Wednesday, October 31, 2007



Today I wore my costume to work. I'm the only person here that I've seen so far that is dressed up as a werewolf. I'm the only person here that I've seen so far that's even dressed. I feel like a dork.

My sleep schedule couldn't be more messed up. These astronauts have managed to turn my sleeping pattern into total crap. Sleeping pattern? Where did that come from? So maybe one day I'll get back into the swing of things and start my usual posting of 3 times a week, or maybe 6 times a week, I forget which number it is.

At the Target the other night, my roommate bought a bottle of wine. I would leave it at that, but this bottle of wine was special. Whenever a bottle of wine is bought at the loft. Not sure why I just called my apartment the loft. I'm pretty sure it needs a better name than that. How about the apartment. Whenever a bottle of wine is bought at the apartment there is a requirement that it has to be a cool looking bottle. Who cares if it tastes nasty, cool bottles only. After you're done drinking it, pouring it down the sink, or giving it's contents to guests, the "cool" bottle is displayed proudly on the top of the cabinet. This sounds like a gay idea after typing it out. There will be some thinking on this issue later. If the bottle is ugly I usually break it in the street. Anyways, the wine bottle that the roommate bought was named Opps. The contents aren't anything to brag about. So walking though the Target he randomly drops this bottle of Opps on the concrete floor shattering some of the glass. I laugh and proceed to point out that the side of the bottle has Opps written on it. Then I call him an idiot and throw my string cheese in the shopping cart.

Trick or Treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat. If you don't I don't care, I'll show you my underwear. Timmy With the Hot Mom that lives on the 6th floor told me to say that tonight when I go knocking on doors.

The thought of going out tonight and not being a werewolf has crossed my mind. Instead I'll the Three-Hole Punch Jim from The Office. I doubt anyone will know what I am.

1. Placophobia - Fear of tombstones
2. Phasmophobia - Fear of ghosts
3. Wiccaphobia - Fear of witches
4. Samhainophobia - Fear of Halloween

Thought this was appropriate for Halloween. It could be scary.
"You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips
And there's no tenderness like before in your fingertips...."
-The Righteous Brothers

"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." - Erma Bombeck

What year did the Halloween novelty song "Monster Mash" reach number one on the Billboard charts?

Last entry's answer was a gallon of oil.

Monday, October 29, 2007

just an ok post

World Series is over. That's all I have to say about that. Also a Mississippi State boy struck out an Ole Miss boy for the final out. That might have been on the only highlight of the game.

Tonight I have the graveyard shift again. Another spacewalk will take place super early tomorrow morning. What this means for me, work begins at 1:00 am. Note to self, don't eat those breakfast tacos from the cafeteria again. They make my stomach feel funny. Tonight I'll probably wear a hat and a red shirt, might not get a shower.

Everyone should read Father Rob's new blog. Click I like to eat pickles on my hamburger and I never said that Father Rob was hot. He wants everyone to tell him how semi-cool he thinks he but in reality he really is. Also, he collects stamps of the world. If anyone has an Elvis stamp from 1995 please send a photo verification to him and he will take further actions from there. More than likely he'll tell you it's fake because he's picky like that and doesn't like mayo.

This weekend was probably one of the best weekends that a handsome boy, Matt, could ask for. Mississippi State smeared the then 14th ranked Kentucky Wildcats. For approximately 135 minutes straight, I screamed, clapped, jumped, cried, threw stuff, and called someone that cared. Thank you Mississippi State. Thank you Coach Croom. Thank you Comcast. Thank you world.

Today is my cousin's birthday. He asked that everyone send him stickers of their favorite Ninja Turtle. But don't send the purple turtle, he is deathly afraid of the color purple.

"I remember walking in the clubhouse...And maybe that's the key..." - Jacoby Ellsbury, Boston
Red Sox

Team by team reporters baffled, trumped, tethered, cropped
Look at that low playing, fine, then
Uh-oh overflow, population common food, but it'll do
Save yourself, serve yourself, world serves it's own needs
Listen to your heart bleed dummy with the rapture and the revered and the right, right
Vitreolic, patriotic stand, fight, bright, light
Feeling pretty psyched
-"End of the World As We Know It" by R.E.M.

I don't know why I put that song on here. At the time it seemed right. Right now it doesn't seem right.

Which will yield the most BTUs of energy--a gallon of oil, a pound of coal or a gallon of gasoline?

Last entry's answer was about 4.5 billion years old.

Friday, October 26, 2007

break time

Astronauts have no break. I do. Been here for a long time. Tired, sleepy, and hungry. So far mission is going smoothly and ahead of schedule. I would be excited but I'm tired.

How old is the earth?

Last entry's answer was about 5 billion years.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007


The World Series starts tonight. I'm gonna go home, open the windows (because it feels really great outside), work out, not take a shower, then sit down and watch the Series. If I don't take a shower I'll be able to feel like I've been playing baseball because I'll be all sweaty. Easy ladies, don't get to yourselves to worked up just yet. Still debating on if I should sit on the new furniture or not. How long can I still call it new? The tags are still on it. Taking tags off forfeits the newness. Go Rockies!

I just sneezed 4 times in a row. My personal best is 6. I'm really not sure if that is a correct number or not, but it sounds right. More than likely it's 5 but I'm going to say 6.

Yesterday Suspenders took me to lunch. I asked him what kind of gas mileage he gets in his new truck. He tells me 11 then slams the accelerator to the floor.

For those of you who do not know, Shuttle Discovery launched yesterday at 11:38 eastern time zone. Here at work we all paused and gathered around a tv. That's right, we're getting paid to watch television. The lady who rides the motorcycle was standing in my way but I was too scared to tell her to move. I could only see the exhaust smoke the entire launch. The purpose of this mission is to attach "Harmony" to the International Space Station. Pretty much sticking a school bus size piece onto the station. Sounds like a blast. This is were I come in. When they decide to attach this hunk of metal I will support the space walk/walks. Whenever they use the space suit I'm involved. Especially when I get to wear it. Why can't we do this space labor during the American daytime?

That crazy lady is singing again. I hate it when she sings.

Charlie Fineman: Are you a faggot?.
Alan Johnson: Don't say faggot, you just don't call people faggot that's rude.
Charlie Fineman: To a gay guy it is, to you it's just a funny word like pound cake or pickle... You really need some Mel.
Charlie Fineman: [ordering tickets] Take one adult and one faggot.
-Reign Over Me

This is the quickest I've ever written a post. Hope there aren't any mistakes. Sorry in advance.

How old is the sun?

Last entry's answer was 20.

Monday, October 22, 2007


For some reason the left butt cheek pocket on my dress pants is sowed shut. Can someone please tell me why? I'll probably never buy Banana Republic pants again for this very reason.

Yesterday my Dad played the drums at church. Why? I don't know. I was informed this while having a casual conversation with my mother. She threw that in there and then stuck him on the phone. He probably wanted to brag about it. According to Utility Al, he rocked. Literally. That's my Dad. Why was he playing drums during the church service? Hope he kept a good beat going. Weird.

Go Rockies.

A recent discussion at worked turned to poo. Literally. I really am enjoying the use of that word today. Literally. So me and the other new girl were talking about that guy from New Delhi, he was a prince or king or something, that was killed by monkeys. Why we were talking about it, I don't know why. But somehow the conversation went from the little monkeys pushing this man off a balcony to monkeys that throw poo. Apparently the other new guy at work has come across monkeys that throw their own poo for fun. Guess he's been to Africa and seen this first hand or something. I don't know. Weird.

I like m and m's. The and character is not allowed on this blog. Poo to Blogger for that, but nothing else.

Friday at 1:50 am I have to report to work. I'm only half way excited about this. One half is excited because it'll be my first time to sit in on Mission Support. This will be for the shuttle that is going up tomorrow or Tuesday, which ever way you want to look at it. Friday, during the am, there will be the first space walk (what we call EVA's) for this mission. The other half isn't so excited that this is taking place at 1:50 am. Why? Houston, we have a problem. I feel like such a dork for saying that. Weird.

For me there is no other
You're the only shoe that fits
I can't imagine I'll grow out of it
Damn I wish I was your lover"
- "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover" by Sophie B. Hawkins

Question, how many equal sides does an icosahedron have?

Last entry's answer was coconut. Weird.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

i cried

Sister made it to town and regrets coming now. Apparently she doesn't like the feel of sitting on concrete. I'm comfortable. What's wrong with her?

Last night we went to an improv comedy show. I almost cried. Twice. First cry; when we first sat down and ordered there was a couple, probably in their 40 give a few years, that's besides the point. No it's not, they were old. Older than 30. Anyways, they might have had a little too much to drink or were just really into each other. Whatever it was they couldn't quit making out. I mean hardcore making out. Sucking face. She was laying back on him while he was going in for the kill. Sucking all her oxygen out. Thank goodness I'm not the only one who notices this because I wouldn't want to steal all the excitement. A table opposite ours has a camera phone out taking video of this gut wrenching event. I'm sure I'll find it on you tube and post a link to it in the near future. Other tables begin catching on to spectacle and start getting into it. That is till management ruins every one's fun. I don't know what exactly he said but it was something like, you two are too old to be making out and participating in public display of affection (pda) in our comedy club. After giving up an argument and fussing they finally leave to an ovation. The male figure of the couple politely gives a middle finger wave as he stumbles up the stairs.

Alabama is doing good in football on tv at this moment. I'm in a bad mood now.

Oh yeah, almost forgot about the reason we went to the comedy club. There was a guy who hypnotizes volunteers in the audience. I have never seen anything like this and really wish I would've volunteered. There was a very pretty blonde up there too. Moving on, after tedious prepping of the volunteers he finally is able to get a few to go under. And thank goodness he did. If not it was going to be a short and expensive night. There were a few on stage that had me almost falling out of my chair because it was so funny. If anyone tells me it was fake I'm going to cry for a third time. My favorite part of the show was when the comedian hypnotizes the random volunteers and tells them when he says the color red they will smell the worst smell they have ever smelt in their life, but when green is said it will be the most pleasant smell. I couldn't wait to see Tyrone's reaction. He had given us spectacular results already. Just as he predicted the word red is spit out and there poor Tyrone sits with the worst look on his face. Priceless. "What the hell is that smell?"

Tonight I'm in the mood for chinese food. Thinking maybe P.F. Chang's? Sister has never eaten there and I think it's good. Only been there once. And it will be cheaper than last night's meal. I did manage to trump last weekend's meal by spending even more this weekend. I really need to start looking at these menus before I begin my journey for a feast.

If you think you know, more than likely you do. What drupaceous fruit were Hawaiian women once forbidden by law to eat?

Last entry's answer was Post-it Notes.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

come back

Where did half my poll votes go? I almost spelled poll like pole. Would that be so bad?

Yesterday I think I ticked some lady off. I don't exactly remember what I said but she snapped back with a "Bite me!" It wasn't a playful bite me, but rather one that I just shut my mouth and went back to staring at my computer screen. For the rest of the month I'm going to avoid all eye contact with her. She's a lot older and very capable of beating me up. She's tiny but looks pretty rough, like she could pack a nice punch. She drives a freakin motorcycle, one of those Harley types. If I were to ever see her in a dark alley at night, I'd turn and run.

It's final...Going to Park City, UT for some hardcore skiing. I promise not to fall down the entire trip, but will push anyone that gets in my way. Must find a Ski Bunny and flirt, so I can skip ski lift lines.

The new furniture was waiting on me when I got home yesterday afternoon. Since there was nothing good to watch on tv I just went to Target instead. But since The Office is coming on tonight I'll be sure to take full advantage of the new cushions. No one else can sit on it except me and maybe The Girl or My Future Wife. That's final.

I noticed yesterday on some random girl's blog that she was very excited that I visited her blog site. She'll thank me later for linking her, I'm sure of it. Apparently not many people from NASA visit her blog. I think she wet her pants by seeing that. Ok, maybe not, but she could.

The younger sister is flying into town tonight. Maybe Mom will send her with a lot of money so she can buy me dinner. Doubtful. "You're the rocket scientist I think you can afford to treat your sister to a nice weekend of dinners." Thanks. Good thing I bought one of those frozen pizzas and some Cocoa Krispies last night.

I had to talk to Suspenders on the phone. He seemed nervous. Then he relaxed when I told him I was wearing suspenders myself. Hope he notices that I'm taking control now and gets nervous.

"Have you ever popped champagne on a plane
While getting' some brain"
-"Good Life" by Kanye West

What did "Art Fry invent after scraps of paper to mark tunes in his hymnal kept falling out?

Last entry's answer was Delta Airlines.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

can you see my crotch?

I am now driving a glorified station wagon, an extremely small windowed Chevy HHR. Yes, the Xterra is now in the garage getting repaired. Enterprise picked me up from the body shop and took approximately 10 minutes, give or take, to leave the body shop lot. I really didn't think the seemingly obvious new hire would get us to the rental shop in one piece. Two blocks later we arrive with my eyes closed and knees at my chest. At the shop I'm informed that I can get a bigger car than what I previously thought possible. Thank you nice looking blonde with the tight body. Too bad she had a ring on that finger, because I was for sure a flirt. So she asked if I wanted the PT Cruiser or the HHR. Not knowing what an HHR was I foolishly pick the dandy little Chevy. Looking out the window as they pull it around I giggled with joy.

I now smell like cheap gas station strawberry perfume. Some idiot there, probably Carlos, sprayed way too much air freshener in the interior. I put my stuff in the car and told the blonde it smells like a cheap hotel. She winked at me. I'm pretty sure she is in love with me now.

Why is Pacman so hard?

This weekend I purchased new pants from Polo, khakis that is. I only bought them because the cute girl with brown hair told me I'd more than likely be hot in them. She lied. Halfway through the work day today I noticed there was a hole in the crotch of the pants. Not on the side, nor at the zipper, but exactly in the middle. Normally I wouldn't say anything about this or just ignore it, but someone in the office asked "Why are you picking at your crotch?" Caught ya. Crap, now everyone knows I'm walking around with something as embarrassing as having your pants unzipped. What did I do, I proudly walked around flaunting my stuff. Not really. Now I know why the blonde from the rental place winked at me.

Tomorrow will be the greatest day ever. Almost ever. The new furniture comes home. The old furniture is going to The Salvation Army while the new, awesome, comfortable, entertaining, sophisticated, hot, suave furniture takes it's place. I'll probably sleep on the new couch all week.

Go Rockies!

My new girlfriend's movie came out on DVD today. I couldn't be more proud of her. One day she'll realize how excited I am of her. One day she might know who I am. Anyways, she played Maggie on Transformers. We're in love. Almost. Not really, but she could be.

Judy Witwicky: Why are you so sweaty and filthy?
Sam Witwicky: I'm a child. Ya know, I'm a teenager.

What airline started out as the first crop-dusting outfit to battle boll weevils?

Last entry's answer was peas.

Monday, October 15, 2007

nothing special here

The weekend was just ok. That's it. I did decide that I'll more than likely go skiing in Dec./Jan. with some college students. Any takers?

Friday evening I spent one day's paycheck in a matter of an hour. Went to a place called Glass Wall the Restaurant. Reservations were at 8. We got lost on the way and had to call 3 times to get directions. Why can't I have GPS? Probably because it cost too much and I never get lost. Once to the restaurant I unquestionably use the complimentary valet. After thanking Pedro for parking my car and giving the hostess an eye down, we sit down and notice that the price was somewhat higher than what we thought. Looking at the menu online we saw the price for the wine glass addition, not the actual meal price. We soon discover the real, pretty penny price tag. Opps. Thank goodness I didn't have a date, that would've been a $150 meal. "Hope you enjoyed your meal, you owe me some sugar now." Oh well, the food was good, had wine with my meal for the first time, and the hostess was very attractive. Not a bad early evening.

Why did my comment section turn into a Back to the Future Convention?

Suspenders is gone all week. That leaves me room to try out my new suspenders for a few days. Get the vibe from the rest of the office. Maybe they'll call me Suspenders now. I hope not, I don't want to be thought of like he is thought of. My reputation as the new kid would take a dive south.

How come when something is filled up with another something it's called filling it up to the brim? What is that?

Last night I had the great idea of getting a tattoo. Something no one else has. The results of my brainstorm, a map of the U.S. of A. But not just any map. This one will be interactive. No color to begin with, only outlines of each state in black. Then filling in each state with a different color that I have spent at least one night in. This could possibly be the tattoo design of the year. I will never forget where I have been. Ever.

The Rockies play tonight for the chance to enter the World Series Kingdom. If they win I will paint my bedroom purple with black and white stripes. Probably even wear a purple shirt to work.

Harrold Crick: I said I live here, stupid! It's where I keep my stuff! My name's on the damn buzzer! Harold Crick, Apartment 2B eighteen ninety-three, McCarthy! - Stranger Than Fiction

What hit the market alongside spinach as the first frozen veggies?

Last entry's answer was krypton. Potassium's call sign is K but it begins with a P.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007


Am I still in a grumpy mood? Yes. Everything was fine till I met Carlos on NASA Road 1 this afternoon. Apparently he wanted my lane more than me. Did he ask? No, Not Carlos. This is Texas, if you want it, take it. Oh and he did. "Beinvendio a Houston. This is my lane Mississippi boy." If you're asking yourself, did Carlos just hit Matt's new car/truck/suv? Why yes he did. And what did Carlos do about it?He ran away. Sure enough, I was associated with a real live Hit-n-Run. I didn't scream, curse, throw the bird, or spit. Surprisingly I was quiet during the whole event. Calmly I pulled over to survey the damage with Carlos and then look up to find that he's hauling fanny down the highway in his Gold 2001ish Ford Explorer with a Texas tag with the first three digits 209. If I knew the rest I'd tell you. Till then I'm on a hunt for Carlos. It will be in his best interest not show his face around town. As of right now I'm out more than a couple hundred dollars for a deductible. I was just driving, minding my own business, bam! Jerk.

In other news around the world of Mr Matt, I've been working out on a regular basis. Actually yesterday I was the only non-couple in the "fitness center." Why do apartments call it a fitness center. It's a gym, quit trying to be formal. Anyways, there was too much PDA going on in that sweat infested room. Work out time does not equal grop time. Yes I can see you copping a feel in the mirror. Just because your back is turned means nothing. No I'm not blushing, I'm lifting weights.

Tomorrow night is The Office. That will make the work day go by quicker. Wonder what Dwight would do in my situation. I really wish he was my co-worker.

Aunt Sylvia Largeman: Thanks for the time that you've given me. The memories are all in my mind. And now that we've come to the end of our rainbow, there's something I must say out loud. Yes, you're once, twice, three times a lady. I love you. Yes, you're once, twice, three times a lady. I love you. I love you.
-Garden State

If you're saying to yourself, "that's just a scratch", hold your tongue. It's enough to tick me off and get Carlos on my bad list. There was never a scratch on the Black Stallion till now. I just came up with that name and I only half way like it. Even though its not black. Actually the color is call Night Armour. The names do go together, sort of. Well, maybe not. I'm now taking new names for the name of the car/truck/suv as of now on the new contest. Winner gets nothing.

What element begins with the letter "K"?

Last entry's answer was .342.

hit and run

Since I'm in a sour mood I'll just do this and not write a post.

4 Jobs I've had
1. Test Engineer for NASA
2. Civilian Contract Engineer with National Guard
3. Welder at Dad's Company
4. Student Worker in Financial Aid at Miss. St.

4 Movies I could watch over and over (could? more like DO.)
1. Dumb and Dumber
2. Stranger Than Fiction
3. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
4. Ocean's Eleven

4 TV Shows I watch
1. The Office
2. Survivor Man
3. SportsCenter
4. Man Vs. Wild

4 Places I've lived
1. Mississippi
2. Texas
3. Italy
4. Switzerland

4 Favorite Foods
1. Sushi
2. Seafood
3. Crawfish
4. Chipoodle

4 Favorite Colors
1. Green
2. Maroon
3. White
4. Maroon

4 Favorite Items of Clothing
1. Flip Flops
2. MH Jackets
3. Blue Jeans
4. Smith Sunglasses

4 Places I'd love to be right now
1. Colorado
2. Smoky Mountain NP
3. Grand Cayman
4. Mississippi

4 Names I love but could/would not use for my children

4 Reasons I would dump you if we were dating
1. Smell Funny
2. Clingy
3. Eats too fast
4. Gives a week long surprise visit after showing up at my softball game, the one I invited another girl to come to.

You're welcome.
Here's the other one.

1) The Dinner Party Theme:You have decided to hold a dinner party. When writing the invites you clearly state that fancy dress must be worn. Assuming that cost is no issue, who or what would you dress up as, and why?
Batman. He has a cool costume.

2) The Invitations:This dinner party is for 6 people (including yourself), you are allowed to invite any 5 other people (either past, present, real or fictional), who would you invite and why?
Stonewall Jackson - I want to know more about his past. Seems like a cool guy.
Stone Cold Steve Austin - He flips people off a lot and enjoys it.
Batman - We could compare outfits.
Erin Andrews (ESPN College Football) - I have a crush.
Santa Claus - So I can tell him exactly what I want.

3) The Starter:You are preparing the menu, which dish(es) would you choose as the starter, and why?
Chips and Salsa. I love that part at Mexican restaurants.

4) The Main Course:Okay, now for the main course? and what drink would you serve with it?
Crawfish. I want to be able to do something better than these guests. Eattin tail and suckin heads is what I do best.

5) The Sweet:Finally, the sweet. Which would you choose, and why?
Cheescake. BYOFT(Bring Your Own Fruit Topping)

6) The Entertainment:The dinner party has gone swimmingly, everybody has had fun, conversation and drinks have been flowing all evening. At the end of the meal you announce that everybody should perform their 'party piece' (no matter how strange or pointless). What party piece would you perform?
Everyone is swimming? I'd do a belly buster to show up Batman.

7) The End Of The Evening:The party is over, everybody has gone home, the house suddenly feels empty and quiet. Your eyes fix on the hi-fi in the corner of the room. You search though your CD collection to put on some music as you want to listen to one more track before your retire to bed. Which track would you play?
Tubthumping - Chumbawamba

8) The Dinner Party Nightmares:Okay, so the "virtual" dinner party is over. Now for the real thing. Have you ever been to or hosted a dinner party during which something has gone wrong (either with the food, a guest or something else)?

I tag no one, it ends here.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

tuesday VII

In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. In 2007, Matt didn't have to see Kevin. He's the guy from work that I don't know. Thank goodness his name rhymes with seven, or else I'd have a crappy second sentence. This was my first Columbus Day off with pay. So in honor of Columbus I spent one day's worth of pay on a toy boat. I played with it in the resistance pool today. Some kid was in the regular pool and I didn't want him to touch or see it.

Recently I have discovered the mind-blowing capabilities of the photo booth on my new computer. Old news to most, but like Christmas to me. More than likely I'll frame this one because it is art and hang it above the new couch when it comes in. If it ever does come in. Taking new pictures is like crack. I want to take more from every angle, color, and effect. Why do I look so good? I'm an idiot. No I'm not.

The Saints lost again. One more loss and I'm pulling out the paper sacks and calling them the Aints. I can't handle this. Please, a win next week? Just one.

Did the music get anyone in trouble at work? If the answers are positive please respond, if not, hold your tongue.

I missed Heroes again. 2 more days till The Office though.

The playoffs were tonight. Yankees 4, Indians 6. I couldn't be more excited now. Well maybe. All my money is still on the Rockies. More than likely they'll lose, just because I'm pulling for them. I'm a curse. Why me? Probably because I take stupid pictures with the photo booth and I write a blog about nothing. I'm going to bed. This post will be finished tomorrow at work.

Now I really wish I would have finished this post last night. I have been in Mission Support Simulation all freakin day and now I'm tired and cranky. So there. If you don't like go dress a turtle in a red t-shirt.

Go Rockies! What was Babe Ruth's lifetime batting average?

Last entry's answer was Wisk.

Friday, October 5, 2007

nothing at all

Today is Thursday and that means nothing. I just needed an opening sentence to start this post. I really have nothing to write about. I actually have nothing to say. Even though this entire blog is about nothing, I have nothing to write about. So it's probably in your best interest to leave now and read no more.

Ok, I found something. I went to spell check this post because I'm a horrible speller. The funny thing is, I was in a spelling bee in 1st grade. I skipped the spelling bee to go skiing, but still, I was meant to be in a spelling bee. Back to the main topic of the paragraph. I'm on the new computer, an imac, using Safari and noticed that the options for posting are not there anymore. There used to be a hyperlink, font settings, and something else. All I have now are spell checker and the picture adder. Now the spell checker doesn't work. Please ignore all grammar errors beyond this point.

The second paragraph is probably the worst paragraph ever written.

Suspenders at work is constanly asking me hard questions. What's worse is that he sits there an waits on a reply. He already knows the answer. Why is he waiting on me to answer? Sometimes I just sit there and have a staring contest with him. He wins everytime. I can't stare at him any longer than 3 seconds. Other times I just ignore the question all together. So he asks it again. Then I begin the staring contest. The awkward silence kills my motivation.

The Playoffs have started! This year I'm putting all my money on the Rockies.

My roommate just told me that he would kill me. "I will freakin kill you." I've never laughed so hard in my life.

Once again Target unloaded my bank account last night. It was all worth it though. I have a real chair to sit in at the computer now. Previously I was sitting in a stool and slumping over like the Hunch Back of Notre Dame. Wonder what the neighbors thought when looking through my window? Also I purchased a beard trimmer. I want to keep the "hippy tree hugger" look. Is that seductive?

The Office was just ok tonight. I didn't laugh as much as normal.

I just got off the phone with The Girl. She is hoarse. I told her she sounded like an old lady smoker. She told me thanks and continued to talk like nothing was the matter. How do you just ignore that? She was scaring me so I had to think of an excuse to get off the phone. I hope she doesn't read this. If I was ever hoarse I'd probably order pizza over the phone and get the senior citizen discount.

What laundry detergent got lots of mileage out of the ad line, "ring around the collar"?

Last entry's answer was Sesame Street.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

stone cold

Alright boys and girls, take a knee and listen to Mr. Matt. I for one am not a fan of "Take a knee." That is probably one of the most uncomfortable positions ever thought of to take a "rest" in. A large portion of my weight on that one knee while the rest is pressing down on the other leg's shin. Plus you have to keep your back all straight, almost as bad as sitting on a stool in the middle of a room. I will never take a knee ever again. Unless my coach tells me too. He's the only one though.

Someday I want to be as scary as Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Mr. Crest was brushing his teeth in the bathroom this morning. I think that's weird. If I ever had to brush my teeth at work I'll probably use an electric toothbrush. The other bathroom dwellers would be impressed.

Punking my roommate has become an easier task since the invention of the cookie dough pop tart. Warming the pop tart in the toaster fills the apartment with the delicious aroma of freshly baked cookies. He wake ups and smells cookies, I laugh in his face while eating pop tarts. Except this morning. Leaving my pop tarts to warm alone in the kitchen is not a good idea. Soon after he left for work I went into the kitchen to discover there was a bite taken from one of the pop tarts. While I was getting dressed in my bigger bedroom. That's right, I have the master. He stole a bite. Which he describes as a pinch. I'll probably take the batteries out of his remote for this little stunt. Then take all his toilet paper. Who's the fool now?

Stone Cold: You said that Mike Tyson is the "Baddest man on the planet."
Vince McMahon: Steve, it's just a figure of speech.
Stone Cold: [Puts his middle finger in Vince's face] There's a figure of speech, how do you like it?

Getting dressed this morning was quite the task. First, my pants zipper got stuck. Wouldn't budge. It took getting out the tool box to get that thing to work. Yes, I am a handyman. I have no second problem. I really don't know why I started off with a first.

I need to clip my fingernails, but I don't want to be like Hank who clips his during working hours. The whole 4 minutes it takes him to do this homely task, I lose all concentration and listen to the clicking.

"I got a couple of challenges for you. I challenge you to get a decent haircut. Since you're a piece of crap, I challenge you to flush yourself down the commode." - Stone Cold Steve Austin

For the record, wrestling is fake. Period.

What kid's show's interracial cast needed riot police protection during a 1969 trip to Mississippi? They should have just took Steve Austin in my opinion.

Last entry's answer was George Bush.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007


I only had coffee and ice cream for breakfast this morning. That's no lie. Checked my email at work to discover that some girl sent out a mass email saying there was ice cream in the lab fridge. Two seconds later I was on my way to the lab. Mmmm, melted in my mouth. I think I forgot to put it back in the freezer. Hope no one discovers this.

Yesterday the new computer awaited me in the apartment office. It was heavy. I was questioning if they put bricks in the box to throw potential robbers for a loop. Mom used to do that to my Christmas Presents. I don't know why I capitalized presents. It will never happen again. Days before Christmas I'd shake every box and try my hardest to figure out what in the word I was getting. "This one is heavy, think I got that Nintendo." "Gee thanks Mom, I love the new plain white socks and a brick." Little did she know that I just went in the back yard and threw it in the woods. Hope she never finds out.

The drive home from work didn't suck. How unusual.

Does it ever get cold in Texas? I will probably never get to put my new jacket to good use. Purchases from January, are they still new? Maybe I should drive to Washington, Colorado, or Maine and give it to some random person. I would expect them to call me their hero then. "This very handsome young man gave me this nice jacket. He is now my hero." I can hear the little old lady now. Old ladies always call 20 something year olds handsome. That's why I sit in their section at church.

I sang this song on the way home and it gave me chill bumps. I'm from Mississippi.

'Cause God blessed Texas with His own hand
Brought down angels from the promised land
Gave 'em a place where they could dance
If you wanna see heaven brother here's your chance
I've been sent to spread the message
God blessed Texas
-"God Bless Texas" by Little Texas

Who said: "I'm the president of the United States, and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli"?
Hint: It was a president.

Last entry's answer was 4.

Monday, October 1, 2007

today feels like friday

To see a link to my blog click Monday Lunches Should Be Ice Cream Only.


For the past two weeks I have been checking religiously for up to date information on the new computer delivery. 3,867 hits later I confirmed the delivery. This will be the best week ever. I couldn't be more excited. I'll probably leave work as soon as I finish posting. Maybe. Doubt it. Yes I will.

This weekend was non stop fun. I can't tell you about it because my mom might read this. I hope she doesn't read this sentence. Is 30 too old? I like 29 better, is 29 too old?

Sunday after church I made some more progress on the beauty of the apartment, I mean the masculinity of the apartment. I hope mom reads that sentence. A new rug was purchased for the master bedroom. I was so juiced up after buying it that I slept on it last night. Click I have a place to clean my Walmart feet instead of wiping them on my roommate's rug to sneak a peak. I hope it blows everyone away. If not, don't tell me. I've never been so sore before in my life.

Saturday night history was made at Minute Maid Ballpark. The Astros won with me present. That's not suppose to happen, especially when the Braves come to town. What made it even worse was that there were two little boys, 8th grade boys, sitting next to me. They thought it was funny to give the guy in the Braves hat a hard time. Me. "Braves fans smell funny." "If you like the Braves you can't take part in the wave." But I still did. "The Braves couldn't beat a team full of girls." "Braves fans are stupid." After a few low blows there was no holding back. He learned the ridicule of wearing braces, having a 23 year old saying "Your Momma" to an 8th grader, and the fact that he doesn't like girls yet. I let him have it. Then his mom gave me a dirty look. By the 7th inning the Braves comments became, "You work at NASA?!?" "How much money do you make?" I replied, more than I can spend and then flicked him a quarter like in the old western movies.

“You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax - tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.” - Pearl Williams

Brett Favre is my new Mississippi hero. From now on I'm going to as myself, how would Brett handle this situation. What number is Brett Favre? Don't look this up.

Last entry's answer was 5,865,696,000,000 miles.