a salty sandwich doesn't sound good

Three days in a row! Read with caution. I'm not sure why I wrote that there. It sounds dorky.

For the past two days at lunch, Coworker Who Went To That School I Can't Mention (with school colors of purple and yellow (or gold, depending on who you are) ) has screwed up his lunch. I'm thinking that he completely zones out as he approaches the counter. Day one, he couldn't remember what sandwich we had the other day, so I reminded him. It wasn't that good and the chicken was pretty dry so he didn't want it again. What does he do? Orders the exact sandwich. "I think that's the one we had the other day." "No, No, it looks different." "No, I really just think they sliced the chicken differently to throw people off." What a sucker. Very next day Coworker Who Went To That School I Can't Mention went to Subway because he's a fan of Jared. Ordered a sandwich and somehow lost it between the adding mayo stage and the wrapping/bagging it stage. He must have a lot on his mind at 11:30ish everyday. Poor guy. I hope he doesn't read this because I'm pretty sure he could beat me up if my hands were tied behind my back.

No kidney stones for me. I had to pee in a cup.

Why is Dick the shortened name for Richard?

I think my salty tooth is missing. People are constantly saying, "I just had a craving for something salty". Heck! Not me. I've never wanted something salty to satisfy a craving. My cravings are either sweet or manly. Give me candy bars or shrimp. Don't salt up my cravings.

Suspenders is sleeping at his desk again. Chin to chest style. Lucky him, he woke up as I was going to take his picture.

Someone in another office just blurted out, "Maybe we're just in a reality show and we don't know it." What if I really am? I should really clean up my non-mixed company behavior when no one is around. Who would watch this show? What's more boring than NASAtv? Uh, how about NASA engineers doing paper work! I could think of nothing more stimulating to watch.

Stink is still gone. The horrible smell is still gone.

To see the world's best means of communication, click I have never seen a monkey play a kazoo. Instead of sending boring, lame, lifeless emails I send all messages through this system. It works way better and helps to get my point across with intelligence and humor wrapped into one sweet package. Thank you very much.

Thank you for reading. See you next week suckers. Sorry for calling you a sucker and have a decent weekend.

Who averaged one patent for every three weeks of his life?

Last entry's answer was force, mass, and acceleration.

safety hazard

Stink hasn't been here all week. And you know what, it hasn't stunk at all. Except for that one time that I farted. What? Everyone does it. Yes, even you girls.

The kidney pain is still there, barely.

Going camping next weekend. I really hope it doesn't rain. The plan is to have a campfire, marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate bars...Holy marsh! I never knew in my entire life that marshmallow was spelled with an 'a' and not an 'e'. I seriously thought it was a marshmellow. This spell checker really dropped some knowledge on me. Oh, and that's the only plan we have set for camping, so far.

I started a picture blog. Click, I want to see what Matt does while he's not working, to see it. Fill it full of comments so I will look halfway cool.

This quarter of the year is my turn on the safety team at work. If you ask me, I'd tell you it was a complete waste of time and probably one of the most ridiculous things ever. I had to walk around with 5 other people and recognize "safety hazards" in the workplace. Such as: shelves stacked too high, light bulbs out, tripping hazards, too many pens/pencils in a cup on a desk, messy desks, chairs not pushed under tables, drinking liquids not in sippy cups...My group did manage to find a few. There was some paper that wasn't thrown in the trash can. Whoever left their bottle of water out didn't get to finish it because of our team. If you're reading this machine shop guy, it wasn't me. People cringe when they see us walk in, well, the normal ones do. I'm actually thinking of making my desk area a major safety hazard. That will give team two, who has our building, something to do.

I missed the free $40 bike helmets at the safety fair today. I did get a tree though. Since I live in a high rise apartment, I gave the tree to a girl.

What three terms are represented in Newton's second law of motion F = ma?

Last entry's answer was fat.

why does it hurt?

Why do they take the tops off the golf carts at the airport?

Sunday morning I woke up with a miserable pain in my left side. It hurt to walk. It hurt to stand. It hurt to laugh. It hurt to cry. I'm sure it would've if I would have cried. The first thing that came to mind was, I wonder what the other guy looked like. Then I realized, I'm not a fighter but a lover. What the heck is wrong with my side? I searched the internet to find no real source of hope for my life. I'm pretty much going to die now. The source of pain has been isolated to being kidney stones, kidney infection, pulled muscle, or a pinched nerve. Going to the doctor is out of the question. Real men don't need doctors. What would Paul Bunion do? So here it is, Tuesday, and I still have a slight pain in my side. I don't feel like working. If I could give my pain to anyone in the world, I'd give it to that guy in the weight room. The one that always drops his weights really loud. What a weirdo.

I wish I had a cowbell to ring right now.

Went to the movies Friday night but actually only saw one movie. We were there to see Smart People but I told the guy at the ticket window "stupid people" on accident, because I only halfway pay attention in life. I did not feel like a smart person then.

Saturday night I watched the most college hockey on tv that I have ever watched in the past. I'm pretty sure it was my first time ever to watch college hockey on tv. I'm also pretty sure it was the last time ever to watch college hockey on tv.

A guy here at work doesn't like the smell of popcorn. I know, crazy. Who doesn't like the smell of popcorn? Well, according to a recent highly regarded world wide survey, only 2% of the population label that as their favorite smell. Idiots. Anyways, since he doesn't like the smell, he wears a mask. Yes, an "I work outside and not in an office" mask. He looks like one of those people who have airborne diseases and can't breath on people. But yet, he wears it doing normal office duties. No slacking here, whatever it takes to keep the office running. Not me. When Stink, who sits behind me, lets one rip, I dart out of here with the intent of not returning.

If anyone wants to give me a kidney, please, email me.

"How do you take your coffee my sweet
I will raise the children if you pay all the bills"
"Where Have All the Cowboys Gone" by Paula Cole

What's the most concentrated source of energy in a diet--carbohydrates, fat or protein?

Last entry's answer was milk chocolate. Happy now?

rubbernecking

I think my roommate had a brain fart and miss took the kitchen rag for food last night or this morning. The time of day doesn't really matter. One end of the rag was torn and frayed. It wasn't like that before I went to bed and now it just doesn't make sense. Thank goodness he didn't eat the whole thing. The green rag was my favorite.

I pick all the onions and green peppers off my frozen supreme pizza before I cook it. Why can't Digiorno make a pizza with just the stuff I like?

The wreck on the other side of the interstate this morning caused a bigger traffic jam than the side with the wreck. Why rubberneckers? I know, I know, it's extremely difficult to not look at a bunch of idiots standing on the side of the road, doing nothing and kicking bumpers. But then, miraculously once it becomes difficult to turn your head for a peek, the traffic speeds back to normal. Absolutely amazing.

Why are the doors on showers made of glass but you rarely see clear shower curtains?

I'm pretty much feeling awesome now. Sittin on top of the world. I was on time to work for the first time this entire month yesterday morning. Will I get a promotion? Probably not. Do I deserve reward? Absolutely. Was I on time this morning? Nope.

How in the heck do my earplug wires get so tangled up from just sitting on the desk top or in the drawer? Every time I want to listen, it takes me at the least 60 seconds to uncross, untie, and straighten the wires. Sometimes I think it'd be easier to cut the knots out.

I'm tired, tired, tired of public restroom toilet paper being so difficult to use. The janitors cram the largest roll into the tightest space and expect the toilet users to be able to spin the roll and accumulate enough toilet paper for use. Ok, so you get the roll to spin, then the cheap crap tears off, leaving you only a few squares to work with. I pull and pull to get myself barely anything. Life is difficult.

Another restroom paragraph. I think it would be a wonderful idea for music to be piped into the throne room. Seriously, having music will not only help the toilet user relax, but also break up the awkward silence held by two or more potty seekers.

Frank: Anything? Well, uh I guess I, deep down, am feeling a little confused. I mean, suddenly, you get married, and you're supposed to be this entirely different guy. I don't feel different. I mean, take yesterday for example. We were out at the Olive Garden for dinner, which was lovely. And uh, I happen to look over at a certain point during the meal and see a waitress taking an order, and I found myself wondering what color her underpants might be. Her panties. Uh, odds are they are probably basic white, cotton, underpants. But I sort of think well maybe they're silk panties, maybe it's a thong. Maybe it's something really cool that I don't even know about. You know, and uh, and I started feeling... what? what I thought we were in the trust tree in the nest, were we not?
-Old School

What type of chocolate was first developed for public consumption in Vevey, Switzerland in 1875?

Last entry's answer was Babe Ruth.

i didn't set my alarm this morning

I think the area between apartments that isn't enclosed completely should be called a walkport.

I hate when I'm typing and the shift key apparently isn't pressed completely and the letter I want capitalized isn't capitalized. I hate backspacing and am now considering typing everything in all caps.

It's funny how J and K are next to each other in the alphabet. JK.

I might get a temp to work under me. That would probably be the greatest thing to ever happen to me. Wonder if I'll get to aid in the hiring of this peon? I can't believe I called that person a peon. I'm sorry world for being mean. If the hiring were up to me I wouldn't care about qualifications as long as she's hot. I probably wouldn't talk to a him.

My first cd ever was Hootie and the Blowfish, "Cracked Rear View".

So far I'm 0-7 at making the 7:30 meetings. I probably wouldn't have made it this morning anyways but I'm using the wreck at the Beltway as a good excuse. My 8:30 meeting had breakfast burritos. I didn't know how to spell burrito and had to look it up on Google.

This is a random picture that I didn't take.

Darren Erstad, an Astros bench warmer, pretty much made the worst attempt at hitting a baseball last night ever. I'm sure he's sitting on the bench wondering why he's not starting. The pitch was closer to being a pickoff at third base than that of an actual pitch. But Mr Erstad swung anyways. The Astros lost last night.

I found a new hero/role model/who I want to be when I grow up person. His American flag t-shirt tucked into black sweatpants is my favorite.

Phil Weston: I am angry. I'm like a large tornado of anger, swirling about.
-Kicking and Screaming

I'm allowed 3 crappy posts a year. I'm taking one of those now. Hopefully the crappy links will take away from the poor writing. I'm sorry internet for taking up space.

What pitcher was taken out of his major league debut in the seventh inning for a pinch hitter named Duffy Lewis, in 1914?

Last entry's answer was Space.

meatloaf

I wish someone would come to my work and give me a cash tip for doing my job.

The parents came to Houston this weekend. I don't think they'll ever come back. Everything cost more, too much traffic, and they bought my meals all weekend. Since they had my bed, I had to sleep on the roommate's bed while he was gone, my back still hurts.

Jimmy Buffett comes on the 21st. I'll probably go and get my Margaritaville on.

Went to a crawfish boil on Saturday. Mmm, good! I almost cried at one point because I hit a hot bunch. I'm pretty sure I hid it pretty well, no one seemed to notice. I wouldn't want anyone to think I was a wimp because the entire week before I talked a big game, claiming I was a real man.

I'm sick and tired of this online radio playing Coldplay every 2 songs. I continue to give them a thumbs down but they just won't go away.

I wore a blue polo today for my representation of the NCAA National Championship Game tonight. No one will know if I'm pulling for Kansas or Memphis. I'd rather keep it that way. Everyone wants to imitate me. This will confuse everyone and keep them off my back.

Tomorrow we're taking a group photo at work. Some lady here said she wasn't going to participate. I asked her if she was too cool. She didn't reply. Anyways, they told everyone to wear either red, white, or blue. I'm not sure why. All my blue, red, or white shirts are dirty. Do I wear a different color or a dirty shirt? This will be the hardest decision of the month so far. I'm sure we'll all look like a bunch of dorks. Hope my eyes won't be closed.

Holy crap! 7 Coldplay songs while I wrote this blog post. This post took me 2.25 hours.

The roommate slept like 15 hours from Saturday night to Sunday afternoon. I thought he was dead but I was too scared to walk in his room to find out. Thank goodness he wasn't really dead.

Chazz Reinhold: HEY MOM! CAN WE GET SOME MEATLOAF?
-Wedding Crashers

What did JFK refer to in noting: "This is a new ocean, and I believe the U.S. should sail it"?

Last entry's answer was Harry S. Truman.

one liners

Someone used the term, "Get out of jail free card," here at work. I don't know what that means.

April is my month to attend the 7:30 meetings. So far I'm 0 - 2. I hope no one finds out.

A girl at the ski shop told me my skis were beautiful. I told her she was beautiful.

Why is sarcasm so hard to read when in the form of text?

I asked the painter at out apartment if black was the presence or absence of all color. He didn't speak any English.

I'm supposed to be working right now. I'm blogging right now.

So far this week two people have walked out of the stall without flushing. They must have had false alarms.

I suggested "Like a Virgin" by Madonna and "Area Codes" by Ludacris to be played at my friend's wedding reception.

NASA retiring the shuttle will cost us 2,300 jobs. I'm not scared, McDonald's is hiring.

Weight lifting is heavy.

Why is it called a cookie cake? Doesn't look like a cake, just a giant cookie.

Someone told me today, "I thought you were cool". I just shrugged it off.

If I don't write my password down somewhere I'll forget it. So I post it noted it to my monitor.

I think someone just farted.

I always offer the girl at my office meat from my lunch. She's a vegetarian.

Chinese food is not meant to be eaten after a microwave visit.

I'm glad it's April. That month has a better picture on the calendar.

This was the stupidest idea for a blog ever.

What U.S. president advised: "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen"?

Last entry's answer was Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa both did it in 1998-1999.