awkward

This post is very much unlike the other posts. Sorry in advance.

So last night around 7:30 me and Miss Elliptical, the new girl I met in the weight room, put in “Ocean's Thirteen,” cut all the lights out, and sit down on the couch to enjoy a nice evening. Roommate was MIA, notice the tie on the door. First time the new couch has had occupants of two. No more flying solo on the sofa.

Not to be gross, but just as things were getting rather intimate we hear a, BANG, BANG on the door. “Oh shit” is what I believe Miss Elliptical said. I peak out the peep hole, but can’t tell who it is because of the dang wreath on the door. I knew that thing would be a pain in butt and make us look gay. I figure it’s one of the neighbors just stopping by trying thier best to be annoying or something. I dash into the bedroom and put some old sweat pants on. Unlock the door, crack open the door and it turns out to be the preacher from the church service on Sunday along with two ladies from the congregation.

"We are the visitees of the ABC 123 Baptist Church visitation group." I’m shocked while standing in the hall, frantically thinking to myself, oh crap… am I dressed decent, is the apartment a wreck (yes), is there anything that they might see that will embarrass the crap out of me (probably), will Miss Elliptical be decent? I’m barely standing in the doorway and they are already asking themselves in so I can’t run inside and check the decentcy very quick like.

They come in and take a seat on my awesomely cool sofa as I start throwing crap behind the chairs and then sit. About 5 minutes later Miss Elliptical emerges from my room. They seem somewhat shocked. "Oh, Mr Matt, is this your wife." Ok, they didn't say that but I was sure hoping they wouldn't. I offered them water and some wine and crackers since this is all we have. They laughed. The whole thing was very uncomfortable for me and especially Miss Elliptical.

I'm pretty sure that Miss Elliptical will change her workout routine from every afternoon about 6:00 to every morning at 7:00 just to be safe. She was a cutie.

What is emetophobia?

Last entry's answer was fear of chins.

woof woof

Dakoda says hi.

I called Continental Airlines the other day to book my flight to Philawarepragacago. "Where?" Philawarepragacago. "Sir, I'm not sure I understand what you're saying." Phila-ware-prag-acago. "I'm sorry sir but we don't have a flight to that city." Ok, well how about Tuscan? "$1238" Thanks.

Dakoda enjoys waking me up again. She runs and jumps on the bed, searches under the covers for my face and proceeds to lick. I know, I taste about as good as I look. Which is a lot.

I love Jim Gaffigan. He makes me laugh. Laugh a lot.

Everyone should go listen to Demitri Martin right now. Make sure to check out "Guitar Jokes." This strict order is for you Martini.

I haven't figured out how to fully use the delete key on my keyboard and it's somewhat annoying. Unlike the PC keyboard the MAC keyboard doesn't have a backspace key. In it's place is the delete key. There's some way to do a combo of buttons to make the delete key (the backspace PC key) work like a regular PC delete button. So that instead of backspacing the characters to be deleted, you can delete the characters in the opposite direction of backspacing. Confused yet? One day I'll figure this irritating issue out. When I do I'll probably never backspace a character again to delete it.

Suit Test update: Due to recent events at work the test has been downgraded and will be conducted at 1:00. Will still wear the suit but not in full operation. Thank you previous complications. Whatever.

What is geniophobia?

Last entry's answer was the revolving door.

christmas is coming

Last night we decorated for Christmas. Went to the Target and bought a bunch of randomness from the Christmas section. 2300 mini white lights, 450 fat color lights, 45 colored balls, 3 wreaths (which the girl in the stored couldn't understand me pronouncing), 7 candles, 3 rolls of ribbon, 3 strands of garland, 24 tree decorations, 45 Christmas cookies, 23 candy canes, and 1 tree skirt. Did not get hooks to hang the decorations, tape to put lights in the windows, a door hook for the wreath, extension cords for the lights, or Christmas candy to eat. Is wrapping the door to look like a present a good idea?


Whenever the song "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie comes on the radio I sing it. I somewhat like the song. Don't judge me.

Ever try to sort out the Christmas tree decoration hooks? Pay the extra dollar or two and get the nice gold hooks. The cheap 68 cent hooks come as one single bundle of hooks. It only took me 13 minutes to separate one hook from the rest. 15 minutes later I hung the bundle on the tree and threw the real decorations away.

Space suit update: Friday at 9:00 am.

Stu: You know what the problem is?
Bobby: Yeah, the problem is that I need a change.
Stu: No, no, no. The problem is that I love you too much.
-Phone Booth

What invention for keeping cold air out of buildings in winter was patented by Theophilus Van Kannel in 1888?

Last entry's answer was the Air Force.

emergency

The other day at work I had a physical. This wasn't by choice but a requirement for work. In order to don (a fancy engineering term that means "wear") the space suit each person is required a physical. Long before this physical, I had heard nothing but horror stories from the fellow coworkers. "Remember, the doctor only has two arms." "Hey Matt, look over here and cough." I never laughed. Anyways, the hour had come upon me before I even had time to catch a case of swamp ass. Phew. The only bad part about whole visit was the part where the doctor told me I was overweight. I laugh and question her. She didn't laugh. Ok then, I'm overweight, how much do I need to lose? "About 20 pounds." Turns out I'm about 4 points on the BMI scale from being obese. I laugh. She didn't laugh. Then she told me to turn my head and cough. I didn't laugh.

New word around the office is that I'll be a test subject towards the end of the week. That's right I'll be donning the real deal space suit. They will be conducting emergency training for the technicians. Which means they'll be jerking me out of the suit extremely quick. I do get to pretend to pass out. Hope I really don't pass out.

My Future Wife must have had a case of IBS last night. When I say I'll call you right back that doesn't mean tomorrow or next week. Keep your phone near because I'll be calling right back. At least most of the time. Whateva.

Yesterday I had a hellacious case of gas. It was slightly embarrassing for me. Many times throughout the day I had emergency runs to the little boys room. Not for number 1, not for number 2, but to release a tremendous buildup of pressure. When it came, it came. I LOL every time too.

What current branch of the U.S. military was a corps of only 50 soldiers when World War I broke out?

Last entry's answer was Rose Bowl.

back to work on monday

Thanksgiving was nice. I ate a lot. Then I ate some more. Hope my doctor doesn't read this.

I wore a sweater to work. Now I'm hot. Sweaters aren't the best choice of clothing. Outside where it's cold they work fine. Inside people turn up the heat and I burn up. I'd take it off but the button up on under is too tight. I feel like a total dork but now I know where the word sweater came from.

Saw My Future Wife on Saturday night. She was as beautiful as always. We went bowling. I won 2 out of the three games. Should I spell out numbers from now on? Utility Al was the only other person to even come close to passing me. He beat me once. Only because he was wearing a button up and I was in a t-shirt. Three of the girls with us were wearing scrubs. I have never in my entire life wore scrubs. My Future Wife's looked the best.

Nurse C informed me that she never wants to be mentioned on her again as Nurse C. I probably just will never mention her again for that.

Oh yeah, Mississippi State won the Egg Bowl. I almost cried tears of joy. Then Coach Zero got fired from Ole Miss. I laughed.

Why does bad odor always linger around? If someone smells good it only last a few seconds. Bad body odor never leaves. It keeps growing. Then once you think it's gone. Bam! Back for more.

This song has been stuck in my head for 2.75 weeks. It's time to share the joy.
"Holiday Celebrate
Holiday Celebrate"
-"Holiday" by Madonna

Saturday night I couldn't quit singing this country-western song. Utility Al loves it.
"So I'm singin'
Elvira, Elvira
My heart's on fire Elvira
Giddy Up Oom Poppa Omm Poppa Mow Mow
Giddy Up Oom Poppa Omm Poppa Mow Mow
Heigh-ho Silver, away"
-"Elvira" by Oak Ridge Boys

Which of the major bowl games is the oldest?

Last entry's answer was London.

egg bowl 2007

Egg Bowl 2007

Mississippi State 17 - Ole Miss 14

That's all I have have to say about that. Also, I haven't quite smiling and I can still hear cowbells in my ears. Feels good.
I was sitting in the middle, wearing a dark green jacket and a gray pullover. I know, I don't have a maroon jacket and I feel stupid about it, but my cowbell was maroon and white.


Will return with regular posts soon.

Feliz Thanksgiving

It's a little late but, Happy Thanksgiving.

keeping it up

Yesterday was an eventful day. Got the new computer back, slept during most of the daylight hours, and competed in Iron Chef Houston again. Today I begin my journey much like the pilgrims. Except my pilgrimage will take me to the deep south where people eat sweet potatoes, fried turkey, and gravy on everything. I'll also be using an Xterra instead of a wooden ship.

I hate the current wallpaper on my desktop. It's ugly and stupid.

Yesterday afternoon I was a bum. I've only left the apartment once. That was to go pick up my computer. Things I did today:
1. Slept till mid afternoon.
2. Cleaned house. Looks better than the day I moved in.
3. Learned the "Crank dat Souja Boy" dance. Everyone back home will be impressed. Click I taught that boy in the black and white everything he'd ever need to know.
4. Beat my roommate in Iron Chef Houston - Secret Ingredient: Pork Tenderloin.
5. Ate pork tenderloin, mashed potatoes, and string beans.
6. Read some of my new book.
7. Did laundry.
8. Ate two pieces of sweet potato pie. Mmmm. Hope Dr. Physical doesn't find out.
9. Watched National Treasure. Thought about watching The Da Vinci Code. I always want to learn more about the Knights Templar.

Why is folding the fitted sheet so hard? In my entire history of folding the fitted sheet I have not once completed a fold that even comes close to resembling a square. It always turns out to be some sort of rolled up monstrosity. I will forever sleep on a wrinkled bottom sheet. Dear God, send me a wife that can fold. Thank you.

What European city lost 4,000 people to a "killer fog" of carbon dioxide in 1952?

Last entry's answer was Liberty.

Happy Thanksgiving Eve. Hope it's just ok.

time to go to bed

Hi blog.

When I made the promise to blog everyday I forgot that I had Mission Support in the wee hours of the morning. Crap. I'm tired now and never looked better in my life. Slight bed head, red eyes, no shave, 100% hotness. Watch out ladies, I did catch the gaiter.

There is a guy at work who has a butt cut. Every time I see him I laugh to myself. Hope he never catches me laughing and staring at the same time.

Tonight is Iron Chef Houston in my apartment. It's a new thing that keeps us entertained and feeling somewhat gay. Which is a bad thing. Pretty stupid if you ask me. Anyways, Sunday night's ingredient was tuna. We each prepared our own piece of tuna and seared it on the stove top. Mine for sure was better. Why? Because I'm just better at that kind of thing. I added wine to my marinate. Now I feel really gay. I'll continue this topic no more.

I'm still upset about the loss to Arkansas. I'll probably never get over it till the Bulldogs win again.

Goodnight blog.

What word has appeared on every coin struck in the U.S. since 1792?

Last entry's answer was Jimmy Carter.

monday 1

This might be a difficult task but I'll give it a shot anyways. Starting today I'll be posting everyday. The post will be shorter due to being everyday, and because I'm just not that creative and don't have time for length. I'm willing to put money that this task will only last one day.

I did it again this morning. Woke up late for work. It never fails, when I roll over to see 7:34 on the clock I jump right out of bed. Why can't every morning be like that? Somehow I did manage to make it to work by 8:30ish. I'm fast. Crap...forgot deodorant.

The sweet potato pie left over from the feast on Friday was quickly devoured at lunch today. I've never smiled so big in my life. They really do like it. I won't leave to go to the bathroom all afternoon in fear that they might gossip while I'm gone. Anyone interested in the recipe e-mail me 3.5 minutes after closing this window. Click Matt looks good when wearing red.

Thanksgiving is 3 days away.

Tonight I work the graveyard shift again, 12 - 7:30. I can't quit smiling. There's another spacewalk going on. So for those of you interested, the astronauts will leave the hatch at approximately 5:00 am. I would encourage each and everyone of you to join me during this time of space exploration. Hope I don't snooze out too soon.

What U.S. president installed solar panels on the White House roof?

Last entry's answer was Phil Hartman.

Enjoy the rest of your Monday, starting right now.

sunday sadness

Today is the beginning of what is supposed to be a good week. As of last night my New Computer broke. It will no longer recognize a wireless signal. So that means, no internet, no blogging, and no fun. I didn't buy a computer to meet friends in the tech support department. Wonder if they would be my friend? So, this afternoon I began my journey to the Apple Store at the Galleria. That excited me so much that I couldn't sleep last night. My appointment was for 1:15. My name gets called at 1:43. At 2:13 the hippie with long hair and a beard tells me that my computer is in need of repair. Well yeah, I didn't bring it in for kicks and giggles. So now they have to special order the parts, because the needed parts aren't stocked in the "back room." Supposedly these New Computers aren't meant to break so soon. Well I got the lucky one. Or as the guy on phone refers to it as a "lemon." I will be computerless for approximately 3-8 days. I feel like throwing something.

Originally I had already typed out another blog post on the other computer. Now the apple techs are probably reading it and making their own inputs. I'll post it later.....ahhh, whatever.

Sorry for such a crappy blog post. The next one or maybe the one after that will knock your clothes off.

What Saturday Night Live cast member left in 1994 after being in a record 153 shows?

Last entry's answer was Antarctica.

almost thanksgiving

"Thanksgiving Lunch @ Work 2007" is tomorrow. Tonight I have slaved over a hot stove for 5 hours. Ok, well 3.5 maybe. Anyways, it was a long time standing around in the kitchen. I made two sweet potato pies and one large heaping of macaroni & cheese. The second pie is for the dwellers of this apartment. The roommate will probably eat it all in one sitting. He needs to.

I missed tonight's The Office. So now I'll have to watch it at work tomorrow. Wait, scratch that. I've been super busy ever since I did "live blog." That was the worst mistake in the history of mistakes.

I'm pretty sure I would never go to a Celine Dion concert. Ever.

Today I was violated. Technically I wasn't. The co-workers explained it as being violated beforehand. I'm confused now. No details, but I had a physical today. That's all I have to say about that.

I just tasted the pie and OMG. I'm a chef. It will probably knock every one's clothes off tomorrow. I hope Suspenders doesn't eat any. Now the macaroni & cheese is done. It looks PHAT. And tastes delish. That's supposed to be short for delicious.

I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I have a school boy's crush on Erin Andrews. The NCAA reporter for ESPN. She was just on my tv. Ahhhh.

Goodnight short post.

What continent is subjected to the world's largest ozone hole?

Last entry's answer was Campbell's.

thank you

The Houston Police Department introduced themselves to me Tuesday morning on the way to work. The cop didn't strike me as the brightest law enforcer on the force. After asking him if that was me he caught speeding, his answer was yes, but it lacked some confidence. So I made him show me the radar. Sure enough he pulled out the radar gun to show me some random speed that he probably penciled in on his radar. The gun probably wasn't even real. I said "Whatever." He told me I was going 77 then sped up to 80. Who speeds up when they see a cop car?? He gave me a ticket. I said "Whatever" again.

I finally found a solution to my Orbit gum troubles. There's a new gum on the market called 5. They somehow avoided the problem of gum sticking to the packet. No more hard times with Orbit. High 5. Get it?

Ever since I did "live blog" the other day I have been super busy at work. Someone probably told an astronaut that I wasn't working.

I'm not a fan of the green apple of grape Blow Pops but I eat them anyways. Someone at work brought a bunch of Blow Pops in and now all the good colors are gone. Right now I'm wishing I would have stocked up on the strawberry while they were still around.

Thanksgiving dinner at work is coming up this Friday. I'm signed up to bring Mac and Cheese. Homemade of course. Along with a sweet potato pie. Mmmm. Everyone else in the office is pretty cheap. One guy signed up for mashed potatoes and asked if someone else would bring gravy. Come on slacker, just pick up some gravy at KFC when you get the potatoes. We're engineers, you can afford it. I am thankful for having a Thanksgiving dinner at work and sweet potato pie. That's it. Well, girls too. And the state of Mississippi along with Mississippi State. Probably Dakoda too.

Turk Malloy: Don't change the facial structure.
Virgil Malloy: I'm making you taller. Don't you want to be taller? You're a midget in 34 states. Turk Malloy: Yeah, well, I'm an animal in the other 34.
Virgil Malloy:[turns and stares at Turk]
Turk Malloy: 24. 22.
-Ocean's Thirteen

What company first condensed soup in 1898?

Last entry's answer was Stonewall Jackson.

the return of me

I'm back in Texas. Right now I'm not sure how I feel about that. Mississippi was Mississippi and Texas is big. Does feel good to have my car/truck/suv back while driving around with people that don't know what a speed limit is. The parking garage that I parked at gave me some cookies and water when I left. They made me feel like a V.I.P., first class all the way. Thank you theParkingSpot. That's really how they spell it. If I had a company I wouldn't put spaces between the words either. ComeShopAtMattsRidiculouslyAwesomeBlogStore. Fortune 500 in no time.

Mississippi State Beat Bama, 17 - 12. I made the guy in the sound booth update me through out the wedding. I've never smiled so big for pictures before in my life. Thank you Mississippi State Bulldogs. This blog post is dedicated to you. I hope Kathy still comments.

Dakoda woke me Sunday morning. She's the not so small chocolate lab puppy of mine. I'm pretty sure she missed me.

Watch out ladies Matt is on the prowl. I caught the garter at the wedding. That little boy in front of me didn't deserve it, way too young. Not sure if I want the garter tradition to hold true or not. I'll let My Future Wife worry about that. Oh, she informed me this weekend that she doesn't like that name and wants a new one. Good luck honey. You looked hot at the dinner rehearsal. Hope she reads this.

Ocean's Thirteen comes out tomorrow. I'll probably buy it only because I have the first two.

I have yet to determine anything worse than riding a plane with a crying baby. Thank you Mr Pilot for taking the slow descent home. My ears couldn't have hurt worse. Add baby in row 15 crying and annoying flight attendant telling me to put my seat upright and buckle up every 10 minutes to the equation and we produce a crappy return flight. Why do I have to buckle up and put my seat upright? I'm an aerospace engineer who is educated in designing airplanes. That should exempt me. Whatever.

What do you call a Man Shower? The ones where Men get together for grilling and give tools, guns, knives, playboys, lawn equipment, grills and such to the groom? Do those even exist? Well if not I'll telling whoever reads this that I want one.

Friends from high school want me to mention them in my blog for some reason. Apparently they think this thing is a big deal. I'll call them CheerGirl and Nurse C.

Utility Al, why didn't you pick up your phone Saturday night? Hope you enjoy the meal for whichever night you choose. Thank you for the awesome being in the wedding present you gave me. I just showed it off to the roommate. He's impressed.

What military man had a much less famous cousin nicknamed "Mudwall"? He's a fan of mine.

Last entry's answer was Consumer News and Business Channel.

today is thursday at nasa

Everyone will spend the day with me at work.

6:50 Arrive to work. Other new employee seems very shocked that I'm at work at such an early time. I'm surprised that I'm at work this early.

6:52 Read past "Why Do Men Have Nipples" Daily Calendar posts from Saturday to Today. Learned how to deliver a baby, why men have hair on their ears, and if circumcision diminishes sexual pleasure.

6:58 Begin checking mail.

6:59 Begin deleting mail from 5 days ago.

7:08 Read new emails.

7:09 Check personal email (Gmail). New jacket has been shipped and the estimated time of arrival is November 13, 2007. I ordered this crap on October 27, 2007. I'm ticked. Apparently they got my nasty email and got scared. They gave me 1500 more rewards points for my order. They know what's up.

7:15 Read Mississippi newspaper online. Mississippi State talks a big game.

7:30 Check ESPN.com Kentucky gets upset in basketball.

7:45 Use restroom.

7:48 Stand around and listen to some fellow coworkers talk about something. I didn't listen that closely.

8:01 Sit at desk and begin this blog post.

8:20 Check Gmail.

8:23 Comment on Father Rob's blog. I didn't read anymore blogs. Haven't finished my Gatorade A.M. yet. Lots of chatter around the office. I buzz in a few times. Then I tell a joke and everyone laughs.

8:39 Almost froze my hand on one of those aerosol cleaning cans. The ones that blow air out to clean the keyboard. There's ice on it! Sweet! Now there's dust everywhere. Hope no one minds. If I explain why it gets cold will someone nominate me to be on Beauty and the Geek?

8:47 Found Suspenders and asked some random questions to make him think I've been working. We then took the elevator twice to advance one floor at time. He's sort of lazy.

8:59 Begin working on the new procedure that me and Suspenders discussed. There's a space suit test at 10. I'll probably go just to get out of this paper work.

9:13 The guy next to me showed a video of two monkeys sitting at a bar telling jokes. It was pretty funny except that I didn't get the punch line and laughed anyways.

9:39 Use restroom again. Gatorade really did a toll on me. Saw what seemed like a cute girl at the other end of the hall. Too far to tell for sure. I'll walk down there later.

9:42 Looking up New Zealand on Google. Really, really want to go. Delilah is talking about going and I'm thinking about going with her. She told me this on the phone last night. I couldn't sleep at all thinking about it.

10:08 My phone rang! No one ever calls this phone. Well I'm never sitting at my permanent desk anyway so I never get phone calls. I should sit at my permanent desk instead of this one. Test time got pushed back. Dang it.

10: 25 Check Gmail.

10:28 Check Facebook.

10:35 Check Gmail.

10:36 Drop in on a conversation in the office. They're talking about space suit gloves. I only half way pay attention while I work on my paper work.

10:39 Phone rang again! I'm on a roll today. Girl sitting at my other desk needs some help. I think that's code for she likes me.

10:52 Think I accidentally asked a guy at work to go to a Rockets game. I was asking if he had ever been and told him I was going next week. Somewhere in there he thought I was asking him if he wanted to go. I don't understand these Houston people. For a week I'm going to have to avoid him at all costs.

10:55 Check Gmail.

11:32 I'm hungry so I'll be eating now.

12:01 Read a blog I saw on cnn.com. In the New. Hope she doesn't mind if I link to it. Back to work.

12:21 Looked up pictures of J.K. Rowling. I had no idea what she looked like. Not bad for a 40 something.

12:31 I just got (or saw, who knows when I got it) a text from My Future Wife. She does love me. I bet she's all giddy and can't sit still.

1:00 Filled out some personal paper work. Mo money, mo problems.

1:32 Looked up Rockets tickets on craigslist.com. Utility Al called. He told me a secret about My Future Wife. I feel like I'm in high school again.

1:53 Finished with some paper work. Other new hire is reading a magazine and talking about it out loud to me. I'm not listening. She keeps telling me about events around Houston and I just nod and say I've been there done that or am already going. She's probably jealous of me right now.

2:23 Handed off my work to be reviewed and signed. It's policy here. 23 people have to sign off on anything that gets done. It's dumb, I know.

2:30 Made arrangements for Utility Al's wedding present. Hope he puts it to good use. Can't tell what it is, he might read ahead and spoil the surprise. Wonder what his mom will say about it?

2:48 Checked Gmail. Talked to Ex girlfriend on Gmail chat. Sent Ex girlfriend an forward.

2:52 Sent some forwards around the Outlook address book.

3:20 I tried to download a NASA instant message program but I got rejected. They probably want me to do more work and not chat. I've been figured out.

3:23 Yawn

3:35 I just daydreamed of a time when I was younger and wanted to buy a video game at the store. I didn't have enough money on my own and mom wouldn't buy it for me. That was a cloudy day.

3:56 Talked with another guy about the commute to work each day. His is a total of 14 minutes round trip. I take at least 35 minutes one way. The hardships I have to face living in downtown. It's tough being a high roller.

4:07 Think I'll head home now. I'm tired. Maybe I can beat the traffic. Doubt it.

Living the NASA life isn't so bad.

What's CNBC short for?

Last entry's answer was Joseph Stalin.

my piano skills don't suck

I officially don't miss the being in class part of college. The girls I do miss. Except that University of Houston Downtown doesn't enroll that many cuties. Maybe they're just not on the same level as me. I mean 7th floor as the level. Not that I'm smarter or anything. Martini thinks I'm a Geek. She wants to go on Beauty and the Geek with me as my partner. I'm so confused now. Think I'll just go play some Scrabble or read the encyclopedia instead.

I have a date to Utility Al's Wedding Rehearsal Dinner 2007. My Future Wife agreed to go with me. I was surprised actually. Obviously we're meant to be. I hope she reads this before Friday evening. I love you My Future Wife.

I'm Baptist, not Methodist. Thought I'd clear that up. Just in case you were wondering.

Roommate bought a new electric wine bottle opener. The owner's manual says to charge the device for 16 hours. Bull crap. Who on earth charges their new electronic toy for that long as soon as they get it? Not this apartment. After about 2 hours of charging I made him uncork a bottle the electronic way. In case the new toy broke, he'd be the one using it. That's probably why half my battery operated electronics only half way work. I never charge the full charge before the first use. Turn the crap on now.

I just got off the phone with Utility Al, I told him I was "hitting the sack." I lied. I'm blogging instead.

This is Mississippi State's week. I don't predict scores. 1, I'm not good at it. 2, I don't want to jinx, not that I would, but you know. 3, I don't have a third, just needed a number 3 because having 2 just looks stupid.

I miss playing the piano. Being younger and taking lessons was not the cool thing to do. Mom asked if I wanted to take piano lessons one day at the swimming pool and I said yes. Three years later I was begging to take it away. Now I just want to be like Ben Folds. He's a small guy with awesome piano skills. Sometimes I sit at home on the piano, back when I used to be at home, and beat out a few tunes. No one seemed to like it, "shut up in there, loser." My sister isn't nice. I probably won't get her anything for Christmas.

When will softball season start back? I'll probably hit 23 home runs. Or I could just play football. There's probably a team out there that needs me at quarterback. I hope one of those teams reads this. Or I could just build a dynasty around me. I'll be Tom Brady. Who wants to be Randy Moss? I had to put this paragraph in there so I would look more manly than the rest of the post. Did that sentence defeat the purpose?

What future Soviet dictator was training to be a priest when he got turned on to Marxism?

Last entry's answer was 11.

football and church

I don't blog on weekends. Period. Sunday night doesn't count.

Saturday I played a little football with some guys I didn't know at all. It wasn't little football either, I'm calling it big football. For the first time ever I was half way shy. After the five series they suggested that I play quarterback. I told them I was All-State in Mississippi my senior year and only All-District my freshman year. I wasn't shy much longer. After throwing 4 touchdowns, running one, and zero interceptions they were believers. Except for my roommate. He threw a flag and called me out. I told him to shut up and I'd throw him an interception. I didn't.

Houston was the only city in America not to broadcast the Patriots vs Colts game. We were able to watch our beloved Texans and well below par Raiders team play. Instead, I fell asleep in an awkward position and woke up with a sore neck for the third time in a week.

This morning I went to a new church. They had communion and I was slightly nervous. I've never had to leave my seat while doing this. It was a Methodist church, I'm not a Methodist. When it was my pew's turn to go I was even more nervous because I noticed that all the pews behind me were empty and the people were leaving the sanctuary. Where is everyone going? Are we leaving to get dessert? Then it hit me, those people are going to the balcony. I dodged a bullet.

Hooter's on Friday night was a horrible experience. I will not be going back for a long time.

My spacewalk shift was canceled on Saturday morning. I celebrated by sleeping in, playing football, watching football, and eating Chick-fil-A. Bama lost!

Tomorrow I'm going back to college for three days. I'm getting AutoCAD training!

Harry: Skis, huh?
Beth: That's right!
Harry: Great! They yours?
Beth: Uh-huh.
Harry: Both of 'em?
Beth: Yes.
Harry: Ah... cool!
-Dumb and Dumber

How many football teams play in the Big Ten Conference?

Last entry's answer was The Harlem Globetrotters.

my very own list

Sorry Skryker. Sorry Dazzle. I just can't do that "Eight Things That Make You Giggle About Life" tag. I tried but failed. I'm a dork and can't name eight. I think I'll make up my own list. I always did wonder where these things came from. Now I'm starting one.

Six Things That Make Me Laugh:
1. Dumb and Dumber
2. Farts (Both accidental and on purpose)
3. My Blog
4. My Two Dogs
5. Weddings
6. People Falling Down (But of course not getting hurt)

Two Things That Taste Good:
1. Crawfish
2. Chicken and Dumplins

Four Things That I Want To Be When I Grow Up:
1. Baseball Player
2. Batman
3. Park Ranger
4. Ski Instructor

Seven Things That I Find Attractive in the Opposite Sex:
1. Athletic
2. Humor
3. (Close your eyes little cousin) Chest
4. Back
5. Personality
6. Arms
7. Eyes

Three Things That I Want To See Again:
1. The blonde from the other day
2. The Rocky Mountains
3. Yellowstone

Four Things I Don't Like Doing but Don't Mind Because I'm Super Cool:
1. Being tagged to these lists
2. Brushing my teeth
3. Talking to my roommate
4. Paying tips to crappy service

A Celebrity I like:
Kristen Bell

Six Things I Will Do Before The End of the Month:
1. Go home twice
2. Meet a girl
3. Blog 32 times. No, make that 13 times
4. Eat 3 meals that cost over $50
5. Buy lots and lots of gas
6. Be at work no less than 576000 seconds

I Now Tag Everyone That Reads This To Put This Exact Questionnaire On Their Blog Right Now.
Made by Matt (Mom Yelled My Full Name Last Night) Include that on the copy and paste thing too.

What basketball team had drubbed the New Jersey Reds 2,495 times straight before losing to them 100-99 in 1971?

Last entry's answer was 1962.