i smile like the sun

Mom just emailed me the pictures from the Olan Mills portrait session we had on top of the mountain. Oh yes, we had family pictures taken by a "professional" photographer on top of the mountain about 36 feet away from the unloading ski lift. I couldn't have been more ticked in my life. "Ok, we're meeting at the top of the lift to get some family pictures taken. It might be the last time we're able to do this as a family. So meet up there first thing." I get off the lift, swing my head around super quick and didn't notice a photographer, so I darted out of there. "Come back Matthew!" Uh oh, got the full name on that. They caught me on the second ride up.

"Ok, I need you to go over there, take your skis off, and come stand over here. Bring your skis too. We want to use your skis in the picture." What!? We have to pose with skis now? "Those goggles aren't going to work." "Why not?" "They cover your entire face." "Good." So she pulls out the magic bag of Wal-Mart sunglasses. Then managed to pick out the worst pair of sunglasses in the the history of sunglasses. "I think these will do just nicely." My sister got the pair of Oakleys.

"First I need all four of you to stand in a line. Daddy, Brother, you hold these two skis. Mother, Sister, hold this pair. Everybody smile." I'm thinking, ok, I can fake a smile for this stupid pose. I don't like it, but ok. "Now, for the second." Another one!? Seriously!? "Sister, I need you to lay on the ground. No, no, on your side. Everyone else take a knee behind her. Daddy, Brother, get on either side of Mother." The pissed off factor is starting to rise. This is getting a little ridiculous. Taking a knee with a ski boot on is not a very easy task to do. Plus as we've gone over in the past, taking a knee pretty much sucks. Not comfortable, knee gets wet, and looks stupid. This picture only received a half smile.

"Ok, ok, for the last pose we need Daddy to lay on the snow on his tummy." Holy crap! I know where this is going. The pissed off factor is going through the roof now. "Brother, you do the same. Lay down right beside Daddy." My reaction is to just stare off at the mountains like I'm a deaf kid. "Brother, I'm going to need you to lay on the snow next to your Dad." "Uhh..." You're never getting this frown to turn upside down now. "Ok, Mother I need you on top of Daddy." Ok...hang on...time out. No dirty thoughts here. This is just a family picture pose. "Sister, you do the same to Brother." I'm on the snow with my sister sitting on top of me while dad and I have are hands on top of my ski which is right in front of us. I'm pretty sure snow is melting all around because I'm ticked off to the nth power. "Ok, Brother I'm going to need you to smile. 1...2...Brother, smile." People are coming off the ski lift enjoying a great laugh and taking their own pictures of us. Thank goodness I'm wearing these cheap sunglasses and no one will ever recognize me. "We'll be finished as soon as Brother smiles. 1...Brother I'm gonna need you to smile." She finally gave up. I put my skis on and left. Didn't see the rest of the family till lunch that afternoon.

Why must people talk louder on cell phones than office phones?

People who write about their blog in their blog are idiots. My blog is too good to do anything like that. I would never write about my blog in my blog.

Was that post make any sense? Don't answer that.

In honor of the using steroids. Who is the only pitcher to win six Cy Young Awards?

Last entry's answer was USA/Mexico.