Wednesday, October 22, 2008

just taking up time

The World Series starts tonight. Nothing better will be on TV so everyone has no excuse for not watching it. Philadelphia vs Tampa Bay. I prefer that the Rays win because we have the same name. Mine being my middle name and their last name. It would make feel proud of that name for the second time ever.

Someone stank up the office building the other day by cooking broccoli. Building managers and other facility heads were worried about toilets leaking and other horrible sewage problems. Little did they know that it was someone just trying to enjoy freshly steamed veggies...Today I had cream of broccoli soup.

Softball was last and we managed to win two in a row. We finally felt what it was like to be champions. I didn't say too much after the game. Words just could not describe how the team felt in that moment.

Why are gum wrappers not cut on a straight edge? Do the jagged edges improve something? They remind me of teeth. Maybe it's designed in case a caveman time warps to 2008. Then he can associate the jagged edges with teeth and then know to chew the contents of the wrapper. Wrigley should be given more credit because of this ingenious idea.

Bought a computer for my bike. It's a piece of crap but it makes me feel like Lance Armstrong. Cruising along at a minimum speed the computer works great and proudly displays my 9.4 mph speed. Kick it up a gear and show off my power, the computer freaks out. I am too fast for this thing. Once the reading is over 11 mph, it looses all strength and gives up. I feel like David Levy.

My back hurts today. I feel that I should get worker's comp on this. If anyone wants to question me then I'll have them sit in my chair for 8 hours and do nothing all day. That would make anyone's back ache or probably something worse.

What Phillies slugger, upon seeing Lake Michigan for the firs time, asked: "What ocean is that"?

Last entry's answer was Whitey Ford with 10.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

wedding number two was ok

Wedding number two of the season was short and sweet. Thank goodness because it was outside. There was plenty of unexpected entertainment though. No one thought in advance about the Friday night football game going on just half a mile away. Plenty of "Sonic Boom" from the band section.

My plane Thursday evening was delayed by 2 hours. I wasn't happy but I did get to sit with and meet the band Lifehouse. The drummer thought I was cool. That still did not raise my spirits for the plane being late. I'm pretty sure that Southwest Airlines strategically placed Lifehouse on the plane for purposes of cheering up the passengers for a delayed flight. I'm no sucker. For some reason, half way through the flight, I felt the need to listen to a few of their songs.

Went to the fair on Friday evening. Father Rob was convinced that the World's greatest cinnamon rolls were being sold there. I paid $4 and was upset that he claimed these were the World's greatest. They were good, but not the best. Sometimes I wonder about him. He wouldn't even pay one dollar to see the 100 Pound Rat or the Man Eating Snake. I didn't pay the dollar for the Man Eating Snake either. Utility Al did because he thought I had no more money. Who's the sucker now? Me for allowing someone to pay for me to look at the Man Eating Snake or him paying for me to see the Man Eating Snake?

Softball has been rained out for the second week in a row. I really think that the other team is scared of me. There is no way that rain can cause two cancels in a row.

The dentist in Mississippi thinks I'm poor. He only told me I had one cavity versus the dentist here in Houston that told me I have nine. He'll come out better in the long run by telling me about each one, one by one.

The bed at home hurt my back and I cried about to anyone that would listen.

Once again, I requested one simple thing for my return home. A cookie cake. There were numerous emails sent on this issue and I was for sure that this time there would be a massive cookie cake in my honor. The icing design had been chosen, the size and shape were determined, location and times were arranged for enjoyment. Everything was ready for order till Father Rob decided that three $4 cinnamon rolls at the fair would satisfy him instead. Everyone always thinks about themselves. I hope he can't finish the average breakfast treat and they go stale.

What pitcher has the most World Series victories?

Last entry's answer was ten.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

the weekend wedding was just ok

I survived a wedding weekend in the Music City, barely. The only disappointments were that there was no rice to throw, I only got to walk down the aisle for the exit, the groom did not cry, our hotel was hosting the gray haired convention of Opry Land, and I didn't catch the garter. Whenever I get married and if by some freak accident I cry, I'll just leave right then to save myself the humility.

Garter makers should really consider adding a little extra elastic into their product.

Someone should kick me for not taking the $300 and catching a later flight on Sunday. Just don't kick me in the face.

Why is it called a restroom? If I ever own a super mall, movie theater or gas station I'll call it the reliefroom.

I was watching the beginning of Life, some TV show, last night and it proved to be very unrealistic. The smart detective was unable to figure out the automatic sink and soap dispenser. I turned it off and vowed to never watch it again.

Yesterday I wore a gray polo and froze. Today I'm wearing a green long sleeve button up and am still freezing. I hate my desk more than anything ever and the colors of my shirt do not matter.

Softball is tonight. I am going to predict a complete blowout by our team. By blowout I mean our team will win at any costs. I do mean by any costs.

Guy Who Played At LSU told me I have to buy him a lunch because his team beat mine. That is the worst idea ever. If anyone should be providing lunch it should be him. My team lost and I'm down. Getting him lunch will get me down even more because I'll be out a whole lunch. So, I told him tomorrow lunch will be on me. Lucky me, there will be a free lunch provided by NASA tomorrow that he knows nothing about.

Is interlocking fingers a more intimate way of holding hands? If so, me and my bride's maid were intimate together. The roommate and his bride's maid were not because she was married. She refused to interlock fingers and now they will look like total strangers in the pictures. He ruined the wedding photographs because of this. Except for those two where I didn't smile.

Lastly, the new Ben Folds CD comes out today. Go buy it, enjoy it or else.

What is the minimum number of musicians a band must have to be considered a "big band"?

Last entry's answer was cork.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

i survived

I survived. Survived living with the parents at home in Mississippi that is. Ike sent me on a "hurrication" to the deep south. Spent a total of 10 days living in my old stomping grounds with the mom and the dad. They tried to get me to pull my weight around the house but I would politely remind them that I was an evacuee. It didn't work.

Some kindergartner tried to beat me up at church on Sunday. I told his mom.

I ticked someone off yesterday. Since most the the traffic lights are out around here, all intersections are on the honor system. First there, first to go. Just like a stop sign. Coming back from lunch, Mr Baldy didn't think I waited long enough at the line. That must have given him permission to show me just how much he disapproved of my actions. Not only did his left arm come out the window but his right arm as well. I'm guessing he didn't have the pastor in his car either after reading some of lip gestures.

Mississippi made me gain weight. Everywhere served sweet tea and would fry anything edible.

Louisiana, you have poor driving skills.

Throughout the entire 10 days at home I wore the same thing over and over again. Only expecting to stay there for 2 days, I packed accordingly.

Lynyrd Skynyrd took, "'y' is sometimes vowel' rule to the extreme.

I have turned into someone I never wanted to be. A television show fan. For the past two weeks I have been watching Lost. Heroes started back last night and The Office premieres on Thursday Evening. I have never felt like a middle aged woman more so than I do right now.

If only the worship service was like this at church every Sunday. I'd request the guy with the brown guitar for an encore.

Two things that someone showed me last week that left me speechless and scared. A baby and a cartoon. Do not click on the cartoon. It's like watching The Ring, something weird will happen.

What did Chris Sabo shower the field with when his bat broke in a July 31,1996 game?

Last entry's answer was five.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

what to do?

My windshield was cleaned this morning by another vehicle. The man driving the Dodge hatchback apparently had a dirty windshield and felt it necessary to clean it while driving. In doing so, he sprayed my windshield with the excess washer fluid that missed his window. I wouldn't have minded but he almost came to a complete stop while spraying and wiping. Me being annoyed, decided to pass him to give him the thankful stare down. I look over at him and he's two knuckles deep into his left nostril. I watch in amazement.

If only I could sing like this guy.

Looks as if the hurricane bags are coming back out! It's always a riveting time when this momentous event happens.

Guy That Is In The Band always makes the weirdest comments. Everyone is talking about hurricanes for some reason and he chimes in about the live reporters at the storm. "One day some sign is going to come flying by and cut their head off." Did I mention that he always smiles when he talks?

"The clouds are forming
She comes again
I'll go and walk with her
Along the Seine

Soon she'll be storming
Here comes the wind
But that don't bother me
'Cause she's my friend

I love the rain"
-I Love the Rain by Lenny Kravitz

My first thought is that he is singing about a hurricane with a female name. If not that then, some weather lady on TV.

I laughed.

Two more days till the trip back to Mississippi State. I, myself, could not be more excited. I only wish I would have waited on the announcement to my boss about this decision. If JSC closes it's doors to Ike I will be ripped off on a free vacation day. I could just challenge the HR Lady and add it to my time sheet anyways. That will give her some much needed work to figure out.

What was the largest number of living ex-presidents at one time?

Last entry's answer was the 20 yard line.

Monday, September 8, 2008

assumptions make everything right

Word in the halls is that we might be knocked out of work Thursday and Friday. That is, if Mr Ike assumes his path towards Houston and does not loose any of his strength. This assumption is also assuming that Ike is a male.

Mississippi State managed to win the first game of the season by pounding some no-named school in Louisiana. Another assumption is assuming 34-10 is a pounding. I don't think it is but I wanted to use a term that would make us sound powerful and respectful. That last sentence probably messed everything up.

All weekend I watched football. My large mouth did not live up to the hype in fantasy league week one. If I had to put money on it, I would imagine that the league is rigged against me. It's like I am stuck in some sort of Truman Show plot.

I am a horrible gardener. At first I was proud of my skills for reviving two plants but now I am beginning to have second thoughts. I have killed two totally separate plants, twice each. The first is a member of the vine family and and now belongs to no family due to me dropping it completely out of the tub it was in. I did however, bring it back to life, only to kill it again. What was once green is now being consumed by brown and some yellowish color. The other, my favorite, is or was a pepper plant. It produces or produced green peppers that turn, yellow, then orange and finally red. Very cool. Now the entire plant is wilting away. This is the second time Oscar, figured I would give it a name since it is a favorite, has wilted away. I feel like giving up but I won't. There might be a third of even fourth life for these two.

I took the atomic fireball challenge just a few minutes ago. "I was man" are my exact words on how I performed. Never once removed it, except to see what color it was towards the very end. In case you were wondering, it turned white. My guess is that the red is the hot part.

What yard line must a football team drive to, to reach the "red zone"?

Last entry's answer was the San Francisco 49ers.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

it's only 2:00, time is too slow at work

Someone is clipping their fingernails in the other office right now. It's so annoying and I cannot concentrate on anything at this very moment, except writing this sentence.

NFL regular season starts tonight. I told the guy that is playing me in fantasy football this weekend that he better have some players playing tonight so that he will have a head start because he will need it. Let it be known this is my first year to ever play fantasy football and I have no idea what I am doing.

This morning I pretended that weather was getting cooler. The air conditioner in my car was on and it had me thinking that the leaves would soon begin changing colors. Then I noticed that all the trees around were pines.

Thank goodness Apple put the little "R" and "L" on the earphones. Otherwise I would go crazy trying to determine which ear piece goes in which ear. If the right goes in the left ear the world is not right and I will hear everything backwards.

The LSU guy at work made some BBQ sauce and I took a bottle. It's taking everything in me to not drink it right now.

Going to Starkville, MS next weekend for some Bulldog Bash and the Miss St vs Auburn football game. The last time I went to a home game against Auburn I took the largest cowbell anyone has ever seen. Made the front sports page of multiple newspapers and even the beloved Mississippi State year book. My roommate was so proud.

I listened to my first full length speech by a politician last night. She held my attention the entire time. I have never felt more like an American citizen than I did last night. That was until Big and Rich came on to sing.

What NFL team was the first to win the Vince Lombardi trophy five times?

Last entry's answer was the Cincinnati Bengal's.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

back from blogcation

I missed it.

While I was gone:

  • Survived "Hurricane" number one of the season. Edouard was the laughing stock of the neighborhood. The local thunderstorm a week later showed him up.
  • The co-ed softball team proved to be worthless by winning only one game all season. Then on top of that, some rather large fellow ran over me at home plate in the last game. I will never cover someone else's position again.
  • Blogger changed everything on me.
  • 21 has remained my favorite number while green is barely hanging on as my favorite color.
  • The Hurricane Pole is still keeping on.
  • Another hurricane is has formed and is heading towards me again. The super awesome NASA Hurricane Computer Bags are coming back out for the weekend.
  • Swam in the pool once.
  • Wore the same shirt more than three times in a row.
  • Mopped floor with my two fantasy football drafts.
  • Began riding my bike again.
  • Bought five t-shirts from a website because I kept wearing the same shirt too much.
  • Cried when the Olympics ended.
Tonight is the start of the College Football Season 2008-2009. I have been waiting days and days and days and days for this moment and it is finally upon us. Mississippi State will travel to a little unknown school in Louisiana for what will hopefully/better be win by at least 75 points. If not I will do something out of the ordinary.

"You disgust me" That's what I read on the subject of an email this morning. Thank goodness it wasn't mine. As I was exiting the "Sports Lounge", with coffee, at the apartment this morning I glanced over at some dude's email and that's what it read. He never would turn around so I am still wondering if he was crying or not. He was wearing a blue and white t-shirt in case anyone was wondering.

The new softball season starts in two weeks. I will predict that we will win every game by at least thirte...I mean twelve points. This is not the co-ed team because if so I would predict that we will lose every game by thirteen points.

What NFL team introduced the no-huddle offense during the 1980s?

Last entry's answer was tug-of-war.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

can't believe i just posted

Today I wore full length socks and the feeling resembles that of wearing socks with sandals. I've been thinking about cutting them with scissors into homemade ankle socks. Then I would worry about them feeling too loose around the ankle. Either way, I feel like I made the worst mistake of the month of August. Thank goodness the month is almost over.

The thought hit me a while ago; do urinal producers calculate the angle that will best minimize splash back. I'm sorry all women readers for that horrible brain thought. Let the record show that this did not occur to me while I was at a urinal.

The Dave Matthews Band finally made it back to Houston. Dave himself complained about the hot weather then said the people were all very pretty. I would've used direct quotes but I don't remember the exact words he used. Then his show rocked my shoes off. I stood in the grass barefooted and danced my booty off by only swaying my hips, legs, head, and torso.

Ever since the Olympics have been on I have been late for work everyday. The USA National Anthem almost brings tears to my eyes each and every time it's played.

The tallest lady I have ever seen just walked into my office. I have no idea how she ties her shoes.

Last entry's answer was three.

What contest of team strength was an official Olympic event from 1900 to 1920?

Monday, August 4, 2008

don't get to excited just yet

I'm back because there is a natural disaster on the way and this might be my farewell note.

Most Americans, even those located on the Gulf of Mexico, do not know that there is a weak hurricane/tropical storm in the Gulf. Well, someone who is aware is taking full action, NASA is on the scene. We are on Hurricane Lock Down. Talks of JSC closing down are being passed around like its hot. Bags are being gathered that are labeled "Hurricane Bags." A "Hurricane Bag" is for protecting all hardware located in your work area, computers, monitors, phones, chairs, garbage cans. Everyone is required to have one. Yes, even those people who are located on the second floor, in the middle of the building, with no windows. Cover your stuff! I plan on covering my entire work area with a pop up tent.

We played softball in the rain and lightening last night. I wasn't scared. My bat is made of composite materials and I don't have any metal plates in my head.

More updates on Tropical Storm Edouard: Some guy, who has the name of a male anatomy, is running around freaking out because he has to cover the TVs in the windowless room. I just looked at him.

If these useless trash bags…correction, "Hurricane Bags" do not perform perfectly, NASA as we know it, may never be the same. Please people, keep those fingers crossed as we go through this time of crisis. The United States, The World, The Universe, and The Olympics are depending on these bags.

Let it be known that I am extremely, probably the most I have ever been, excited about the Olympics starting this weekend.

Last real entry's post answer was the sixteenth.

How many of Carl Lewis' Olympic gold medals were won in long jump competitions?

Monday, July 28, 2008

it's over

The End

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

it took a long time to gather this much

I've already forgot what I last said to the world last time. If I repeat myself then quit reading and tell someone important. But don't worry, the pregnant girl gave me a banana.

Everyone was wearing their sunglasses in the hall just a few minutes ago. There were only three people but that was everyone. Except for me. For once in my life I did not want to be considered as part of the "everyone" group. Mainly because I don't wear my sunglasses inside on a cloudy day.

I learned that my business card is not up to date. I don't care because I still think it's cool to even have a business card.

Softball was last night. The first game was totally awesome. I can't even remember if we had a second game though. Don't ever ask me about it either.

Christmas is already being planned for me. For the first time ever in the history of Matt, there will be a white Christmas! Sorry for such nonsense excitement 6 months early. It's what I do now, being a "young professional", plan in advance.

What century did mathematicians first use plus and minus signs?

Last entry's answer was the chimpanzee.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

holy cow!

The river float was riveting. Best part was loosing the roommate and him having to float most of the river alone. I'm willing to bet money he cried and was probably scared. This better not make all the girls feel sorry for him. I suggest we keep him on a leash next time.

Softball was last night and we won the first and the other one doesn't even matter. I'm willing to bet that one of the teams cheated, because I said so. My performance was just ok. Next week I guarantee it to be the best anyone has ever witnessed in the state of Texas. If not, I'll go shirtless to work all week, maybe.

The giant blow up sea turtle of mine took up almost a quarter of the apartment pool. I didn't care as long as I was able to float and stay dry. All the little kids were jealous of me. One tried to squirt me with a water gun but his mom saw and gave him the look. It didn't work, I still got wet.

What's the most intelligent mammal after man?

Last entry's answer was the dishwasher.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

one lame post

I left my body board at the pool outside the condo at the conclusion of Beach Trip 2008. Two main reasons for this: the string came off and it smelt like raw oysters. That's all that needs to be said on this issue.

A friend and some other friends and I are going to float a river tomorrow. It sounds a little slow but I'll be sure to wear my new bathing suit to speed things up a bit.

I have nothing else to say today.

What kitchen invention took the top prize at the 1893 Chicago World's Fair?

Last entry's answer was tuna salad with mayo.

beach trip 2008 in a short but informative review

Beach Trip 2008 did not suck. Condo was awesome, weather was great, water was cold. Who knew that water in the Gulf of Mexico was cold in July? I didn't.

I bit into my apple this morning and it had already gone bad. I threw it in the garbage can outside. Maybe some little squirrel can enjoy my misfortune. Then someone will get mad because some little squirrel is playing in the trash just trying to survive. I have no idea if I did a good thing or not now.

I littered the beach with 1500 feet of kite string upon my final exit from the sand at the end of Beach Trip 2008. Utility Al's shark kite flew to a new Beach Trip record, an altitude of 1500 plus feet. Once above 1000 feet the label of "height" becomes "altitude". This is not official terminology but one that I have created to sound more intelligent. I cut the string and watched in excitement as the kite slowly descended. I hope some kid has as much happiness as you can have with a free kite.

The most important lesson I learned on Beach Trip 2008, don't eat oysters in May, June, July, or August. Only eat them in months with the letter 'R', also known as January, February, March, April, September, October, November, and December. Or else.

Now, Father Rob's theme song from Beach Trip 2008.
"Me and my friend saw a platypus
Me and my friend made a comic book
And guess how long it took
I can do anything that I want cuz, look:

I can keep rhythm with no metronome
No metronome
No metronome"
"Handlebars" by Flobots

What deli sandwich topped Dateline NBC's list for total fat content - a Reuben, BLT or tuna salad with mayo?

Last entry's answer was Germany

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

be back in a few days

Dear Internet, I'll be gone a few days. Have fun while I'm gone. But not too much fun. Enough fun to have fun.

This is one of those days that I wish I had a twin to send to work instead of myself.

Do edible undies taste good?

Beach Trip 2008 takes place tomorrow. I couldn't be more excited in my life than I am right now. Except for that one day I found a $10 bill in my pocket. To make the trip even more fun I bought a blow up sea turtle, inner tube, beach ball, flat raft, and a Winnie the Pooh kite. I wanted Toy Story but it cost $5 compared to $1 that I paid.

How come paid isn't spelled payed. That would make more sense to me. Some poor kid in high school English class in Italy could've made an A if it weren't for that. I'm sure that has happened to at least one Italian in the history of Italians learning English.

What country boasts the world's oldest active brewery, dating back to 1040 A.D,.?

Last entry's answer was Haiti.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

the astros won but...

My forehead was peeling this morning and with the new haircut I don't have much hair to cover it up. I hope no one looks at me today.

Astros game was just ok last night. We sat in the only section that had coordinated fans. They cheered the entire game. It was all thanks to this one little girl who had long blond hair with a pink hat turned sideways. She didn't use her chair for sitting, but rather for standing to project her voice over the crowd. She stood the whole game while yelling "Let's Go Astros!!" Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap. No sort of originality at all, same cheer over and over. I gave her a few turns of my head in her direction, but they did nothing. She'd look back and wonder why on earth I wasn't clapping. I did however participate in the wave. I put forth a lot of effort by sacrificing both arms and a yell, "Whoooooo!"

The girl that sits next to me at work sounds like the boss from Office Space. "Yeaaaaaaaaah."

I moved up a row last night because some tall old dude with funky hair sat directly in front of me. All I could see was the batter, hair and scalp, and the outfield. Still not sure if the move up was a good idea or not. Row 36 happened to be the busiest row in the entire stadium. Each row dweller was constantly taking turns getting up and going somewhere. I was sitting on the aisle. That one little boy probably peed about 6 times and somehow could not coordinate a pee break at the same time as going to the gift shop. The roommate also became aware that he shares the same cologne as an old man.

What volatile nation was the first Caribbean country to gain independence?

Last entry's answer was Australia.

Monday, June 30, 2008

my new haircut is ok

Astros game tonight. I wanted to wear my blue shirt tonight but they're playing the Dodgers. Would it be dishonorable of me to wear it anyways but still wear my Astros hat even though I know they're playing the Dodgers? If someone were to say something I would just tell them all my other clothes were dirty. Then that would be a lie because I did laundry last night. My situation I have here is beating me up inside. It would probably be best to paint my on my chest the words "Go Team" in black letters.

Summer Beach Trip 2008 is Thursday. I wish there were flags to put on my windows so everyone would know where I'm going. Maybe I'll just write all over my windows with that white stuff. "Beach or Bust." "Summer Beach Trip 2008." "Matt #21." That should be enough.

Got a new haircut on Saturday. I don't think I have ever looked any better in my life than I do right now. Actually it's just an ok haircut. I try to fool myself but there is a mirror next to my desk.

What continent is cut into two fairly equal halves by the Tropic of Capricorn?

Last entry's answer was Pirouette.

Friday, June 27, 2008

the law of the land can't contain me

Today I wanted to be a good law abiding citizen. No one ever told me it was going to be so hard. Driving the speed limit isn't an easy. Ok, truthfully I wasn't going the speed limit but roughly 5-10 mph over. But still, that wasn't easy in this traffic. Especially with people passing me like I was standing still and spitting on me. Yeah, someone spit on my windshield. Some rather large peon driving an over sized milk truck spit on my windshield. Just because I was going 7 over the limit doesn't mean you have spit on me. I clean my car/truck/suv, drive the speed limit, sort of, and this is the thanks I get? I'm just happy I have a windshield.

Symphony in the park tonight. If it's half as good as it was last weekend I'll show up on time this go around.

I had some tomato basil soup last night and it was truly a party in the mouth. A very formal, wearing a tux kind of party. If I could eat that stuff everyday I would. More than likely for breakfast, lunch, dinner and 4th meal.

What's the ballet term for a 360-degree turn on one foot?

Last entry's answer was Mecca.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

working for the weekend

I worked 11 hours yesterday. No one else has as much endurance as me. Someone should probably give me an award for breaking the previous record for total hours worked in one day. This major achievement was done on little food, little sleep and pure Matt will power. I fee like a champion.

My Xbox broke the other day. I have played an average of 2 hours per week since mid October. I feel lost without it now. There is a blank spot under the TV with just ugly wires hanging out. It hasn't been confirmed yet, but I plan on blaming the broken video game system on the roommate's new TV. Ever since the larger upgrade nothing has worked correctly. I feel like breaking something now. Maybe I'll tie knots in all his shoe strings.

I did nothing last night and it was great. Tonight is Fiesta Night 2008 in my apartment. 58 people were invited and I expect 2 to show up. That number also is including me.

What Saudi Arabian city was the birthplace of the prophet Muhammad?

Last entry's was Placid.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

from my view point

After I left the game last night, traffic turned into a nightmare. A nightmare full of WWE fans. I knew they were fans of the fake because they were all walking out of the Toyota Center with their chests blown up and humongous gold belts across their shoulder. Then I saw the truck that said WWE.

I observed a grown man hitting on a woman last night at the game. He came to watch the Astros, she came for the Rangers. 5th inning she was wearing his Astros hat, he was booing umpire calls that were in favor of the Astros. 6th and 7th innings they were no where to be seen. Top of the 8th they return together and she was still wearing the Astros hat and he cheered for both teams. Ballgame! she left with his hat, he chased her down.

I got to work super early this morning and it started to rain. My umbrella is very small and my pants still got wet. I considered calling in sick but I continued my unsatisfying walk through the parking lot to my building.

Some peon just emailed me, "Could you send a pic of the ent center." I replied, "Could you use proper English?"

At which Lake were the 1980 Winter Olympic held?

Last entry's answer was Radio City Music Hall.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

what my plans are, just incase

If my car ever broke down in front of an adult store and I needed to use their phone but they wouldn't let me unless I bought something, I would buy edible undies. Then I would call for help and also let them know I have a snack so there would be no need for a rush.

As I was eating lunch, The Girl Who Doesn't Like Me Laughing turned around and saw me trying to push too many chips into my mouth. She always makes me feel like an underachiever.

Astros game tonight. They're giving away free t-shirts tonight to the first 10,000 fans. If I don't get one I'll pay someone for theirs. I also plan on buying a $9 coke so I'll get another one of those Astros collector cups. They make everything taste better. The ice cream in the helmet is a ripoff.

What New York City landmark is the largest movie theater in the U.S.?

Last entry's answer was Cal Ripkin Jr.

Monday, June 23, 2008

peanut oil makes concrete floors slick

I started the day off on the wrong foot. Tried to be somewhat healthier and bought "natural" peanut butter for my daily lunch pb&j sandwich. Opening the new jar of "natural" peanut butter turned out to be a disaster. I might have turned the jar sideways when trying to open it but you can't fault me for that. The lid was on tight. There must have been 3 tablespoons of peanut oil on the top. So of course, it goes all over my left shoe and pant leg. I really wish I would have screamed, but I didn't. Considering my options, I opted to continue making the lunch since it wasn't going to fix itself. Then I changed pants. The khakis went straight to the dirty clothes bin now which was total disappointment since I didn't even get to wear them once since the last wash. This has now put me in a terrible mood and I feel like blaming someone, anyone. If you would consider being blamed please email me before COB tomorrow. I've always wanted to use COB but have never felt it necessary until now.

Mandatory overtime kicks in today. I'm going to have to put it on hold though. Going to the Astros game tomorrow evening. I bought a new hat just for this occasion. It's dark blue.

HD television is slightly better than regular cable viewing. I would recommend it to anyone who wears contacts or glasses or has considered wearing contacts or glasses. For the record, I don't wear contacts but I know people who do and they like HD tv better.

Who homered in his third straight game on the day he beat Lou Gehrig's record for consecutive games?

Last entry's question was toy train.

Friday, June 20, 2008

taco meat

Made tacos last night with the anything that was present in the fridge. I had no cheese, lettuce, or tomatoes, just taco meat. If anyone else would have made them they probably would have only been fair. Mine were excellent, sort of. I think I'll go shopping today and try again tonight.

There was nothing good on TV last night and the Astros got beat again. They stink.

"That's Nasty" is back on Baseball Tonight. I am rejoicing on the inside.

Big Boss is enforcing mandatory overtime for me starting next week. Again, I am rejoicing on the inside. He told me the maximum I can put in is 60 hours a week and I am to work on nothing else except my secret project. Talks have even resurfaced about a temp peon working under me. So once again I requested a sorority sister from a local college. They're thinking of a grandma instead.

In 1901, this became the first toy in the world to be powered by electricity.

Last entry's answer was Georgia.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

jelly is sticky

Third day in a row.

I'm eating my peanut butter and jelly sandwich today, like I do everyday. This particular sandwich has too much jelly between the pieces of bread. It's getting everywhere. I've had to wipe jelly off my mouse, lick my finger and wipe again. That's how disgusting this stuff is. I have considered eating my sandwiches without using my hands but The Girl Who Doesn't Like My Laughing will probably complain. Either way I look at this, my lunch will never be the same.

The Roommate bought a big TV last night. I beat him at video game hockey and it was a sweet victory. He should probably get rid of this TV and try again with an even bigger one.

The sticky is on my forearms because I am typing. My work day productivity is now ruined. I will only copy and paste words for the remainder of the day.

What southeastern state was the last to return to the Union after the Civil War.

Last entry's answer was Japan.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

so fresh and so clean

Started on the new bottle of "shampoo" this morning. It didn't seem to lather very well and I thought it was because of the new slight change in the bottle design. Well, it turns out that I bought conditioner instead of shampoo. I have no idea how I could ever make such a huge mistake. Surely the Better Head of Hair Company wouldn't disguise the bottles so they look almost exactly alike. It turns out they did. I considered using body wash to wash my hair but I didn't. I got out of the shower and fished the old bottle of shampoo from the garbage. There was a dryer sheet that wouldn't come off and was making me angry so I gave up conditioned my hair instead. No one has commented on how beautiful my hair is today.

Sold my entertainment center already. That's what happens when you flex a muscle on Craigslist.

I helped a helpless girl yesterday with her car problems. She bought a new battery and I changed it. I'm pretty sure she was impressed with my extensive tool set and my ability to tighten and loosen bolts.

The Better Head of Hair Company is a made up name to protect the makers of that Pro-V stuff.

What country used weather-born balloons to drop more than a hundred bombs on North America during World War II.

Last entry's answer was the White House.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

tuesday VII

The weekend was fun. That should tell you everything you need to know.

I'm trying to make a little extra money on the side. If anyone wants to help in this cause and get something really cool click my link. This is the link to get something cool and help Matt make more money.

So far I'm 2 for 2 in racing the neighbor in her little four door Honda. Raced on the way home from work yesterday evening. She lost. Then we left about the same time this morning and I passed her on the interstate. She didn't know it was a race but she lost anyways.

Sorry for turning my blog into a cash cow today. I want to go to Cash Camp later this summer.

Saw The Happening last night and had to sit on the front row. The place was packed. No where to sit 5 people except on the bottom section, second row. This move had so many facial close ups of Marky Mark that I even dreamed I was in a M. Night Shyamalan movie. Then I woke up.

I had something else entertaining to write about but I can't remember. This will be it.

What got a new balcony, front portico and two extra chimneys on the back of $20 bills, in 1948?

Last entry's answer was the orbital period of Mars is 686.9726 days.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

friday gets short

This week was pretty lame. The only excitement I've had is peeling the dried skin from the sunburn. I can stand in front of that mirror for hours and just peel and peel some more. What is it with peeling sunburned skin that is so amusing? If I only I could go to the bathroom here at work and peel.

Plans are finally made for The Beach Trip 2008. I just now officially gave it a title. If the other people going on the trip don't like then they don't have to go. Or they can politely email me an even better name. I like The Beach Trip 2008, it tells exactly what it is in a nice short title. No confusion here.

HR Lady's floor plan proposal for our new office was accidentally leaked out. I didn't like it so I changed it for my own personal comfort. Gave myself a TV, sofa, two leather chairs, and a green plant for the corner. I think more work will be done in a more efficient manner now. Her small cubical for me was out of the question. Now I need some guts to go show her. She scares me.

How long is a Martian year?

Last entry's answer was Coco Puffs.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

that ball of fire in the sky hurts

Who knew that the sun was so harmful. All day Saturday I was at the pool and soon after I began to understand why it was a bad idea, oh well got to live up to the motto. That's right, sun's out, guns out. That's my new motto I learned from someone not as cool as me. He could never beat me up so I can publish that statement. After basking in the Houston heat all afternoon I soon realized that I'm not the same kid from the years past that never wore sunscreen. I am in pain right now. Have been now since Saturday evening. My skin color is no longer a beautiful human hue but more that of a red crayon. I radiate heat. After a shower I don't even need a towel. The water can't wait to escape my presence, it prefers the steam state. Mirrors fog over when I walk into a restroom. Ice doesn't stand a chance in my cup. I am flat out hot and sick of it.

I bought an iron and an ironing board yesterday. I even ironed my underwear last night.

We just punked someone. It took about 1 week but it finally worked. The vacant computer that suspenders left has an awesome sound system connected to it. Large speakers, sub, even more awesome speakers. So last week or so I turned up the volume all they in hopes that some peon would come around and turn the computer on like on that video. You know, the start up noise one. Over here. Well anyways, it worked. Totally freaked the computer tech out. I laughed.

I've slacked on this. I'm sorry people. I'm sorry friends. I'm sorry President Bush.

Last night I wanted to cry. The sunburn began producing large volumes of itch everywhere. Approximately 12:12 I woke up with some itch being dispersed across my chest and back. Nothing a little aloe can't fix....I don't think so, this Banana Boat "aloe" crap made it worse! The itch spread and then morphed into pain. Pills did't help, cold shower did nothing, neither did that manly smelling body wash. The pain wouldn't quit. I felt like throwing something at my mirror but that would probably make things worse. So what'd I do, I had mom sooth me to calmness with her sweet words. Thanks Mom. Thanks Special Friend for sweet words when mom had to sleep.

What breakfast cereal was Sonny the Cuckoo Bird "cuckoo for"?

Last entry's answer was 5.

Friday, June 6, 2008

it's finally friday...i'm free again, almost

NBA Finals were last night and I only watched part of the second quarter, most of the third and none of the fourth. My favorite part happened when the guy came back from the locker room and everyone cheered. That would make me feel like a million dollars and makes me want to dunk three times in a row. The first being a tomahawk, second a through the legs, and finally a 360. The crowd goes wild.

Yesterday I worked mission support, again. This time I had been upgraded to a higher position but the work was less than before. I was the Coordinator. I say that like Arnold Schwarzenegger says Terminator. I think they just like having me in there because I have a pretty face and I know a few jokes. I showed them and didn't tell a single joke the entire time. Woo!

Who knew pistachios were so freaking addictive? I think I ate about 234 of them yesterday. No idea whose they were but I just keep eating them. They're like crack in the form of a nut. It wouldn't surprise me if drugs, cigarettes, and beer were made from pistachios. I woke up this morning thinking about them and my mouth began to salivate. Salivate is a gross word.

Sorry for saying "Woo!" in the second paragraph. It was really unnecessary.

If you let water sit long enough to cool or warm to room temperature and then put some on your skin, why does it feel cooler?

My fantasy baseball team has gone to crap over the past 3-4 weeks. I feel like throwing my computer but I won't. It would cost me too much to replace a broken government computer, or not.

I deleted the paragraph that was here because I thought it was stupid and a waste of time and space.

Someone is in the hall way decked out in asbestos survival gear. He's wearing the full outfit and a face mask while digging around in the ceiling stirring up all sorts of crazy dust. In the back of my mind I don't see this as safe. What's keeping me from inhaling trash? He does have the small area he is working in taped off with caution tape though. As if the harmful dust would stay in that confined area only. Sometimes I just wonder. Sorry the picture is a little fuzzy, I think it was because of all the harmful dust in the air.

Lost Boys: Rufio! Rufio! Ru-Fi-OOOOOOOOOOOOOh!

How many NBA titles did Magic Johnson help the Lakers win as a player?

Last entry's answer was the Bulls.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

i happen to like my blue jeans

The lady who sits behind me really needs to invest in some sort of headphones for her phone. I'm sick and tired of listening to her speaker phone crap. There's always something going on that she has to listen to. Conference calls, missions, or doctor reports, it's always something and it's very annoying. I can often hear the noise from her phone over my own earphones. She doesn't even add her two cents to the conference. I think she does it just to annoy me and it's working.

HR Lady got irritated with me this morning. It was my fault because I wore blue jeans. She asked me into her office to aid in locating the problem with her phone cord and why the phone wasn't working. Apparently she wanted me to crawl on the ground under her desk because it doesn't matter if jeans get dirty. Before I go rolling around on the dirty floor I want to rule out other possibilities of the phone not working. Not HR Lady, she wanted me to get down and dirty right off the bat. I'm not ready for this just yet ma'am. So then I hear, "Never mind", and see her crawling under the desk. I just stood there. She came back up after a minute or so and said "Ok". That was my cue to leave. She made me feel awkward. I'm guessing she's only here because the weather isn't that nice today. I mean, who wants to "work" from home when it's cloudy?

I have a thing for Jewel. Is that still cool?

I just ate a peach. My peach didn't come from a can. The juice got all over my blue jeans. Wonder what HR Lady would think about that. Actually she probably wouldn't think anything and wonder why I was thinking about her thinking about peach juice on my blue jeans.

I need real music at work. The iTunes 30 second clips just aren't doing it for me. Plus it keeps asking me to put in my user name and password. Since when does "later" mean 4 song clips ago?

What was the first NBA team to win 70 games or more in the regular season?

Last entry's answer was mushrooms.

Friday, May 30, 2008

i need some golden suspenders

Yesterday I ate at Quiznos. The framed certificate on the wall said that it was Daniel Sun's place. I quietly ordered my sandwich and didn't complain about anything.

Today is Suspenders last day. Every time I find a new person to share to the world they end up leaving me. I wonder how Old Guy and Heart Breaker Dan are doing now days. Every once in a while I get an email from Heart Breaker Dan and I become very weary. Opening his email could get me fired. I remember some of the stuff he looked at in his inbox, stuff any mother wouldn't want their son seeing.

Tomorrow is the neighbor's birthday and I asked the girl getting the cake if she would get a cookie cake. I told her the story of how that was the only thing I wanted on my birthday and I didn't get one. It was a world crasher. Well, she didn't get a cookie cake and then went on to tell me that it's not my birthday. There's no reason for people to get so upset about cake. I mean, I like cake. Most people like cake. There's icing, cake, and good times. Cake gets everyone in a good mood. When I'm down, I think of cake and instantly I become excited. There's no need for so much hate. I don't like the cake batter ice cream though.

There is a sign in the hallway next to one of the offices that reads, "This is an office area. Do not congregate in this area. This is a quiet zone." I usually whistle, cough, walk loudly, and knock when I pass by. I've really only done that once and it was an accident. Normally I take a detour to avoid the quiet zone. It worries me.

The piles are really pilling up on my desk now. Suspenders might really be missed. I'm scared. I do have some neat space equipment on my desk now. Ladies will be impressed. Sure wish he would leave me those magical suspenders too.

Check out what I did in my free time over the week. This right here.

What edible comes in crimmini, morel, oyster and wood ear varieties?

Last entry's answer was Ted Williams.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

7th inning stretch didn't do it for me

My mouth tastes nasty right now so I know I have bad breath. I hope that girl doesn't come over here. Surely it wasn't that Santa Snickers from last week that did this.

Home was great! Everyone greeted me with smiles, handshakes, and hugs. That one girl who I wish would've kissed me didn't. She'll regret it later.

I helped the Mississippi Braves win. So far they have stunk this season; that's just what I've heard. In case you were wondering the score was 2-1. I ate some peanuts during the 7th and 8th innings and I didn't sing "Take Me Out To the Ballgame" but did stand up and stretch.

Some random girl on the phone at the bowling alley specifically told me they close at 9. We got there at 7 and they were closed. I wanted to throw rocks at the building but I didn't and kept that thought to myself. Someone probably would've have been scared if I had said that out loud. This happened on Sunday night.

One of the technicians came in and his ringtone was a Coldplay song. I didn't like it. Then I realized that I could play it on piano. So it's just ok now. This happened yesterday.

I just called to get a haircut and found out that my girl has moved temporarily till next weekend. That means I'll have to wait 2 weeks to get a haircut. I finally find someone I like and she's not here for me when I need her the most. I feel totally lost and have no idea what I should do. My world will probably crash now.

How come spearmint or peppermint gum makes drinking cold water hurt? I chew the gum then I get thirsty so I drink some water. Pain!

I held Father Rob's baby girl on Sunday. I have never seen a mother so nervous before in my life. Father Rob didn't even notice because he was preoccupied by other entertaining things on the television. The little baby smiled at me.

Spell check told me that I had a word misspelled but suggested a spelling with the same exact word. I think my computer thinks I'm stupid and doesn't trust me.

What slugger did Boston name its third harbor tunnel after?

Last entry's answer was Bill Russell.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

i've never felt like dancing till now

Sorry for the crappy but for the first time honest post the other day. Everyone got onto me about it and told me I was a dork. I picked a few scabs to prove to them that I was tough.

The guy here at work who is in a band keeps bugging me. Just a while ago he surprised me while I was actually doing real work. "Hey, you listened to my cd yet?" "" He didn't look happy at all about it. Next, he told me I could be on his band's email list. Great, how do I avoid this? Uhh, here's a post it note with my email. I hope I misspelled it. Then he went around to everyone else and got their emails. Everyone looked thrilled. Once back at my desk he made me go to his band's web page. I'm listening to one of the songs now. Mom always told me that if you can't say anything nice don't say nothing at all.

Two of the girls in the office just made an awkward moment. Neither one of them wanted to walk in front of the other so they stood there like two fools motioning for the other to go. I just watched and listened to this stuff on the internet.

I'm going here tonight because it's free and across the street. I hope I start dancing.

Some recording just called me. It sounded like the big black lady from the high school cafeteria telling me to go vote. "Voting is your American privilege. Go vote!" I told her to go away.

All my friends at other jobs get "red flags" when I send them links. I have never heard "young adults" cry so much about not being able to go to websites. So I send them more. NASA is not part of the corporate world and we can visit any website we want. Except Yahoo! Mail.

Yesterday afternoon I overheard two punks talking about getting the mail chute covered up. These two "punks" were actually older people who work here. Anyways, the lady was complaining about the mail chute for some reason unknown to me. I hope I had nothing to do with this complaining. Every time I walk past it I open and shut it. It could possibly be annoying for this woman.

I just ate a Santa Snickers. It was good.

I saw her headin' to the table
Well a tall walking big black cat
When Charlie said I hope that you're able boy
"Long Cool Woman (In a Black Dress)" by The Hollies

This is for the Three Basketeers. Who was the last Boston Celtics coach to lead the team to two straight NBA titles?

Last entry's answer was John Wilkes Booth.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

nothing about nothing

For once in my life I really don't have too much say. I would tell a funny joke but I don't know one. This is going to be bad, but here it goes.

Just go here and don't read anymore.

Work has become tiresome. They have me doing the stupidest stuff now. If only they would've hired that peon to come do my tedious work. Then I could play more games and search the web for stuff like this. Click this link. Or this, click this link now.

Been riding my bike a lot lately. I have never had such a burning sensation in my legs before. That's all I have to say about that.

Yesterday was a day of discomfort. Almost fell in the kitchen and it really hurt my ankle. I swore it was a water spot but I couldn't find any water. My upper (muscular) arms are sun burnt. Sleeping on my side and showering does not feel good. Lower back hurts when I run. Yesterday's running was cut short. Legs burn when I ride my bike. Bike riding was at a minimum. I give up.

Cleaning is such a horrible chore. How do they keep clean rooms so clean? Is it those funny looking socks you put on over your shoes?

Going back to the hometown for the Memorial Day weekend. Dakoda and Angel will probably be the only ones excited to see me, if they remember me. I hope their tails wag.

The girl that sits next to me is on her 4 cup of hot chocolate of the day. Does she not know it's 90+ degrees outside? I'm sweating just looking out the window. I really don't have a window and I made that last sentence up.

I have managed to prove that if you don't read other people's blog they will not read yours.

I really have nothing else to say.

What assassin's diary reveals that he changed his plans from kidnapping to murder the day before he did the deed?

Last entry's answer was vacuum.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

this "rasberry" isn't that fruity

I wonder if these girls have room for a third? I think the one on the left would really dig me a lot. We seem like each other's types. Kind of just a gut feeling I have.

I woke up this morning at 2:30 burning up under the big covers. What heck? Dang electricity was off. Fine, kick some covers off and go back to sleep. Woke up again at 3:30, hot. Then at 4:45 some loud banging, maybe they're fixing the electricity, who knows. 5:30, it's hot! Alarm goes of at 6:10, rolled out of bed at 6:30, still no electricity and I'm still hot. How am I going to get ready for work this morning? So I lit some candles and could half way see to get a shower. What? No water either? This is just great, not only will I be dirty and nasty but I can't even see myself in the mirror to halfway make myself presentable. I did brush my teeth with the remaining water in the sink and got dressed somewhat. Just as I was leaving, the lights came back on. Then I checked out myself before leaving. I look good for a dirty boy. This did allow me to wear a hat to work and made me feel the coolest I have ever felt at work.

I feel stupid now.

Me and ants are no longer friends as of this morning. Especially those "crazy rasberry ants". They really did it this time, and there might not be a return for that friendship. They think they're so smart cutting my electricity. Probably laughing and having a good time right now. Oh how I would love pull their legs off. That was mean, but not, sort of.

McDonalds is giving free lunch today. I'm going. It's making the day go by really slow waiting on lunch.

I check this everyday just in case. Never want to be mistaken of what day it is. Thanks guys!

If I was older in the 80's I'd want to be this guy. Let it be known that I have never had red hair or ever wanted red hair. I think it was rare in the 80's and made you even more of a pop icon than in the 2000's. Also, I'm going to learn that trick the black guy does at 2 minutes and 8 seconds and then the other one at 3:03. I'd probably give my left arm to dance like the blonde haired guy too.

"And when you do kill these ants, the survivors turn it to their advantage: They pile up the dead, sometimes using them as a bridge to cross safely over surfaces treated with pesticide"
- "Ants swarm over Houston area, fouling electronics" by Linda Stewart Ball

What portable device did James Spengler invent in 1907, using a soap box, pillow case, a fan and tape?

Last answer was the Reformation.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

back when the west was plastic

The hallway smells like a magic marker and I keep walking out there. I hope I don't get high from this. Can you get high from magic marker smells in the hall? Could they fire me if I just hangout in the hall and get high from working? I don't know what I should do in this situation. Someone should write a book about how to act when stuff like this takes place. Those would be great Christmas presents.

I went to the Art Car Parade on Saturday. It was probably the most fun that anyone who loves cars and art could ever have. I wish I would've have glued those little plastic cowboys and indians all over my car/truck/suv. My art would be called "Back When The West Was Plastic".

Why does everything cost money? Why can't something just be free? I mean truly free. Powder told me that the free advertisements on tv aren't actually free. They include the price of the free item into the price of the product. So I argued that they don't raise the price of the product when the freebies are thrown in. She said they keep the prices the same and randomly add free stuff in the deal. I think she's crazy and doesn't know what she's talking about. This paragraph has completely confused me and I no longer know what I'm talking about.

I started pushing my hair to the right side of my face since I got the new haircut on Wednesday. I don't mean that hair is in my face, it's just that good looking hair length. Sort of longer than short. (If that doesn't make any sense, sorry, deal with it.) It was time for a change. No one has even noticed and I'm thinking of shaving my head to get some attention around here. If that's what it will take then that's what it will be. Then I'll be more aerodynamic. Running faster has always been something I've wanted to do.

Guy Who Hates Popcorn Smell just walked into the office next to mine and I only heard one sentence from their entire conversation, since that was during the song break. "What's a hooker supposed to smell like?" I wish my music would've come back on a little sooner.

Another peon was in here asking Stink if he had any family in the earthquake and being a very concerned co-worker. I thought it was a nice gesture. Then about 3 minutes into his conversation I heard him ask, "How many digits do you have to dial to call over there?" I turned around and made a smart remark, I don't know if he appreciated it or not. I think I then told him 34 to make up for my smart remark.

"You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress.
Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight"
"Kiss Me" - Sixpence None the Richer

What religious movement began with Martin Luther's attack on the sale of indulgences?

Last entry's answer was The Six Day War.

Friday, May 9, 2008

the sticky is everywhere

Congrats to the younger sister. She got a new job and I'm highly jealous. Utah will now have a new ski instructor. I'm pretty sure she will be calling her favorite brother for advice and ski tips. I now know for a fact that I can ski better than at least one paid ski instructor in the Rockies. Her new job also has it's perks for me. This means more skiing, more spending of money, and more time off from work. I knew buying those new skis was a great investment. Watch out snow, here I come.

I screwed up my orange today. I always cut it with the key chain pocket knife into four sections. Today I cut it wrong. What the heck was I thinking. Now peeling it just made a big mess and I got orange juice everywhere. My desk will be sticky for days now. All my friends at work will probably leave me and I will become extremely bored with myself. Stupid orange. And it wasn't even that good. It was warm.

The phone on my desk is positioned all wrong. Every time I open the draw the phone cord gets in the way. It may seem pointless but it drives me nuts. I should probably put in a request for a cordless phone. Then I could carry it around on my hip or something like that. I would feel hip then.

Dang hands are all sticky. Arms are sticky from typing. Keyboard is sticky. I really hope this sticky doesn't follow me into my my car/truck/suv and then home.

I have nothing more. I'm only wasting space with this small paragraph. This is probably the only time that I have ever wrote a paragraph and told the whole truth.

Plainview: Now run along and play, and don't come back.
-There Will Be Blood

What war lasted from June5, 1967 to June 10, 1967?

Last entry's answer was Delta. I will never repeat another question.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

send complaints to someone else, i don't care

I hate talking to customer support services on the phone. I also hate using the word "hate". Why do the products I buy have people who speak broken English, working their phones? For the most part, I'm a pretty nice guy, so I've been told by my Mom. But when I get on the phone with Hakim from the other side of the world, my bad side comes out. I say words that I never thought existed outside of a ship. I threaten him with threats of hanging up. Call him an idiot and ask him if he even knows what a possum is. Then, I put him on hold and make him listen to country western music. Take that buddy. I'm not sorry.

I'm tired of this nasty smell! Stink really needs to do something about his problem. It's starting to tick me off. One day I'm going to blow up and I'll probably get fired. Then I'll never get another job because everyone in the world will have heard how I yelled at work. My life will probably be ruined because of this gaseous issue.

Click this if you're cool.

I fell off my bike again yesterday. Just when I get rid of the other biking scars, I add new ones. I feel tough.

I got stood up yesterday by the haircut lady. Just for that I'm going to call her a barber. They hate that. She better be there today, or else.

People who walk into my office area, say nothing, and then leave are weird. I make mean faces at them and make them feel dumb.

A friend of mine suggested that I invest in biking shorts. These are shorts that come with extra padding in the butt. I never knew this stuff existed. It's pretty much, in my opinion, an awesome idea for the bike enthusiast. Instead of spending lots of money on a padded saddle, just buy some shorts. The only problem that I'm worried about is how it will make my butt look when I ride past that blonde girl who runs in the park. I think she stares at my butt each time.

Communication was reestablished with My Future Wife yesterday. She texted me and I could tell she was excited. I didn't miss her that much, she can be mean at times.

Guy Who Hates Popcorn Smell never shakes hands. He always only fist bumps people. Is it called fist bumping? Well, it is now. It was a very awkward time when I went to shake his hand and he put a fist out instead. I didn't know what to do. So I just grabbed it. Then two fist grabs later I learned, from an observer's prospective, that he just wants a fist bump. I don't like fist bumping. The last time he fist bumped, he did it harder than what I was ready for. Now I'm ready for it. He's going to get a punch on his fist when I see him again. I hope this doesn't start a riot.

What airline started out as the first crop-dusting outfit to battle boll weevils?

Last entry's answer was the honor.

Monday, May 5, 2008

i hope my shoulder doesn't fall off

Watch out Tiger Woods, Mr. Matt made a little trip to the driving range yesterday and hit $9 worth of balls. It was probably the most fun I had all weekend. I really surprised myself at how far I could hit that little yellow ball. Stead, aim, Boom! While most of the other golfers had nice, good form, I finished my swing like A-Rod rather than John Daley. Always looking for that home run ball. Now my shoulder is killing me. Swinging for the fence ain't easy. It hurts to drive, scratch my head, yo-yo, and work. I will probably fail at everything I do today. People will be devastated.

Yes, I have a yo-yo at work. Suspenders asked me to show him some tricks. I showed him 2 and failed on the third.

These make me laugh out loud. This too. And we'll throw one more in there.

Rode my bike to downtown Saturday and witnessed something I have never ever seen before. Dragon Boat Races!! It was probably the coolest thing I witnessed all weekend. There was a big festival on at the bayou on the north east side of town. I watched and became very jealous that I was on a bike instead of a Dragon Boat. I've already signed up 5 times for the Dragon Boat races in October.

I've called two of my friends and sent them both a text message and I have yet to hear back from either. This will probably mark the end of our friendship forever. He can find a new groomsman. This has ruined everything.

My shoulder is killing me. I can't write anymore on this post. It feels like it will fall off any minute now. That would be horrible and I would have to get a fake plastic arm that won't match my skin color cause I have a tan and sunburn. This might be the end of blogging for me. I'll take it one day at a time. That's the best I can do.

What's a golfer said to have if he is entitled to tee off first?

Last entry's answer were the Marlins.

Friday, May 2, 2008

i put stickers on my planner book

I like how "Good Morning" has been reduced to "Mornin". Me, being a grouch in the early hours, love this shortening stuff. I don't want to talk to you, I don't care if you talk to me, so let's just say the minimum. And for the heck of it, we'll cut one letter off the main word. That'll really speed things up and allow me to continue keeping on. This lazy characteristic works in many other ways too. Instead of "Hey Buck, how's the day going?", I just say "Buck", point a finger at him and continue on. Easy peasy.

What is a "Nut roll"? Someone walking down the hall fairly quickly just said, "This is a nut roll". I am speechless.

I met Coach Sly Croom last night. He shook my hand while talking to someone else. It was amazing. Later I caught him and we put arms around each other for a picture. He didn't smile, I did.

I was just receiving "hot" instructions from Suspenders for a new task. Mid sentence he quit telling me what I need to do and blurted out a few curse words and left. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now. I'll sit here, listen to my music and finish my blog post.

My wallet feels really big today. It's becoming quit annoying sitting at my desk with this large bulge in my back right pocket. I'm sitting at an 3 degree angle almost. Pretty sure I look like a total dork for my awkwardness. I'm thinking of taking it out and setting it on my desk. Hope no one will think I'm trying to show it off in a rude manner. It is brown leather.

Michael Scott: Hey, I thought you weren't supposed to eat anything for a couple hours after you've had a crown put it?
Dwight Schrute: ...They have this new kind of quick-drying bonding.
Michael Scott: Oh? sounds like a good dentist.
Dwight Schrute: Yea...
Michael Scott: What's his name?
Dwight Schrute: (long pause) Crentist.
Michael Scott: The dentist's name is crentist?
Dwight Schrute: Yea.
Michael Scott: Sounds a lot like dentist.
Dwight Schrute: Maybe that's why he became a dentist?
-The Office

I promise I didn't copy anything from this post except that other thing. Probably should have so it would have been a more entertaining read. It would be best if no one read this.

What major league baseball team is sometimes dubbed "The Fish"?

Last entry's answer was dentist.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

this blog has turned into bathroom humor, sorry

It's official. Some suit and tie just asked me where the nearest bathroom was. It's bathroom in the professional world. Take that restroom.

Still feeling sickish but still keeping on. Nothing can hold me back. Today I must keep on keeping on. Nothing's gonna stop me. She's pretty.

Went to the O.A.R. concert last night. Even though my throat hurt, I sang loud enough for 2-3 people in front of me to hear. It might have been the second best concert I have been to all year. Thank you O.A.R. for rocking the world. It was amazing.

I keep drinking water to rid the sick taste in my mouth. This has resulted in many trips to the bathroom. It is becoming quite annoying. I wish we had the family bathroom like at the movies. The one with only one toilet and sink. Instead, since that luxury doesn't exist here, I put an "Out of Order" sign on my favorite stall. Works like a charm.

I had a very embarrassing moment the other day. Someone came into the bathroom while I was, you know, doing my business. Anyways, it sounded like high heels were walking around and entered the number one stall. Being that I'm curious like a cat, I had to take a peek. I slowly lowered my head down below the bottom of the stall wall to see what was up with these shoes. Then to my surprise, he was taking a peek too. We stared at each other face to face for what seemed like eternity. What do you say in this situation? Or do you say nothing at all? After a brief 3 minute shocking stare I quickly raised my head and composed myself. Holy crap! Do quickly finish up and hope he's not a john runner or do I wait it out and hope he leaves before me. I made a wise decision and darted out of there as soon as possible. I'll never forget that face. Luckily, I haven't seen it since. Now, the sounds of high heels walking down the hall scare me.

Stink is here today. I thought my nose was stopped up but I was wrong.

What was the occupation of cotton candy machine inventor William James Morrison?

Last entry's answer was William Wallace.

Monday, April 28, 2008

i'm to cool to wear a helmet; even if i do have a beautiful head

I feel like doo doo today. But I sure don't look like doo doo. Heck, I always look good. Just today, I don't feel very good at all. I'm probably sick. If I wasn't such a loyal employee and very dedicated to doing my job, I'd be home right now, in bed.

Some lady just walked in my office area, looked around, then left. She was chewing gum and wearing a red knit jacket. If anyone reading this knows anything, tell her to watch out.

My roommate slept 13 whole hours on Sunday. Got home about 1ish Saturday morning and I went to bed and I assume he did too. Couldn't see any lights on in the living room from under my bedroom door. I got down on my hands and knees to check. Woke up Sunday morning, went to church, he was asleep. Came home, had some lunch, he was asleep. Watched the Astros, they lost, he was still asleep. Watched the race with 88 laps left, he was still asleep. 2:45 pm finally got here, he emerged from his cave. I have never seen anything like it before.

I always think it's funny when my supervisor talks about putting his "Butt Head Cap" on. This is probably not a laughing matter.

The guy, from work, that plays in the band and is supposedly a body builder always eats spaghetti for lunch. It never fails, between 10:35 and 11:00 he waddles over to the microwave, sets it and leaves. Then about 10 minutes after it's done he remembers that he put spaghetti in the microwave. Everyday. Well, a numerous amount of the days throughout the month he does this.

I got a bicycle on Friday. That afternoon I rode it for about 2 hours. Just riding and riding. Saturday I rode it all the way to downtown and around the ballpark. I only fell off twice. First, was when I was trying to jump a curb downtown. The back tire couldn't quite make it over the curb and threw me off. I probably looked like a daredevil blazing the sidewalks.

The previous paragraph sounded like a 3rd grader wrote it.

The lady in the red knit jacket is back. I don't know what to think of her. She is going to be sitting at the desk next to mine.

What brave-hearted Scottish patriot led soldiers to a defeat of the English at the Battle of Cambuskenneth in 1297?

Last entry's answer was Brutus.

Friday, April 25, 2008

restroom versus bathroom

There were too many people in the lab during a test. I volunteered to leave. It was an excellent excuse for me to leave and go back to my desk to write a blog post.

Last night I attempted to make hamburgers and failed on the buns. I thought it would be cool to have a special bun for my George Foreman burger. Well, I thought wrong. For some crazy reason, I had decided in my head/heart that a sourdough bun would be the hip thing for a hamburger. Ok, so the grocery store doesn't sell or make sourdough buns. Not a problem. The soup bread bowl resembles a very large bun, so why not just cut it into smaller chunks. Perfect. The idea was shaping up quite nicely, except that my bun was more squarish than round. Then, I sat down and began the the chow down process. First bite, all bread and cheese. Not a problem, I'll get it the second on the second round. Bite two, no meat. By the time I had reached the third bite I was tired of chewing. It was a freakin bread bowl for crying out loud. That stuff doesn't chew very well. Third bite, mostly bread and cheese with a hint of meat. Screw it, I changed buns. It was a sort of messy process but well worth it. Thank you Sara Lee for making real hamburger buns.

I like oranges but I don't like peeling them.

I'm truly wearing party pants for Party Pants Friday. Maybe I shouldn't wear these, I don't know. The problem with this particular pair is that the zipper unzips itself constantly. Walking down the hall, unzip. Sitting at my desk, unzip. It does save time when going to the restroom.

I wish they made popcorn flavored air fresheners for the restroom. Then going to the bathroom wouldn't be such torture. It would make me think of the movies. Then I would walk out and be hit with the reminder that I'm at work. Disappointment.

When is it ok to use bathroom instead of restroom?

It's the freakin weekend baby
I'm about to have me some fun
"Ignition (Remix)" - R Kelly

Who committed suicide two years after taking a stab at Julius Caesar?

Last entry's answer was 5.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

this post is just another brick in the wall

I like the wave. I can think of no better way to prove my fanhood. It really brings a smile to my face like no other mass cheer does. Waiting...Waiting...Oh gosh, here it comes...Getting ready...Do I stand, or just stay seated and throw my arms up?...Two sections away...High pitched yell or just a manly Wooo?....Oh crap, it's here!! Then, the excitement of watching a human wave take over a stadium begins. Who doesn't love doing the wave? 40,000 plus people working together to transform an ordinary stadium into a vast ocean experience. Wish they could have inflatable surfboards that would ride the wave.

I think I screwed up this morning. Not quite sure, but I think I wore this same exact shirt 3-4 working days ago. If anyone notices, my cool guy status will be in question. This might be the end of everything great in my life. I'll probably just hide behind my monitor all day.

Batteries are another item, that I was reminded of on Monday, that I really hate buying.

Stink is definitely back and in full force. The week long vacation only made things worse. It's to the point where I'm ready for some payback. Or either a cover up. I'll bring my Fresh Linens air freshener spray can to work. This office will smell like a dryer when I'm through.

Someone made a "Young Lust" by Pink Floyd comment that made me laugh. Another peon was making a conference call and the phone ringing sounded just like the one from the song. So guy in the office next to me said, "This is the United States calling". I thought it was funny and probably no one else ever will. Now I sound like an idiot for explaining that.

Ooooo I need a dirty woman
Ooooo I need a dirty girl
"Young Lust" by Pink Floyd

How many U.S. presidents played a role in Vietnam's civil war?

Last entry's answer was January.

Monday, April 21, 2008

nothing but some cool chairs here, seriously

I'm not sure what to write about; not too much to share today. I did, however, share something with the men's room. Added some much needed reading material to the backside of the stall door. I'm sure the hard working NASA engineers will be eternally grateful for my contribution. I really don't see it necessary to celebrate for this time of giving. If everyone would just be happy that would be enough.

If my weekends were about 1 to 2 days longer I'd be much happier. Mondays should be considered to be included into weekends.

Sitting in these would comfort my back a lot more.

Stink is back. I really hope he took care of that problem while he was out all week. Still haven't pull my shirt down over my nose yet.

Suspenders keeps smiling at me with a huge grin. I'm not sure how I should react or feel about this. I just keep thinking, what would someone with good looks and a smart brain do in this situation? I've got nothing.

I think a record has been set today. Me and Utility Al have sent about 56 Monk-e-Mails between the two of us. It makes me LOL.

I just heard a dirty song on the radio. I'm torn on whether or not I should give it a thumbs up or thumbs down. Pandora's rating system isn't very sophisticated. I think that's the biggest word I have yet to write on my blog. Crap, I didn't mean to talk about my blog in my blog. I swore to never do that. I'm sorry America. I'm sorry Canada. I'm sorry England. I'm sorry South Africa. I'm sorry Australia.

I have to buy three wedding presents. One wedding was in August and the other two were in December. All three were in 2007. I'm a little late and a horrible friend. Will they still accept my presents? Should I just send a post card and some NASA stickers? The NASA stickers always seem to make people forget every wrong thing that has ever happened to them. People love free stuff. That's why I stole 200 stickers. If anyone from work reads this I'm screwed.

What is the least popular month for U.S. weddings?

Last entry's answer was Thomas Edison.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

a salty sandwich doesn't sound good

Three days in a row! Read with caution. I'm not sure why I wrote that there. It sounds dorky.

For the past two days at lunch, Coworker Who Went To That School I Can't Mention (with school colors of purple and yellow (or gold, depending on who you are) ) has screwed up his lunch. I'm thinking that he completely zones out as he approaches the counter. Day one, he couldn't remember what sandwich we had the other day, so I reminded him. It wasn't that good and the chicken was pretty dry so he didn't want it again. What does he do? Orders the exact sandwich. "I think that's the one we had the other day." "No, No, it looks different." "No, I really just think they sliced the chicken differently to throw people off." What a sucker. Very next day Coworker Who Went To That School I Can't Mention went to Subway because he's a fan of Jared. Ordered a sandwich and somehow lost it between the adding mayo stage and the wrapping/bagging it stage. He must have a lot on his mind at 11:30ish everyday. Poor guy. I hope he doesn't read this because I'm pretty sure he could beat me up if my hands were tied behind my back.

No kidney stones for me. I had to pee in a cup.

Why is Dick the shortened name for Richard?

I think my salty tooth is missing. People are constantly saying, "I just had a craving for something salty". Heck! Not me. I've never wanted something salty to satisfy a craving. My cravings are either sweet or manly. Give me candy bars or shrimp. Don't salt up my cravings.

Suspenders is sleeping at his desk again. Chin to chest style. Lucky him, he woke up as I was going to take his picture.

Someone in another office just blurted out, "Maybe we're just in a reality show and we don't know it." What if I really am? I should really clean up my non-mixed company behavior when no one is around. Who would watch this show? What's more boring than NASAtv? Uh, how about NASA engineers doing paper work! I could think of nothing more stimulating to watch.

Stink is still gone. The horrible smell is still gone.

To see the world's best means of communication, click I have never seen a monkey play a kazoo. Instead of sending boring, lame, lifeless emails I send all messages through this system. It works way better and helps to get my point across with intelligence and humor wrapped into one sweet package. Thank you very much.

Thank you for reading. See you next week suckers. Sorry for calling you a sucker and have a decent weekend.

Who averaged one patent for every three weeks of his life?

Last entry's answer was force, mass, and acceleration.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

safety hazard

Stink hasn't been here all week. And you know what, it hasn't stunk at all. Except for that one time that I farted. What? Everyone does it. Yes, even you girls.

The kidney pain is still there, barely.

Going camping next weekend. I really hope it doesn't rain. The plan is to have a campfire, marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate bars...Holy marsh! I never knew in my entire life that marshmallow was spelled with an 'a' and not an 'e'. I seriously thought it was a marshmellow. This spell checker really dropped some knowledge on me. Oh, and that's the only plan we have set for camping, so far.

I started a picture blog. Click, I want to see what Matt does while he's not working, to see it. Fill it full of comments so I will look halfway cool.

This quarter of the year is my turn on the safety team at work. If you ask me, I'd tell you it was a complete waste of time and probably one of the most ridiculous things ever. I had to walk around with 5 other people and recognize "safety hazards" in the workplace. Such as: shelves stacked too high, light bulbs out, tripping hazards, too many pens/pencils in a cup on a desk, messy desks, chairs not pushed under tables, drinking liquids not in sippy cups...My group did manage to find a few. There was some paper that wasn't thrown in the trash can. Whoever left their bottle of water out didn't get to finish it because of our team. If you're reading this machine shop guy, it wasn't me. People cringe when they see us walk in, well, the normal ones do. I'm actually thinking of making my desk area a major safety hazard. That will give team two, who has our building, something to do.

I missed the free $40 bike helmets at the safety fair today. I did get a tree though. Since I live in a high rise apartment, I gave the tree to a girl.

What three terms are represented in Newton's second law of motion F = ma?

Last entry's answer was fat.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

why does it hurt?

Why do they take the tops off the golf carts at the airport?

Sunday morning I woke up with a miserable pain in my left side. It hurt to walk. It hurt to stand. It hurt to laugh. It hurt to cry. I'm sure it would've if I would have cried. The first thing that came to mind was, I wonder what the other guy looked like. Then I realized, I'm not a fighter but a lover. What the heck is wrong with my side? I searched the internet to find no real source of hope for my life. I'm pretty much going to die now. The source of pain has been isolated to being kidney stones, kidney infection, pulled muscle, or a pinched nerve. Going to the doctor is out of the question. Real men don't need doctors. What would Paul Bunion do? So here it is, Tuesday, and I still have a slight pain in my side. I don't feel like working. If I could give my pain to anyone in the world, I'd give it to that guy in the weight room. The one that always drops his weights really loud. What a weirdo.

I wish I had a cowbell to ring right now.

Went to the movies Friday night but actually only saw one movie. We were there to see Smart People but I told the guy at the ticket window "stupid people" on accident, because I only halfway pay attention in life. I did not feel like a smart person then.

Saturday night I watched the most college hockey on tv that I have ever watched in the past. I'm pretty sure it was my first time ever to watch college hockey on tv. I'm also pretty sure it was the last time ever to watch college hockey on tv.

A guy here at work doesn't like the smell of popcorn. I know, crazy. Who doesn't like the smell of popcorn? Well, according to a recent highly regarded world wide survey, only 2% of the population label that as their favorite smell. Idiots. Anyways, since he doesn't like the smell, he wears a mask. Yes, an "I work outside and not in an office" mask. He looks like one of those people who have airborne diseases and can't breath on people. But yet, he wears it doing normal office duties. No slacking here, whatever it takes to keep the office running. Not me. When Stink, who sits behind me, lets one rip, I dart out of here with the intent of not returning.

If anyone wants to give me a kidney, please, email me.

"How do you take your coffee my sweet
I will raise the children if you pay all the bills"
"Where Have All the Cowboys Gone" by Paula Cole

What's the most concentrated source of energy in a diet--carbohydrates, fat or protein?

Last entry's answer was milk chocolate. Happy now?

Friday, April 11, 2008


I think my roommate had a brain fart and miss took the kitchen rag for food last night or this morning. The time of day doesn't really matter. One end of the rag was torn and frayed. It wasn't like that before I went to bed and now it just doesn't make sense. Thank goodness he didn't eat the whole thing. The green rag was my favorite.

I pick all the onions and green peppers off my frozen supreme pizza before I cook it. Why can't Digiorno make a pizza with just the stuff I like?

The wreck on the other side of the interstate this morning caused a bigger traffic jam than the side with the wreck. Why rubberneckers? I know, I know, it's extremely difficult to not look at a bunch of idiots standing on the side of the road, doing nothing and kicking bumpers. But then, miraculously once it becomes difficult to turn your head for a peek, the traffic speeds back to normal. Absolutely amazing.

Why are the doors on showers made of glass but you rarely see clear shower curtains?

I'm pretty much feeling awesome now. Sittin on top of the world. I was on time to work for the first time this entire month yesterday morning. Will I get a promotion? Probably not. Do I deserve reward? Absolutely. Was I on time this morning? Nope.

How in the heck do my earplug wires get so tangled up from just sitting on the desk top or in the drawer? Every time I want to listen, it takes me at the least 60 seconds to uncross, untie, and straighten the wires. Sometimes I think it'd be easier to cut the knots out.

I'm tired, tired, tired of public restroom toilet paper being so difficult to use. The janitors cram the largest roll into the tightest space and expect the toilet users to be able to spin the roll and accumulate enough toilet paper for use. Ok, so you get the roll to spin, then the cheap crap tears off, leaving you only a few squares to work with. I pull and pull to get myself barely anything. Life is difficult.

Another restroom paragraph. I think it would be a wonderful idea for music to be piped into the throne room. Seriously, having music will not only help the toilet user relax, but also break up the awkward silence held by two or more potty seekers.

Frank: Anything? Well, uh I guess I, deep down, am feeling a little confused. I mean, suddenly, you get married, and you're supposed to be this entirely different guy. I don't feel different. I mean, take yesterday for example. We were out at the Olive Garden for dinner, which was lovely. And uh, I happen to look over at a certain point during the meal and see a waitress taking an order, and I found myself wondering what color her underpants might be. Her panties. Uh, odds are they are probably basic white, cotton, underpants. But I sort of think well maybe they're silk panties, maybe it's a thong. Maybe it's something really cool that I don't even know about. You know, and uh, and I started feeling... what? what I thought we were in the trust tree in the nest, were we not?
-Old School

What type of chocolate was first developed for public consumption in Vevey, Switzerland in 1875?

Last entry's answer was Babe Ruth.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

i didn't set my alarm this morning

I think the area between apartments that isn't enclosed completely should be called a walkport.

I hate when I'm typing and the shift key apparently isn't pressed completely and the letter I want capitalized isn't capitalized. I hate backspacing and am now considering typing everything in all caps.

It's funny how J and K are next to each other in the alphabet. JK.

I might get a temp to work under me. That would probably be the greatest thing to ever happen to me. Wonder if I'll get to aid in the hiring of this peon? I can't believe I called that person a peon. I'm sorry world for being mean. If the hiring were up to me I wouldn't care about qualifications as long as she's hot. I probably wouldn't talk to a him.

My first cd ever was Hootie and the Blowfish, "Cracked Rear View".

So far I'm 0-7 at making the 7:30 meetings. I probably wouldn't have made it this morning anyways but I'm using the wreck at the Beltway as a good excuse. My 8:30 meeting had breakfast burritos. I didn't know how to spell burrito and had to look it up on Google.

This is a random picture that I didn't take.

Darren Erstad, an Astros bench warmer, pretty much made the worst attempt at hitting a baseball last night ever. I'm sure he's sitting on the bench wondering why he's not starting. The pitch was closer to being a pickoff at third base than that of an actual pitch. But Mr Erstad swung anyways. The Astros lost last night.

I found a new hero/role model/who I want to be when I grow up person. His American flag t-shirt tucked into black sweatpants is my favorite.

Phil Weston: I am angry. I'm like a large tornado of anger, swirling about.
-Kicking and Screaming

I'm allowed 3 crappy posts a year. I'm taking one of those now. Hopefully the crappy links will take away from the poor writing. I'm sorry internet for taking up space.

What pitcher was taken out of his major league debut in the seventh inning for a pinch hitter named Duffy Lewis, in 1914?

Last entry's answer was Space.

Monday, April 7, 2008


I wish someone would come to my work and give me a cash tip for doing my job.

The parents came to Houston this weekend. I don't think they'll ever come back. Everything cost more, too much traffic, and they bought my meals all weekend. Since they had my bed, I had to sleep on the roommate's bed while he was gone, my back still hurts.

Jimmy Buffett comes on the 21st. I'll probably go and get my Margaritaville on.

Went to a crawfish boil on Saturday. Mmm, good! I almost cried at one point because I hit a hot bunch. I'm pretty sure I hid it pretty well, no one seemed to notice. I wouldn't want anyone to think I was a wimp because the entire week before I talked a big game, claiming I was a real man.

I'm sick and tired of this online radio playing Coldplay every 2 songs. I continue to give them a thumbs down but they just won't go away.

I wore a blue polo today for my representation of the NCAA National Championship Game tonight. No one will know if I'm pulling for Kansas or Memphis. I'd rather keep it that way. Everyone wants to imitate me. This will confuse everyone and keep them off my back.

Tomorrow we're taking a group photo at work. Some lady here said she wasn't going to participate. I asked her if she was too cool. She didn't reply. Anyways, they told everyone to wear either red, white, or blue. I'm not sure why. All my blue, red, or white shirts are dirty. Do I wear a different color or a dirty shirt? This will be the hardest decision of the month so far. I'm sure we'll all look like a bunch of dorks. Hope my eyes won't be closed.

Holy crap! 7 Coldplay songs while I wrote this blog post. This post took me 2.25 hours.

The roommate slept like 15 hours from Saturday night to Sunday afternoon. I thought he was dead but I was too scared to walk in his room to find out. Thank goodness he wasn't really dead.

-Wedding Crashers

What did JFK refer to in noting: "This is a new ocean, and I believe the U.S. should sail it"?

Last entry's answer was Harry S. Truman.