night we went to an improv comedy show. I almost cried. Twice. First cry; when we first sat down and ordered there was a couple, probably in their 40 give a few years, that's besides the point. No it's not, they were old. Older than 30. Anyways, they might have had a little too much to drink or were just really into each other. Whatever it was they couldn't quit making out. I mean hardcore making out. Sucking face. She was laying back on him while he was going in for the kill. Sucking all her oxygen out. Thank goodness I'm not the only one who notices this because I wouldn't want to steal all the excitement. A table opposite ours has a camera phone out taking video of this gut wrenching event. I'm sure I'll find it on you tube and post a link to it in the near future. Other tables begin catching on to spectacle and start getting into it. That is till management ruins every one's fun. I don't know what exactly he said but it was something like, you two are too old to be making out and participating in public display of affection (pda) in our comedy club. After giving up an argument and fussing they finally leave to an ovation. The male figure of the couple politely gives a middle finger wave as he stumbles up the stairs.

Alabama is doing good in football on tv at this moment. I'm in a bad mood now.

Oh yeah, almost forgot about the reason we went to the comedy club. There was a guy who hypnotizes volunteers in the audience. I have never seen anything like this and really wish I would've volunteered. There was a very pretty blonde up there too. Moving on, after tedious prepping of the volunteers he finally is able to get a few to go under. And thank goodness he did. If not it was going to be a short and expensive night. There were a few on stage that had me almost falling out of my chair because it was so funny. If anyone tells me it was fake I'm going to cry for a third time. My favorite part of the show was when the comedian hypnotizes the random volunteers and tells them when he says the color red they will smell the worst smell they have ever smelt in their life, but when green is said it will be the most pleasant smell. I couldn't wait to see Tyrone's reaction. He had given us spectacular results already. Just as he predicted the word red is spit out and there poor Tyrone sits with the worst look on his face. Priceless. "What the hell is that smell?"

Tonight I'm in the mood for chinese food. Thinking maybe P.F. Chang's? Sister has never eaten there and I think it's good. Only been there once. And it will be cheaper than last night's meal. I did manage to trump last weekend's meal by spending even more this weekend. I really need to start looking at these menus before I begin my journey for a feast.

If you think you know, more than likely you do. What drupaceous fruit were Hawaiian women once forbidden by law to eat?

Last entry's answer was Post-it Notes.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

come back

Where did half my poll votes go? I almost spelled poll like pole. Would that be so bad?

Yesterday I think I ticked some lady off. I don't exactly remember what I said but she snapped back with a "Bite me!" It wasn't a playful bite me, but rather one that I just shut my mouth and went back to staring at my computer screen. For the rest of the month I'm going to avoid all eye contact with her. She's a lot older and very capable of beating me up. She's tiny but looks pretty rough, like she could pack a nice punch. She drives a freakin motorcycle, one of those Harley types. If I were to ever see her in a dark alley at night, I'd turn and run.

It's final...Going to Park City, UT for some hardcore skiing. I promise not to fall down the entire trip, but will push anyone that gets in my way. Must find a Ski Bunny and flirt, so I can skip ski lift lines.

The new furniture was waiting on me when I got home yesterday afternoon. Since there was nothing good to watch on tv I just went to Target instead. But since The Office is coming on tonight I'll be sure to take full advantage of the new cushions. No one else can sit on it except me and maybe The Girl or My Future Wife. That's final.

I noticed yesterday on some random girl's blog that she was very excited that I visited her blog site. She'll thank me later for linking her, I'm sure of it. Apparently not many people from NASA visit her blog. I think she wet her pants by seeing that. Ok, maybe not, but she could.

The younger sister is flying into town tonight. Maybe Mom will send her with a lot of money so she can buy me dinner. Doubtful. "You're the rocket scientist I think you can afford to treat your sister to a nice weekend of dinners." Thanks. Good thing I bought one of those frozen pizzas and some Cocoa Krispies last night.

I had to talk to Suspenders on the phone. He seemed nervous. Then he relaxed when I told him I was wearing suspenders myself. Hope he notices that I'm taking control now and gets nervous.

"Have you ever popped champagne on a plane
While getting' some brain"
-"Good Life" by Kanye West

What did "Art Fry invent after scraps of paper to mark tunes in his hymnal kept falling out?

Last entry's answer was Delta Airlines.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

can you see my crotch?

I am now driving a glorified station wagon, an extremely small windowed Chevy HHR. Yes, the Xterra is now in the garage getting repaired. Enterprise picked me up from the body shop and took approximately 10 minutes, give or take, to leave the body shop lot. I really didn't think the seemingly obvious new hire would get us to the rental shop in one piece. Two blocks later we arrive with my eyes closed and knees at my chest. At the shop I'm informed that I can get a bigger car than what I previously thought possible. Thank you nice looking blonde with the tight body. Too bad she had a ring on that finger, because I was for sure a flirt. So she asked if I wanted the PT Cruiser or the HHR. Not knowing what an HHR was I foolishly pick the dandy little Chevy. Looking out the window as they pull it around I giggled with joy.

I now smell like cheap gas station strawberry perfume. Some idiot there, probably Carlos, sprayed way too much air freshener in the interior. I put my stuff in the car and told the blonde it smells like a cheap hotel. She winked at me. I'm pretty sure she is in love with me now.

Why is Pacman so hard?

This weekend I purchased new pants from Polo, khakis that is. I only bought them because the cute girl with brown hair told me I'd more than likely be hot in them. She lied. Halfway through the work day today I noticed there was a hole in the crotch of the pants. Not on the side, nor at the zipper, but exactly in the middle. Normally I wouldn't say anything about this or just ignore it, but someone in the office asked "Why are you picking at your crotch?" Caught ya. Crap, now everyone knows I'm walking around with something as embarrassing as having your pants unzipped. What did I do, I proudly walked around flaunting my stuff. Not really. Now I know why the blonde from the rental place winked at me.

Tomorrow will be the greatest day ever. Almost ever. The new furniture comes home. The old furniture is going to The Salvation Army while the new, awesome, comfortable, entertaining, sophisticated, hot, suave furniture takes it's place. I'll probably sleep on the new couch all week.

Go Rockies!

My new girlfriend's movie came out on DVD today. I couldn't be more proud of her. One day she'll realize how excited I am of her. One day she might know who I am. Anyways, she played Maggie on Transformers. We're in love. Almost. Not really, but she could be.

Judy Witwicky: Why are you so sweaty and filthy?
Sam Witwicky: I'm a child. Ya know, I'm a teenager.

What airline started out as the first crop-dusting outfit to battle boll weevils?

Last entry's answer was peas.

Monday, October 15, 2007

nothing special here

The weekend was just ok. That's it. I did decide that I'll more than likely go skiing in Dec./Jan. with some college students. Any takers?

Friday evening I spent one day's paycheck in a matter of an hour. Went to a place called Glass Wall the Restaurant. Reservations were at 8. We got lost on the way and had to call 3 times to get directions. Why can't I have GPS? Probably because it cost too much and I never get lost. Once to the restaurant I unquestionably use the complimentary valet. After thanking Pedro for parking my car and giving the hostess an eye down, we sit down and notice that the price was somewhat higher than what we thought. Looking at the menu online we saw the price for the wine glass addition, not the actual meal price. We soon discover the real, pretty penny price tag. Opps. Thank goodness I didn't have a date, that would've been a $150 meal. "Hope you enjoyed your meal, you owe me some sugar now." Oh well, the food was good, had wine with my meal for the first time, and the hostess was very attractive. Not a bad early evening.

Why did my comment section turn into a Back to the Future Convention?

Suspenders is gone all week. That leaves me room to try out my new suspenders for a few days. Get the vibe from the rest of the office. Maybe they'll call me Suspenders now. I hope not, I don't want to be thought of like he is thought of. My reputation as the new kid would take a dive south.

How come when something is filled up with another something it's called filling it up to the brim? What is that?

Last night I had the great idea of getting a tattoo. Something no one else has. The results of my brainstorm, a map of the U.S. of A. But not just any map. This one will be interactive. No color to begin with, only outlines of each state in black. Then filling in each state with a different color that I have spent at least one night in. This could possibly be the tattoo design of the year. I will never forget where I have been. Ever.

The Rockies play tonight for the chance to enter the World Series Kingdom. If they win I will paint my bedroom purple with black and white stripes. Probably even wear a purple shirt to work.

Harrold Crick: I said I live here, stupid! It's where I keep my stuff! My name's on the damn buzzer! Harold Crick, Apartment 2B eighteen ninety-three, McCarthy! - Stranger Than Fiction

What hit the market alongside spinach as the first frozen veggies?

Last entry's answer was krypton. Potassium's call sign is K but it begins with a P.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007


Am I still in a grumpy mood? Yes. Everything was fine till I met Carlos on NASA Road 1 this afternoon. Apparently he wanted my lane more than me. Did he ask? No, Not Carlos. This is Texas, if you want it, take it. Oh and he did. "Beinvendio a Houston. This is my lane Mississippi boy." If you're asking yourself, did Carlos just hit Matt's new car/truck/suv? Why yes he did. And what did Carlos do about it?He ran away. Sure enough, I was associated with a real live Hit-n-Run. I didn't scream, curse, throw the bird, or spit. Surprisingly I was quiet during the whole event. Calmly I pulled over to survey the damage with Carlos and then look up to find that he's hauling fanny down the highway in his Gold 2001ish Ford Explorer with a Texas tag with the first three digits 209. If I knew the rest I'd tell you. Till then I'm on a hunt for Carlos. It will be in his best interest not show his face around town. As of right now I'm out more than a couple hundred dollars for a deductible. I was just driving, minding my own business, bam! Jerk.

In other news around the world of Mr Matt, I've been working out on a regular basis. Actually yesterday I was the only non-couple in the "fitness center." Why do apartments call it a fitness center. It's a gym, quit trying to be formal. Anyways, there was too much PDA going on in that sweat infested room. Work out time does not equal grop time. Yes I can see you copping a feel in the mirror. Just because your back is turned means nothing. No I'm not blushing, I'm lifting weights.

Tomorrow night is The Office. That will make the work day go by quicker. Wonder what Dwight would do in my situation. I really wish he was my co-worker.

Aunt Sylvia Largeman: Thanks for the time that you've given me. The memories are all in my mind. And now that we've come to the end of our rainbow, there's something I must say out loud. Yes, you're once, twice, three times a lady. I love you. Yes, you're once, twice, three times a lady. I love you. I love you.
-Garden State

If you're saying to yourself, "that's just a scratch", hold your tongue. It's enough to tick me off and get Carlos on my bad list. There was never a scratch on the Black Stallion till now. I just came up with that name and I only half way like it. Even though its not black. Actually the color is call Night Armour. The names do go together, sort of. Well, maybe not. I'm now taking new names for the name of the car/truck/suv as of now on the new contest. Winner gets nothing.

What element begins with the letter "K"?

Last entry's answer was .342.

hit and run

Since I'm in a sour mood I'll just do this and not write a post.

4 Jobs I've had
1. Test Engineer for NASA
2. Civilian Contract Engineer with National Guard
3. Welder at Dad's Company
4. Student Worker in Financial Aid at Miss. St.

4 Movies I could watch over and over (could? more like DO.)
1. Dumb and Dumber
2. Stranger Than Fiction
3. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
4. Ocean's Eleven

4 TV Shows I watch
1. The Office
2. Survivor Man
3. SportsCenter
4. Man Vs. Wild

4 Places I've lived
1. Mississippi
2. Texas
3. Italy
4. Switzerland

4 Favorite Foods
1. Sushi
2. Seafood
3. Crawfish
4. Chipoodle

4 Favorite Colors
1. Green
2. Maroon
3. White
4. Maroon

4 Favorite Items of Clothing
1. Flip Flops
2. MH Jackets
3. Blue Jeans
4. Smith Sunglasses

4 Places I'd love to be right now
1. Colorado
2. Smoky Mountain NP
3. Grand Cayman
4. Mississippi

4 Names I love but could/would not use for my children

4 Reasons I would dump you if we were dating
1. Smell Funny
2. Clingy
3. Eats too fast
4. Gives a week long surprise visit after showing up at my softball game, the one I invited another girl to come to.

You're welcome.
Here's the other one.

1) The Dinner Party Theme:You have decided to hold a dinner party. When writing the invites you clearly state that fancy dress must be worn. Assuming that cost is no issue, who or what would you dress up as, and why?
Batman. He has a cool costume.

2) The Invitations:This dinner party is for 6 people (including yourself), you are allowed to invite any 5 other people (either past, present, real or fictional), who would you invite and why?
Stonewall Jackson - I want to know more about his past. Seems like a cool guy.
Stone Cold Steve Austin - He flips people off a lot and enjoys it.
Batman - We could compare outfits.
Erin Andrews (ESPN College Football) - I have a crush.
Santa Claus - So I can tell him exactly what I want.

3) The Starter:You are preparing the menu, which dish(es) would you choose as the starter, and why?
Chips and Salsa. I love that part at Mexican restaurants.

4) The Main Course:Okay, now for the main course? and what drink would you serve with it?
Crawfish. I want to be able to do something better than these guests. Eattin tail and suckin heads is what I do best.

5) The Sweet:Finally, the sweet. Which would you choose, and why?
Cheescake. BYOFT(Bring Your Own Fruit Topping)

6) The Entertainment:The dinner party has gone swimmingly, everybody has had fun, conversation and drinks have been flowing all evening. At the end of the meal you announce that everybody should perform their 'party piece' (no matter how strange or pointless). What party piece would you perform?
Everyone is swimming? I'd do a belly buster to show up Batman.

7) The End Of The Evening:The party is over, everybody has gone home, the house suddenly feels empty and quiet. Your eyes fix on the hi-fi in the corner of the room. You search though your CD collection to put on some music as you want to listen to one more track before your retire to bed. Which track would you play?
Tubthumping - Chumbawamba

8) The Dinner Party Nightmares:Okay, so the "virtual" dinner party is over. Now for the real thing. Have you ever been to or hosted a dinner party during which something has gone wrong (either with the food, a guest or something else)?

I tag no one, it ends here.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

tuesday VII

In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. In 2007, Matt didn't have to see Kevin. He's the guy from work that I don't know. Thank goodness his name rhymes with seven, or else I'd have a crappy second sentence. This was my first Columbus Day off with pay. So in honor of Columbus I spent one day's worth of pay on a toy boat. I played with it in the resistance pool today. Some kid was in the regular pool and I didn't want him to touch or see it.

Recently I have discovered the mind-blowing capabilities of the photo booth on my new computer. Old news to most, but like Christmas to me. More than likely I'll frame this one because it is art and hang it above the new couch when it comes in. If it ever does come in. Taking new pictures is like crack. I want to take more from every angle, color, and effect. Why do I look so good? I'm an idiot. No I'm not.

The Saints lost again. One more loss and I'm pulling out the paper sacks and calling them the Aints. I can't handle this. Please, a win next week? Just one.

Did the music get anyone in trouble at work? If the answers are positive please respond, if not, hold your tongue.

I missed Heroes again. 2 more days till The Office though.

The playoffs were tonight. Yankees 4, Indians 6. I couldn't be more excited now. Well maybe. All my money is still on the Rockies. More than likely they'll lose, just because I'm pulling for them. I'm a curse. Why me? Probably because I take stupid pictures with the photo booth and I write a blog about nothing. I'm going to bed. This post will be finished tomorrow at work.

Now I really wish I would have finished this post last night. I have been in Mission Support Simulation all freakin day and now I'm tired and cranky. So there. If you don't like go dress a turtle in a red t-shirt.

Go Rockies! What was Babe Ruth's lifetime batting average?

Last entry's answer was Wisk.