i hope my shoulder doesn't fall off

Watch out Tiger Woods, Mr. Matt made a little trip to the driving range yesterday and hit $9 worth of balls. It was probably the most fun I had all weekend. I really surprised myself at how far I could hit that little yellow ball. Stead, aim, Boom! While most of the other golfers had nice, good form, I finished my swing like A-Rod rather than John Daley. Always looking for that home run ball. Now my shoulder is killing me. Swinging for the fence ain't easy. It hurts to drive, scratch my head, yo-yo, and work. I will probably fail at everything I do today. People will be devastated.

Yes, I have a yo-yo at work. Suspenders asked me to show him some tricks. I showed him 2 and failed on the third.

These make me laugh out loud. This too. And we'll throw one more in there.

Rode my bike to downtown Saturday and witnessed something I have never ever seen before. Dragon Boat Races!! It was probably the coolest thing I witnessed all weekend. There was a big festival on at the bayou on the north east side of town. I watched and became very jealous that I was on a bike instead of a Dragon Boat. I've already signed up 5 times for the Dragon Boat races in October.

I've called two of my friends and sent them both a text message and I have yet to hear back from either. This will probably mark the end of our friendship forever. He can find a new groomsman. This has ruined everything.

My shoulder is killing me. I can't write anymore on this post. It feels like it will fall off any minute now. That would be horrible and I would have to get a fake plastic arm that won't match my skin color cause I have a tan and sunburn. This might be the end of blogging for me. I'll take it one day at a time. That's the best I can do.

What's a golfer said to have if he is entitled to tee off first?

Last entry's answer were the Marlins.

i put stickers on my planner book

I like how "Good Morning" has been reduced to "Mornin". Me, being a grouch in the early hours, love this shortening stuff. I don't want to talk to you, I don't care if you talk to me, so let's just say the minimum. And for the heck of it, we'll cut one letter off the main word. That'll really speed things up and allow me to continue keeping on. This lazy characteristic works in many other ways too. Instead of "Hey Buck, how's the day going?", I just say "Buck", point a finger at him and continue on. Easy peasy.

What is a "Nut roll"? Someone walking down the hall fairly quickly just said, "This is a nut roll". I am speechless.

I met Coach Sly Croom last night. He shook my hand while talking to someone else. It was amazing. Later I caught him and we put arms around each other for a picture. He didn't smile, I did.

I was just receiving "hot" instructions from Suspenders for a new task. Mid sentence he quit telling me what I need to do and blurted out a few curse words and left. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now. I'll sit here, listen to my music and finish my blog post.

My wallet feels really big today. It's becoming quit annoying sitting at my desk with this large bulge in my back right pocket. I'm sitting at an 3 degree angle almost. Pretty sure I look like a total dork for my awkwardness. I'm thinking of taking it out and setting it on my desk. Hope no one will think I'm trying to show it off in a rude manner. It is brown leather.

Michael Scott: Hey, I thought you weren't supposed to eat anything for a couple hours after you've had a crown put it?
Dwight Schrute: ...They have this new kind of quick-drying bonding.
Michael Scott: Oh? sounds like a good dentist.
Dwight Schrute: Yea...
Michael Scott: What's his name?
Dwight Schrute: (long pause) Crentist.
Michael Scott: The dentist's name is crentist?
Dwight Schrute: Yea.
Michael Scott: Sounds a lot like dentist.
Dwight Schrute: Maybe that's why he became a dentist?
-The Office

I promise I didn't copy anything from this post except that other thing. Probably should have so it would have been a more entertaining read. It would be best if no one read this.

What major league baseball team is sometimes dubbed "The Fish"?

Last entry's answer was dentist.

this blog has turned into bathroom humor, sorry

It's official. Some suit and tie just asked me where the nearest bathroom was. It's bathroom in the professional world. Take that restroom.

Still feeling sickish but still keeping on. Nothing can hold me back. Today I must keep on keeping on. Nothing's gonna stop me. She's pretty.

Went to the O.A.R. concert last night. Even though my throat hurt, I sang loud enough for 2-3 people in front of me to hear. It might have been the second best concert I have been to all year. Thank you O.A.R. for rocking the world. It was amazing.

I keep drinking water to rid the sick taste in my mouth. This has resulted in many trips to the bathroom. It is becoming quite annoying. I wish we had the family bathroom like at the movies. The one with only one toilet and sink. Instead, since that luxury doesn't exist here, I put an "Out of Order" sign on my favorite stall. Works like a charm.

I had a very embarrassing moment the other day. Someone came into the bathroom while I was, you know, doing my business. Anyways, it sounded like high heels were walking around and entered the number one stall. Being that I'm curious like a cat, I had to take a peek. I slowly lowered my head down below the bottom of the stall wall to see what was up with these shoes. Then to my surprise, he was taking a peek too. We stared at each other face to face for what seemed like eternity. What do you say in this situation? Or do you say nothing at all? After a brief 3 minute shocking stare I quickly raised my head and composed myself. Holy crap! Do quickly finish up and hope he's not a john runner or do I wait it out and hope he leaves before me. I made a wise decision and darted out of there as soon as possible. I'll never forget that face. Luckily, I haven't seen it since. Now, the sounds of high heels walking down the hall scare me.

Stink is here today. I thought my nose was stopped up but I was wrong.

What was the occupation of cotton candy machine inventor William James Morrison?

Last entry's answer was William Wallace.

i'm to cool to wear a helmet; even if i do have a beautiful head

I feel like doo doo today. But I sure don't look like doo doo. Heck, I always look good. Just today, I don't feel very good at all. I'm probably sick. If I wasn't such a loyal employee and very dedicated to doing my job, I'd be home right now, in bed.

Some lady just walked in my office area, looked around, then left. She was chewing gum and wearing a red knit jacket. If anyone reading this knows anything, tell her to watch out.

My roommate slept 13 whole hours on Sunday. Got home about 1ish Saturday morning and I went to bed and I assume he did too. Couldn't see any lights on in the living room from under my bedroom door. I got down on my hands and knees to check. Woke up Sunday morning, went to church, he was asleep. Came home, had some lunch, he was asleep. Watched the Astros, they lost, he was still asleep. Watched the race with 88 laps left, he was still asleep. 2:45 pm finally got here, he emerged from his cave. I have never seen anything like it before.

I always think it's funny when my supervisor talks about putting his "Butt Head Cap" on. This is probably not a laughing matter.

The guy, from work, that plays in the band and is supposedly a body builder always eats spaghetti for lunch. It never fails, between 10:35 and 11:00 he waddles over to the microwave, sets it and leaves. Then about 10 minutes after it's done he remembers that he put spaghetti in the microwave. Everyday. Well, a numerous amount of the days throughout the month he does this.

I got a bicycle on Friday. That afternoon I rode it for about 2 hours. Just riding and riding. Saturday I rode it all the way to downtown and around the ballpark. I only fell off twice. First, was when I was trying to jump a curb downtown. The back tire couldn't quite make it over the curb and threw me off. I probably looked like a daredevil blazing the sidewalks.

The previous paragraph sounded like a 3rd grader wrote it.

The lady in the red knit jacket is back. I don't know what to think of her. She is going to be sitting at the desk next to mine.

What brave-hearted Scottish patriot led soldiers to a defeat of the English at the Battle of Cambuskenneth in 1297?

Last entry's answer was Brutus.

restroom versus bathroom

There were too many people in the lab during a test. I volunteered to leave. It was an excellent excuse for me to leave and go back to my desk to write a blog post.

Last night I attempted to make hamburgers and failed on the buns. I thought it would be cool to have a special bun for my George Foreman burger. Well, I thought wrong. For some crazy reason, I had decided in my head/heart that a sourdough bun would be the hip thing for a hamburger. Ok, so the grocery store doesn't sell or make sourdough buns. Not a problem. The soup bread bowl resembles a very large bun, so why not just cut it into smaller chunks. Perfect. The idea was shaping up quite nicely, except that my bun was more squarish than round. Then, I sat down and began the the chow down process. First bite, all bread and cheese. Not a problem, I'll get it the second on the second round. Bite two, no meat. By the time I had reached the third bite I was tired of chewing. It was a freakin bread bowl for crying out loud. That stuff doesn't chew very well. Third bite, mostly bread and cheese with a hint of meat. Screw it, I changed buns. It was a sort of messy process but well worth it. Thank you Sara Lee for making real hamburger buns.

I like oranges but I don't like peeling them.

I'm truly wearing party pants for Party Pants Friday. Maybe I shouldn't wear these, I don't know. The problem with this particular pair is that the zipper unzips itself constantly. Walking down the hall, unzip. Sitting at my desk, unzip. It does save time when going to the restroom.

I wish they made popcorn flavored air fresheners for the restroom. Then going to the bathroom wouldn't be such torture. It would make me think of the movies. Then I would walk out and be hit with the reminder that I'm at work. Disappointment.

When is it ok to use bathroom instead of restroom?

It's the freakin weekend baby
I'm about to have me some fun
"Ignition (Remix)" - R Kelly

Who committed suicide two years after taking a stab at Julius Caesar?

Last entry's answer was 5.

this post is just another brick in the wall

I like the wave. I can think of no better way to prove my fanhood. It really brings a smile to my face like no other mass cheer does. Waiting...Waiting...Oh gosh, here it comes...Getting ready...Do I stand, or just stay seated and throw my arms up?...Two sections away...High pitched yell or just a manly Wooo?....Oh crap, it's here!! Then, the excitement of watching a human wave take over a stadium begins. Who doesn't love doing the wave? 40,000 plus people working together to transform an ordinary stadium into a vast ocean experience. Wish they could have inflatable surfboards that would ride the wave.

I think I screwed up this morning. Not quite sure, but I think I wore this same exact shirt 3-4 working days ago. If anyone notices, my cool guy status will be in question. This might be the end of everything great in my life. I'll probably just hide behind my monitor all day.

Batteries are another item, that I was reminded of on Monday, that I really hate buying.

Stink is definitely back and in full force. The week long vacation only made things worse. It's to the point where I'm ready for some payback. Or either a cover up. I'll bring my Fresh Linens air freshener spray can to work. This office will smell like a dryer when I'm through.

Someone made a "Young Lust" by Pink Floyd comment that made me laugh. Another peon was making a conference call and the phone ringing sounded just like the one from the song. So guy in the office next to me said, "This is the United States calling". I thought it was funny and probably no one else ever will. Now I sound like an idiot for explaining that.

Ooooo I need a dirty woman
Ooooo I need a dirty girl
"Young Lust" by Pink Floyd

How many U.S. presidents played a role in Vietnam's civil war?

Last entry's answer was January.

nothing but some cool chairs here, seriously

I'm not sure what to write about; not too much to share today. I did, however, share something with the men's room. Added some much needed reading material to the backside of the stall door. I'm sure the hard working NASA engineers will be eternally grateful for my contribution. I really don't see it necessary to celebrate for this time of giving. If everyone would just be happy that would be enough.

If my weekends were about 1 to 2 days longer I'd be much happier. Mondays should be considered to be included into weekends.

Sitting in these would comfort my back a lot more.

Stink is back. I really hope he took care of that problem while he was out all week. Still haven't pull my shirt down over my nose yet.

Suspenders keeps smiling at me with a huge grin. I'm not sure how I should react or feel about this. I just keep thinking, what would someone with good looks and a smart brain do in this situation? I've got nothing.

I think a record has been set today. Me and Utility Al have sent about 56 Monk-e-Mails between the two of us. It makes me LOL.

I just heard a dirty song on the radio. I'm torn on whether or not I should give it a thumbs up or thumbs down. Pandora's rating system isn't very sophisticated. I think that's the biggest word I have yet to write on my blog. Crap, I didn't mean to talk about my blog in my blog. I swore to never do that. I'm sorry America. I'm sorry Canada. I'm sorry England. I'm sorry South Africa. I'm sorry Australia.

I have to buy three wedding presents. One wedding was in August and the other two were in December. All three were in 2007. I'm a little late and a horrible friend. Will they still accept my presents? Should I just send a post card and some NASA stickers? The NASA stickers always seem to make people forget every wrong thing that has ever happened to them. People love free stuff. That's why I stole 200 stickers. If anyone from work reads this I'm screwed.

What is the least popular month for U.S. weddings?

Last entry's answer was Thomas Edison.