Tuesday, April 15, 2008

why does it hurt?

Why do they take the tops off the golf carts at the airport?

Sunday morning I woke up with a miserable pain in my left side. It hurt to walk. It hurt to stand. It hurt to laugh. It hurt to cry. I'm sure it would've if I would have cried. The first thing that came to mind was, I wonder what the other guy looked like. Then I realized, I'm not a fighter but a lover. What the heck is wrong with my side? I searched the internet to find no real source of hope for my life. I'm pretty much going to die now. The source of pain has been isolated to being kidney stones, kidney infection, pulled muscle, or a pinched nerve. Going to the doctor is out of the question. Real men don't need doctors. What would Paul Bunion do? So here it is, Tuesday, and I still have a slight pain in my side. I don't feel like working. If I could give my pain to anyone in the world, I'd give it to that guy in the weight room. The one that always drops his weights really loud. What a weirdo.

I wish I had a cowbell to ring right now.

Went to the movies Friday night but actually only saw one movie. We were there to see Smart People but I told the guy at the ticket window "stupid people" on accident, because I only halfway pay attention in life. I did not feel like a smart person then.

Saturday night I watched the most college hockey on tv that I have ever watched in the past. I'm pretty sure it was my first time ever to watch college hockey on tv. I'm also pretty sure it was the last time ever to watch college hockey on tv.

A guy here at work doesn't like the smell of popcorn. I know, crazy. Who doesn't like the smell of popcorn? Well, according to a recent highly regarded world wide survey, only 2% of the population label that as their favorite smell. Idiots. Anyways, since he doesn't like the smell, he wears a mask. Yes, an "I work outside and not in an office" mask. He looks like one of those people who have airborne diseases and can't breath on people. But yet, he wears it doing normal office duties. No slacking here, whatever it takes to keep the office running. Not me. When Stink, who sits behind me, lets one rip, I dart out of here with the intent of not returning.

If anyone wants to give me a kidney, please, email me.

"How do you take your coffee my sweet
I will raise the children if you pay all the bills"
"Where Have All the Cowboys Gone" by Paula Cole

What's the most concentrated source of energy in a diet--carbohydrates, fat or protein?

Last entry's answer was milk chocolate. Happy now?

10 comments:

Father Rob said...

Im guessing its appendicitis. And you'll have to get your appendix removed. This is more fun than your trivia.

You idiot, you got your own question wrong. It was Milk Chocolate not chocolate milk. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

I guess Carbs.

prin said...
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Anonymous said...

Prin has a point, man pains often tend to be completely fabricated.
Your office is weirdoville. I suppose it is because it is full of smart science people who were raised delicately because of their hi iq's.
I too wish I had a cowbell to ring right now.
Leisha

Lauren said...

You more than likely pulled a muscle. A very large, painful, annoying muscle. I hate when that happens.

And the answer to your trivia question? I'm pretty sure it's fat.

prin said...
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Lip Smacker said...

I'm pretty sure you can get a kidney on Ebay. That's where I get more Cow Bell when I gotta have more Cow Bell... ;)

Anonymous said...

Eat bananas. I think that helps pulled muscles. If it was your appendix, I don't think you'd be able to walk.

Isn't my in-depth medical knowledge hot?

When are you going to blog from space?

Father Rob said...

No, I'm not happy now.

And Martini is wrong. DEAD wrong.

prin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
HWHL said...

LOL - this post is hysterical - finally, I caught you on a Funny Day!

My non-medical training tells me your symptoms are indicative of a bladder or kidney infection. Be a Real Man and go to the doctor. It will only get worse if you ignore it. (And then you'll start peeing blood.... ick.)

As far as your mask-wearing co-worker who doesn't like the smell of popcorn....? Well, I don't think there's much hope for the personal Hell he's obviously dwelling in....